Money managing and the baby

DonDaddyD

OK,

How did you adjust to the fact that yours is the only income providing the bills, food, pleasures?

Did you ever feel bad when you bought something for yourself, even if it came out of your own allocatd disposable?

clarkey cat

When things got really tight I just dipped into the Trust Fund. I know its bad, but thats what I'd suggest...

prawny

You need to accept that the days of you buying something for yourself are gone unless you're on a really good whack.

Me and the wife get an allowance from my salary of a pittance (currently £40 a month) to spend on whatever we want. That includes nights out without the other one, lunch for me if I can't be arsed to make mine, bike parts, gym membership and hookers.

It doesn't go far but we do ok, I am currently selling a lot of stuff I'd accumulated that hasnt been bought with combined funds to pay for my new bike.

We also split any money we get for xmas down the middle and keep our own birthday money.

I've had it agreed that if I buy a scratch card and win, if it's a reasonably small amount I can keep it all but if it's thousands it will be shared (not equally though)

Sorry dude, welcome to the poor club.

DonDaddyD

I've estimated household, food and baby costs to be about 3rd of my salary.

The remainder I will use to pay my personal bills, car and disposable.

Once I got the opportunity I got really strict with my financial management.

I'm just curious as to how people mentally adjusted from the days of impulse buying and not being able to.

My personal shift is baby influenced but I imagine everyone is encountering similar experiences.

tailwindhome

DonDaddyD wrote:

I've estimated household, food and baby costs to be about 3rd of my salary.
The remainder I will use to pay my personal bills, car and disposable.

Once I got the opportunity I got really strict with my financial management.

I'm just curious as to how people mentally adjusted from the days of impulse buying and not being able to.

That doesn't seem right.

Obviously I have no idea what your salary is but still it seems very low.

EDIT for context my mortgage is 35% of my net salary


For the craic how much do you think the baby is running to cost to run,,,,,per month?

veronese68

How much do you earn??? I don't expect you to answer that. Household, food and kids are about 130% of my salary.

bigmat

If you have two thirds of your salary left after all household expenses (including rent?) are paid then wow, you have nothing to worry about. I put around 50% of mine into a joint account for bills / rent etc, then still pay as much as possible out of my current account for meals out, petrol, stuff for the kids etc. So in reality, I get maybe one third for myself? Probably less if I'm honest.

My expenditure on nights out has gone right down anyway, most of "my" money goes on the bikes and I'm not very extravagant even with that. Sounds like you have already learnt not to p**s your money up against the wall and fritter it away on rubbish you don't need, those are probably the main lessons to learn. All you need to do now is get into the mindset that you are your family / your family is you - anything you have is theirs and should be allocated accordingly.

DonDaddyD

Hang on...

It's actually about 50%. Factor in my personal bills, contact lenses, car costs etc and it's closer to 75% the rest is my disposable income.

prawny

DonDaddyD wrote:

Hang on...

It's actually about 50%. Factor in my personal bills, contact lenses, car costs etc and it's closer to 75% the rest is my disposable income.

]

Don't forget you'll normally have one unplanned expense every month too, so you need to plan for the unplanned!

Don't forget to apply for child tax credit's being a london type a suspect your income will be higher than mine but we still get a half decent amount of money from the Gov't for free, which is nice.

EKE_38BPM

From 33% to 75% in 16 minutes. By the time the ddd arrives and DDD actually sees the bills, I think he will move on from worried to genuinely scared.

I hope this is not the case.

tailwindhome

DonDaddyD wrote:

Hang on...

It's actually about 50%. Factor in my personal bills, contact lenses, car costs etc and it's closer to 75% the rest is my disposable income.

see that 25 % that's left.

add on the child benefit/family allownce/ working family credit

subtract the reduction in Mrs DDDs income which you know need to replace

this remainder is what you're left with......


'cept you've underestimated the baby costs.

ince

Use cash. I worked out a monthly food cost, added a bit and now take the cash out at the start of the month. All food comes from this pot of money, you know what you have spent and what you have left. It can help stop the 'just nip into Tesco for milk and end up spending £20.'

