How to impress a girl...
Comments
-
distaster? All sounds quite tasteful to me
Emerging from under a big black cloud. All help welcome0 -
Girls are impressed with guys who can drink loads
FACT.
In my long and frequently pissed life one thing has become evident to me (if no-one else) that my attractiveness to the opposite sex increases in direct proportion to the amount of collapsing juice I've pushed down my neck.
Don't ask me why but as I become increasingly loud and "funny"girls just want to get in the on the "fat hairy lairy" action. They may not be showing many outward signs of this gagging for it'ness but in myself I can read the signs...
Playing hard to get and then "calling the police" are obvious indicators of wanting me, I up the ante at this stage and take the drinking beyond "enough" into "crazzzy guy" via "dickhead".
Dancing also is a good way to get "noticed". A couple of slammers or "mad dog 20/20" which was a weird sugarary incapacitant served in big bottles inthe mid 90s will set you off nicely. Just wait for "one step beyond" (you may be waiting a while - unless you are at home, on your own, but really hammered) and get your nutty dancing going.
It is the only way.
I am dynamite with the ladyeeees, listen to me I know what I'm talking about.
Barman!Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
there really is no answer to that........Emerging from under a big black cloud. All help welcome0
-
...Greg T, I will be putting your theory and guidance to the test at the works Christmas knees up this evening......all the way...'til the wheels fall off and burn...0
-
Greg T wrote:Playing hard to get and then "calling the police" are obvious indicators of wanting me
Awwww, c'mon gorge-juss, let's not turn a little touch into a sexual assault charge... <hic> ... you're beautiful you are ... I could really love you ... oooh, I feel a bit queasy ....Greg T wrote:Dancing also is a good way to get "noticed".
I prefer dancing in front of the stereo, trying to grind your front hips into the volume control. Whilst trying to lick your whole face. With one hand behind your head, and the other holding an imaginary tray of drinks.
Chicks go wobbly for that.0 -
ChrisLS wrote:...Greg T, I will be putting your theory and guidance to the test at the works Christmas knees up this evening...
I swear that you'll be thanking me in the morning.
Works Chritsmas Do's are the spiritual (see what I did there) home of getting leggers and then applying the "intoxicated touch" technique to your lady/boy/ladyboy pulling efforts.
I'd also suggest a loud argument with a sober guy who's just arrived is a surefire attractor. The effect is doubled if you then wrap him up in a big bear hug drag him to the bar and buy him a pint as he's your "best mate ever".Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
...Greg T you are obviously a man of great experience...I have much to learn...I think I may start with the loud argument with the sober guy, as we are planning on arriving a little bit tanked up...
...you see we are all going dressed up as cowboys and cowgirls as it is a themed "western party" so dutch courage is needed...
...I keep having nightmares about Westworld...all the way...'til the wheels fall off and burn...0 -
BUICK wrote:
Has anyone tried saying 'I had sex today'. Then the girl would know how virile you are.
:twisted:
I swear the amount of times that works... :roll:Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
ChrisLS wrote:
...you see we are all going dressed up as cowboys and cowgirls
Which one are you going as?
Personally I'd go as Plains Indian, get on the firewater early doors and then get all "Custer's last stand" on them as the night wears on.
Wampum firewater kill pale face coo coo.
And such like, "noble savage" and all that, Girls like nothing better than a man with a tie around his head with a beer mat stuck in it in lieu of a feather, jumping on his mate's back and barging around whilst everyones trying to do a line dance chasing the "buffaloes" screaming " 'Member the Alamo you bastards!"Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
...I did think of the loin cloth and warpaint option...but I'm leaning towards the Kevin Costner type...in touch with my feminine side...that kind of thing... :?: Dances with Wolves ...a bit ethnic......all the way...'til the wheels fall off and burn...0
-
Totalnewbie wrote:Hey, he hasn't confirmed it yet!
But yes, something similar did happen last night on the way home from work. At the Mall.
But never mind grabbing the handlebars, this guy had hold of my hand (which, admittedly, was on my handlebars)!
