I feel violated!

NGale

Paul E wrote:

NGale wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Is this the right time to mention I do own a kilt? (got married in it)

Possibly not

seeing Jake, his cousin, uncle and father in kilts last Burns Night was possibly the most traumatic night of my life. :shock:

Depends what they were doing, I wore one as it was my best mates wedding up in Scotland (oddly) and you have to put up with some abuse when wearing one, I was told that I suit one though and they are very comfy

Just the sight was traumatic enough, that and the fact that Jake and his cousin seemed to be incapable of sitting properly in them. There are some things you don't want to see while eating haggis

benno68

Ride hard wrote:

MaxwellBygraves & cjcp, if Kerian's patented 'clench' technique doesn't work, maybe you should try white lycra. It seems to work a treat.

Just like to add; to the guys reading this "DO NOT WEAR WHITE LYCRA IF THERE'S ANY CHANCE OF RAIN" just think of wet t-shirt competitions

It's fine for the ladies to do so.

Applespider

Ah... well, yes, they do need to learn to sit down in them - and get out of cars.

But, I like men's legs... and that little tantalising glimpse of thigh when they're dancing in them. Not to mention the fun you can have rummaging in your boyfriend's sporran looking for your lipstick... oh yes... and um... can we just say that the combination of kilts and dresses (for the women) are terribly... ah... convenient at times.. :oops:

Headhuunter

Ride hard wrote:

MaxwellBygraves & cjcp, if Kerian's patented 'clench' technique doesn't work, maybe you should try white lycra. It seems to work a treat.

So let's have some photos of you in white lycra posted up then.... You're probably over feeling violated now and in for a penny in for a pound...!

cjcp

Headhuunter wrote:

Ride hard wrote:

MaxwellBygraves & cjcp, if Kerian's patented 'clench' technique doesn't work, maybe you should try white lycra. It seems to work a treat.

So let's have some photos of you in white lycra posted up then.... You're probably over feeling violated now and in for a penny in for a pound...!

jonny_trousers

I have the horrible impression that Ride hard spends much of his time riding hard :shock:

msmancunia

cjcp wrote:

msmancunia wrote:

Have to admit to enjoying the view if there's a nice pair of thighs in front of me, but speaking as a girl who had her bum smacked by one of four guys in a white astra on the way home last week, I prefer not to say or do anything about it.

Whoa!

Now, be honest: if it had been a guy in a Ferrari, what would you have done?

Well when I caught up with them at the lights, I commented "you must have a really small *****", at which point his mate laughed so hard he stalled the car. If he had been in a Ferrari, I'd have already known that he had a small *****, wouldn't I?

UndercoverElephant

I once had a young, German woman pull out of a side road on the right as I was approaching a junction. Problem was, that she never once looked the other way, and another car smashed into her. I stopped to help, she seemed very embarrassed.

Applespider, I see your tannoy announcement, and raise you a car accident.

stanarchist

had a woman at work afew years back offer to wash my legs for me. :oops:

cjcp

msmancunia wrote:

cjcp wrote:

msmancunia wrote:

Have to admit to enjoying the view if there's a nice pair of thighs in front of me, but speaking as a girl who had her bum smacked by one of four guys in a white astra on the way home last week, I prefer not to say or do anything about it.

Whoa!

Now, be honest: if it had been a guy in a Ferrari, what would you have done?

Well when I caught up with them at the lights, I commented "you must have a really small *****", at which point his mate laughed so hard he stalled the car. If he had been in a Ferrari, I'd have already known that he had a small *****, wouldn't I?

Bassjunkieuk

It's for that exact reason I wear baggies over my lycra, sweat I'd get even more close passes then I do already otherwise ;-)

As this thread is already being dragged down I have to admit I might have lingered a bit longer behind a young lady on South Lambeth Road then I usually would have done today. Had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact she was wearing a clearly visible thong.....

the_fuggler

I must admit that the first hill climb in a recent sportive took far longer than it should have done due to the motivational view ahead of me.

I did start typing an argument about why this was okay, but, frankly, it was rubbish. She had a great bum and I was looking at it, your honour.

Back on topic, I have once had the wolf whistle and associated comments, but, by the time I'd picked myself up after the shock, they'd disappeared into the distance....

