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Brides

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  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    She has 'form':

    34/25/38
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • tlw1tlw1 Posts: 19,467
    GiantMike wrote:
    Right. Finally bit the bullet and bought one. I have sent a cheque and she should be despatched in a week or so, once she's had her jabs.

    As she's 42 she was quite cheap. £11,482 including shipping and local taxes.

    3838p.jpg
    Looks good for 42 (probably all that Beauty training) and has one grey and one blue eye, so she should be easy to find it she goes missing.

    Full details here

    To make her feel at home I have ordered 2 tons of potatoes and a crate of vodka. Any other tips?

    She wants a mature personality.......
  • DIESELDOGDIESELDOG Posts: 2,087
    I so wish there was a "like" button for posts! In all honesty stick to touting yourself on BR.

    Worked for me ;)

    Love n Hugs

    DD
    Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    www.onemanandhisbike.co.uk
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 16,015
    GiantMike wrote:
    Right. Finally bit the bullet and bought one. I have sent a cheque and she should be despatched in a week or so, once she's had her jabs.

    As she's 42 she was quite cheap. £11,482 including shipping and local taxes.

    3838p.jpg
    Looks good for 42 (probably all that Beauty training) and has one grey and one blue eye, so she should be easy to find it she goes missing.

    Full details here

    To make her feel at home I have ordered 2 tons of potatoes and a crate of vodka. Any other tips?

    Don't forget to account for handling charges. They might be quite high.

    And if you are having her sent Parcelforce don't let them pack any skewers with her.
    Faster than a tent.......
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Just got the following confirmation:

    Dear Mr Mike

    Thank yous for your payments. Your pircel has being dispatched using Pircel Force, Russia's leading human trafficking services and should be arrivings with you soon. On arrivals, please take time to inspect your wife(s) for signs of damages before writing your name on the paper works as damages noticed after acceptuance cannot be refunded or mendeds.

    We have confidents you will like your new purchase and it will bring you some years of happiness and joys. However, if anythings 'unfortunate' happen to wife, we can remove record of purchase for additional fee and we can also provides more wifes in the future at a 10% discount.

    Igor Smallov

    You can track your pircel using the following tracking number: GMRWfsa/2014/1


    I tracked the parcel and it's at the Moscow depot. Getting excited now!!!
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,418
    How much Haribo you expecting?
  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    GiantMike wrote:
    Just got the following confirmation:

    Dear Mr Mike

    Thank yous for your payments. Your pircel has being dispatched using Pircel Force, Russia's leading human trafficking services and should be arrivings with you soon. On arrivals, please take time to inspect your wife(s) for signs of damages before writing your name on the paper works as damages noticed after acceptuance cannot be refunded or mendeds.

    We have confidents you will like your new purchase and it will bring you some years of happiness and joys. However, if anythings 'unfortunate' happen to wife, we can remove record of purchase for additional fee and we can also provides more wifes in the future at a 10% discount.

    Igor Smallov

    You can track your pircel using the following tracking number: GMRWfsa/2014/1


    I tracked the parcel and it's at the Moscow depot. Getting excited now!!!

    +!.

    You can enter this into the 2nd annual pure bollox spoutng competition. There will be a difference, it will be called the 2014 Creative pure bollox spouting competition.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Ballysmate wrote:
    How much Haribo you expecting?
    Ooh. Never thought about that. Got to be looking at a couple of bags of Haribski freebies. What did you get free with yours?
  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    GiantMike wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    How much Haribo you expecting?
    Ooh. Never thought about that. Got to be looking at a couple of bags of Haribski freebies. What did you get free with yours?

    None I hear. He got the cheap me love you long time ten dollar (option 4) wife. Very good at shooting ping pong balls from her *&@~# too as an 'extra bonus' function.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • None I hear. He got the cheap me love you long time ten dollar (option 4) wife. Very good at shooting ping pong balls from her *&@~# too as an 'extra bonus' function.

    Could be worse, at least it's not a talking upsy daisy. :wink:
    Scott S40 Speedster
    Dialled Stay Strong MX20R

    I no longer live in an ivory tower, these days it's vintage white :shock:
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    could be worse, at least it's not a talking upsy daisy. :wink:
    A what?
  • GiantMike wrote:
    could be worse, at least it's not a talking upsy daisy. :wink:
    A what?

    She's the one on the bike

    Group1.jpg

    IMO, not a patch on your expected pircel force delivery.
    Scott S40 Speedster
    Dialled Stay Strong MX20R

    I no longer live in an ivory tower, these days it's vintage white :shock:
  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    Do you think Iggle Piggle is jealous because of the Upsy Daisy/Maka Paka love fest?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • RideOnTimeRideOnTime Posts: 4,712
    arran77 wrote:

    WTF does "sexapill" mean? Is Viagra a must?

