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Irritating & grating phrases and words used in the work place

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  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 44,910
    PBlakeney wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    PBlakeney wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    I'm probably insulated from it these days, as we seem not to have caught bullshit-itis here in London, while Group headquarters are in a country where they often struggle with normal English, never mind corporate jargon.
    Hmmm.
    We have a joint head office where the dictums come from. One is in London.
    Give us a clue. Then I know whether to issue lots more annoying dictums.
    Nothing to do with accounting so I can avoid that. Thankfully. :wink:
    Me neither, but you'd be surprised how far our tentacles can spread in an organisation :)
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  • rjsterryrjsterry Posts: 19,516
    I find myself talking about perspectives all the bloody time.

    "so they're handling x, but from the y and z perspective".

    Can't stop myself.


    I make lots of friends in the office correcting their 'going forward'.

    I have a boss that has turned diary into a verb; "diarise" - does my nut in. "My PA will diarise that". Horrendous.

    Also one of the guys has a verbal tic; keeps saying 'oblique' all the time. "So, let me understand, the responsibilities are to manage the P&L of the retail business, oblique he'll also run the HR piece'.

    What's wrong with and or as well as?

    He apostrophe s speaking punctuation as words question mark You should start adding a few into conversation comma like semicolon and hyphen into your sentences full stop Or better still comma add them to emails to make them really difficult to read exclamation mark
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Liberal metropolitan, remoaner, traitor, "sympathiser", etc.
  • CiBCiB Posts: 6,098
    The phrase "have you got 5 minutes" rarely leads to good things IME.
  • rjsterry wrote:
    He apostrophe s speaking punctuation as words question mark You should start adding a few into conversation comma like semicolon and hyphen into your sentences full stop Or better still comma add them to emails to make them really difficult to read exclamation mark

    I use voice recognition software for typing a lot at work, so in my head that paragraph sounds normal.
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 14,769
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Me neither, but you'd be surprised how far our tentacles can spread in an organisation :)
    Drone-ships.jpg

    :lol::lol::lol:
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
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    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • First.AspectFirst.Aspect Posts: 5,862
    "Triple discounting."

    I have no idea how this differs from discounting.
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,398
    "Triple discounting."

    I have no idea how this differs from discounting.
    I guess it's just a really big discount?

    We get "competitive pricing strategy" a lot. That just means going in at an eye wateringly low price in order to win the work and then blaming the project manager when it goes over budget.
  • essex-commuteressex-commuter Posts: 2,188
    I work for a US company. Things here get 'socialized' a lot.
  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,505
    Methodology.

    Because I'm science based, this is usually something like the context, "She'll get the samples to you when she has the methodology sorted out".

    So, I ask, "What's methodology?"

    "well obviously :roll: , it's the way of doing something, isn't it?"

    "Like the 'method' then?"

    "erm, yes, I suppose it is".


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • Isn't methodology the study of method, rather than just another word for method? Perhaps your colleagues are extremely dedicated, insisting on understanding why the best way is such.
  • WheelspinnerWheelspinner Posts: 5,175
    rjsterry wrote:
    I find myself talking about perspectives all the bloody time.

    "so they're handling x, but from the y and z perspective".

    Can't stop myself.


    I make lots of friends in the office correcting their 'going forward'.

    I have a boss that has turned diary into a verb; "diarise" - does my nut in. "My PA will diarise that". Horrendous.

    Also one of the guys has a verbal tic; keeps saying 'oblique' all the time. "So, let me understand, the responsibilities are to manage the P&L of the retail business, oblique he'll also run the HR piece'.

    What's wrong with and or as well as?

    He apostrophe s speaking punctuation as words question mark You should start adding a few into conversation comma like semicolon and hyphen into your sentences full stop Or better still comma add them to emails to make them really difficult to read exclamation mark

    I had a client a few years ago with a similar tic, except his word of choice was "chronic", muttered every 8-10 words or so. The first couple of meetings with him made my head hurt from trying to filter that out and understand what he was saying.
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  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,505
    Isn't methodology the study of method, rather than just another word for method? Perhaps your colleagues are extremely dedicated, insisting on understanding why the best way is such.

