Lanterne Rouge 2013

Tusher

Dearest Doctor, (et al)

What a sterling job you've done in the reporting back to the thread the thrilling battle for the little red lamp. I doff my bonnet to you, Sir.

Oh, and I brought some jambon and patisserie back from the Vendee- please help yourselves.

No_Ta_Doctor

Thank you, maam, don't mind if I do.

The Alpe - live update:

Tufty and Ned both making a very early bid to fall of the back.

No_Ta_Doctor

Update after stage 18

With le autobus making sure they didn't peddle too fast on the Alpe*2 this was always going to be a tricky stage on which to make an impact on the lanterne rouge. But already from the first climb of the day, straight after the depart both Tufy and Ned showed their intent, slipping quietly off the back to form a very elite group which at one point even included Cadel Evans. Such an early break was never going to last all day though and by the end of the stage the autobus contained almost all our contenders, including competition leader Kazza "The Kazzak" Murayev.

Ned, though, refused to be daunted and somehow managed to escape to take his rivals for a full 3'15" on the half hour they'd dropped on stage winner Riblon. Cest magnifique! Ned takes back the lead position he last held on stage 9.

French disappointment that Jeremey Cousins lost ground to the tune of 5 minutes will hopefully be somewhat offset by Riblon's victory.

164. ESP LOBATO DEL VALLE Juan José 115 EUSKALTEL - EUSKADI 74h 17' 53'' + 03h 15' 34''
165. BEL ROELANDTS Jurgen 27 LOTTO-BELISOL 74h 18' 02'' + 03h 15' 43''
166. AUS LANCASTER Brett Daniel 186 ORICA GREENEDGE 74h 20' 07'' + 03h 17' 48''
167. GER KITTEL Marcel 197 TEAM ARGOS-SHIMANO 74h 20' 37'' + 03h 18' 18''
168. BEL WILLEMS Frederik 29 LOTTO-BELISOL 74h 22' 53'' + 03h 20' 34''
169. FRA COUSIN Jérome 53 TEAM EUROPCAR 74h 24' 37'' + 03h 22' 18''
170. FRA HIVERT Jonathan 214 SOJASUN 74h 28' 19'' + 03h 26' 00''
171. BEL BOECKMANS Kris 202 VACANSOLEIL-DCM 74h 30' 13'' + 03h 27' 54''
172. KAZ BAZAYEV Assan 62 ASTANA PRO TEAM 74h 32' 18'' + 03h 29' 59''
173. CAN TUFT Svein 189 ORICA GREENEDGE 74h 34' 15'' + 03h 31' 56''
174. KAZ MURAVYEV Dmitriy 69 ASTANA PRO TEAM 74h 34' 27'' + 03h 32' 08''
175. NED VEELERS Tom 199 TEAM ARGOS-SHIMANO 74h 37' 15'' + 03h 34' 56'

Geraint watch:

Out of the top twenty now, Geraint seems to have given up hope of a good position and can't even be bothered to soft pedal softly, losing 5 minutes on the autobus.

152. GBR THOMAS Geraint 9 SKY PROCYCLING 74h 09' 08'' + 03h 06' 49''

Tusher

A wonderful report, Doctor.

I do agree- a most disappointing performance from young Geraint.

alan_a

Tuft crashes on Glandon descent. Hopefully he'll be back up and riding but expect big gains from him.

No_Ta_Doctor

Alan A wrote:

Tuft crashes on Glandon descent. Hopefully he'll be back up and riding but expect big gains from him.

The race is certainly hotting up. Ned Veelers made the early backwards break, pretty much from the start. He must have been hoping to stay away from le autobus, but I think they've dropped back and picked him up.

No_Ta_Doctor

No tA Doctor wrote:

Alan A wrote:

Tuft crashes on Glandon descent. Hopefully he'll be back up and riding but expect big gains from him.

The race is certainly hotting up. Ned Veelers made the early backwards break, pretty much from the start. He must have been hoping to stay away from le autobus, but I think they've dropped back and picked him up.

Poor Ned abandoned on the Madeleine. :-(

cedargreen

Poor Ned. His early breakaway on the first climb of the day sounded almost too good to be true. It must be gutting to abandon with only a couple of days to go; I feel really sorry for him. And a little bit sorry for myself as he was my favourite Lanterne contender. News of his demise seems to have injected new life into the contest though- shortly afterwards Kittel was seen riding away from the back of the autobus with some determination. Not to be outdone, Tuft responded by crashing on the descent. For me, however, it won't be the same without Ned.

Daz555

I've only just caught up with this thread. Sadly I fear this is the beginning of the end for British Cycling as the world's dominant nation. Seriously? Not one guy in the top 20!

Well, it was good while it lasted.

No_Ta_Doctor

Preliminary report here. Full report tomorrow, as I'm off to the pub to drown Ned's sorrows. Unless someone else wants to do it today?

