Mouse war! A DDD epic.

DonDaddyD

Yesterday I was sitting on my PC playing Star Trek Online and in the corner of my eye I saw a black spot dart from my speaker to my TV.

Fear took me! So while I was standing on the sofa Ms DDD got my trainers, which I demanded, after she demanded that I go and check.

After some screaming, tears and running out the room we decided that it was best we go to my parents. This was about 11.00pm yesterday.

After being laughed at, told not to be silly when I proposed that we should sleep there and laughed at some more when we, quite seriously, discussed sleeping in the car. My Father went kindly to the shed to get the remainder of his arsenal after the mouse infestation of Thorton Heath/Norbury that resulted in a school temporarily closing down.

This arsenal I might add includes the last example of his beloved traps, 'Lucifer'. And really, the traps actually have the word 'Lucifer' written into the wood.

So I stayed up to 3.00am laying traps, complete with peanut butter, jam, pate, and Bernard Mathews turkey and sage slices. I even fashioned some traps with tick-tack rodent and bug glue circling a lump of peanut butter spread on a piece of cardboard.

Last supper for the mouse, though I had no lunch to take to work.

Nine traps in total lay in the living room.
Survival of the fittess.
One jam trap in the passage.
I will not loose.
One trap in the bathroom.
To the victor the spoils.
Three in the kitchen.
So lets slip the dogs of war!

So I lay in bed trying to sleep dressed in jeans, t-shirt, jumper, socks and my trainers just dangling off the bed. There were moments where I would breakout into a fit of itching, scrathing desperate to get rid of the uncomfortable fear that had crawled all over my skin. The common mouse, a master of psychological warfare.

I desperately wanted to hear the dread spring, whistle of wind and snap of metal kissing wood that was Lucifer. Nothing.

In the morning I think the mouse managed to eat the turkey slice off Lucifer without triggering the trap.

Mouse 1. DDD 0.

(Going home for round two!)

dhope

M
T
F
U

Given the pathetic initial display, there can be no more awesome until the mouse is caught, stuffed and mounted on the handlebars.

il_principe

Never has a post been more deserving of the acronym MTFU.

il_principe

dhope

I expect when you get back you'll find the mouse has taken your bike and is currently doing your commute faster than you ever have :twisted:

Zachariah

And I thought you were so rugged!

*Tears up hand-drawn picture of DDD and throws rest of shrine in the bin*

il_principe

dhope wrote:

I expect when you get back you'll find the mouse has taken your bike:

and your Girlfriend...

DonDaddyD

The funniest moment was when I got into the car with Ms DDD, turned the engine on and watched her nearly jump out of her skin as she thought the mouse had touched her.

It was the air-con blowing onto her foot....

rjsterry

From the man who couldn't bear to buy an Athena groupset because it's too girly, this is priceless.

shouldbeinbed

(I'm not guffawing honest, you know Mrs DDD will NEVER EVER look at you in the same reverential light again)

however practicalities, try poison rather than traps, little portions in freezer bags in cupboards etc (them little beggars like the investigation bit and challenge of gnawing in & you know if its been got at) and some small portions on plates or those bettaware plastic tin re-sealers placed under beds @ the back of the TV and in secluded nooks and crannies. shouldn't take more than a few days. if you want to make the poison even more attractive to the little beasties grate some chocolate into it.

Stevo_666

Il Principe wrote:

IP, that's a hamster !

Cracking thread BTW

Agent57

dhope wrote:

I expect when you get back you'll find the mouse has taken your bike and is currently doing your commute faster than you ever have :twisted:

This is no time to be taking the Mickey.

Fireblade96

shouldbeinbed wrote:

...
however practicalities, try poison rather than traps,...

The only drawback of poison is that the little bugger will eat it and then crawl off somewhere inaccesible to die, from whence the stench of rotting rodent will emanate to spoil your victory.

Traps it is - proper old-fashioned traps that kill them, none of this nancy humane traps nonsense !

BTW, I'm sure I read somewhere about mice having developed a taste for carbon fibre...

:twisted:

notsoblue

shouldbeinbed wrote:

(I'm not guffawing honest, you know Mrs DDD will NEVER EVER look at you in the same reverential light again)

however practicalities, try poison rather than traps, little portions in freezer bags in cupboards etc (them little beggars like the investigation bit and challenge of gnawing in & you know if its been got at) and some small portions on plates or those bettaware plastic tin re-sealers placed under beds @ the back of the TV and in secluded nooks and crannies. shouldn't take more than a few days. if you want to make the poison even more attractive to the little beasties grate some chocolate into it.