I thought it was really funny (note: I was able to have a better sense of humour because I stayed upright)
What was your assailant wearing? riding?Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.0 -
Greg T wrote:Girls are impressed with guys who can drink loads
FACT.
In my long and frequently pissed life one thing has become evident to me (if no-one else) that my attractiveness to the opposite sex increases in direct proportion to the amount of collapsing juice I've pushed down my neck.
Don't ask me why but as I become increasingly loud and "funny"girls just want to get in the on the "fat hairy lairy" action. They may not be showing many outward signs of this gagging for it'ness but in myself I can read the signs...
Playing hard to get and then "calling the police" are obvious indicators of wanting me, I up the ante at this stage and take the drinking beyond "enough" into "crazzzy guy" via "dickhead".
Dancing also is a good way to get "noticed". A couple of slammers or "mad dog 20/20" which was a weird sugarary incapacitant served in big bottles inthe mid 90s will set you off nicely. Just wait for "one step beyond" (you may be waiting a while - unless you are at home, on your own, but really hammered) and get your nutty dancing going.
It is the only way.
I am dynamite with the ladyeeees, listen to me I know what I'm talking about.
Barman!
This is all true, but you've missed out the one big Universal constant (a constant that has plagued my every moring after the night before and casts a shadow over my head everytime I walk into a room full of strangers and declare "I have had the sex today").The Universal Constant:
The more your state of drunkeness increases, the lower your standards become.
This means that with enough alcohol you will find a women who wasn't your type and old enough to be your mother attractive. In the morning of what should be glory, only brings stark realisation, despair, disgust and the brutality of reality, it isn't a good thing.
What you want to be doing is to lowering the standards of your desired lady by plying her with enormous amounts of alcohol until she falls in love with you or at least until she finds you attractive, then tell her in a caring voice "Come on you've had enough, I'm taking you home".Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
I can't really remember :oops: A road bike, possibly a Trek although I coudn't swear to it. It's bloody dark on that bit...
He wasn't wearing lycra either; some kind of dark trousers or tracksuit bottoms maybe - not tights.
Suffice to say i didn't want to make his embarrassment worse by staring at him and noting down his particulars so I could out him on Bikeradar... 0 -
"Go ugly early and avoid later disappointment" should be drummed into youth when they order their first alcopops.
I would counsel against getting girls drunk however, before you know it they are crying about something or other and expect you to listen to them.
Don't ask me what the pathway is but just north of "up for it minx" is "mascarra running down her blotchy face, "why did he leave me'?", teary moan bag".
Stone cold sober but desperate is the ideal candidate.Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :oops:0
-
That is absolutly priceless! The wonder of the internet! Bloody hell..... 0
-
...I really feel like tonight will be the night with all the excellent advice given...Greg T and Greg66, DonDaddyD I sit at your feet...
...one small problem may occur...Mrs LS will be there at midnight to pick me up...
...get out clauses and excuses :?:
...oh, and the boss and his wife will be there......all the way...'til the wheels fall off and burn...0 -
Sewinman wrote:That is absolutly priceless! The wonder of the internet! Bloody hell.....
Indeed, this thread makes excellent viewing! I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes next!0 -
Greg T wrote:"Go ugly early and avoid later disappointment" should be drummed into youth when they order their first alcopops.
Genius.
Absolute, complete, unquestioned Genius.Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
Oh.....
You guys are getting a bit creepy....
<shudder>"If we all had hardtails we'd all go down the hill, just slower"
Nick Larsen
Voodoo D-Jab Ti
Boardman Road Team 09
Boardman Urban Team 08
Falcon 3 Speed0 -
ChrisLS wrote:
...one small problem may occur...Mrs LS will be there at midnight to pick me up...
...oh, and the boss and his wife will be there...
The scene is set for a kerbside brawl!
Brilliant, can you get one of those "helmet cams" that seem so "popular" and post the rut on the "Pissed up footage" thread.
It will be like Road Wars but with more swearing and even wobblier camera work.