    Just what I've always said.

    But no, when the say "getting the methodology sorted out" they actually mean "getting off their censored and doing some lab work" , and "Methodology" sounds so much more technical.


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • rick_chaseyrick_chasey Posts: 53,865 Lives Here

    I had a client a few years ago with a similar tic, except his word of choice was "chronic", muttered every 8-10 words or so. The first couple of meetings with him made my head hurt from trying to filter that out and understand what he was saying.
    Dr.DreTheChronic.jpg
  • Capt Slog wrote:
    ...when the say "getting the methodology sorted out" they actually mean "getting off their ars* and doing some lab work" , and "Methodology" sounds so much more technical.

    Time to start bombarding them with spurious papers from the field of methodology until they realise their mistake, hang their head in shame and get on with work whilst furnishing you with treats?
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,398
    Capt Slog wrote:
    Methodology.

    Because I'm science based, this is usually something like the context, "She'll get the samples to you when she has the methodology sorted out".

    So, I ask, "What's methodology?"

    "well obviously :roll: , it's the way of doing something, isn't it?"

    "Like the 'method' then?"

    "erm, yes, I suppose it is".

    They mean different things, a method is a particular tool whereas a methodology is a justification for how various tools and data are going to be combined to get the information you need.
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,398
    Oh ignore me I hadn't read the 3rd page...
  • dinyulldinyull Posts: 2,962
    rjsterry wrote:
    I find myself talking about perspectives all the bloody time.

    "so they're handling x, but from the y and z perspective".

    Can't stop myself.


    I make lots of friends in the office correcting their 'going forward'.

    I have a boss that has turned diary into a verb; "diarise" - does my nut in. "My PA will diarise that". Horrendous.

    Also one of the guys has a verbal tic; keeps saying 'oblique' all the time. "So, let me understand, the responsibilities are to manage the P&L of the retail business, oblique he'll also run the HR piece'.

    What's wrong with and or as well as?

    He apostrophe s speaking punctuation as words question mark You should start adding a few into conversation comma like semicolon and hyphen into your sentences full stop Or better still comma add them to emails to make them really difficult to read exclamation mark

    I had a client a few years ago with a similar tic, except his word of choice was "chronic", muttered every 8-10 words or so. The first couple of meetings with him made my head hurt from trying to filter that out and understand what he was saying.

    Me 3.

    Except my colleague will say "sort of" in almost every sentence whilst on the phone. Drives me bonkers.
  • First.AspectFirst.Aspect Posts: 5,862
    Being told to "keep across" something.

    Does this mean stay up to date with? Periodically monitor? Or physically prostrate one's self over (a) the laptop (b) some pieces of paper?
  • rjsterryrjsterry Posts: 19,516
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Liberal metropolitan, remoaner, traitor, "sympathiser", etc.
  • First.AspectFirst.Aspect Posts: 5,862
    Switching gears.

    Meaning, go off on an entirely unrelated topic because (a) you couldn't be arsed to prepare a coherent presentation.... sorry, deck or (b) you forgot to put something on a meeting agenda.
  • First.AspectFirst.Aspect Posts: 5,862
    "Agile" work practices.

    Meaning, as far as I can tell, moving onto the next thing before finishing the first. Presumably thereby avoiding anything difficult such as detail.
  • haydenmhaydenm Posts: 2,934
    Having recently (in the last year or two) immersed ourselves in the world of London based private equity I have been directly keeping across all angles of our strategic plan using multiple project streams to deliver sustained fund growth in line with our projections in the short to medium term. I frequently touch base with our partners and other departments to socialise ideas with the targeted aim of better integration and cohesion, the initial results of this provide an encouraging foundation for growth in AUM but we will know more by close of play Friday.

    Or something.

