OT - Couples and buying stuff together
DonDaddyD
Posts: 12,689
OK, previously we discussed joint accounts and the many different ways utility bills, rent, mortgages, debt etc is paid.
The next logical step is the buying of 'things for the house'.
How do you divide these into 'things you buy by yourself' and 'things you buy together as a couple'?
I'm only discussing communal items.
Example:
PC, TV, Hi-fi are these the things you buy by yourself or as a couple?
Fridge, washing machine, kettle, vacuum cleaner etc. Again, do you buy them by yourself or as a couple?
What's the stance with cars or is it dependant on what car?
You can't say "well, how often does each person use these items"? It won't determine anything as everything gets used equally. Or for a better example Ms DDD watches more TV than I but also does more cooking does that mean she should buy the oven and TV by herself?
So I ask and ask yourself this next time you fork over £600 for a TV, that you'll never watch, what should you be buying jointly and what should you buy seperately?
The next logical step is the buying of 'things for the house'.
How do you divide these into 'things you buy by yourself' and 'things you buy together as a couple'?
I'm only discussing communal items.
Example:
PC, TV, Hi-fi are these the things you buy by yourself or as a couple?
Fridge, washing machine, kettle, vacuum cleaner etc. Again, do you buy them by yourself or as a couple?
What's the stance with cars or is it dependant on what car?
You can't say "well, how often does each person use these items"? It won't determine anything as everything gets used equally. Or for a better example Ms DDD watches more TV than I but also does more cooking does that mean she should buy the oven and TV by herself?
So I ask and ask yourself this next time you fork over £600 for a TV, that you'll never watch, what should you be buying jointly and what should you buy seperately?
Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
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Nice easy one DDD.
We overpay the mortgage by a chunk every month; it builds up into a nice buffer to be used for dull but necessary household things (new beds, fridge, dishwasher, decorating, housey stuff...) and from time to time, a new car (due Friday
). I pay the regular bills and for whatever reason also buy the techie stuff - computers, printers, routers, hubs, PVR, the new TV recently; Mrs CiB does the weekly shopping. Bikes etc are mine and come out of my own surplus that goes into the bike fund.
In short, we probably pay about the same out overall but big ticket dull-but-worthy items that we need come out of joint savings, other stuff by whoever wants it.0 -
Greg66 wrote:A (not by any means the only) solution:
Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.
Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.
What if:
You need a vacuum cleaner and a new TV
One person wants a Dyson and LG TV
The other person wants a Henry and Samsung LED TV
Who wins?Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
DonDaddyD wrote:Greg66 wrote:A (not by any means the only) solution:
Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.
Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.
What if:
You need a vacuum cleaner and a new TV
One person wants a Dyson and LG TV
The other person wants a Henry and Samsung LED TV
Who wins?
She does. Cause you're whipped and you know it.0 -
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I've been seeing Jake for just over a year now, but it was only a couple of months ago that I realised we had started the couple thing when we went to ikea to buy a new bed.
it was a scary moment :shock:Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men0 -
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My wife and I have a joint account for bills etc, for anything else it's on a who wants it more basis.
So:
Electrical goods that provide entertainment - Me. I want the big TV, stereo, etc. the better half couldn't give two poos.
Electrical goods that provide food and clean clothes - Us. We both like to smell and look equally good.
Car - Me. I want the fast estate car that drinks petrol, she just enjoys beating Corsa's etc off the lights in it when she uses it (hardly ever).
Holidays in the Sun - Us. We both like to get away and see the world.
Furniture and decorating - Us. We both like to enjoy our surroundings.
Bicycles - Me. I know what I'm buying and we never ride together so there's none of the obvious 'cheaper good bike bought for the other half'.
I like the idea of a joint account but I also like the idea of my own disposable income that only I can dispose of. If assistance is required then it is given, with a healthy reminder whenever required.0 -
CiB wrote:Nice easy one DDD.
We overpay the mortgage by a chunk every month; it builds up into a nice buffer to be used for dull but necessary household things (new beds, fridge, dishwasher, decorating, housey stuff...) and from time to time, a new car (due Friday). I pay the regular bills and for whatever reason also buy the techie stuff - computers, printers, routers, hubs, PVR, the new TV recently; Mrs CiB does the weekly shopping. Bikes etc are mine and come out of my own surplus that goes into the bike fund.
In short, we probably pay about the same out overall but big ticket dull-but-worthy items that we need come out of joint savings, other stuff by whoever wants it.
Sounds like you're paying a lot more. who decides the car? What if you want a BMW and she wants to pay for a Ford Modeo because the price is attractive (I wanted a Dyson and she wanted a £30 vacuum we settled on Henry).
In my situation utilities, rent, mortgage go into a joint account.
TV, Car, PC, Hi-fi I buy.
