How much of a bike-tart are you?

13

Comments

  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,052
    gtvlusso wrote:
    I am a complete and utter tart.....everything is co-ordinated for slouchiness......

    Just so long as it's "duck egg blue" right!? :wink::lol:
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    Rich158 wrote:
    OMG I sound just like my other half :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

    Yes they hurt but they're shoes and they look nice :roll: :roll: :roll:

    what have I become????????????????

    :lol::lol:

    Even I choose shoes on the basis of comfort and fit! I'll stick with the Spesh, but thanks for guinea pigging!

    glad to be of service :lol::lol::lol:

    Bloody Italians, why can't they make shoes to fit proper feet :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    There's too much emphasis on what you look like and not enough on what you do.

    The true nature of a tart is what they get up to, not what they look like - in my experience the wrapper does not neccesarily fully describe the contents.

    Anyone who says they are not delighted when their guns fill the sleeves of their jersey is a liar (unless you are a burd - this is different)

    Cross your arms in the lift -suck in your stomach - look massive
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • jedster
    jedster Posts: 1,717
    Jash,

    after reading your list I'm forced to ask, is this really tartiness or simply acute OCD? We should be told...

    J
  • Eau Rouge
    Eau Rouge Posts: 1,118
    My inner bike tart actually wants to be get some Lampre team kit to go with the matching Lampre paint scheme on the Mortirolo (sitting at the LBS, awaiting cyclescheme vouchers to arrive, Can. Not. Wait!)
    I'm not listening to my inner bike tart, though I probably will buy a blue short sleeve top when it gets a little warmer.
    He also lost out on the shoes (Shimano) not matcing the Look pedels, but I got to try them on, will be getting them on the C2W scheme, and they fit. He did win in that they are white.
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    jedster wrote:
    Jash,

    after reading your list I'm forced to ask, is this really tartiness or simply acute OCD? We should be told...

    J

    Nope, tartiness. I'm not OCD about anything else.
  • Clever Pun
    Clever Pun Posts: 6,778
    Greg T wrote:
    There's too much emphasis on what you look like and not enough on what you do.

    The true nature of a tart is what they get up to, not what they look like - in my experience the wrapper does not neccesarily fully describe the contents.

    Anyone who says they are not delighted when their guns fill the sleeves of their jersey is a liar (unless you are a burd - this is different)

    Cross your arms in the lift -suck in your stomach - look massive

    some of us don't need to suck our guts in
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    Clever Pun wrote:
    Greg T wrote:
    There's too much emphasis on what you look like and not enough on what you do.

    The true nature of a tart is what they get up to, not what they look like - in my experience the wrapper does not neccesarily fully describe the contents.

    Anyone who says they are not delighted when their guns fill the sleeves of their jersey is a liar (unless you are a burd - this is different)

    Cross your arms in the lift -suck in your stomach - look massive

    some of us don't need to suck our guts in

    Especially after 4 days of coughing blood...

    :shock:
  • Jay dubbleU
    Jay dubbleU Posts: 3,159
    I am the opposite of tart whatever that is (slob?) I have no bike clothing except for a pair of khaki baggies - my bike is black, my soft shell is red/grey, I have a grey metallic MTB helmet and I usually wear jeans and brown shoes - I was going to invest in a Foska jersey but they didn't have my size 8)
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Clever Pun wrote:
    Greg T wrote:
    There's too much emphasis on what you look like and not enough on what you do.

    The true nature of a tart is what they get up to, not what they look like - in my experience the wrapper does not neccesarily fully describe the contents.

    Anyone who says they are not delighted when their guns fill the sleeves of their jersey is a liar (unless you are a burd - this is different)

    Cross your arms in the lift -suck in your stomach - look massive

    some of us don't need to suck our guts in

    ...and some of us can't :cry:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • Clever Pun
    Clever Pun Posts: 6,778
    Clever Pun wrote:
    Greg T wrote:
    There's too much emphasis on what you look like and not enough on what you do.

    The true nature of a tart is what they get up to, not what they look like - in my experience the wrapper does not neccesarily fully describe the contents.