    In fairness, while a lot of the phrases never make any sense to me if I understood more of the technical investment jargon it would certainly help me understand what bits are important. It's just a different language, it seems like the more big companies you have been CEO of the more you can get away with saying things which don't seem to make sense, at least these guys carry it off well
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 14,769
    From today's propaganda, sorry newsfeed -
    “Being recognised via the Chairman’s Awards process was an unexpected boost for me and the wider team. Whilst we all felt that we’d delivered something of value to the business at the time, we were pleasantly surprised when this was given broader acknowledgement and acclaim through the Chairman’s Awards process. The recognition and endorsement has undoubtedly served to keep our spirits high and to continue our efforts of making small improvements to the ways in which we work to improve the effectiveness of the wider business.”

    Our boss gave us a bit of paper which said well done for doing your job and told us to get back to work sharpish. :lol:
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • rjsterryrjsterry Posts: 19,516
    Being told to "keep across" something.

    Does this mean stay up to date with? Periodically monitor? Or physically prostrate one's self over (a) the laptop (b) some pieces of paper?

    I have a client who insists on reaching out to everyone rather than just phoning them or emailing them. I imagine a sort of corporate Mr Tickle.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Liberal metropolitan, remoaner, traitor, "sympathiser", etc.
  • rick_chaseyrick_chasey Posts: 53,865 Lives Here
    rjsterry wrote:
    Being told to "keep across" something.

    Does this mean stay up to date with? Periodically monitor? Or physically prostrate one's self over (a) the laptop (b) some pieces of paper?

    I have a client who insists on reaching out to everyone rather than just phoning them or emailing them. I imagine a sort of corporate Mr Tickle.

    That's because your client wants you to do both at the same time!

    Call AND e-mail.

    Saying can you call and e-mail him sounds a bit much.
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,398
    HaydenM wrote:
    I frequently touch base with our partners

    You want to be careful, you might get arrested for that.
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 44,910
    It was always hard to stop former US colleagues from referring to VAT as 'VAT tax'. They almost started to understand sarcasm when I asked them with a straight face what they wanted to know about 'value added tax tax', to give it it's full name.

    And don't get me started on ATM machines.
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  • john80john80 Posts: 2,027
    Sorry guys but I am too busy to give a full list of terrible phrases as I am giving it 110%:)
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 16,015
    edited July 2017
    Mr Goo wrote:
    Just read this on Sky News. I'm sure most of you have come across some if not all them in your place of work. Any others to add?

    I'll put this one in. Stated by an ex MD when I was working in newspaper publishing.

    "We're on a critical path"

    What the f**k had infected his brain I've no idea as we were discussing new methods of reporting budgets and revenue forecasts.

    And I really hate the word synergy.

    Critical path does have a specific meaning in project management - ie identifying where certain tasks cannot be delayed without delaying the overall project. In this respect it is I think a reasonable term but used out of context it quickly becomes management BS.

    Not specifically work based but the one that literally grates on me the most is the constant misuse of the word "literally" - particularly since every time I hear it I can't help asking to myself "are you sure you didn't mean figuratively"?
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    It was always hard to stop former US colleagues from referring to VAT as 'VAT tax'. They almost started to understand sarcasm when I asked them with a straight face what they wanted to know about 'value added tax tax', to give it it's full name.

    And don't get me started on ATM machines.

    What? Machine machines or just that in the UK the only acceptable term for them is "Cash machines"?!

    I suspect the fault really lies with the people that instigated the acronym in the first place. AT machine would have been fine. Once you stick the M on the end the result is inevitable and must be lived with.
    Faster than a tent.......
  • WheelspinnerWheelspinner Posts: 5,175
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    It was always hard to stop former US colleagues from referring to VAT as 'VAT tax'. They almost started to understand sarcasm when I asked them with a straight face what they wanted to know about 'value added tax tax', to give it it's full name.

    And don't get me started on ATM machines.
    And PIN numbers...
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