Tufts consolidates lead, Kazza Murayev loses ground, teammate Assan Bazayev moves into second. Poor show from Kazza Mazza, well done Kazza Bazza.

nevman

Watched the full stage today and have to say the cameras spent a deal of time watching Tufty snatching precious
time after his involuntary dismount.My thoughts immediately turned to this thread, as must the Directors.

afx237vi

Ned is our new Kenny!

Tusher

No-one can ever dethrone King Kenny!

Although I share similar feelings about Ned abandoning and may have to join The Doctor in the pub. So near and yet so far. Heart-breaking.

No_Ta_Doctor

With the sad demise of Ned yesterday, and my sorrow drowning hangover, I don't have the heart for the full stage report promised yesterday.

Here are the top ten after yesterday:

161. FRA COUSIN Jérome 53 TEAM EUROPCAR 81h 34' 39'' + 03h 40' 57''
162. NED TIMMER Albert 198 TEAM ARGOS-SHIMANO 81h 34' 41'' + 03h 40' 59''
163. DEN VANDBORG Brian 19 CANNONDALE 81h 34' 47'' + 03h 41' 05''
164. ESP LOBATO DEL VALLE Juan José 115 EUSKALTEL - EUSKADI 81h 36' 00'' + 03h 42' 18''
165. FRA HIVERT Jonathan 214 SOJASUN 81h 38' 21'' + 03h 44' 39''
166. GER KITTEL Marcel 197 TEAM ARGOS-SHIMANO 81h 38' 44'' + 03h 45' 02''
167. BEL WILLEMS Frederik 29 LOTTO-BELISOL 81h 41' 00'' + 03h 47' 18''
168. KAZ MURAVYEV Dmitriy 69 ASTANA PRO TEAM 81h 47' 37'' + 03h 53' 55''
169. KAZ BAZAYEV Assan 62 ASTANA PRO TEAM 81h 50' 25'' + 03h 56' 43''
170. CAN TUFT Svein 189 ORICA GREENEDGE 81h 52' 22'' + 03h 58' 40'

Tufty looks to have this sown up, barring a major accident for Kazza Bazza. Both are already marking each other in the stragglers today.

above_the_cows

Tufty is definitely racing for this. First off the back today.

No_Ta_Doctor

It looks like the only thing standing between Tufty and glory is the time cut. For the record, I think he'd make a worthy winner.

Cumulonimbus

Above The Cows wrote:

Tufty is definitely racing for this. First off the back today.

Bazayev followed soon after. Bit of a man marking job Could be tricky for them back today, too much time lost and their tour ends.

No_Ta_Doctor

Cumulonimbus wrote:

Above The Cows wrote:

Tufty is definitely racing for this. First off the back today.

Bazayev followed soon after. Bit of a man marking job Could be tricky for them back today, too much time lost and their tour ends.

This could end in a tragic DQ. Danish TV estimating today's cut at about 25 minutes.

above_the_cows

Apparently Tufty is home inside the time limit! Phew.

Tusher

You beat me to it- hurrah! Tufty made it.

And, as you say, a worthy Lanterne. Absolutely thrilled for Orica Greenedge. They made such an impression on the first stage- no team before them has caused such chaos at the finish line- and tomorrow it looks as if they will as well.

I mean, being awarded the Lanterne by a Belgian TV crew, not getting their bus stuck again.


Our hero, naturally, has his own Wiki page-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svein_Tuft

I first heard about him when he signed for Garmin- JV was impressed by the travelling around with his dog- and he rode from Canada to the States for his first training camp.

Rode.

All the way.

Hero.


There was an article on him in Cycle Sport or Procycling a while back- wish I'd kept it.

above_the_cows

Heavyweight.

Any idea of the dog's name? I'm hoping for Brenda.

Tusher

I think it was called Bear. Brenda is close- they both start with a b.

Which was oddly enough a thought I had when I read he cycled and camped in Canada. But I suppose if you were attacked by a grizzly, you could chuck the dog at it and run away very fast.

above_the_cows

Tusher wrote:

I think it was called Bear. Brenda is close- they both start with a b.

Which was oddly enough a thought I had when I read he cycled and camped in Canada. But I suppose if you were attacked by a grizzly, you could chuck the dog at it and run away very fast.

Or cycle away very fast.

Tusher

That would make too much noise, and you have to be ever so quiet when a bear is trying to eat you.

Or lie still and pretend to be dead.


One or t'other.

above_the_cows

Good to know.

No_Ta_Doctor

Tusher wrote:

That would make too much noise, and you have to be ever so quiet when a bear is trying to eat you.

Or lie still and pretend to be dead.


One or t'other.

Generally speaking, if I were playing dead, I'd be ever so quiet anyway.

But I think it would only be polite to be quiet while the bear was trying to eat you, it's ever so irritating when a good meal is disrupted by noisy people.

Tusher

Bears eat with their mouths open as well- no manners whatsoever.

above_the_cows

Tusher wrote:

Bears eat with their mouths open as well- no manners whatsoever.

Uncouth little tinkers, I bet they attack when the maillot jaune is having a natural break too.

No_Ta_Doctor

Tusher wrote:

Bears eat with their mouths open as well- no manners whatsoever.

