The 'Things a man should be able to do' Thread

tailwindhome

Merkin wrote:

Every man should know how to fix a puncture on a bike, change a wheel on a car, put up shelves etc.

So what should any self respecting man be able to do without phoning for 'a man' or waiting for his wife to do it.

veronese68

Artificially inseminate a giraffe?

tailwindhome

Veronese68 wrote:

Artificially inseminate a giraffe?

Much demand for that sort of thing round your way?

CiB

TailWindHome wrote:

Veronese68 wrote:

Artificially inseminate a giraffe?

Much demand for that sort of thing round your way?

Not so much a demand as an opportunity. Amateur Giraffe Insemination is quite popular round our way.

Anyway. Things we should be able to do.

Plumbing, esp unblocking with or without rods but preferably with.

Solving absolutely anything to do with a computer - s/w, h/w, printer, router, wif-fi things, iPad not working, on-line banking not working.

Football with kids. It's vital to be better at football than they are.

Driving properly.

Going up ladders at the drop of a hat, the higher the better.

Informing OH of cat vomit.

Basic electrics - fitting lights, solving the cooker's not working conundrum.

Voting.

That'll do for now. I'm expected to work apparently.

elbowloh

Change a plug (although pretty much everything comes with a moulded plug nowadays)
Change a fuse (in your fuse box)
Build a sledge
Put up a fence
Light a BBQ with lighter fluid and/or petrol burning off your eyebrows
Make a bow and arrow (if you have kids or just for fun)
Whittle a stick
Make a rudimentary sheltar from branches, bracken etc
..all whilst whistling

veronese68

TailWindHome wrote:

Veronese68 wrote:

Artificially inseminate a giraffe?

Much demand for that sort of thing round your way?

Not so much any more. Took it from the car thread after RJS's comment about maintaining a house.
Back on topic. In the past I'd have said wiring a plug and replacing a fuse wire. Nowadays re-installing Windows on a PC is more useful.
There are not many things I need to get a man in for, I like to do most things myself. Plastering is one of the things I don't do myself. I tend to think even if you don't actually fix it yourself having a basic knowledge of how something works helps to minimise the chances of being ripped off.

Drfabulous0

Repair or build practically anything.
Train a dog.
Fire a gun.
Satisfy a woman in bed.
Sail a boat.
Kill a chicken and prepare it for cooking.
Beat at least two lesser men at once in a fight.
Make a fire.
Cook on a BBQ.
Ride a fixie.
Ride a motorbike.
Ride a horse.
Make 'em laugh.
Drink 12 pints of beer (not lager) and get up for work in the morning.
Provide for his family.
Pee without getting any on the seat.
Naturally inseminate a giraffe.
Sh1t in the woods.
Have the respect of his peers.
Impart the ways of manhood to his sons.

There's plenty more but you get the idea.

gtvlusso

Drfabulous0 wrote:

Satisfy a woman in bed.

That's me out of the equation then.... :shock:

msmancunia

Pee without getting any on the seat.

Is this even possible?

and seats should be lifted anyway!

Drfabulous0

msmancunia wrote:

Pee without getting any on the seat.

Is this even possible?

and seats should be lifted anyway!

Yes, lifting the seat helps quite a lot with this.

meanredspider

msmancunia wrote:

Pee without getting any on the seat.

Is this even possible?

It is if you dangle below seat level.... 8)

TheStone

Pack for a 2 week holiday, hungover, in less than 15 mins.

meanredspider

- Have enough money to pay somebody else to fix stuff
- But fix it yourself because you'll do a better job
- Be able to find and "operate the bits on a lady that make her satisfied" (it's a family show ;-)
- Have stuff in your garage that your kids want to show their friends (no - I'm not talking about a stash of adult reading)
- Have lots of tools AND know how to operate them
- Work the washing machine (but only on settings appropriate for cycling gear)
- Work the dishwasher (only on the super aggressive setting that cleans bike/car parts)
- Iron a shirt (but not a blouse)

TheStone

meanredspider wrote:

- Work the washing machine (but only on settings appropriate for cycling gear)

Why does a washing machine have so many settings. I'm certain no man has ever used anything other than the standard wash.

tailwindhome

Catch, gut and cook a fish.

I have gutted and cooked a fish but never caught one.

I know I can though.

The Rookie

- Be manly enough to wear a pink shirt and still look obviously hetero....
- Be able to build a bike from loose parts in one hour
- Be able to strip and rebuild an engine in the spare bedroom and then carry it downstairs
- Basic plumbing (new taps, new radiator with minor pipework)
- Be able to fit a built in wardrobe from raw material

Norky

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
— Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Competent_man

Drfabulous0

Norky wrote:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper,

Change a what?

el_presidente

Navigate accurately using a map & compass i.e. the way God intended

tetley10

Eat 3 Creme Eggs at the same time
Build a Scalextric track without a guide

CiB

meanredspider wrote:

- Have stuff in your garage that your kids want to show their friends

Wheeling the bike away after last weeks boys' football match (U11s) and one of our defenders spied my gears and asked why they're that shape, so I showed him - click the left STI and the front mech does its 'bzzzzzzzzzzzttttckkkk' noise and shoves the chain across. Boy Defender goes wide eyed agog shouting 'woooaah cool man. Dad dad look at this'. I caught my son's eye, noting that he was suitably chuffed to f at all this.

Anyone who thinks that was the only reason I bought them can think again.

More things:

Console a distressed woman, without putting oneself in danger of arrest or a slap.

Be first onto dangerous / scary / unpleasant things on holiday (toilets & camels usually)

Deal with a minor car accident without getting hyper. It's only a car. Buy another one.

Shoo dogs, horses, cattle & sheep away when approached by same.

Do 40+mph up the ar$e end of a juggernaut on a dual c/way.

Walk away when the time is right.

tailwindhome

CiB wrote:

Walk away when the time is right.

Indeed. You should also know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

CiB wrote:

Console a distressed woman, without putting oneself in danger of arrest or a slap.

On the same theme - be able to stop a young child from crying using a repertoire of tricks, impressions, jokes and general stupidity.

Be able to spell repertoire without relying on an autocorrecting spell checker.

Bake a loaf of bread from scratch

Cook and carve a Sunday roast.

ETA

Haggle for discount without being a d1ck

el_presidente

Explain the offside rule

herb71

Program the TV recorder
Use superglue without bonding your fingers together
Understand the rules of Rugby and the differences between Union and League

bigmat

TheStone wrote:

meanredspider wrote:

- Work the washing machine (but only on settings appropriate for cycling gear)

Why does a washing machine have so many settings. I'm certain no man has ever used anything other than the standard wash.

Its so you can "accidentally" get it wrong, turn everything pink / shrink to toddler size and then never be asked to do it again!

tailwindhome

'Say a few words' when called upon.

CiB

Shave with a proper razor, without inflicting self-damage. It was staring us in the face all along.

Wink, inappropriately.

Be a bit scary if necessary.

Make OH blush from time to time.

Ride a bike.

Ah enough.

essex-commuter

meanredspider wrote:

msmancunia wrote:

Pee without getting any on the seat.

Is this even possible?

It is if you dangle below seat level.... 8)

You sit down then....

Kieran_Burns

Always know exactly which urinal to use in a public toilet:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

mudcow007

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Always know exactly which urinal to use in a public toilet:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

ahhh all but the last one correct

Drfabulous0

mudcow007 wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Always know exactly which urinal to use in a public toilet:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

ahhh all but the last one correct

Well the last one is wrong anyway, use the cubicle.