God Botherer's

One Man And His Bike

Soon as I saw the shape of the 2 guys stood at the door I knew what was coming, dark suits could be clearly seen through the frosted glass and both clasping their hands to something Black, oh joy.

After putting the dogs away who were barking like mad at the chance to sink their teeth into some prime zealot flesh I opened the door and was immediately blinded by the big fake smiles...

They waited a nano second before saying hello and asking how I was, I reply "Very busy actually" but these guys were pro and launched straight into their tried and tested, hard as old Oak "not accepting the hint to bugger off till we've had our say" speech and informed me they were doing the rounds looking to read scripture to the people after the recent incident at the weekend in Norway...?

As soon as that A-Bomb was released I politely informed them I was neither the house owner nor was I religious & as I had already said, "I am busy", but oh no, still falling on deaf ears and off he went again asking me if I thought God would be happy about what happened in Norway?

How the f\/ck would I know, the last time I tried to talk to God was when I was 6 and it was to ask why he decided it was a wise move to let my sister die aged only 6 months old & oddly enough he had sod all to say on the matter, since then his name only ever gets mentioned is at the heights of passion when you often say the most random things or it's used as a generic word of disgust when the brown stuff hits the fan (odd how those 2 seem to always be top of the list but there you go.)

To be honest I'm kind of disgusted these 2 clowns are not getting the message when I was a lot clearer than a burning bush about the fact I was busy, not interested nor religious, more so the fact they were preaching about such a tragic event and trying to use it to convert more people using the "Our religion is better than any other and all the others cause all the troubles anyway" approach when it's pretty obvious religion is a dangerous thing and more often used to do damage or cause loss of life that save or repair.

Next time I'm just going to release the hounds and sit back and enjoy seeing them run up the street with their arses getting chewed, see if God saves them, test of faith maybe?

That is all.

Echo et les Boniments

So, do you think God is happy about what happened in Norway?

Just curious...

Homer J

Get in first and say:
"We've been expecting you, coming in"

MattC59

God doesn't exist, so how could he be happy with what happened in Norway.
:roll:

One Man And His Bike

MattC59 wrote:

God doesn't exist, so how could he be happy with what happened in Norway.
:roll:

Bingo.

One Man And His Bike

Echo et les Boniments wrote:

So, do you think God is happy about what happened in Norway?

Just curious...

Not sure what Maxi Jazz thinks about it to be honest.

(Faithless in joke, if you don't get it go listen to some Faithless then come back and read it)

veronese68

Wasn't the Norwegian some extreme christian fundamentalist?

Ben6899

God doesn't exist, so the question is not applicable.

IF he did exist, then I guess he would be perfectly happy with what happened in Norway. After all, the audit trail would show that it was ultimately his idea and ultimately his doing.

I really do fvcking hate religion and all the trouble it causes.

gilesjuk

Tell them you're a blood donor, they will soon go away.

Jehovahs are no allowed to give or receive blood.

One Man And His Bike

Veronese68 wrote:

Wasn't the Norwegian some extreme christian fundamentalist?

I believe it was mentioned there was some issue against the Islamic influx, but then again that's a rather large bandwagon and a lot of nutters jump on it lately.

Redhog14

Next time answer the door in the buffti carrying your largest kitchen knife...see if they want to cross your threshold then.

Quite why anyone who belives in Fairy Tales feels the need to go round the houses is beyond me, i gave them up a long long time ago.

RichN95.

Echo et les Boniments wrote:

So, do you think God is happy about what happened in Norway?

Just curious...

In the Old Testament, God was quite partial to a bit of wholesale slaughter himself, so he probably approved.

cornerblock

Simple solution


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9Hrygq7prI

One Man And His Bike

Cornerblock wrote:

Simple solution


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9Hrygq7prI

Galfinnan

I'd like to see a religion where you have to give blood, you have to be an organ donor. Where rather than battering on people's doors trying to redeem them you went about picking litter up and generally being nice and helpful. Where the church leaders don't don fancy dress and pontificate about contraception to people from countries riddled with AIDS with the help of money collected by school children but instead used the means at their disposal to build wells and schools.

