OT - Couples and buying stuff together

DonDaddyD

vorsprung wrote:

When Mrs V. said "I've bought a Peugeot" I might have blinked twice
When I said to Mrs V. "Can I afford a £2K bike" I believe she blinked twice and said yes

Why do you have to ask for permission and your wife doesn't have to?

That wouldn't work for me.

EKE_38BPM

Mods, you can lock this thread now.

DonDaddyD

What, why?

MonkeyMonster

EKE_38BPM wrote:

Mods, you can lock this thread now.

Oh come on, that last from DDD was priceless!

alfablue

EKE_38BPM wrote:

Mods, you can lock this thread now.

:? :?: :roll:

DonDaddyD

CiB wrote:

Doesn't it boil down to income levels in the end? If buying a new TV or whatever for a grand is a major financial decision that has to be carefully considered, justified and fully costed, that's one thing. If it's a whim to go and buy it cos you fancy it, or a bike that just hapens to be what you were after and it's there in front of you, enjoy the moment and buy it, and enjoy walking into the house with a box full of TV that makes the kids' faces light up a bit.

Disagreements don't tend to happen if there's still plenty left where that came from. Be honest.

True, to be honest I'm at the stage of my career where my income level is still rising significantly.

I'm the bread winner, but we both are in a good place. For our age (28 and 29) we do alright.

I could buy the stuff by myself but I do think that the purchase of household items should be a shared resposibility while both parties are working. I'm just trying to establish what should be shared, what isn't and how to establish sharing the financial burden.

Right now the balance is off - like I paid the £300 gas bill and £300 electricity bill (we've since switched suppliers) - I've taken these on myself but because the responsibility isn't shared equally I get an email about weekends away and day trips because the other party hasn't got a concept of the financial burden so I'm now going to share the responsibility.

lost_in_thought

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

rjsterry

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

That was before his flash new job in Ilford. Do keep up LiT.

DonDaddyD

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

No and why did you think that?

rjsterry

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

No and why did you think that?

Some time back, you posted that you were hoping to be 'kept'.

DonDaddyD

rjsterry wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

No and why did you think that?

Some time back, you posted that you were hoping to be 'kept'.

Oh I had drunken visions of driving a fast car around the coast, drinks in the City and eventually spending my weekdays tidying house and riding my bike, while she worked. Damn! :x

nah never was going to happen (I was half joking when I said it). That's not me. I couldn't live with myself or look at me in the mirror if I lived off someone like that.

We normally have friendships with those who share or have similar aspirational values: like professional, social, moral and family values.

lost_in_thought

DonDaddyD wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

No and why did you think that?

Some time back, you posted that you were hoping to be 'kept'.

Yeah well it would have been nice! Dating a Lawyer and all that, I mean that was how it was sold to me in the club when we met.

"Oooo DonDaddyD, I'm a Lawyer don'tya'know!"

I had drunken visions of driving a fast car around the coast, drinks in the City and eventually spending my weekdays tidying house and riding my bike, while she worked. Damn! :x

nah never was going to happen (I was half joking when I said it). I couldn't live with myself or look at me in the mirror if I lived off someone like that.

We normally date those who share or have similar aspirational values: like professional, social, moral and family values.

And there I was empathising with Mrs DDD.

You need to shack up with Greg66 for that to happen.

DonDaddyD

lost_in_thought wrote:

And there I was empathising with Mrs DDD.

Finding yourself having to take the financial lead?

You strike me as the type not to be so willing to put your money into a single pot with Mr L_i_T.

You need to shack up with Greg66 for that to happen.

He shaves his legs, I'm not so sure about him...

However, the woman he was with on Chancery Lane. Sheesh!

cee

DonDaddyD wrote:

We normally date those who share or have similar aspirational values: like professional, social, moral and family values.

True......but not necessarily similar salaries.....

Maybe you are still in 'Dating' mind-mode......

let me tell you after 11 years....I honestly couldn't tell you what was mine...what i paid for, what mrs c paid for.....

I know that at the moment I earn more......but she contributes what she can...in the past, things have been the other way around.

Thats the best thing about a relationship in my mind.....the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

....to be honest....on purchases like a TV, first, we talk about the requirement of needing a tv. Then how much we can afford to spend. You seem to be more 'brand-y' than I am....I couldn't give a rats toenail whether its an LG, Sony, or Haanspree...they all use LG screen panels anyway.

cee

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

And there I was empathising with Mrs DDD.

Finding yourself having to take the financial lead?

You strike me as the type not to be so willing to put your money into a single pot with Mr L_i_T.

You need to shack up with Greg66 for that to happen.

He shaves his legs, I'm not so sure about him...

However, the woman he was with on Chancery Lane. Sheesh!

Did she have hairy legs?

greg66_tri_v2.0

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

No and why did you think that?

Some time back, you posted that you were hoping to be 'kept'.

Yeah well it would have been nice! Dating a Lawyer and all that, I mean that was how it was sold to me in the club when we met.