To be fair, it's a little hard to get the food in otherwise.

No_Ta_Doctor

Update after stage 20.

With the last day's real racing for non-sprinters Tufty sealed his Lanterne Victory (barring a crash on the Champs Elyse) with another solid effort. Tradition dictates that the lanterne, as the maillot jaune, is not contested on the last day.

The stage was won by Garmin's Honey Badger Ramalamadingdong Navaradadaramakarus (sorry, I've had a beer or two, I'm not even going to attempt to get it right), with Tufty finishing alongside Mark Cavendish in a very respectable 26' 28".

An attempt to bridge to the Honey Badger by Kazza Bazza saw him take 42 seconds out of Tufty's lead, but not enough to make a serious threat.

Tufty will have the double honour of being the last man of the peloton as they enter Paris, and being the first Canadian to claim the prize.

As the oldest débutante in this years tour Tufty is a most deserving winner. He has a stage win to his name, courtesy of the TTT, and put in an excellent 6th place in the ITT. To recover from that to win the lanterne has been an immense journey for him.

I'd also like to salute Tufty's courage. While in the past there have been riders that have gone all out to win this award it's been clear throughout the third week that Svein was really struggling to make it over the mountains within the time cut. This was no easy victory, but the fight of a man trying to finish his first ever tour. Chapeaux.

I'd also like to raise a toast to our two Kazaks, Dmitry Muravyev and Assan Bazayev, who have provided an engrossing competition for the last place, and Tom Veelers, whose worthy challenge ended yesterday when he was forced to abandon on the Madeleine. Thank you Kazza Bazza, Kazza Mazza and Ned.

Honourable mention goes to Marcel Kittel, who despite the handicap of winning three stages and wearing the yellow jersey makes a very creditable fourth place.

Britain's best placed rider is Mark Cavendish, in 21st place. This is subject to change on the final sprint. Good luck in making it 5 in a row.

Chapeaux to all of those that fought their way around one of the most mountainous tours in memory, wherever they finished.

The Top Twenty:

151. NED LEEZER Thomas 163 BELKIN PRO CYCLING 84h 43' 16'' + 03h 53' 43''
152. FRA HIVERT Jonathan 214 SOJASUN 84h 43' 26'' + 03h 53' 53''
153. AUS GOSS Matthew Harley 184 ORICA GREENEDGE 84h 47' 50'' + 03h 58' 17''
154. BEL STEEGMANS Gert 156 OMEGA PHARMA-QUICK STEP 84h 49' 30'' + 03h 59' 57''
155. DEN VANDBORG Brian 19 CANNONDALE 84h 50' 13'' + 04h 00' 40''
156. FRA COUSIN Jérome 53 TEAM EUROPCAR 84h 50' 18'' + 04h 00' 45''
157. AUS LANCASTER Brett Daniel 186 ORICA GREENEDGE 84h 50' 35'' + 04h 01' 02''
158. BEL ROELANDTS Jurgen 27 LOTTO-BELISOL 84h 50' 52'' + 04h 01' 19''
159. FRA PINEAU Jérôme 155 OMEGA PHARMA-QUICK STEP 84h 52' 01'' + 04h 02' 28''
160. ITA FERRARI Roberto 145 LAMPRE - MERIDA 84h 52' 35'' + 04h 03' 02''
161. FRA GENE Yohann 55 TEAM EUROPCAR 84h 53' 32'' + 04h 03' 59''
162. AUS O'GRADY Stuart 188 ORICA GREENEDGE 84h 53' 43'' + 04h 04' 10''
163. NZL HENDERSON Gregory 26 LOTTO-BELISOL 84h 54' 42'' + 04h 05' 09''
164. BEL WILLEMS Frederik 29 LOTTO-BELISOL 84h 54' 48'' + 04h 05' 15''
165. NED TIMMER Albert 198 TEAM ARGOS-SHIMANO 84h 56' 31'' + 04h 06' 58''
166. ESP LOBATO DEL VALLE Juan José 115 EUSKALTEL - EUSKADI 84h 58' 21'' + 04h 08' 48''
167. GER KITTEL Marcel 197 TEAM ARGOS-SHIMANO 85h 00' 34'' + 04h 11' 01''
168. KAZ MURAVYEV Dmitriy 69 ASTANA PRO TEAM 85h 08' 03'' + 04h 18' 30''
169. KAZ BAZAYEV Assan 62 ASTANA PRO TEAM 85h 12' 57'' + 04h 23' 24''
170. CAN TUFT Svein 189 ORICA GREENEDGE 85h 14' 12'' + 04h 24' 39'

Lastly, Geraint watch.

The G man rode most of the tour with a fractured pelvis that was still causing him pain late in week three when fans attempted to push him up the Alpe. His attention to the duties required of him to put his captain into the yellow jersey and keep him there all the way to Paris meant he wasn't able to use this advantage to fully challenge for the lanterne, and eventually finished outside the top thirty. There is bravery, there is suffering, there is self sacrifice, and then there is Geraint. Chapeaux, avec knobs on.