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Surviving a Zombie apocalypse?

seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,469
edited June 2017 in The cake stop
Just in case the apocalypse kicks off on Halloween and the Zombies get the jump on us, I thought it best to be prepared.

What's your survival plan?

Barricade your home or flee?
If flee, where to go?
Mode of transport through Zombie land?
Weapons of choice?
General tips/rules for survival?
Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
«13

Posts

  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,903
    Bloody hell!
    Have you heard something, Sean? :?: :?: :?: :?:
    Are the undead wearers of bicycle clips going to rise up? :? I think these shy away from lycra.
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    I'm not sure I'd want to survive it. Wandering around looking for brains to eat has to be better than sitting in traffic on the way to work and back. Especially if you like eating brains.
  • RonBRonB Posts: 3,984
    1. Avoid (difficult I know) women wearing hot pants and an overcoat toting shotguns. They always seem to survive whilst all around them are doomed to suffer a particularly gory end.

    2. Get some pracice in dealing with Zombie types before hand... Friday/ Saturday nights in most English market town centres should suffice. Alsager seems to be a popular choice in these parts.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,469
    RonB wrote:
    1. Avoid (difficult I know) women wearing hot pants and an overcoat toting shotguns. They always seem to survive whilst all around them are doomed to suffer a particularly gory end.

    2. Get some pracice in dealing with Zombie types before hand... Friday/ Saturday nights in most English market town centres should suffice. Alsager seems to be a popular choice in these parts.
    Some constructive tips, thanks Ron.

    Those who are old or infirm (Bally & GiantMike) would have to be left behind or used as bait by people with a genuine chance of survival.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    seanoconn wrote:
    RonB wrote:
    1. Avoid (difficult I know) women wearing hot pants and an overcoat toting shotguns. They always seem to survive whilst all around them are doomed to suffer a particularly gory end.

    2. Get some pracice in dealing with Zombie types before hand... Friday/ Saturday nights in most English market town centres should suffice. Alsager seems to be a popular choice in these parts.
    Some constructive tips, thanks Ron.

    Those who are old or infirm (Bally & GiantMike) would have to be left behind or used as bait by people with a genuine chance of survival.
    So your post-Zombie apocolypse survival strategy is to avoid the hot pant women who are most likely to survive and hang about with RonB in some dodgy town centres? You might want to be a bit better prepared than that.

    In your world, how long do Zombies live for and what weaknesses do they have? Are they afraid of kittens, for example? Or maybe they avoid bright lights or Apple iOS7? You haven't given us much to go on to help you develop a strategy.

    When the apocolypse comes I'll be a bad Zombie, having my pick of the hot Zombie chicks.
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,903
    If the zombie apocalypse comes to pass, I will play my part and if need be sacrifice myself for my fellow man. I could be the bait to lure away the sex craving female zombies, while Sean takes his chance with the zombies with overdeveloped todgers. If I am to spend eternity having been transformed into a zombie, I think this is the best scenario I could hope for.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,469
    GiantMike wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    RonB wrote:
    1. Avoid (difficult I know) women wearing hot pants and an overcoat toting shotguns. They always seem to survive whilst all around them are doomed to suffer a particularly gory end.

    2. Get some pracice in dealing with Zombie types before hand... Friday/ Saturday nights in most English market town centres should suffice. Alsager seems to be a popular choice in these parts.
    Some constructive tips, thanks Ron.

    Those who are old or infirm (Bally & GiantMike) would have to be left behind or used as bait by people with a genuine chance of survival.
    So your post-Zombie apocolypse survival strategy is to avoid the hot pant women who are most likely to survive and hang about with RonB in some dodgy town centres? You might want to be a bit better prepared than that.

    In your world, how long do Zombies live for and what weaknesses do they have? Are they afraid of kittens, for example? Or do they avoid bright lights or Apple iOS7 for example? You haven't given us much to go on to help you develop a strategy.

    When the apocolypse comes I'll be a bad Zombie, having my pick of the hot Zombie chicks.
    I was waiting for someone to bring that up and the strategy is for everyone, not just me.

    The type of Zombie we're facing needs some discussion. I would hope that contracting the Zombie virus results in some form of reduced brain function for the infected. Uncoordinated, lumbering Zombies would be preferable to a mutation that increases strength and speed.

    Zombie weaknesses? Double tap to the head and possible decrease in mobility when their food source becomes depleted. How long to the undead live for? Is that a trick question? :lol:
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,469
    Ballysmate wrote:
    If the zombie apocalypse comes to pass, I will play my part and if need be sacrifice myself for my fellow man. I could be the bait to lure away the sex craving female zombies, while Sean takes his chance with the zombies with overdeveloped todgers. If I am to spend eternity having been transformed into a zombie, I think this is the best scenario I could hope for.
    Are you sure you're not getting Zombies and Vampires mixed up?
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,903
    seanoconn wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    If the zombie apocalypse comes to pass, I will play my part and if need be sacrifice myself for my fellow man. I could be the bait to lure away the sex craving female zombies, while Sean takes his chance with the zombies with overdeveloped todgers. If I am to spend eternity having been transformed into a zombie, I think this is the best scenario I could hope for.
    Are you sure you're not getting Zombies and Vampires mixed up?