Food is divided 60-40 sometime 70-30 with me paying less.Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
NGale wrote:I've been seeing Jake for just over a year now, but it was only a couple of months ago that I realised we had started the couple thing when we went to ikea to buy a new bed.
it was a scary moment :shock:
Yeah, that moment when the old one breaks underneath sure can be scary. Defo a turning point in any relationship.DonDaddyD wrote:What if:
You need a vacuum cleaner and a new TV
One person wants a Dyson and LG TV
The other person wants a Henry and Samsung LED TV
Who wins?
You compromise. If you are - ahem - sufficiently feminine to care about the brand of vacuum cleaner you both own, then by all means engage in a debate about it. More than likely though the person who will be using it the most gets the greater say.
As for TVs, you simply say "Woman, these remote controls are well beyond your primitive brain. So, do you prefer the look of that shiny black TV or the other shiny black TV?". Then send her off to look at washing machines, and buy the one you want.0 -
Greg66 wrote:A (not by any means the only) solution:
Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.
Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.
This“New York has the haircuts, London has the trousers, but Belfast has the reason!0 -
lost_in_thought wrote:DonDaddyD wrote:Greg66 wrote:A (not by any means the only) solution:
Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.
Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.
What if:
You need a vacuum cleaner and a new TV
One person wants a Dyson and LG TV
The other person wants a Henry and Samsung LED TV
Who wins?
She does. Cause you're whipped and you know it.
Speaking on behalf of married men everywhere, I can confirm that LiT is right
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UndercoverElephant wrote:DonDaddyD wrote:One person wants a Dyson and LG TV
The other person wants a Henry and Samsung LED TV
Who wins?
Neither, they should get a Sebo
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We use a variation on these themes already mentioned. We each put enough money for rent/bills, and then some into a joint account each month, then the excess is used for 'couple things' such as things bought for the flat (fridge, furniture, paint etc.) and things for us (food, meals out, concert tickets etc.).
When it comes to other things (such as clothes, cds, bikes and bike related gear), we just buy them ourselves if we want them.
I reckon it evens itself out in the long run anyway.FCN - 10
Cannondale Bad Boy Solo with baggies.0 -
Double post. No clue why.FCN - 10
Cannondale Bad Boy Solo with baggies.0 -
NGale wrote:I've been seeing Jake for just over a year now, but it was only a couple of months ago that I realised we had started the couple thing when we went to ikea to buy a new bed.
it was a scary moment :shock:
Broke the last one did you? With those killer Royal Marine moves, aye!
Couldn't resistBoth parties put all their earnings into a single joint account.
We like our financial freedom too much for this to work. I couldn't have someone having control over what I could do financially.
Example:
Ms DDD has a Hen party that's about £250. If we had one account, she ain't going!
I just spent £50 on a months worth of comics. If we had one account I would have to cancel the pull list.
Perhaps its selfish but it allows us to remain us within the relationship.Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
DonDaddyD wrote:Sounds like you're paying a lot more.
OK, back up.
Are you one of these annoying feckers who, when the curry house bill arrives, says "yeah, but you had the chicken tikka masala, whereas I had the chicken chilli masala, which is cheaper, and you had the keema naan, but I had a plain naan" etc until someone ends up with a fork in their eye? Or do you split it down the middle?
Cos the former is fine is you pair up with someone who is *perfectly* in sync with that line of thinking. Otherwise, resign yourself to the fact that life isn't a flower-lined path of equality. Swings and roundabouts, swings and roundabouts. Occasionally you get to treat yourself to something out of the joint account that is just for you. It's like an extra big ride on your fave swing, if you get my drift...0 -
Is your missus going to be specific about what tv you get as a couple as long as it does the job excellently and it's not more expensive than the moon.. you can get into the hertz led vs plasma vs backlit etc etc
I may well be pandering to a stereotype though.
What tends to happen at mine is that it is decided that we need to get something I will (generally) find a selection of suitable products and report back with a shortlist (which maybe weighted if I particularly want a specific object) and we go from there. If it's an object she particularly wants I don't make that much effort..Purveyor of sonic doom
Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
Fixed Pista- FCN 5
Beared Bromptonite - FCN 140 -
No one said growing up was easy.“New York has the haircuts, London has the trousers, but Belfast has the reason!0
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I guess when Mrs. Elephant and myself tried having two single accounts, we just never go the balance right. I was always earning more than her, yet I was always the one that was skint at the end of the month. This says more about our approaches to money than anything else, she's the sensible one. Having a joint account means that I get reigned in a bit, which can only be a good thing.
It's a moot point now anyway, as she's a full-time mum these days.0 -
DonDaddyD wrote:Sounds like you're paying a lot more. who decides the car? What if you want a BMW and she wants to pay for a Ford Modeo because the price is attractive (I wanted a Dyson and she wanted a £30 vacuum we settled on Henry).
I probabaly do pay more, but I'm not in it for the investment. I quite like the woman.
She needed a car, so she went and picked one and did the deal. We have similar outlooks on VFM, practical needs etc so no real discussion needed. When I get round to buying a Lotus Cortina I'll swing that as practical [family saloon size], nippy [and some] and what I need.
