Friday QT: why are men expected to pay £1k +

MonkeyMonster

On an engagment ring?
wondered what others thoughts were on this particular topic...

bails87

It's just more discrimination.

Everyone knows only straight, white, middle class men are the only people discriminated against in unelected cleggeron's broken Britain!11!ONE!!



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Sailorchick

Not all Men have to spend a fortune on the engagement ring - I actually wouldn't let my other half spend that much on a ring. Mainly as I destroy most things (and have actually destroyed a previous engagement ring, from a past relationship, on the day I got it crushing my finger in the process). I just wouldn't dare wear a ring that cost that much (to me thats a feck lot of money) and if I'm gonna wear it for the rest of my life I want to be comfortable wearing it.

Saying that, as my husband has a size X palladium wedding band his actually ended up costing more than my engagement and wedding rings together. (Chose palladium for him as its pretty indestructible)

mrc1

Sailorchick wrote:

(Chose palladium for him as its pretty indestructible)

*Googles palladium*

I do quite a bit of rock climbing and am scared of ruining my ring on the rocks or losing it if I have to take it off (marriage next year)...

rick_chasey

Go Dutch.

Pretty sure they don't bother with engagement rings.

Gallywomack

I got lucky on this front - because I went down on one knee when we were on holiday in Thailand* , I didn't want to take an expensive ring out there in case it got lost/stolen, so I just picked up a £10 one from Accessorise on the proviso that we'd get a proper one either out there or when we got home.

When we started looking at rings, her natural thriftiness inevitably set in and it ended up coming in well under whatever ratio of monthly salary is supposed to be the norm. Which was nice.

The downside of her thrifty nature is that I could never expect to get nice bike gear for christmas like some on here seem to!

*I also asked her to marry me. Fnarr.

clarkey cat

I spent nearly 4 grand on my missus' engagement ring.

greg66_tri_v2.0

MonkeyMonster wrote:

On an engagment ring?
wondered what others thoughts were on this particular topic...

Isn't t supposed to be one month's salary? Or perhaps two if you're American?

The short answer that diamonds aren't cheap, and unless you want your fiancee to have something that looks like it fell off the corner of a proper-sized stone, that everyone has to squint to see, and that makes her the object of sympathy amongst her mates, you're stumping up the cash.

Besides. At least it lasts in a good way. Wedding dresses costs a bloody fortune and get worn once. Then occupy cupboard space forever.

mrc1 wrote:

*Googles palladium*

I do quite a bit of rock climbing and am scared of ruining my ring on the rocks

Don't slide down them on yer bum then. Use the rope.

ThankyouverymuchI'mhereallweekYou'vebeenagreataudience.

Wrath Rob

Gallywomack wrote:

I got lucky on this front - because I went down on one knee when we were on holiday in Thailand* , I didn't want to take an expensive ring out there in case it got lost/stolen, so I just picked up a £10 one from Accessorise on the proviso that we'd get a proper one either out there or when we got home.

When we started looking at rings, her natural thriftiness inevitably set in and it ended up coming in well under whatever ratio of monthly salary is supposed to be the norm. Which was nice.

same happened to me, but it was a bit more impromptu and the ring cost €1 from the local Italian market.

Clakey Cat, you've let mankind down there my propagating the expensive ring foolery. Shame on you

MonkeyMonster

clarkey cat wrote:

I spent nearly 4 grand on my missus' engagement ring.

may we ask why you spent that much? I'm actually trying to work out why it still occurs given it's roots I beleive come from dowry days etc or just plain bribery - when will the man ever get such a gift back...

sketchley

It's supposed to be 3 times monthly salary (note sure if that's net or gross though). Though that being said if my wife had been more focused on me spending the "right amount" rather than being engaged to me, we would not have been getting engaged.

I did not spend 3 times on my wife's I just got the one she wanted. Money was not an issue for either of us and in fact a spent less than quarter or one month's salary.

greg66_tri_v2.0

MonkeyMonster wrote:

clarkey cat wrote:

I spent nearly 4 grand on my missus' engagement ring.

may we ask why you spent that much? I'm actually trying to work out why it still occurs given it's roots I beleive come from dowry days etc or just plain bribery - when will the man ever get such a gift back...

Your nice wife is *supposed* to buy you a wedding gift which you get on the big day. Such as a nice watch.

*Supposed*.

clarkey cat

I didn't think 4 grand was that much. I was actually being thrifty.

rjsterry

clarkey cat wrote:

I spent nearly 4 grand on my missus' engagement ring.

From a previous post, it seems you have form for throwing caution to the wind when it comes to gifts for her.

@mrc1: you could put them on a chain when you need ring free hands. I have fairly bony fingers so have a relatively loose fitting wedding ring, which once fell off as I was cycling down Old Street. Luckily I managed to find it and now stick it on my key ring (snap link thingy - actually, that would be perfect for rock climbing) when riding with mitts

sketchley

mrc1 wrote:

Sailorchick wrote:

(Chose palladium for him as its pretty indestructible)

*Googles palladium*

I do quite a bit of rock climbing and am scared of ruining my ring on the rocks or losing it if I have to take it off (marriage next year)...

Gaffa tape or a plaster would sort that.