Working in a Catholic school has been a bit of an eye-opener tbh, from finding books in PSE classes that tell kids having an abortion after being raped is a sin to finding out that Comic Relief etc is completely ignored/banned due to the fact it supports AIDS charities work in Africa made me realise how insiduous the Catholic Church is.

I made my mind up the next time two mormons come to the door I'm going to have a good go at them and see if I can crack their conditioning.

The only group I can actually stand are the Salvation Army because at least they play some nice music before they ask you for cash and their home baking is exquisite.

One Man And His Bike

Galfinnan wrote:

The only group I can actually stand are the Salvation Army because at least they play some nice music before they ask you for cash and their home baking is exquisite.

The Stoner friendly religion group.

alan_sherman

At least you can ignore the knock on the door. Worse are the chuggers that bounce into your face on every high street in the land. After politely telling one that I didn't want to talk to him he seemed to take offence when my next response wasn't polite.

Yes cancer research UK - you will never get any support from me from this point forward. You and the other aggravating chuggers in red T shirts from some children's charity.

They even multi-up so you get pounced on by 5 from the same organisation in a 10 minute walk down the high street. I'd like to see the stats on these people being pushed under buses, I bet it is above the general population!

kieranb

One Man And His Bike wrote:

Soon as I saw the shape of the 2 guys stood at the door I knew what was coming, dark suits could be clearly seen through the frosted glass and both clasping their hands to something Black, oh joy.

After putting the dogs away who were barking like mad at the chance to sink their teeth into some prime zealot flesh I opened the door and was immediately blinded by the big fake smiles...

They waited a nano second before saying hello and asking how I was, I reply "Very busy actually" but these guys were pro and launched straight into their tried and tested, hard as old Oak "not accepting the hint to bugger off till we've had our say" speech and informed me they were doing the rounds looking to read scripture to the people after the recent incident at the weekend in Norway...?

As soon as that A-Bomb was released I politely informed them I was neither the house owner nor was I religious & as I had already said, "I am busy", but oh no, still falling on deaf ears and off he went again asking me if I thought God would be happy about what happened in Norway?

How the f\/ck would I know, the last time I tried to talk to God was when I was 6 and it was to ask why he decided it was a wise move to let my sister die aged only 6 months old & oddly enough he had sod all to say on the matter, since then his name only ever gets mentioned is at the heights of passion when you often say the most random things or it's used as a generic word of disgust when the brown stuff hits the fan (odd how those 2 seem to always be top of the list but there you go.)

To be honest I'm kind of disgusted these 2 clowns are not getting the message when I was a lot clearer than a burning bush about the fact I was busy, not interested nor religious, more so the fact they were preaching about such a tragic event and trying to use it to convert more people using the "Our religion is better than any other and all the others cause all the troubles anyway" approach when it's pretty obvious religion is a dangerous thing and more often used to do damage or cause loss of life that save or repair.

Next time I'm just going to release the hounds and sit back and enjoy seeing them run up the street with their arses getting chewed, see if God saves them, test of faith maybe?

That is all.

If you knew what they were and were so busy why answer the door? I don't even when I have nothing to do, they soon go away.

The Quakers seem ok as a religion.

from their UK ste "Quakers have tried to make a practical witness to our religious convictions. Quakers are especially active in peace work, human rights and social reform. "

cornerblock

kieranb wrote:

One Man And His Bike wrote:

Soon as I saw the shape of the 2 guys stood at the door I knew what was coming, dark suits could be clearly seen through the frosted glass and both clasping their hands to something Black, oh joy.

After putting the dogs away who were barking like mad at the chance to sink their teeth into some prime zealot flesh I opened the door and was immediately blinded by the big fake smiles...

