How much of a bike-tart are you?

DonDaddyD

How much of a tart are you, do you have to match you gloves to the colour scheme of you clothing, which in turn matches your helmet, which matches the colour of your bike?

Me?

Well, I once went out without a helmet, I secretly did this so that I could buy a red Specialized Propero helmet as it matched the colour scheme of my bike. I then went on to buy a red cycle jersey.

However, I was recently given (as a present) a new bag (grey/silver) and black jacket and my helmet doesn't go with my ensemble. I'm now thinking of buying yet another helmet (black) as well as shoes to match.

Have you had to fight 'bouts of tarty' that are devoid of all common sense? Do share?

prawny

Black and red go together well, if I were you I'd keep the helmet and buy a black and red bike 8)

biondino

prawny wrote:

Black and red go together well, if I were you I'd keep the helmet and buy a black and red bike 8)

Have we suddenly gone back to 1987? Or perhaps cyclists never got beyond the 80s in terms of fashion...

prawny

Hey! Nowt wrong with black and red ask greg66

rhext

Eh? Do clothes come in different colours then?

DonDaddyD

prawny wrote:

Hey! Nowt wrong with black and red ask greg66

It's not red, its a strong shade of orange.... :roll:

Gosh, get it right. :roll: :roll: :roll:

FyPunK

yes and no I generally dont like bright colours so as me bike is grey then my clothing in-directly matches me bike.

edhornby

I register in the middle of the tartiness scale - I've morphed into red and black gear, and my bike is being resprayed in red, with all alloy finishings, but I'm going for tan saddle and tape to break it up a little

I can't bring myslelf to do white, either on the bike or clothing, can't be doing with the ensuing grubbiness....

Greg T

I secretly check out the definition of the muscles in my calves and imagine the admiring looks I get from those following me as I spin up my mighty Ring away from the lights.

Beat that tart fans!

Kieran_Burns

I basically wear black and yellow.

I'm a bumble bee on a bike.

Clever Pun

biondino wrote:

prawny wrote:

Black and red go together well, if I were you I'd keep the helmet and buy a black and red bike 8)

Have we suddenly gone back to 1987? Or perhaps cyclists never got beyond the 80s in terms of fashion...

are you colour blind? I've seen the stuff you've picked up from ebay

black with smatterings of red/white is perfectly fine

Feltup

I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

Back to you GregT

nation

My bike is matte black.

Goes with anything.

I've been eyeing up a new pair of forks and have been sorely tempted by Manitou rSevens purely because they come in a very distinctive metallic cherry red.

Sewinman

I am the opposite of a tart. I have been commuting for over a year and have not got a single bit of cycling clothing. Most of the t-shirts i wear come from having drunk X amount of pints of X beer and getting a prize.

@DDD - Did you ride towards Brixton last night about 6ish? I saw a black bloke on a Giant and wondered whether it was you?

il_principe

Erm...

I'm not a tart, not in the slightest*

*this is a barefaced lie.

fossyant

My kit all matches I am afraid....

Blue kit for my blue bikes. New Fixie will be red, so I need a red helmet and red top for that...then that red kit will go nicely with my red white and green bike !!!

girv73

When buying my helmet, I picked white over black because it went better with my white bike.

Then the white bike broke a few weeks later. And I bought a black one to replace it.

Tart, or Tart Fail?

soy_sauce

my bike is blue/grey with white fork so all my gears (helmet, camelbak, shoes, lights) colour do match my bike. the rest would be in black as it go with any colour.

thinking of getting a pair of white mudguards to go with it too.

Greg T

Feltup wrote:

I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

Back to you GregT

Plate glass windows are a blessing to the vain and narcissistic.

I think I tried so hard to learn to trackstand so that I could justifiably sit at the front of the pack on my toes looking fabulous.

I am thinking I need some 3/4 length trouser sport pant things (like Jash) as Capri pants are very "in" this summer - read any burds magazine - you'll see

DonDaddyD

Sewinman wrote:

I am the opposite of a tart. I have been commuting for over a year and have not got a single bit of cycling clothing. Most of the t-shirts i wear come from having drunk X amount of pints of X beer and getting a prize.

He's not one of us! Burn him!!!

Dude, MTFU by some lycra!

@DDD - Did you ride towards Brixton last night about 6ish? I saw a black bloke on a Giant and wondered whether it was you?

Could have been, aside from being black what did he look like? I was actually heading to Oval tube around that time to join the Clapham North drag strip.