I have also found that after a while of doing this you end up spending less at the start of the month, then come the end you have some free cash for a treat/meal out. You also stop buying so much you don't need.

prawny

Aldi is no longer a place I vist twice a year either. The milk is well cheap. And eggs.

clarkey cat

We budget quite heavily now but couldn't give up Waitrose.

prawny

The only thing we go to waitrose for now is their stuffing at christmas, it's bloody lovely.

It's also helped that we've both been trying to lose weight since the wife didn't go back to work after our second. Probably saved a fortune in food.

rick_chasey

clarkey cat wrote:

We budget quite heavily now but couldn't give up Waitrose.

:?

EKE_38BPM

A few years ago, I heard that a child costs, over the first 18 years of their life, about £180,000. No fancy schools or chatering Concorde to fly to Bali twice a year, just food, clothing, normal expenses etc

That averages out to £10,000 a year (and I didn't even do A Level maths).

Parents, does that sound about right?
Should DDD be budgeting £10,000 a year (or more, inflation and all that) or are babies more or less expensive than, say, a ten year old and DDD will have a gentle start before the big bills come in (or vice versa)?

prawny

Babies (once you've bought the gubbins that come with the fist one puschairs and that) are much cheaper than teenagers. They don't eat a lot, their clothes are stupidly cheap (apart from the Roxy parka we bought the girl on holiday - too cute) and you can buy them crappy toys they are happy with.

By the time the kids have both bee at school for a couple of years, Mrs Prawny is going back to work, or we're knackered.

Harry182

TailWindHome wrote:

... 'cept you've underestimated the baby costs.

This sounds about right.

asprilla

Rick Chasey wrote:

clarkey cat wrote:

We budget quite heavily now but couldn't give up Waitrose.

:?

If you'd been to the Sainsburys where CC and I live you'd do the same. It's shit.

I don't shop in Tesco either. It's miles away and their meat is grey.

clarkey cat

also, don't be pressurised into buying expensive baby stuff. clothes, prams etc. we have loads of toys and Baby Cat's favourite toy is an old broken remote control.

BigJimmyB

DonDaddyD wrote:

I've estimated household, food and baby costs to be about 3rd of my salary.

The remainder I will use to pay my personal bills, car and disposable.

Once I got the opportunity I got really strict with my financial management.

I'm just curious as to how people mentally adjusted from the days of impulse buying and not being able to.

My personal shift is baby influenced but I imagine everyone is encountering similar experiences.

I have <10% of my salary left for ALL of the family to enjoy.

I have two teenage daughters, one of whom is goin to Uni in 2012 and the other likely to follow in 2 years. I pay maintenance for them and have done since 1997 when I split with their mum.

More recently, my wife and I had twins. We've lost her income (full time mum), will lose the child benefit next year because of the ridiculous way it's dispensed and (despite working in the so called Fat Cat banking industry) haven't had a pay rise or bonus in 4 years.

Anyways, before that I could pretty much buy what I liked, when I liked. I'm glad I did because it allowed us to do our old house up and trade up to something bigger/better and I still have all the bikes and kit I bought then, and now, they just have to last. You'll adjust gradually, even though it hurts - you just get used to making do, rather than hankering after the next new toy you see, simple as that really.

Did treat myself to a Race Face Kenny at almost 50% off last week though!

el_presidente

prawny wrote:

...we still get a half decent amount of money from the Gov't for free, which is nice....

that money ain't for free, half of it comes from taxpayers and the other half is borrowed from future generations

CiB

When #1 was small I used to dump some dosh into an a/c that t'wife could dip into & use as she saw fit, so that she didn't have to ask me for things or justify impulse purchases. Food is (was then at least) quite a manageable proportion of monthly outgoings so the combination of that bit of money, tax credits (all signed over from me to her), family allowance and her maternity pay kept us going ok. In short, she did the food shopping, I paid everything else and bits & bobs were bought as & when, sort of by consent (as in 'oh I brought this today. Nice isn't it...'). I don't think we ever got to the point where it was either food or a bottle of red though, and bike (+hi-fi) bits could always be accommodated within reason.

Come #2 and not much changed as all the paraphernalia from #1 was still around and mostly usable. The difference between having 0 & 1 kids is enormous compared to going from 1 to 2. That's the clincher.