"Oooo DonDaddyD, I'm a Lawyer don'tya'know!"

I had drunken visions of driving a fast car around the coast, drinks in the City and eventually spending my weekdays tidying house and riding my bike, while she worked. Damn! :x

nah never was going to happen (I was half joking when I said it). I couldn't live with myself or look at me in the mirror if I lived off someone like that.

We normally date those who share or have similar aspirational values: like professional, social, moral and family values.

And there I was empathising with Mrs DDD.

You need to shack up with Greg66 for that to happen.

Steady on, dear. He's still at an impressionable age. I don't want him knocking on my door with a duffel bag and a mournful expression any time soon.

Besides, we're about to get a cat. Yet another bleedin' dependent!

lost_in_thought

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Wait, you're the breadwinner?

I thought she earned a good deal more?

No and why did you think that?

Some time back, you posted that you were hoping to be 'kept'.

Yeah well it would have been nice! Dating a Lawyer and all that, I mean that was how it was sold to me in the club when we met.

"Oooo DonDaddyD, I'm a Lawyer don'tya'know!"

I had drunken visions of driving a fast car around the coast, drinks in the City and eventually spending my weekdays tidying house and riding my bike, while she worked. Damn! :x

nah never was going to happen (I was half joking when I said it). I couldn't live with myself or look at me in the mirror if I lived off someone like that.

We normally date those who share or have similar aspirational values: like professional, social, moral and family values.

And there I was empathising with Mrs DDD.

You need to shack up with Greg66 for that to happen.

Steady on, dear. He's still at an impressionable age. I don't want him knocking on my door with a duffel bag and a mournful expression any time soon.

Besides, we're about to get a cat. Yet another bleedin' dependent!

Good god, what with the kids, the wife and the cat, a DDD is the last thing you need!

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

lost_in_thought

DonDaddyD wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

And there I was empathising with Mrs DDD.

Finding yourself having to take the financial lead?

You strike me as the type not to be so willing to put your money into a single pot with Mr L_i_T.

Well, yes.

And it depends really, I've never had a joint account but it seeems like a logical idea for joint expenses. However, any large assets purchased with essentially my contribution would be protected from divorce proceedings.

secretsam

Greg66 wrote:

A (not by any means the only) solution:

Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.

Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.

That's what we do (married) - we did think about a proportional thing (I earn more than my other half) but that's not really a grown up solution. If we think we need something, we discuss it; eg a new telly - do we need it? Usually works OK - I get a PS3, Mrs S-S gets an I-Pod dock in the kitchen, etc etc

greg66_tri_v2.0

lost_in_thought wrote:

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

I have discovered a potential second career over the last few months. We've had an infestation of mice at work. The so-called pros put down bait, then let the mice die under the floorboards, rotting and stinking the place out as they go.

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

So far the scoreboard reads Me 8 - 0 Mice.

GET IN!

DonDaddyD

Don't want to live at the 66's anyway!

C'ee wrote:

....to be honest....on purchases like a TV, first, we talk about the requirement of needing a tv. Then how much we can afford to spend. You seem to be more 'brand-y' than I am....I couldn't give a rats toenail whether its an LG, Sony, or Haanspree...they all use LG screen panels anyway.

I'm not brand-y I like quality over and above the brand, I like Samsung TV's because I generally like the picture quality enough to pay extra. However, Novatech use the same panel so if the image is the same I'd happily get their TV minus the price of the brand name.

I agree with everything else you've said.

lost_in_thought

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

I have discovered a potential second career over the last few months. We've had an infestation of mice at work. The so-called pros put down bait, then let the mice die under the floorboards, rotting and stinking the place out as they go.

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

So far the scoreboard reads Me 8 - 0 Mice.

GET IN!

What's the bait? Cartoon wedges of cheese? I gather peanut butter is the way to go. Maybe you should lease out your new kitty as a mouser. Actually, scratch that, it's my idea.

cee

SecretSam wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

A (not by any means the only) solution:

Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.

Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.

That's what we do (married) - we did think about a proportional thing (I earn more than my other half) but that's not really a grown up solution. If we think we need something, we discuss it; eg a new telly - do we need it? Usually works OK - I get a PS3, Mrs S-S gets an I-Pod dock in the kitchen, etc etc

The most important sentence in the whole thread in bold.

DonDaddyD

lost_in_thought wrote:

Well, yes.

And it depends really, I've never had a joint account but it seeems like a logical idea for joint expenses. However, any large assets purchased with essentially my contribution would be protected from divorce proceedings.

:shock:

OK:

1. You've thought about divorce already, presumably you've thought about moving in, getting engaged, wedding, kids then... Please tell me romance hasn't been defeated utterly by practicality?

2. How did you manage to get protected from divorce proceedings, is it to with a law change protecting hidden assessts or something?

3. Who is the lucky guy?

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

Men love catching mice, there was an infestation on my parents road. My Dad bought this ridiculous sized trap could have been called "mega death" (though it actually does have a name) and placed a piece ofevery type of meat on the trap for the mice.