We can critique your windmilling style of arms flailling fighting, added marks for not dropping your chips.Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
I was on a black Trek 1.2 and sporting blue chinos with white socks. I also scalped her at the Buck Palace round about....! :twisted:
So funny...! :?0 -
DonDaddyD wrote:Greg T wrote:"Go ugly early and avoid later disappointment" should be drummed into youth when they order their first alcopops.
Genius.
Absolute, complete, unquestioned Genius.
My son has an interesting take on this. Rate yourself from 1-10 in the desirability stakes, and then aim for anyone you consider to be two points lower than yourself. That way your gaurunteed to score pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................
Revised FCN - 20 -
Thats from a film!
Can't remember what one though?
8)"If we all had hardtails we'd all go down the hill, just slower"
Nick Larsen
Voodoo D-Jab Ti
Boardman Road Team 09
Boardman Urban Team 08
Falcon 3 Speed0 -
ChrisLS wrote:...I really feel like tonight will be the night with all the excellent advice given...Greg T and Greg66, DonDaddyD I sit at your feet...
...one small problem may occur...Mrs LS will be there at midnight to pick me up...
...get out clauses and excuses :?:
...oh, and the boss and his wife will be there...
Any Man at a party with Girlfriend or Wife will go home early. Alcohol does that and my infamous post (I had sex today) will be shouted in all its glorious thunderous rage from the roof tops in the morning...
The boss will go home early, trust me. He can't get truly battered and he bought his wife to make sure he doesn't. He'll be too sober to get in on the fun. He'll go home early.
So. *Disclaimer this is not representative of my life or what I'd actually do, I am not married. But each to their own and I'm not one to judge.*
Before you go to the party tell the wife "You may stay later than previously agreed" This will prepare her mentally because at 10.45 while marginally sober phone her and say "You're having too much fun so don't worry about picking you up you'll get a cab home" Do it in a shouty voice to indicate you can't hear her, should she moan then follow in shouty voice "Can't hear you hun, gotta go".
Should you get too drunk and kip on the sofa at a (male) 'friends' house well at least you were safe and warm.
The night is yours, so let carnage ensue.Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
Sewinman wrote:I was on a black Trek 1.2 and sporting blue chinos with white socks. I also scalped her at the Buck Palace round about....! :twisted:
So funny...! :?
How could she resist!?
0 -
Unfortunately I do indeed have a boyfriend who would likely have taken a dim view of me exchanging numbers and so on :roll:
But if I didn't, I wouldn't necessarily have held the falling thing against you, especially as you apologised so profusely And I must say you have made some rather flattering comments in this thread which are very nice.
I can't talk anyway, in the summer I was out on a ride and a gust of wind caught me as I was pulling away from a junction and I steadied myself by flinging my arm around a fellow rider's shoulders and nearly sending him over while making high pitched noises and trying to unclip.
BUT
No way did you scalp me at Buck Palace.You passed me because I was slowing because the ped lights round the bend were red - if you were going to scalp me, how come you couldn't catch up on the nice straight stretch of the Mall beforehand? Huh?! 0 -
Sewinman wrote:I was on a black Trek 1.2 and sporting blue chinos with white socks. I also scalped her at the Buck Palace round about....! :twisted:
So funny...! :?
Black socks dude, wear black or blue socks.
Sorry - I was teased as a kid for wearing white socks and shoes....
Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
Totalnewbie wrote:Unfortunately I do indeed have a boyfriend who would likely have taken a dim view of me exchanging numbers and so on :roll:
But if I didn't, I wouldn't necessarily have held the falling thing against you, especially as you apologised so profusely And I must say you have made some rather flattering comments in this thread which are very nice.
I can't talk anyway, in the summer I was out on a ride and a gust of wind caught me as I was pulling away from a junction and I steadied myself by flinging my arm around a fellow rider's shoulders and nearly sending him over while making high pitched noises and trying to unclip.
BUT
No way did you scalp me at Buck Palace.You passed me because I was slowing because the ped lights round the bend were red - if you were going to scalp me, how come you couldn't catch up on the nice straight stretch of the Mall beforehand? Huh?!
I was enjoying the view! 8)0 -
But you suddenly stopped enjoying the view when I slowed for the lights and you saw your chance? A likely story... :roll: 0