MonkeyMonster

Been wolf whistled many a time in the kilt

Bassjunkieuk

@TheFuggler - I think my work colleagues did admit at some points on the Challenge route for the London Bikeathon this year it was only the lycra'd up ladies keeping them going ;-)

I think it's only natural to admire beautiful things; be it flowers, art, cars, bikes or other human beings and what with all the talk of sexual equality nowadays it's only fair women should do their share of perving ;-)

dhope

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

I might have lingered a bit longer behind a young lady on South Lambeth Road then I usually would have done today. Had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact she was wearing a clearly visible thong.....

I actually pointed this out to a cyclist toward the end of last week. She was cycling at a little too slowly to be able to perv for any length time, so I did mention it before carrying on. Sorry everyone, I know I've let you all down.

UndercoverElephant

dhope wrote:

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

I might have lingered a bit longer behind a young lady on South Lambeth Road then I usually would have done today. Had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact she was wearing a clearly visible thong.....

I actually pointed this out to a cyclist toward the end of last week. She was cycling at a little too slowly to be able to perv for any length time, so I did mention it before carrying on. Sorry everyone, I know I've let you all down.

You are dead to me now. :x

The Running Man

To quote Lewis ( the "Lewis" as in Inspector Morse) "

"I have got to that age where I am invisible to beautiful women ...."

Except of course SWMBO who thinks I'm just fine! Thank the Lord her eyesight is failing .....

:roll:

dhope

UndercoverElephant wrote:

dhope wrote:

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

I might have lingered a bit longer behind a young lady on South Lambeth Road then I usually would have done today. Had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact she was wearing a clearly visible thong.....

I actually pointed this out to a cyclist toward the end of last week. She was cycling at a little too slowly to be able to perv for any length time, so I did mention it before carrying on. Sorry everyone, I know I've let you all down.

You are dead to me now. :x

If it's any consolation I did take a detour to follow a stunning blonde on a TT bike who had just finished a race (numbers still written on calves). She was more than quick enough to stay behind.

Blacktemplar

Applespider wrote:

Must confess that it's arms I go for over legs... unless said legs are in a kilt... (forget capes - they hide too much!)

You can get lycra kilts....??!!!!

I blame Wiggle....

Blacktemplar

NGale wrote:

Paul E wrote:

NGale wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Is this the right time to mention I do own a kilt? (got married in it)

Possibly not

seeing Jake, his cousin, uncle and father in kilts last Burns Night was possibly the most traumatic night of my life. :shock:

Depends what they were doing, I wore one as it was my best mates wedding up in Scotland (oddly) and you have to put up with some abuse when wearing one, I was told that I suit one though and they are very comfy

Just the sight was traumatic enough, that and the fact that Jake and his cousin seemed to be incapable of sitting properly in them. There are some things you don't want to see while eating haggis

Ah yes, but as any Scottish gentleman knows, kilt-wearing etiquette demands that one doesn't "go commando" when in mixed company. I find a nice pair of bib-shorts does the trick.....

Blacktemplar

Two good 'uns - from both sexes.......(and hopefully for different reasons)

#1
Cycling through Clydebank early one morning, stopped at the lights, then heard the slow approach of a diesel van behind and the sound of a side door being opened. "Here we go" I thought, girding my loins for combat. As the lights changed and the van slowly passed, a bloke in work gear and hi viz leaned out the van and blew a kiss at me - "Nice ars mate" - accompanied by gales of laughter from the front of the van. I blew him a kiss and sat up in the saddle and suggestively touched my chamois. The door was shut pronto and the van sped off to further howls of laughter.

#2
Yesterday out on a wee run through deepest darkest Ayrshire, we'd stopped in some little village ("stay on the roads lads") for a quick route check and snack. My mate was waving at the house directly behind us, and I could hear girly laughter. As I turned round, two girls were pressed up against the window, lips puckered against the glass and chest furniture mashed against the pane. Turning back casually as if I'd seen nothing was quite difficult :oops: More so since they weren't much older than my own teenage daughter. Hope her and her pals don't do stuff like that to poor unsuspecting MAMILS... must have a word......