    Perhaps, but do you not become a zombie if you fall prey to them? (Not my field of expertise)
    If there is no sex involved, I'm off pal. You are on your own.
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    seanoconn wrote:
    The type of Zombie we're facing needs some discussion. I would hope that contracting the Zombie virus results in some form of reduced brain function for the infected. Uncoordinated, lumbering Zombies would be preferable to a mutation that increases strength and speed.
    I'll stop you there Sean. You're confusing Zombies with Mods.
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    If the zombie apocalypse comes to pass, I will play my part and if need be sacrifice myself for my fellow man. I could be the bait to lure away the sex craving female zombies, while Sean takes his chance with the zombies with overdeveloped todgers. If I am to spend eternity having been transformed into a zombie, I think this is the best scenario I could hope for.
    Are you sure you're not getting Zombies and Vampires mixed up?

    Vampire slaying, now you're talking :wink:

    evfh.jpg
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,469
    I get the impression that you lot aren't taking the Zombie apocalypse seriously :roll:
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Like Bally said if there's no shagging action I'll leave you to fight the zombies :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • Zombies are undead right? So you can't kill them in the normal way, you have to physically take them apart, so you want something firing at least .44 rounds, and make them hollow point, then you can remove limbs/heads, at will.
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Zombies are undead right? So you can't kill them in the normal way, you have to physically take them apart, so you want something firing at least .44 rounds, and make them hollow point, then you can remove limbs/heads, at will.
    Zombies are people too. If anything, they're the victims in this scenario.
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    GiantMike wrote:
    Zombies are undead right? So you can't kill them in the normal way, you have to physically take them apart, so you want something firing at least .44 rounds, and make them hollow point, then you can remove limbs/heads, at will.
    Zombies are people too. If anything, they're the victims in this scenario.

    I knew someone would eventually take offense on behalf of the zombies :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • DavdandyDavdandy Posts: 571
    Pardon me but i thought the zombie apocalypse was already upon us.

    You will find most of them in McDonald's gawping into my mobiles.And the rest of the braindead horde can be found watching the X Factor on Saturday nights.
    Cannondale CAAD 8 105
    Rockrider 8.1
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Davdandy wrote:
    Pardon me but i thought the zombie apocalypse was already upon us.

    You will find most of them in McDonald's gawping into my mobiles.And the rest of the braindead horde can be found watching the X Factor on Saturday nights.

    That's a chav apocalypse :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,408
    Board up the ground floor of your house and stay put.
    If you do need to leave, keep moving and move quickly.
    Heavy machine guns are a bonus, don rely on the magic box, claymores are always good and juggernog is the first perk you should search for......... Eeerm, too much CoD ? :lol:

    The heavy machine gun comment is still valid, other than that I'm prepared !
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,988
    On the plus side, you'd be able to ride or drive pretty much any machine you desired, at least until you too contracted the Rage virus (see: 28 Days Later, the best zombie film by some distance)

    As for hotsexylaydee zombies, don't recall them in any of the films I've seen, maybe they keep 'special stock' at your local Blockbuster :lol:

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,469
    MattC59 wrote:
    Board up the ground floor of your house and stay put.
    If you do need to leave, keep moving and move quickly.
    Heavy machine guns are a bonus, don rely on the magic box, claymores are always good and juggernog is the first perk you should search for......... Eeerm, too much CoD ? :lol:

    The heavy machine gun comment is still valid, other than that I'm prepared !
    I think I'd take a similar approach. My house is easy to secure and trying to escape a city during the first couple of days of Zombie carnage is too risky in my opinion.

    I'd fill up the bath with water in case the supply was cut off and there's plenty of tinned/packet censored in the cupboard. Sit it out for a few weeks and wait for military intervention. Hopefully the military don't choose the 'collateral damage' option.

    Can I get a heavy machine gun at B&Q?
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • mrushtonmrushton Posts: 5,182
    Bullets are limited unless you can get to some form of weapons depot and how many zombies are there? If you watch 'The Walking Dead' you'll know a samurai sword is excellent as is any large chopping implement eg a machete. Trick is to avoid packs of the undead and have a good escape route.
    M.Rushton
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    I'm going to hang about with Professor Higgs. In his eighties and just picked up a Nobel - any zombies will go for his brain first.
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 54,586
    Guns, lots of guns. This looks like it has a few handy tips:
    Cockneys v Zombies
    Although how would you tell the difference? :)

    Failing that, Arran's got the right idea. I'll do Buffy

    Rolling-Stone-Cover-I-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-38763_372_500.jpg
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    This'll do the job

    Master-Chif-Suit.jpg
  • RonBRonB Posts: 3,984
    johnfinch wrote:
    This'll do the job

    Not sure about the cassette tape for a codpiece though :shock:
  • FocusZingFocusZing Posts: 4,373
    Yacht-Eclipse-3.jpg
  • FocusZingFocusZing Posts: 4,373
    paddlinghome3.jpg

    Well...One more like this.
  • pinnopinno Posts: 49,250
    If I were a Zombie, i'd eat Wombles.

    If I don't end up a Zombie during the apocalypse, I will start baking a shed load of flapjacks (literally).
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • MichaelWMichaelW Posts: 2,164
    seanoconn wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    If the zombie apocalypse comes to pass, I will play my part and if need be sacrifice myself for my fellow man. I could be the bait to lure away the sex craving female zombies, while Sean takes his chance with the zombies with overdeveloped todgers. If I am to spend eternity having been transformed into a zombie, I think this is the best scenario I could hope for.
    Are you sure you're not getting Zombies and Vampires mixed up?

    Your best bet is to climb a tree. Zombies can't climb trees but vampires can.
    or is that black bears and grizzlies?
    or sharks?
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