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How much of a bike-tart are you?

DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
edited April 2009 in Commuting chat
How much of a tart are you, do you have to match you gloves to the colour scheme of you clothing, which in turn matches your helmet, which matches the colour of your bike?

Me?

Well, I once went out without a helmet, I secretly did this so that I could buy a red Specialized Propero helmet as it matched the colour scheme of my bike. I then went on to buy a red cycle jersey.

However, I was recently given (as a present) a new bag (grey/silver) and black jacket and my helmet doesn't go with my ensemble. I'm now thinking of buying yet another helmet (black) as well as shoes to match.

Have you had to fight 'bouts of tarty' that are devoid of all common sense? Do share?
Food Chain number = 4

A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
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Posts

  • prawnyprawny Posts: 5,409
    Black and red go together well, if I were you I'd keep the helmet and buy a black and red bike 8)
    Saracen Tenet 3 - 2015 - Dead - Replaced with a Hack Frame
    Voodoo Bizango - 2014 - Dead - Hit by a car
    Vitus Sentier VRS - 2017
  • biondinobiondino Posts: 5,990
    prawny wrote:
    Black and red go together well, if I were you I'd keep the helmet and buy a black and red bike 8)

    Have we suddenly gone back to 1987? Or perhaps cyclists never got beyond the 80s in terms of fashion...
  • prawnyprawny Posts: 5,409
    Hey! :( Nowt wrong with black and red ask greg66
    Saracen Tenet 3 - 2015 - Dead - Replaced with a Hack Frame
    Voodoo Bizango - 2014 - Dead - Hit by a car
    Vitus Sentier VRS - 2017
  • rhextrhext Posts: 1,639
    Eh? Do clothes come in different colours then?
  • DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    prawny wrote:
    Hey! :( Nowt wrong with black and red ask greg66

    It's not red, its a strong shade of orange.... :roll:

    Gosh, get it right. :roll: :roll: :roll:
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • FyPunKFyPunK Posts: 160
    yes and no :D I generally dont like bright colours so as me bike is grey then my clothing in-directly matches me bike.
    www.justgiving.com/aidyneal Cycling Manchester to Blackpool. Look out for number 1691
  • edhornbyedhornby Posts: 1,780
    I register in the middle of the tartiness scale - I've morphed into red and black gear, and my bike is being resprayed in red, with all alloy finishings, but I'm going for tan saddle and tape to break it up a little

    I can't bring myslelf to do white, either on the bike or clothing, can't be doing with the ensuing grubbiness....
    "I get paid to make other people suffer on my wheel, how good is that"
    --Jens Voight
  • Greg TGreg T Posts: 3,266
    I secretly check out the definition of the muscles in my calves and imagine the admiring looks I get from those following me as I spin up my mighty Ring away from the lights.

    Beat that tart fans!
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    I basically wear black and yellow.

    I'm a bumble bee on a bike.
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • Clever PunClever Pun Posts: 6,778
    biondino wrote:
    prawny wrote:
    Black and red go together well, if I were you I'd keep the helmet and buy a black and red bike 8)

    Have we suddenly gone back to 1987? Or perhaps cyclists never got beyond the 80s in terms of fashion...

    are you colour blind? I've seen the stuff you've picked up from ebay :lol:

    black with smatterings of red/white is perfectly fine
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • FeltupFeltup Posts: 1,340
    I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

    Back to you GregT :wink:
    Short hairy legged roadie FCN 4 or 5 in my baggies.

    Felt F55 - 2007
    Specialized Singlecross - 2008
    Marin Rift Zone - 1998
    Peugeot Tourmalet - 1983 - taken more hits than Mohammed Ali
  • nationnation Posts: 609
    My bike is matte black.

    Goes with anything.

    I've been eyeing up a new pair of forks and have been sorely tempted by Manitou rSevens purely because they come in a very distinctive metallic cherry red.
  • SewinmanSewinman Posts: 2,131
    I am the opposite of a tart. I have been commuting for over a year and have not got a single bit of cycling clothing. Most of the t-shirts i wear come from having drunk X amount of pints of X beer and getting a prize.