NGale

Blacktemplar wrote:

NGale wrote:

Paul E wrote:

NGale wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Is this the right time to mention I do own a kilt? (got married in it)

Possibly not

seeing Jake, his cousin, uncle and father in kilts last Burns Night was possibly the most traumatic night of my life. :shock:

Depends what they were doing, I wore one as it was my best mates wedding up in Scotland (oddly) and you have to put up with some abuse when wearing one, I was told that I suit one though and they are very comfy

Just the sight was traumatic enough, that and the fact that Jake and his cousin seemed to be incapable of sitting properly in them. There are some things you don't want to see while eating haggis

Ah yes, but as any Scottish gentleman knows, kilt-wearing etiquette demands that one doesn't "go commando" when in mixed company. I find a nice pair of bib-shorts does the trick.....

Ahhh but then he would argue that with his family being of Highland stock they are made of stronger stuff and therefore you soft southern jessies know nothing

MonkeyMonster

The only kilt etiquette where pants/boxers are allowed is if children are around and a bouncy castle is involved, otherwise shame on you.

rjsterry

Pass the mind-bleach please.

jzed

cjcp wrote:

Never.

I may reconsider my route, mind.

I'd reconsider those pink shorts

MonkeyMonster

rjsterry wrote:

Pass the mind-bleach please.

www.eyebleach.com

it's good for the mind... either of the ones you might be guilty of listening to.

rick_chasey

Blacktemplar wrote:

Two good 'uns - from both sexes.......(and hopefully for different reasons)

#1
Cycling through Clydebank early one morning, stopped at the lights, then heard the slow approach of a diesel van behind and the sound of a side door being opened. "Here we go" I thought, girding my loins for combat. As the lights changed and the van slowly passed, a bloke in work gear and hi viz leaned out the van and blew a kiss at me - "Nice ars mate" - accompanied by gales of laughter from the front of the van. I blew him a kiss and sat up in the saddle and suggestively touched my chamois. The door was shut pronto and the van sped off to further howls of laughter.

#2
Yesterday out on a wee run through deepest darkest Ayrshire, we'd stopped in some little village ("stay on the roads lads") for a quick route check and snack. My mate was waving at the house directly behind us, and I could hear girly laughter. As I turned round, two girls were pressed up against the window, lips puckered against the glass and chest furniture mashed against the pane. Turning back casually as if I'd seen nothing was quite difficult :oops: More so since they weren't much older than my own teenage daughter. Hope her and her pals don't do stuff like that to poor unsuspecting MAMILS... must have a word......

Sounds like anything with a heartbeat in Glasgow

Bassjunkieuk

Blacktemplar wrote:

chest furniture mashed against the pane

I had this happen in a non-cycling related instance once, I was headed back to a mates house and I knocked on the door. We hadn't his missus had another friend over who got sent to answer the door and thought she'd flash my mate :-) Upon opening the door I was meet with a "oh, hi Mark :-)" and my mate pi$$ing himself and saying "Thanks!"

I did also once, pre cycle commuting days, turn up at the Wapping office of a certain national newspaper as they where getting shots for the article between pages 2 & 4 on the bench behind the security gates ;-)

mcj78

MonkeyMonster wrote:

The only kilt etiquette where pants/boxers are allowed is if children are around and a bouncy castle is involved, otherwise shame on you.

You forgot to factor in the hired vs. owned kilt argument; if you hire one you are obviously duty bound to get your money's worth & go commando at all costs, bouncy castles / mentally scarred children aren't even a consideration to a man who's just spent £80 to hire a glorified skirt for the weekend - and ones arse must be displayed at the drop of a hat. If you own the kilt however, then it's obviously up to you to take care of the dry cleaning & you can decide what (or not) to wear under it 8)

One thing to remember is that women will usually appreciate an "accidental" flash, whilst "stripping the willow" for example (no, not like that you beasts - the dance), whereas a glimpse of one's best superman boxers may leave them disappointed... also not a good idea to approach a seated female & drape your kilt over her head as a sign of affection though, this goes too far in the other direction & could lead to ex-communication or even a custodial sentence.

Ride hard

Oh dear. What have I started? All these confessions sound like a weird, perverted, cycling version of alcoholics anonymous.

@Headhuunter - Said white lycra is in the wash at the moment, so no pics.

@ Jonny_Trousers - My extra curricular activity is not up for discussion in this thread

@ msmancunia - Respect!!!

Anyone got anything else they want to get off their chest?? We're here to help you