Problem I have if my fingers aren't a fat as they used to be, and in the cold they shrink even more. Big problem at rugby when I clap my hands I have to make sure my fingers are pressed to together to stop ring flying off. Must get it adjusted....

mrc1

Greg66 wrote:

mrc1 wrote:

*Googles palladium*

I do quite a bit of rock climbing and am scared of ruining my ring on the rocks

Don't slide down them on yer bum then. Use the rope.

ThankyouverymuchI'mhereallweekYou'vebeenagreataudience.

Unsophisticated but as it's Friday morning I'll commend you. Well played.

gbsahne001

a guy I worked with in the states said that they're expected to spend a months salary on an engagement ring. Instead of which he spend considerably more than this, with his engagement ring costing $12k.

Me, no engagement ring

sketchley

Greg66 wrote:

MonkeyMonster wrote:

clarkey cat wrote:

I spent nearly 4 grand on my missus' engagement ring.

may we ask why you spent that much? I'm actually trying to work out why it still occurs given it's roots I beleive come from dowry days etc or just plain bribery - when will the man ever get such a gift back...

Your nice wife is *supposed* to buy you a wedding gift which you get on the big day. Such as a nice watch.

*Supposed*.

Mine did, although the watch was half the cost of the ring. But who's counting....

MonkeyMonster

Sketchley wrote:

It's supposed to be 3 times monthly salary (note sure if that's net or gross though). Though that being said if my wife had been more focused on me spending the "right amount" rather than being engaged to me, we would not have been getting engaged.

I did not spend 3 times on my wife's I just got the one she wanted. Money was not an issue for either of us and in fact a spent less than quarter or one month's salary.

you're only the 3rd person I've ever met who has said it's 3 months and the other two were girls... where is this mythical 3 months from... i've asked a lot of people before btw when it's come up.

clarkey cat

MM - it was part of a De Beers advertising campaign.

CiB

Greg66 wrote:

Your nice wife is *supposed* to buy you a wedding gift which you get on the big day. Such as a nice watch.

*Supposed*.

Mine bought me a Bianchi road bike. I love her.

Initially she didn't want a ring but then changed her mind and we ended up buying one that she really liked. It wasn't twenty quid neither was it 3 month's salary, just an amount that we were both comfortable with. A Bianchi though. That was nice. In return she got me.

sketchley

MonkeyMonster wrote:

Sketchley wrote:

It's supposed to be 3 times monthly salary (note sure if that's net or gross though). Though that being said if my wife had been more focused on me spending the "right amount" rather than being engaged to me, we would not have been getting engaged.

I did not spend 3 times on my wife's I just got the one she wanted. Money was not an issue for either of us and in fact a spent less than quarter or one month's salary.

you're only the 3rd person I've ever met who has said it's 3 months and the other two were girls... where is this mythical 3 months from... i've asked a lot of people before btw when it's come up.

That came from guys at work at the time. Wikipedia says

"The idea that a man should spend a significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds.[1] In the 1930s, they suggested that a man should spend the equivalent of one month's income in the engagement ring; later they suggested that he should spend two months' income on it.[1] In 2007, the average cost of an engagement ring in USA as reported by the industry was US$2,100.[4]"

Gallywomack

Wrath Rob wrote:

same happened to me, but it was a bit more impromptu and the ring cost €1 from the local Italian market.

Good skills. A bit of imagination and spontaneity goes a long way - tis a fine line between being seen as romantic and spontaneous or just a tightwad, though...

jamesco

The whole "x times monthly salary, diamonds are forever, etc." is a complete con, originating from DeBeers and other evil & manipulative companies that make my blood boil... In ye olde times there was some justification that a girl was putting at risk her 'virtue', so the fella had to put down a deposit, but surely we're past that?

That said, my fiancé happened to like a ring from one of the jewellers at Liberty, so my account took a hammering. Neither one of us would have paid 3 months salary for a bit of compressed carbon dug out of the ground!

MonkeyMonster

Sketchley wrote:

In 2007, the average cost of an engagement ring in USA as reported by the industry was US$2,100.[4]"

given you work in the IT industry since when is $2,100 = 3 months salary? But yeah - so it's down to marketing adds from a company heavily investing in wanting to remove money from mens wallets...

it's a conspiracy!

clarkey cat

MM - just pay how much you're comfortable with. No-one is forcing you to spend loads - unless your missus is and then she is probably not right for you anyway.

DrLex

So many replies, yet no rants about De Beers and/or blood diamonds? Frothing liberals/trolls must be taking the day off.

Gallywomack

Sadly, in my experience decrying the pernicious influence of advertising never won fair maiden.

sketchley

@DRLex

Good point. I made certain the diamond I brought was properly certified and sourced. Any good shop should be able to prove the source of the diamond and you should check. In fact I learnt a hell of a lot about diamonds at the time as I wanted to know what I was buying.

greg66_tri_v2.0

MonkeyMonster wrote:

Sketchley wrote:

In 2007, the average cost of an engagement ring in USA as reported by the industry was US$2,100.[4]"

given you work in the IT industry since when is $2,100 = 3 months salary? But yeah - so it's down to marketing adds from a company heavily investing in wanting to remove money from mens wallets...

it's a conspiracy!

Why do I get the feeling that you're feeling the heat that comes from staring at jewellers' windows ...

rick_chasey

Guy in the office put it quite well.

"It's all very well asking for me to pay a months salary on the ring. I guess she won't mind paying her share of the rent that month then?"