Advice? Dunno. Budget for everything, including the unexpected. Your car will require a large bill to be paid at least twice before the sprog is 5 so best t assume that it will happen rather than hope it won't. Most other things are entirely predictable - mortgage, domestic bills, car costs, Christmas etc. It's not a big task to know the difference between monthly income v monthly outgoings and work out from that, and to give yourself a weekly spend rather than making ad-hoc trips to the cash machine every few days. Budgeting means sticking to your budget, not making it and then tutting at how hard it is.

And if you can, start sticking a monthly amount into a savings / investment pot that you can't get at, for the child's benefit when he's 18. A tenner a month is a start but any amount that you can give up multiplied over 18 years (216 months) with compound interest is gonna help the little fellah when he moves on. After a few months you forget that it was your money anyway.

Thing is that once you're responsible for a sprog or two it changes your attitude; wanting to buy stuff for yourself is no longer the bit of self-gratification that it was once you know that someone else - wife + child now - probably has a better use for the money it would have cost. Kids eh? Change your life, sometimes unexpectedly.

Two for sale here. I want my old life back..

GenevaCamper

I've set up our finances so that 75% of my salary goes into the joint account that pays the rent, bills and anything for Mrs and Junior.

From my 25% I have to get to work, eat, etc plus put a bit in a private pension. Anything that is left I can spend guilt free - though it has really made me question what I buy - no more monthly packages from wiggle and I've taken to making sandwiches for lunch rather than buy them.

If it comes to it I'll reduce my share and chuck any savings I have into the joint account but for now it helps me have money I can think of as mine, particularly as I hate my current job.

Dan_K

DDD I just want to take a second to tell you - YES this IS scary sh!t but you will get through this. I've been there, I know. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

My son has just started school (4 1/2). When he came along, I was working in a low income job following the collapse of the family business. The responsibility of becoming a father made me hunt around until I got a better wage. My other half earns well (banking industry but as a previous poster - no rise or bonus for years). Our combined wage got us through but you have to be realistic on spending. Regardless of how much you budget, kids cost.
We had to prioritise what we wanted, which meant shopping in cheaper supermarkets and cutting back to be able to afford a holiday. We stopped eating out and cut back on takeaways. We went into a social coma. Everything has to be justified. I sold stuff that I didn't use to buy stuff I wanted. Ebay was my friend.
More than anything, I learned how to be a responsible parent.
My other half went back to work after a year because she'd earn more than the childcare costs and so things got easier over time.

You'll find that the wants and "needs" that you have now will be replaced with real wants and needs and even though you'll miss the things you're enjoying now, they will seem minute in comparison to those precious moments that you'll enjoy with your child. A new set of wheels lasts a few years, memories such as a first smile, steps or cuddles last a lifetime.
Whenever I used to feel that the world was getting me down or worrying about the burden of life, i'd make a point of sitting and watching my baby to remind myself of what I was doing and why.
We're now at the other end where the childcare costs have stopped and despite the recession, we're the wealthiest we've been.
The first 5 years are the hardest but they're supposed to be because they mould you into the person that you need to be.

P.s One bit of advice for any budding entrepreneurs - open a nursery. Looking back, we spent the best part of £35,000 in childcare over 3 1/2 years!

prawny

el_presidente wrote:

prawny wrote:

...we still get a half decent amount of money from the Gov't for free, which is nice....

that money ain't for free, half of it comes from taxpayers and the other half is borrowed from future generations

Well yeah it's from Mrs Prawny and my income tax and the Shrimp and Shrimpettes future income tax

tailwindhome

Dan_K wrote:

DDD I just want to take a second to tell you - YES this IS scary sh!t but you will get through this. I've been there, I know. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

The money is the easy bit

Dan_K

TailWindHome wrote:

Dan_K wrote:

DDD I just want to take a second to tell you - YES this IS scary sh!t but you will get through this. I've been there, I know. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

The money is the easy bit

Yep at least with money you can plan on having none.

blu3cat

When I was a teenager, no matter how broke I was, I always had money for Beer & records.

Now as a dad a similar thing happened - I always have money for what Nappies, wipes, in fact whatever Blu3kitten needs. End of. You magically make do. Eating out is now a rarity, going out is much less, & I don't miss it, as I have a fantastic daughter to return home to.

Now Childcare costs........

veronese68

Feeding a 13 year old boy that has been growing about an inch a month for most of this year certainly doesn't help finances. The amount that boy can eat is terrifying.