Sewinman

@ DDD - I actually think i have MTFU by not buying cycling clothing.

I think he had a blue jacket, rucksac and nike shoes with toe clips.

DonDaddyD

Yep definantely not me.

@Sewinman, I don't understand how you don't have any cycle specific clothing. You used to be cool, what happened to you?

I may go for a completely black and white look now with my bike gear. Its my goal to be a bike ninja!

Christophe3967

jashburnham wrote:

Erm...

I'm not a tart, not in the slightest*

*this is a barefaced lie.

If the cap fits...

I'm not a tart. More of a muffin really.

Feltup

Greg T wrote:

I think I tried so hard to learn to trackstand so that I could justifiably sit at the front of the pack on my toes looking fabulous.

I am thinking I need some 3/4 length trouser sport pant things (like Jash) as Capri pants are very "in" this summer - read any burds magazine - you'll see

The trackstand is the tartiest thing a man can get at no expense to his wallet. Standing at the lights in front of a large queue of traffic giving a nonchalent nod to the Yummy Mummy in her X4. She doesn't care that you are wearing womens 3/4 length shorts which are cut nice and skinny to emphasise your calves, oh no, she just loves the fact that you are in control, standing proud as a peacock ready to assert your dominance as the lights go to green.

Of course she then left hooks you into the guard rail but my god you were magnificent up to that point.

Greg T

Feltup wrote:

Of course she then left hooks you into the guard rail but my god you were magnificent up to that point.

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre. C'est de la folie

roger_merriman

thats old red, not sure what she is maybe a old dawes imperial? any way as you can see she has picked up a "intresting" paint job at some point in her life, which i think puts me into non tart pile....any one got a more ugly bike?

edhornby

Feltup wrote:

Greg T wrote:

I think I tried so hard to learn to trackstand so that I could justifiably sit at the front of the pack on my toes looking fabulous.

I am thinking I need some 3/4 length trouser sport pant things (like Jash) as Capri pants are very "in" this summer - read any burds magazine - you'll see

The trackstand is the tartiest thing a man can get at no expense to his wallet. Standing at the lights in front of a large queue of traffic giving a nonchalent nod to the Yummy Mummy in her X4. She doesn't care that you are wearing womens 3/4 length shorts which are cut nice and skinny to emphasise your calves, oh no, she just loves the fact that you are in control, standing proud as a peacock ready to assert your dominance as the lights go to green.

Of course she then left hooks you into the guard rail but my god you were magnificent up to that point.

sniggering at my desk at these posts

chapeau

Sewinman

DonDaddyD wrote:

Yep definantely not me.

@Sewinman, I don't understand how you don't have any cycle specific clothing. You used to be cool, what happened to you?

I may go for a completely black and white look now with my bike gear. Its my goal to be a bike ninja!

I don't have it cos I think its a waste of money.

Shame it wasn't you as he was absolutely rapid and burned off me, plus two shaven roadies*. Big lad too, so was convinced it was you.

*There may have been a small time lapse between the two above scalping events.

il_principe

Black White and Red Pinarello bike? Check
Black White and Red Castelli lycra? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded socks? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded gloves? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded cap? Check
Black White and Red shoes? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded bottle cages? Check
White and Red sunglasses? Check
Black White and Red armwarmers? Check
Black White and Red wheels? Check
Black White and Red helmet? Check.

Yep, I'm not a tart. I'm an über Tart, the Tartmeister if you like.

:oops:

asprilla

DonDaddyD wrote:

Its my goal to be a bike ninja!

Some mornings I join the running ninjas on the South Bank..

At 6.30 on a winter morning, dressed in all black they appear from allys and stairwells and silently make their way eastward along the the river, communicating only though inperceptible nods of recognition.

When I'm on my bike my colours are more like pricilla: queen of the desert than ghostdog: way of the samuri.....

DonDaddyD

How beautifully poetic that the above this:

Sewinman wrote:

I don't have it cos I think its a waste of money.

Should precede this:

Jash wrote:

Black White and Red Pinarello bike? Check
Black White and Red Castelli lycra? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded socks? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded gloves? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded cap? Check
Black White and Red shoes? Check
Black White and Red Pinarello branded bottle cages? Check
White and Red sunglasses? Check
Black White and Red armwarmers? Check
Black White and Red wheels? Check
Black White and Red helmet? Check.

Yep, I'm not a tart. I'm an Uber Tart, the Tartmeister if you like.