New Dad advice: How do you fit in weekend rides?

DonDaddyD

I need advice from the Fathers amongst us.

I haven't ridden my bike on the weekend yet. We all know the reason, new baby and that. So I'm wondering, how you manage it?

I get up in the morning at 5pm Monday - Friday and play with my Son. Ms DDD likes to have a well earned lay in on the weekend and get up anytime between 11am - 12pm.

It's almost pointless going to Richmond park at this time as the "day is normally done" and we usually have other things to do like go out shopping, visit family.

So, seriously, how do you manage to fit in weekend rides?

clarkey cat

Saturday morning I look after the boy and she lays in until whenever she wants to - I make breakfast do all the chores etc. including cooking dinner for Sunday lunch (a stew or something that just needs to be re-heated).


Sunday - she lays until 8.30am when I hand over the boy to here as she slobs in bed and I go out riding. Puts my stew in the oven an hour before I get back so she doesnt have to do any cooking.

NGale

Put it this way. Jake knows he will have no chance of weekend rides if we have kids. His golf will also go out the window as well.

Accept it DDD, no more weekend rides for you until the lad is 18

walkingbootweather

You both don't have to be there all the time. Talk about it and take turns. Let Mrs DDD have a couple of hours to do whatever she wants while you take charge, then when she has had a break go and enjoy your ride guilt-free.

rjsterry

DonDaddyD wrote:

I need advice from the Fathers amongst us.

I haven't ridden my bike on the weekend yet. We all know the reason, new baby and that. So I'm wondering, how you manage it?

I get up in the morning at 5pm Monday - Friday and play with my Son. Ms DDD likes to have a well earned lay in on the weekend and get up anytime between 11am - 12pm.

It's almost pointless going to Richmond park at this time as the "day is normally done" and we usually have other things to do like go out shopping, visit family.

So, seriously, how do you manage to fit in weekend rides?

Err, I don't, especially now I have two - Mrs RJS needs a break. And tbh, after a weeks commuting - anything from 150-200 miles - I can do with a couple of days off the bike. Besides I'd quite like to spend some time with the littl'uns.

Pufftmw

Its a negotiation thing. Unless she is completely selfish and as long as you do your bit and make the same considerations for her, then you need to discuss "downtime" between you and work out what works for both of you. If you want to do it, then you'll work it out.

A friend of mine goes for early morning rides on Saturdays, like leaving at 05:30 so that he's back for 09:00 to help out but he does have 4 kids! I've also got up early on a Saturday/Sunday to drive down to Bedgebury for 08:00 to get a couple of laps and a brekkie in and back for around lunchtime, so that I get to have a ride and then share the rest of the day with the g/f and do the chores/cooking etc.

bigmat

Its tricky. First point (although it may be too late) is to train the boy to sleep until a reasonable time of day - say 7am. Means everybody feels a bit more human when they get woken up. After that, its just a matter of give and take - let her know if its important to you to get out. It won't kill her to get up one morning every other weekend. Make the point (nicely) that whilst you appreciate her doing the child care all week, you are working like a dog to suppot them rather than having fun, so you are entitled to use your only free time how you want from time to time. Booking events is always a clincher - you get something fixed in the diary, its concrete and real. Give her plenty of notice, let her know its important, you are in training etc etc. Women seem to accept this a lot easier than asking to go for a club run at the last minute. For all that, my weekend jaunts are very limited these days. Midweek evening rides work a lot better, even at this time of year. HotA on Sunday though - first ride over 50 miles since September!

veronese68

Generally I don't. Now that the kids are older I tend to go out for a ride with the boy. My daughter struggles to keep up and isn't as confident so doesn't tend to come out on the bike unless my wife is also coming.
When I did get out solo there would usually be some sort of trade off.
You need to come to an arrangement like the Cat and get it in place now before things all get too settled.

dhope

kelsen

Saturday - let the wife sleep in whilst I get up the same time as junior.
Sunday - Head out at 7am for 2-3 hr cycle or run. Both will be up when I get back, but I take over and let missus do what she wants.

But until your son's sleeping pattern settles down, you're probably screwed tbh.

meanredspider

Advice from a 3x dad (at one point I had 3 kids under the age of 4): start by accepting that you probably won't be able to ride - then grab opportunities as bonuses as and when they arise. It'll make you feel a lot better about it all.

DonDaddyD

Mmmm. Seems I need to discuss this with Ms DDD then.

il_principe

Surely you should have thought of this/discussed this before? I had a long pre-marriage discussion about our "future" and how cycling needs to remain a key part of my life. Obviously the missus has her own life and hobbies as well, so we've agreed to make time for each other's hobbies when children come along. If this means riding in the afternoon rather than the morning then so be it, of course we'll have to compromise. If we both ended up having no "me" time then we'd be at each others throats. I see no reason why having kids means that you can't keep at least one of your hobbies alive. In my case it'll mean spending fewer evenings in the pub, but frankly I have no problem with sacrificing social time for cycling time.

Remember, there's always the turbo trainer for those times when you can't leave the house!

rjsterry

meanredspider wrote:

Advice from a 3x dad (at one point I had 3 kids under the age of 4): start by accepting that you probably won't be able to ride - then grab opportunities as bonuses as and when they arise. It'll make you feel a lot better about it all.

+1 - the couple of times I have been out (when Mrs RJS + littl'un were visiting relatives, and when my brother came down from Derby to help us shift some furniture around) have been all the sweeter for there rarity.

CiB

You split the time between you both, it's that simple. Not 50/50, or rotas of who did what when. Just a sense that one of you has had a few solid days of nothing but baby food & nappies to deal with so needs a short break. It works both ways. I expect it was pointed out on the New Baby thread that I steered clear of that kids are life-changing events, and this is one major indicator of how your life has changed.

cjcp

What MRS said.