    She's obviously heard about GiantMike's lack of ability :wink:

    Yes 'sexapill' what is that...
    Lost in translation.
  • RideOnTimeRideOnTime Posts: 4,712
    Oh yeah...
    What happened to romance?










    porn I guess.
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Good news. Having travelled overland through the Minsk and Gdansk depots, Evgenia was then shipped to Felixstowe yesterday. Today she gets seen by the vet and if everything is OK, she is due for delivery tomorrow, sometime between 7am and 6pm. I'm quite excited now and have a large pot of Beef Stroganoff on the hob bubbling away, and some potato hooch from the Polish chaps up the road.

    Any other tips for a smooth arrival?
  • PituophisPituophis Posts: 1,025
    What, no quarantine? :shock:
  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,531
    I would say that you have the pick of the bunch there.

    Some of the others on the same site don't do the best for their chances. I looked at mugshots and thought "Honestly, is that the best photo you could find?"


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !
  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.

    Which one of Natalia's doors did you mean, front door, back door or trap door :twisted:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 7,651
    arran77 wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.

    Which one of Natalia's doors did you mean, front door, back door or trap door :twisted:
    I must come and visit your cave one day arran :lol:
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.

    Which one of Natalia's doors did you mean, front door, back door or trap door :twisted:
    I must come and visit your cave one day arran :lol:

    I think I just answered my own question about why there are no women round here :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 7,651
    arran77 wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.

    Which one of Natalia's doors did you mean, front door, back door or trap door :twisted:
    I must come and visit your cave one day arran :lol:

    I think I just answered my own question about why there are no women round here :wink:
    Exactly :wink: unless you include Stevo and Pina?
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,418
    arran77 wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.

    Which one of Natalia's doors did you mean, front door, back door or trap door :twisted:

    I am probably in a minority of one here, but I have no inclination to enter the dirt box. Front door and trap door for me.
    Back door only opens one way as far as I am concerned. :wink:
  • pinnopinno Posts: 41,635
    seanoconn wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.
    Exactly :wink: unless you include Stevo and Pina?

    You spent 3 weeks in A wing turning out a cracking business (which opened many doors), then you disappear for two weeks after treatment for Chlamydia, clap, gonorrhea and god knows what else - are you really in a position to throw your weight around?
    Unless of course you have info about Stevo that only you are privvy to?!
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    Have you ordered the Viagra yet GM?
    Nope, don't need it. I've been rock hard for 8 months since I crashed and broke my collar bone. I call it my collar censored !

    shut it in the door a few times, that will cure it.
    Exactly :wink: unless you include Stevo and Pina?

    You spent 3 weeks in A wing turning out a cracking business (which opened many doors), then you disappear for two weeks after treatment for Chlamydia, clap, gonorrhea and god knows what else - are you really in a position to throw your weight around?
    Unless of course you have info about Stevo that only you are privvy to?!

    Sean has been very conspicuous by his absence recently so I have a theory that he's been moonlighting and skimming off all the profits for himself......the money has all but dried up and I have bike bits to purchase :evil:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Well, she finally arrived. The f*cking delivery driver left her with my neighbour, even though I have been in all day!! I don't think 'll be using Pircil Force again. Here she is before I got the Stanley knife out...

    boxed1.jpg-588x3641.jpg

    I must admit, at this point I was slightly concerned that they hadn't sent me a bride at all and the box didn't have any air holes in, though I could hear noises coming from inside.

    Once she was out of the box I was very disappointed. Although it was definitely a woman, it clearly wasn't the bride I'd ordered. The shipment paperwork explained that as Evgenia was out of stock, they'd substituted her for a Katerina. I'm not sure of the pecking order of the VolgaLady line-up, but I basically ordered Dura Ace 9000 and got Tiagra 4500. Heavier than I wanted, didn't look as good, noiser and clearly an older model. Like an old cassette, some of the teeth were missing and the large grips don't suit my hands....Annoying!!

    Anyway, rather than send it straight back, I thought I'd give her a chance and let her out of the box. Once she'd straightened herself out this is what she looked like enjoying a cup of vodka....

    13rehome8.jpg

    Through Google translate she let me know that she thought she was being sent to Robbie Williams, so it appears we were both misinformed. I emailed the website and let them know that, under the Sale of Goods Act 1979, she wasn't sold as described and probably wasn't fit for purpose, well, not for the purpose I have in mind anyway. I'm waiting for a reply.

    What do you think? Should I keep her or send her back? I can't bear to give her the sexy lingerie I bought for my slim bride, though the more vodka I drink I think my willpower is going. I've still got the box but I think she'd be quite difficult to get back in, especially as she's had most of a bottle already and can barely keep the cigarette out of her foul mouth. And I still have a massive collar censored which always gets in the way.
  • If she came with a Collect+ free return you could always keep her round the house or tuck away in a drawer for a couple of weeks until you get round it.
    Scott S40 Speedster
    Dialled Stay Strong MX20R

    I no longer live in an ivory tower, these days it's vintage white :shock:
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