Things that are just true about urban cycling

SimonAH

Number One

All pedestrian underpasses will contain at least a small quantity of broken beer bottle glass.

rjsterry

SimonAH wrote:

Number One

All pedestrian underpasses will contain at least a small quantity of broken beer bottle glass.

And at last one small puddle of stagnant indeterminate liquid.

ndru

Broken glass will also be randomly placed along all cycle lanes by skilled volunteers to check your reflexes, maneuvering skills and (if previous two fail) your tube changing skills.

Greg T

the lights will change to red if you sprint for them.

martylaa

Its your high vis jackets fault for the driver pulling out on you and not seeing you.....

Kieran_Burns

Pedestrinas will cross anywhere EXCEPT at a pedestrian crossing

lost_in_thought

There are always potholes exactly where you want to go, especially if you are travelling at speed.

cee

even when its hissing down...its still better than public transport

Greg T

You puncture if it's raining or you are late

If it's raining AND you are late I suggest you slash your tyres in the garage and get it over with - at least it's dry in there.

blu3cat

Slower riders who you have passed will manoeuvre round you to sit in front of you at red lights. Repeatedly.

prawny

Greg T wrote:

the lights will change to red if you sprint for them.

and stay green until just before you get to them if you don't bother.

lost_in_thought

If you delay unclipping at a red, then eventually decide to give in, it will change to yellow the instant your foot touches the ground.

rjsterry

The best line round any bend will always have a (highly polished) manhole cover in the middle of it. The NW corner of Parliament Square being a particularly good example.

further

You get to know the backstreets and ginnels.

MonkeyMonster

lost_in_thought wrote:

If you delay unclipping at a red, then eventually decide to give in, it will change to yellow the instant your foot touches the ground.

+ 1 squillion

When you really need/want to indicate clearly because of nearby shit drivers (so you don't get hit), you won't be able to as you will need both hands on the bar because of said bad driving.

blu3cat

If a bus overtakes you, it will pull in, in front of you within 50 metres.

baloo_the_bear

People with buggies or prams will push said infant carriers off the pavement into your path before checking the road.

Road surfaces will be absolutely rubbish

Cyclists at roundabouts become invisible

mcj78

blu3cat wrote:

If a bus overtakes you, it will pull in, in front of you within 50 metres.

But you'll be in the wrong if you moan about it.

Aidy

No matter how much fitter/faster you get, your commute times will stay reasonably consistent due to traffic lights/traffic.

wizzlebanger

If you leave your waterproofs at home or work it WILL rain.

suzyb

baloo_the_bear wrote:

People with buggies or prams will push said infant carriers off the pavement into your path before checking the road.

They do that with cars as well. I mean I know children can be a drain on resources, but do you really want your sprog taken out. Or do you simply assume the buggy/pram has the strength of an F1 car cockpit.

:roll:

wizzlebanger

You only ever have unclipping 'moments' when people are around to see.

Aidy

It will end up costing you more in shiny bike parts than it would by virtually any other method of getting to and from work.

dondare

People waiting at bus stops will step out into the road and flail their arms, bags, sticks and umbrellas as you are passing even if there's no bus coming up behind you.

blu3cat

wizzlebanger wrote:

You only ever have unclipping 'moments' when people are around to see.

Saw a chap have a clipless moment the other day - felt very sympathetic, did it right at the lights in Hammersmith one way system - loads of people.

If you're slower than average it's a headwind, if you're faster than average it's becuase of your super-awesomeness.

mcj78

It will be lovely all day, then as soon as you get changed the black clouds will roll in... (it's especially true because it's happening right now outside my window, goodnight!)

PBo

Mopeds will block your filtering channels

Number One

All pedestrian underpasses will contain at least a small quantity of broken beer bottle glass.

Forgive me, but didn't you start this list about cycling :twisted:

jamesco

The vehicle in front of you is a Porsche. You will feel unbearably smug riding past it as it remains stuck in traffic.

lost_in_thought

PBo wrote:

Mopeds will block your filtering channels

So true. :x

the_hundredth_idiot

You wonder if you are not really commenting on the driving/riding abilities of other road users ... but actually have Tourette's Syndrome.

Aidy

If you're running late, you *will* have a puncture.