    Anyone who says they are not delighted when their guns fill the sleeves of their jersey is a liar (unless you are a burd - this is different)

    Cross your arms in the lift -suck in your stomach - look massive

    some of us don't need to suck our guts in

    Especially after 4 days of coughing blood...

    :shock:

    I lost 9 pounds 3/4 of a damned stone :shock:

    back on topic
    I'll buy the best I can and make sure it looks good too
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • Blue & black bike...
    Wear blue & black clothes......................ah!

    Wasn't planned, just happened.

    I also wore black socks that had blue patches on the other day. Never realised I was a bike tart before, but you can't deny the evidence.

    Bowler hat and plus fours tomorrow though, plus a stab vest.........................
    [1]Ribble winter special
    [2] Trek 5200 old style carbon
    [3] Frankensteins hybrid FCN 8
  • rally200
    rally200 Posts: 646
    Jash -never met the bloke but I get an image of Vince Noir (King of the Mods) on a bike.
  • stuaff
    stuaff Posts: 1,736
    Both my bikes happen to be black (with touches of other colours) and most of my bike clothing is black as well (helmet, jacket, gloves, mitts, shorts, bib tights). Black happens to be my favourite colour, but all this is a happy coincidence, combined with the fact I'm a cheapskate/budget-conscious (most of the gear's Wiggle's DHB own brand). I reject all notions of tartiness in my case :) It will co-ordinate beautifully with the Moulton New Series in New Blue, the Viner Maxima in red, and the Storck Fascinario in black, once I've won the lottery! Haven't got any black jerseys yet, both mine happen to be loud in both senses (Primal Wear Metallica ones).
    Dahon Speed Pro TT; Trek Portland
    Viner Magnifica '08 ; Condor Squadra
    LeJOG in aid of the Royal British Legion. Please sponsor me at http://www.bmycharity.com/stuaffleck2011
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    Rich158 wrote:
    I
    I'm still searching for some white Trek socks - anyone?

    For heavens sake...

    http://www.thetristore.com/view_product ... ake=Defeet

    No good for me, they're not Trek/Bonty

    What I need are these

    http://www.swinnertoncycles.co.uk/Bontrager-Race-Lite-Sock-S-Grey-410832.aspx

    Two pairs are on order now, my life is complete :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    I've said it before and I'll say it again:

    anyone who uses a cadence / heart rate meter and the term "zone 4" when talking about exertion IS a tart. It doesn't matter what you wear, you're a tart. :wink:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • jonginge
    jonginge Posts: 5,945
    I've said it before and I'll say it again:

    anyone who uses a cadence / heart rate meter and the term "zone 4" when talking about exertion IS a tart. It doesn't matter what you wear, you're a tart. :wink:
    I say, Is he talking about moi?
    FCN 2-4 "Shut up legs", Jens Voigt
    Planet-x Scott
    Rides
  • Feltup
    Feltup Posts: 1,340
    JonGinge wrote:
    I've said it before and I'll say it again:

    anyone who uses a cadence / heart rate meter and the term "zone 4" when talking about exertion IS a tart. It doesn't matter what you wear, you're a tart. :wink:
    I say, Is he talking about moi?

    I think he is talking about the tarts that live in Chigwell, that's in zone 4 and lets face it you are going to need a heart rate monitor to check you are not going to have a coronary when you wake up and realise where you are.
    Short hairy legged roadie FCN 4 or 5 in my baggies.

    Felt F55 - 2007
    Specialized Singlecross - 2008
    Marin Rift Zone - 1998
    Peugeot Tourmalet - 1983 - taken more hits than Mohammed Ali
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    There's people in here in denial..... :wink:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • BigJimmyB
    BigJimmyB Posts: 1,302
    Had my grey bike powder coated white, then added white saddle and grips, plus white front light.

    Now looking for a white jacket and am planning on white socks with black shoes (everything else on bike is black).

    So, yes, I am a confessed bike tart!
  • gtvlusso
    gtvlusso Posts: 5,112
    itboffin wrote:
    gtvlusso wrote:
    I am a complete and utter tart.....everything is co-ordinated for slouchiness......