+1, we faffed about with traps for weeks and just got a single mouse. Within three days of using poison we'd taken out 6 of the bastards.

roger_merriman

A mouse? strewth!

Seriously though need to work out why the mouse is there, nature abhors a vacuum, doesn't mater how much poison/traps etc plenty more mice out there.

SimonAH

If you've got one then you've got minimum four.......

Longworth small mammal traps or equivalent.

But for the love of mike MTFU wimp boy!

Dog Breath

Yer BIG GERL !!!

davis

Best. Thread. Ever.


When even your own parents laugh at you, that's a sign that what you're experiencing should be kept private. On the other hand, post in on t'internet for all to see..




You big blouse-wearing jessie!

Kieran_Burns

Seriously.

What happened to testosterone in this world? Are we going to have to supply DDD with a wet paper bag to attempt to break out of? Or will (s)he fail that one as well?

For crying out loud, last night Aragog (or his big sister: Shelob) wandered across my floor... did I squeal? Well actually yes, 'cos the big bugger ran across my bare foot first :shock:

I got rid - it was an epic battle involving settees being thrown aside, wild grabs (with bare hands DDD, you big girl) scrambles across the floor - this thing could shift! but it was removed to the outside with MY manhood intact.

I despair I really do.

UndercoverElephant

DDD, you never fail to raise a smile. Chapeau, Sir. I use poison when we get the wee tinkers in the garage, never find any bodies though, they just seem to disappear

Oddjob62

This is what happened last night
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Plz9JxsnhH4

greg66_tri_v2.0

As some who is currently standing at Mice 0 - 9 Greg66, traps are the slayer's weapon of choice.

Forget meat. You want chocolate glued to the post with jam or peanut butter. And set the damn traps so lightly that you have to hold your breath and tip toe away from them, for fear of setting them off. Set them too hard, and you might as well put a white tablecloth and a candle on the business end.

Oh, and do try not to scream like a woman...

Or you could just buy a cat. Except I've just bought the coolest cat in the world, so you're SOL on that front...

cjcp

Kieran_Burns

Nah.

Send in the big guns...

Hrun

DDD, we have never met and never will, but you are a legend.

Reminded me of the night I had to take Mrs Hrun home some months after we met as she thought she heard mice. Little tip, if you post on t'internet pretend it is the mrs who insists on leaving the house

CXXC

that is all

itboffin

Dude mice are cool, as I might add are hamsters now RSPCA types ... piss off this will disturb you sandal wearing tofu eating student hippy type.

So living out in the sticks we have plenty of beasties mostly car sized spiders and rats, foxes, badgers, wild boar etc etc anywayZ when I lived in Essex one night I had a similar sighting, only being a MAN I simply chased the little fecker and splatted it :twisted:

So .... you've seen just 1, trust me you have more lots more, it got to the point that I couldnt set enough traps each evening. This kids love this story, one morning I came down to the kitchen and found a baby mouse trapped by the nose/face quite a bit of blood for a mouse that it, when I picked it up ..... it was still alive :?

Poor little fecker.

As for the rats I use a shotgun on those, outside only of course.

Now MTFU get yourself some more traps and poison (don't eat) and a shovel for ad-hoc whacking.

DonDaddyD

No sign of the bugger.

It's here because we had major house work in ours and downstairs flat at the same time. Well, I reckon.

Lease won't let me have a cat indoors...

May try chocolate tomorrow, but I'm beginning to think that it was just the one and the once...

ITB, I can't do spiders, moths, bees... I was once even chased by a fox for my kebab. But that was a South London, gangsta foxes...

greg66_tri_v2.0

itboffin wrote:

As for the rats I use a shotgun on those, outside only of course.

Obviously outside only.

Unless it's raining.

I mean, seriously, whoever heard of "Rain Stopped Massacre?"

SamWise1972

You LEFT YOUR HOUSE because there was a mouse? Dude. Seriously. Gah.

itboffin

DonDaddyD wrote:

ITB, I can't do spiders, moths, bees... I was once even chased by a fox for my kebab. But that was a South London, gangsta foxes...

Two big spiders on the train tonight, some random woman said oh look at that spider on your chair to the woman opposite her, yip it was tropically large like something that had escaped from the zoo :shock:

Don't kid yourself that it's a one off - no way.