    @DDD - Did you ride towards Brixton last night about 6ish? I saw a black bloke on a Giant and wondered whether it was you?
  • il_principeil_principe Posts: 9,146
    Erm...

    I'm not a tart, not in the slightest*

    *this is a barefaced lie.
    2015 Canyon Aeroad CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Ultimate CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Inflite SL 7
    On the Strand
    Crown Stables
  • fossyantfossyant Posts: 2,549
    My kit all matches I am afraid....

    Blue kit for my blue bikes. New Fixie will be red, so I need a red helmet and red top for that...then that red kit will go nicely with my red white and green bike !!!
  • girv73girv73 Posts: 842
    When buying my helmet, I picked white over black because it went better with my white bike.

    Then the white bike broke a few weeks later. And I bought a black one to replace it.

    Tart, or Tart Fail?
    Today is a good day to ride
  • soy_saucesoy_sauce Posts: 987
    my bike is blue/grey with white fork so all my gears (helmet, camelbak, shoes, lights) colour do match my bike. the rest would be in black as it go with any colour.

    thinking of getting a pair of white mudguards to go with it too.
    "It is not impossible, its just improbable"

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • Greg TGreg T Posts: 3,266
    Feltup wrote:
    I plan my routes so that I can cycle in front of buildings with mirrored windows. Not only can the occupants see me cycle by but I can also see everyone else in the street admiring my coordination and panache. 8)

    Back to you GregT :wink:

    Plate glass windows are a blessing to the vain and narcissistic.

    I think I tried so hard to learn to trackstand so that I could justifiably sit at the front of the pack on my toes looking fabulous.

    I am thinking I need some 3/4 length trouser sport pant things (like Jash) as Capri pants are very "in" this summer - read any burds magazine - you'll see
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    Sewinman wrote:
    I am the opposite of a tart. I have been commuting for over a year and have not got a single bit of cycling clothing. Most of the t-shirts i wear come from having drunk X amount of pints of X beer and getting a prize.
    He's not one of us! Burn him!!!

    Dude, MTFU by some lycra!
    @DDD - Did you ride towards Brixton last night about 6ish? I saw a black bloke on a Giant and wondered whether it was you?

    Could have been, aside from being black what did he look like? I was actually heading to Oval tube around that time to join the Clapham North drag strip.
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • SewinmanSewinman Posts: 2,131
    @ DDD - I actually think i have MTFU by not buying cycling clothing.

    I think he had a blue jacket, rucksac and nike shoes with toe clips.
  • DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    Yep definantely not me.

    @Sewinman, I don't understand how you don't have any cycle specific clothing. You used to be cool, what happened to you? :cry:

    I may go for a completely black and white look now with my bike gear. Its my goal to be a bike ninja!
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • Christophe3967Christophe3967 Posts: 1,200
    Erm...

    I'm not a tart, not in the slightest*

    *this is a barefaced lie.

    If the cap fits...

    I'm not a tart. More of a muffin really.
  • FeltupFeltup Posts: 1,340
    Greg T wrote:

    I think I tried so hard to learn to trackstand so that I could justifiably sit at the front of the pack on my toes looking fabulous.

    I am thinking I need some 3/4 length trouser sport pant things (like Jash) as Capri pants are very "in" this summer - read any burds magazine - you'll see

    The trackstand is the tartiest thing a man can get at no expense to his wallet. Standing at the lights in front of a large queue of traffic giving a nonchalent nod to the Yummy Mummy in her X4. She doesn't care that you are wearing womens 3/4 length shorts which are cut nice and skinny to emphasise your calves, oh no, she just loves the fact that you are in control, standing proud as a peacock ready to assert your dominance as the lights go to green.

    Of course she then left hooks you into the guard rail but my god you were magnificent up to that point.
    Short hairy legged roadie FCN 4 or 5 in my baggies.