Acquire as many brownie points as possible and *never* seem as if you're itching to get out for a ride: you'll immediately expose yourself to allegations of not thinking of your kids etc*. I bought a turbo and also got up earlier, sometimes getting to the Park at 5am.

I started to get more flexibility once our youngest was over two as they seemed to play with each other just long enough to squeeze in an hour or so in the Park. As much as I like riding bikes, though, I love spending time with the kids, so don't mind if I only get to go on a club run once every six months. I just try to get out very early on Sunday mornings and get back for when they wake up.

*In all seriousness, though, it's tiring work looking after the kids, so don't underestimate how tired Mrs DDD will be come the weekend.

spen666

DonDaddyD wrote:

I need advice from the Fathers amongst us.

I haven't ridden my bike on the weekend yet. We all know the reason, new baby and that. So I'm wondering, how you manage it?

I get up in the morning at 5pm Monday - Friday and play with my Son. Ms DDD likes to have a well earned lay in on the weekend and get up anytime between 11am - 12pm.

It's almost pointless going to Richmond park at this time as the "day is normally done" and we usually have other things to do like go out shopping, visit family.

So, seriously, how do you manage to fit in weekend rides?

There is your problem DDD - you are still operating student hours 5pm is not the morning to non student types

davis

DDD: didn't you write a post before you had kids in which you more or less said "not much will change"? Not 100% sure, but it rings a bell..

veronese68

CiB wrote:

You split the time between you both, it's that simple. Not 50/50, or rotas of who did what when. Just a sense that one of you has had a few solid days of nothing but baby food & nappies to deal with so needs a short break. It works both ways. I expect it was pointed out on the New Baby thread that I steered clear of that kids are life-changing events, and this is one major indicator of how your life has changed.

Very well put. There is also the thing that I am really quite happy at home. Now that the kids are older I don't tend to get up early at the weekends, I make a couple of cups of tea and sit up in bed with the Mrs drinking tea and annoying her.

kelsen

Veronese68 wrote:

Very well put. There is also the thing that I am really quite happy at home. Now that the kids are older I don't tend to get up early at the weekends, I make a couple of cups of tea and sit up in bed with the Mrs drinking tea and pestering her for sex.

FTFY

DonDaddyD

All good points. It was naive of me to say that not much would change. I've changed.

Ms DDD is tired and does need a break on the weekends. We did discuss our priorities before the birth but in truth you never really know what you're going to be good at. We've got a routine going now, so I think now is the time to start making adjustments such as activities. Not just mine, hers as well.

I may ask to go for a 2hr early morning bike ride once every other week.

clarkey cat

the alternative is just to get the Nanny to work on a Sunday too?

meanredspider

clarkey cat wrote:

the alternative is just to get the Nanny to work on a Sunday too?

Swedish au pair? 8)

Stevo_666

Night rides. If you've foregone a lot of your social life as new parents often do, then you should have the odd weekend evening free to ride.

bigmat

Stevo 666 wrote:

Night rides. If you've foregone a lot of your social life as new parents often do, then you should have the odd weekend evening free to ride.

+1

Ultimately, you will probably want to spend time with the family more than you want to go cycling, so whilst it is worth trying to get the odd ride in, it shouldn't be the end of the world if you have to miss out on a bit of a cycling for a couple of years. As others have said, take your chances when you can. Commuting is a life saver - I cycle 5 days out of 7 so I could never really complain!

Pufftmw

Il Principe wrote:

Surely you should have thought of this/discussed this before? I had a long pre-marriage discussion about our "future"

Just the above bit - we had such a discussion before we got married and I said that I wanted two things - 1) Children (plural) and 2) go live in Ireland - she agreed.

We had Child (singular) and she used her as an excuse to welsh on 2) :roll:

I am no longer with said wife.

Slightly off topic, sorry but it reminded me...

kieranb

Well my children are now 13 and 10, but when little I encouraged my wife to also take time out and she did, singing, book club, swimming etc mainly in the evenings and I got Saturday morning off, out around 8:30 back around 13:00. Two things sold it, one you need some down time to keep sane and it also keeps Dad fit so he will be able to play with the children and be around in later years! Seeing as I did the early morning stuff and the night time routine every day I did not feel guilty about a few hours on Saturday. I still get up first every day and get breakfast ready, see them out to school, make their lunches at night etc. But funnily enough it is harder now to go off cycling on my own as they are much more interesting to be with and can play proper games and sports, but I think it is also important that they realise that me and mum are people in our own right and had a life before them, have our own interests and will have a life after they leave the roost.

DonDaddyD

I've appraoched the subject briefly with Ms DDD in text. As of yet I have had no reply.

I can understand her position. I don't do the night shift so her lay-ins are gold dust. It really is about give/take/swings/roundabouts and comprimise. But it is interesting to learn how others find a happy medium. Things are great (I think) so far, I know need to make room for a 2/3hr weekend ride.

clarkey cat

you broached the subject via text....?


thats a schoolboy I'm afraid.

DonDaddyD

I wouldn't read too much into the approach.

clarkey cat

I'd be concerned my missus was in some kind of Clarkey Cat hating mood at the time she received the text... maybe she was mopping the floor around the toilet, maybe collecting some kegs from behind the sofa - who knows, she dreams up all sorts of reasons to hate me. And if I wanted something from her - I'd want to know she was punch-drunk on back to back Sex and the City and an extra-large bar of Galaxy and hopefully thinking that I wasn't a complete PITA - before I laid on my puppy-dog eyes and gave her some chat about passion for cycling and then as a coup-de-grace revealed a voucher for a spa-day... Thats how to get a YES.