    Just so long as it's "duck egg blue" right!? :wink::lol:

    I have already said I am a complete tart - please don't kick a man when he is down.....may get Duck Egg blue paint everywhere....!
  • lost_in_thought
    lost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    Feltup wrote:
    I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

    Back to you GregT :wink:

    Careful, careful, I check reflective windows to see if anyone's trying to scalp me. I've nearly hit buses on a few occasions... :oops:

    And I have been buying only black and white bike-wear in order to maximise its versatility... but I do confess I've picked up a bit of orange gear to match the Maxima...
  • balfie
    balfie Posts: 24
    I've bought "bike bling" in red, matching into a red/ white/ black kinda thing. God, this is embarrasing...................
  • biondino
    biondino Posts: 5,990
    Feltup wrote:
    I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

    Back to you GregT :wink:

    Careful, careful, I check reflective windows to see if anyone's trying to scalp me. I've nearly hit buses on a few occasions... :oops:

    And I have been buying only black and white bike-wear in order to maximise its versatility... but I do confess I've picked up a bit of orange gear to match the Maxima...

    Speaking of which, do you have it yet? Do you? Do you?
  • lost_in_thought
    lost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    biondino wrote:
    Feltup wrote:
    I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

    Back to you GregT :wink:

    Careful, careful, I check reflective windows to see if anyone's trying to scalp me. I've nearly hit buses on a few occasions... :oops:

    And I have been buying only black and white bike-wear in order to maximise its versatility... but I do confess I've picked up a bit of orange gear to match the Maxima...

    Speaking of which, do you have it yet? Do you? Do you?

    NO! Damn it.

    I phoned Epic this morning, but they're shut today for a stock-take. I really hope it's there. :D
  • Feltup
    Feltup Posts: 1,340

    Careful, careful, I check reflective windows to see if anyone's trying to scalp me. I've nearly hit buses on a few occasions... :oops:

    Can you imagine how bad it is going to be when you do get the Maxima? Not only will you be going faster but you will no doubt catch a glimpse of your lovely bike and pay even less attention to the road ahead!
    Short hairy legged roadie FCN 4 or 5 in my baggies.

    Felt F55 - 2007
    Specialized Singlecross - 2008
    Marin Rift Zone - 1998
    Peugeot Tourmalet - 1983 - taken more hits than Mohammed Ali
  • DonDaddyD
    DonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    biondino wrote:
    Feltup wrote:
    I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

    Back to you GregT :wink:

    Careful, careful, I check reflective windows to see if anyone's trying to scalp me. I've nearly hit buses on a few occasions... :oops:

    And I have been buying only black and white bike-wear in order to maximise its versatility... but I do confess I've picked up a bit of orange gear to match the Maxima...

    Speaking of which, do you have it yet? Do you? Do you?

    NO! Damn it.

    I phoned Epic this morning, but they're shut today for a stock-take. I really hope it's there. :D

    When you get it I'm riding where to race you and marvel at your brilliance!!!!
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • DonDaddyD
    DonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    On the subject of tart. I've just bought some black tights. I've decided to constantly wear tights or 3/4 lengths under my cycle shorts...

    I need to find another cheap cycle clothing shop/website to bolster my mainly CC-UK clothing.

    Asking your girlfriend to buy you tights is not something I thought I'd ever be doing at 20ish (never expose my real age)....
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • jonginge
    jonginge Posts: 5,945
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    On the subject of tart. I've just bought some black tights. I've decided to constantly wear tights or 3/4 lengths under my cycle shorts...

    I need to find another cheap cycle clothing shop/website to bolster my mainly CC-UK clothing.

    Asking your girlfriend to buy you tights is not something I thought I'd ever be doing at 20ish (never expose my real age)....
    Fishnets? Say it isn't so, DDD. The 'tart' in the title of this thread does not refer to the oldest profession. ;)
    FCN 2-4 "Shut up legs", Jens Voigt
    Planet-x Scott
    Rides