    Felt F55 - 2007
    Specialized Singlecross - 2008
    Marin Rift Zone - 1998
    Peugeot Tourmalet - 1983 - taken more hits than Mohammed Ali
  • Greg TGreg T Posts: 3,266
    Feltup wrote:
    Of course she then left hooks you into the guard rail but my god you were magnificent up to that point.

    C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre. C'est de la folie
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • roger_merrimanroger_merriman Posts: 6,147
    3263437503_c6d51c8f59.jpg thats old red, not sure what she is maybe a old dawes imperial? any way as you can see she has picked up a "intresting" paint job at some point in her life, which i think puts me into non tart pile....any one got a more ugly bike?
  • edhornbyedhornby Posts: 1,780
    Feltup wrote:
    Greg T wrote:

    I think I tried so hard to learn to trackstand so that I could justifiably sit at the front of the pack on my toes looking fabulous.

    I am thinking I need some 3/4 length trouser sport pant things (like Jash) as Capri pants are very "in" this summer - read any burds magazine - you'll see

    The trackstand is the tartiest thing a man can get at no expense to his wallet. Standing at the lights in front of a large queue of traffic giving a nonchalent nod to the Yummy Mummy in her X4. She doesn't care that you are wearing womens 3/4 length shorts which are cut nice and skinny to emphasise your calves, oh no, she just loves the fact that you are in control, standing proud as a peacock ready to assert your dominance as the lights go to green.

    Of course she then left hooks you into the guard rail but my god you were magnificent up to that point.

    sniggering at my desk at these posts

    chapeau
    "I get paid to make other people suffer on my wheel, how good is that"
    --Jens Voight
  • SewinmanSewinman Posts: 2,131
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Yep definantely not me.

    @Sewinman, I don't understand how you don't have any cycle specific clothing. You used to be cool, what happened to you? :cry:

    I may go for a completely black and white look now with my bike gear. Its my goal to be a bike ninja!

    I don't have it cos I think its a waste of money.

    Shame it wasn't you as he was absolutely rapid and burned off me, plus two shaven roadies*. Big lad too, so was convinced it was you.

    *There may have been a small time lapse between the two above scalping events.
  • il_principeil_principe Posts: 9,146
    Black White and Red Pinarello bike? Check
    Black White and Red Castelli lycra? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded socks? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded gloves? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded cap? Check
    Black White and Red shoes? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded bottle cages? Check
    White and Red sunglasses? Check
    Black White and Red armwarmers? Check
    Black White and Red wheels? Check
    Black White and Red helmet? Check.

    Yep, I'm not a tart. I'm an über Tart, the Tartmeister if you like.

    :oops:
    2015 Canyon Aeroad CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Ultimate CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Inflite SL 7
    On the Strand
    Crown Stables
  • asprillaasprilla Posts: 8,440
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Its my goal to be a bike ninja!

    Some mornings I join the running ninjas on the South Bank..

    At 6.30 on a winter morning, dressed in all black they appear from allys and stairwells and silently make their way eastward along the the river, communicating only though inperceptible nods of recognition.

    When I'm on my bike my colours are more like pricilla: queen of the desert than ghostdog: way of the samuri.....
    Mud - Genesis Vapour CCX
    Race - Fuji Norcom Straight
    Sun - Cervelo R3
    Winter / Commute - Dolan ADX
  • DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    How beautifully poetic that the above this:
    Sewinman wrote:
    I don't have it cos I think its a waste of money.

    Should precede this:
    JasH wrote:

    Black White and Red Pinarello bike? Check
    Black White and Red Castelli lycra? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded socks? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded gloves? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded cap? Check
    Black White and Red shoes? Check
    Black White and Red Pinarello branded bottle cages? Check
    White and Red sunglasses? Check
    Black White and Red armwarmers? Check
    Black White and Red wheels? Check
    Black White and Red helmet? Check.

    Yep, I'm not a tart. I'm an Uber Tart, the Tartmeister if you like.
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
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