Reality is that if either of us are confident that we do need whatever it is, chances are that's what we'll buy. The TV was my choice, my money, my decision, but they all watch it. It's not as if I'd charge for it. It's the TV, not my TV (doesn't apply to the bike though).0 -
Greg66 wrote:DonDaddyD wrote:Sounds like you're paying a lot more.
OK, back up.
Are you one of these annoying feckers who, when the curry house bill arrives, says "yeah, but you had the chicken tikka masala, whereas I had the chicken chilli masala, which is cheaper, and you had the keema naan, but I had a plain naan" etc until someone ends up with a fork in their eye? Or do you split it down the middle?
Cos the former is fine is you pair up with someone who is *perfectly* in sync with that line of thinking. Otherwise, resign yourself to the fact that life isn't a flower-lined path of equality. Swings and roundabouts, swings and roundabouts. Occasionally you get to treat yourself to something out of the joint account that is just for you. It's like an extra big ride on your fave swing, if you get my drift...
I put more in the joint account than the other half as I earn more, we both treat each other from our own money. I enjoy spending 'my own' money on her.Purveyor of sonic doom
Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
Fixed Pista- FCN 5
Beared Bromptonite - FCN 140 -
Do what G66 suggests and don't worry too much about whether it's 'my' or 'our' TV/bike/whatever. It's not as though you're going to start saying, "it's my TV, and I'll decide what we watch"
Or is it?
Basically, just think of it all as 'our' money, whether it's in your account, her account or some joint account. You can both spend on whatever individual purchases seem reasonable; just don't take the p***.
Mind you, I can understand how DDD's other half might have a different view on this given what she does for a living.1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
Pinnacle Monzonite
Part of the anti-growth coalition0 -
Buy everything together, except bike bits, guitar bits and clothes!
Em chose the car, as she drives it more than I do.
As for TV and stuff.....think we just went for whatever was on offer!0 -
TailWindHome wrote:Greg66 wrote:A (not by any means the only) solution:
Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.
Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.
This
+1 This but i have to ask for money!!!0 -
DonDaddyD wrote:NGale wrote:I've been seeing Jake for just over a year now, but it was only a couple of months ago that I realised we had started the couple thing when we went to ikea to buy a new bed.
it was a scary moment :shock:
Broke the last one did you? With those killer Royal Marine moves, aye!
Couldn't resist
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ahhh yeah and with officially being a Bootneck now at cadets he doesn't stand a chance :roll:
No the last one he wanted rid of as it belonged to him and his ex. :shock:Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men0 -
Clever Pun wrote:Is your missus going to be specific about what tv you get as a couple as long as it does the job excellently and it's not more expensive than the moon.. you can get into the hertz led vs plasma vs backlit etc etc
I may well be pandering to a stereotype though.
No completely the opposite. I sent her links to a few PCs I was going to buy hoping she'd pick the prettiest one and I got a message back saying "may as well be in Chinese".
This, you may think leads to an easy life but it doesn't. Try explaining why a new TV will require £300 each when perfectly good CRT TV still exists.
You really can't get money out of someone if they don't understand the benefits or acknowledge the value of the item.OK, back up.
Are you one of these annoying feckers who, when the curry house bill arrives, says "yeah, but you had the chicken tikka masala, whereas I had the chicken chilli masala, which is cheaper, and you had the keema naan, but I had a plain naan" etc until someone ends up with a fork in their eye? Or do you split it down the middle?
Nah we're good like that, I'll pay, she'll pay or we split down the middle. Deciding where to eat, now that's the problem!Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
lost_in_thought wrote:DonDaddyD wrote:Greg66 wrote:A (not by any means the only) solution:
Both parties put all their earnings into a single joint account. Everything comes out of that account. Simples.
Swings and roundabouts, and a self imposed restraint make it work.
What if:
You need a vacuum cleaner and a new TV
One person wants a Dyson and LG TV
The other person wants a Henry and Samsung LED TV
Who wins?
She does. Cause you're whipped and you know it.
This sounds like the most accurate answer 0 -
Alternatively, just have some kids. Once you've done that neither of you will have any money and the whole problem goes away. And the 'should I get a Bang and Olufson or a Tesco special TV' question becomes completely academic because once it's liberally covered in sticky fingermarks it's difficult to tell what brand it is so you might as well just get a cheap one! It's not like you're going to have time to watch it anyway!0
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DonDaddyD wrote:Try explaining why a new TV will require £300 each when perfectly good CRT TV still exists.
You're a bit green at this, aren't you?
You want a 42 inch TV. She doesn't: "But we don't *need" a television that big".
Ah, the old "need" argument. It's a real bastard. But, you just have to know how to deal with it. When the microwave goes phut, you find the cheapest crappiest one you can. You point her towards that. "But we don't need a microwave that has a turntable. You can open the door every so often and turn the food yourself".
Revenge is schweet, baby!
Pretty soon the "need" argument gets consigned to the bin.0