You'd be asleep and brutally woken by the quick sound of wind, then metal hitting wood and my Dad shouting yes.

The worst were the ones being sold by lidl which were basically strips of paper with the upside sticky, mice run over and get their feet stuck and can't move. How you dispose of the mice after that is probably a question for your moral compass.

greg66_tri_v2.0

lost_in_thought wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

I have discovered a potential second career over the last few months. We've had an infestation of mice at work. The so-called pros put down bait, then let the mice die under the floorboards, rotting and stinking the place out as they go.

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

So far the scoreboard reads Me 8 - 0 Mice.

GET IN!

What's the bait? Cartoon wedges of cheese? I gather peanut butter is the way to go. Maybe you should lease out your new kitty as a mouser. Actually, scratch that, it's my idea.

Secret bait.

Actually: strawberry jam used to stick a small piece of choc cookie to the post o' death, or (if I'm feeling lazy) a middle bit of fresh jaffa cake impaled on said post.

At least they (almost) get a good last meal. Or their mate, who steps over their lifeless body in order to negotiate the sprung trap, does.

I also have an ACME one ton weight hanging from the ceiling, over the trap, and some ACME dynamite in a wooden crate. And a very high cliff over a canyon, just in case. But I haven't had to use them yet.

rjsterry

Call me old fashioned, but I'm fairly sure marriage vows don't have exclusion clauses - it's all or nothing. From my very limited knowledge of the subject, I don't think the fact that something is in a separate personal account excludes it from consideration in any divorce settlement either.

EDIT: woah, the thread has moved on a bit since I started typing - that was in response to LiT's comment about joint accounts if anyone was wondering.

greg66_tri_v2.0

DonDaddyD wrote:

1. You've thought about divorce already, presumably you've thought about moving in, getting engaged, wedding, kids then... Please tell me romance hasn't been defeated utterly by practicality?

That's called The Revolving Door School Of Romance And Marriage.

DonDaddyD wrote:

Men love catching mice, there was an infestation on my parents road. My Dad bought this ridiculous sized trap could have been called "mega death" (though it actually does have a name) and placed a piece ofevery type of meat on the trap for the mice.

You'd be asleep and brutally woken by the quick sound of wind, then metal hitting wood and my Dad shouting yes.

I can't imagine what this must have been like

<wanders off, whistling tunelessly, and trying to look innocent>

lost_in_thought

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

I have discovered a potential second career over the last few months. We've had an infestation of mice at work. The so-called pros put down bait, then let the mice die under the floorboards, rotting and stinking the place out as they go.

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

So far the scoreboard reads Me 8 - 0 Mice.

GET IN!

What's the bait? Cartoon wedges of cheese? I gather peanut butter is the way to go. Maybe you should lease out your new kitty as a mouser. Actually, scratch that, it's my idea.

Secret bait.

Actually: strawberry jam used to stick a small piece of choc cookie to the post o' death, or (if I'm feeling lazy) a middle bit of fresh jaffa cake impaled on said post.

At least they (almost) get a good last meal. Or their mate, who steps over their lifeless body in order to negotiate the sprung trap, does.

I also have an ACME one ton weight hanging from the ceiling, over the trap, and some ACME dynamite in a wooden crate. And a very high cliff over a canyon, just in case. But I haven't had to use them yet.

Meep meep?

You should invest in an ACME anvil.

And your baiting process seems very involved. Poison's much less labour-intensive, as is getting a cat!

I have a friend who 'catches' moles, because it's 'cheaper than getting people in'. He sits with a shotgun for hours waiting for them to surface, then blows them away. He's a marketing consultant. On an insane amount per hour. Time well spent.

mickbrown

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

I have discovered a potential second career over the last few months. We've had an infestation of mice at work. The so-called pros put down bait, then let the mice die under the floorboards, rotting and stinking the place out as they go.

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

So far the scoreboard reads Me 8 - 0 Mice.

GET IN!

As a student we had mice in our house and set traps everywhere. They seemed to be getting in through a little hole by the kitchen sink. We caught loads with great glee until one morning we came down and there was a still alive baby mouse in the sink with no nose left (cue how did it smell gag), looking up at us with baleful eyes.

After that we didn't have the heart for the battle and let the wee buggers have the run of the house.

rjsterry

Greg66 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Cats are basically self-feeding, we're taking one from Essex to London to deal with a minor mousey issue... I'll save you some mouse corpses.

I have discovered a potential second career over the last few months. We've had an infestation of mice at work. The so-called pros put down bait, then let the mice die under the floorboards, rotting and stinking the place out as they go.

I, on the other hand, have become quite proficient at setting mice traps (old fashioned, Tom & Jerry-style ones) in the right places, with the right bait.

So far the scoreboard reads Me 8 - 0 Mice.

GET IN!

If the score was even 8-1 I'd be very afraid of those mice.