They waited a nano second before saying hello and asking how I was, I reply "Very busy actually" but these guys were pro and launched straight into their tried and tested, hard as old Oak "not accepting the hint to bugger off till we've had our say" speech and informed me they were doing the rounds looking to read scripture to the people after the recent incident at the weekend in Norway...?

As soon as that A-Bomb was released I politely informed them I was neither the house owner nor was I religious & as I had already said, "I am busy", but oh no, still falling on deaf ears and off he went again asking me if I thought God would be happy about what happened in Norway?

How the f\/ck would I know, the last time I tried to talk to God was when I was 6 and it was to ask why he decided it was a wise move to let my sister die aged only 6 months old & oddly enough he had sod all to say on the matter, since then his name only ever gets mentioned is at the heights of passion when you often say the most random things or it's used as a generic word of disgust when the brown stuff hits the fan (odd how those 2 seem to always be top of the list but there you go.)

To be honest I'm kind of disgusted these 2 clowns are not getting the message when I was a lot clearer than a burning bush about the fact I was busy, not interested nor religious, more so the fact they were preaching about such a tragic event and trying to use it to convert more people using the "Our religion is better than any other and all the others cause all the troubles anyway" approach when it's pretty obvious religion is a dangerous thing and more often used to do damage or cause loss of life that save or repair.

Next time I'm just going to release the hounds and sit back and enjoy seeing them run up the street with their arses getting chewed, see if God saves them, test of faith maybe?

That is all.

If you knew what they were and were so busy why answer the door? I don't even when I have nothing to do, they soon go away.

The Quakers seem ok as a religion.

from their UK ste "Quakers have tried to make a practical witness to our religious convictions. Quakers are especially active in peace work, human rights and social reform. "

I find their oats really set me up for long ride too.

rhext

I tend to think it's my civic duty to detain them for a bit: you're disturbed already, but if you hang onto them for half-an-hour, that's probably 15 other people who don't have their Sunday afternoon disrupted. And spending half-an-hour marvelling at quite how credulous some people are isn't completely unentertaining.

Ben6899

alan sherman wrote:

At least you can ignore the knock on the door. Worse are the chuggers that bounce into your face on every high street in the land. After politely telling one that I didn't want to talk to him he seemed to take offence when my next response wasn't polite.

Yes cancer research UK - you will never get any support from me from this point forward. You and the other aggravating chuggers in red T shirts from some children's charity.

They even multi-up so you get pounced on by 5 from the same organisation in a 10 minute walk down the high street. I'd like to see the stats on these people being pushed under buses, I bet it is above the general population!

Oh yes, this as well. The 'Shelter' or whatever people in green t shirts on Tottenham Court Road... it's like an obstacle course down there.

They can blow me. Each and every one of them.

One Man And His Bike

kieranb wrote:

If you knew what they were and were so busy why answer the door? I don't even when I have nothing to do, they soon go away.

Glass panelled front door, and the PC desk and chair I was sat at is in sight of it, so while it is frosted glass you can still make out someone is in. :?

veronese68

Besides, they're not bothering god. They're bothering us.

rick_chasey

If you don't want to talk to a stranger, it's not rude to shut the door on them.

Just don't slam it.

One Man And His Bike

Veronese68 wrote:

Besides, they're not bothering god. They're bothering us.

Galfinnan

Don't know much about the Quakers Never really encountered any around but from reading a little on them they seem to be ok. I still find their belief in God confounding but I respect their right to believe and worship as they see fit.

I only really have problems with religions when they decide to use their power to coerce people into worship and follow their doctrine whether through guilt, the threat of enternal suffering in hell, or offering them food and shelter if they are willing to convert.

I also find how donating blood can be considered against the teachings of Christ. I donate blood and am considering donating plasma also, there is no doubt that this is used in situations where people could die if it wasn't available. How folk can justify not doing this whatever the reason religious or otherwise beggars belief.

Sirius631

Ben6899 wrote:

I really do fvcking hate religion and all the trouble it causes.

+1 (or is that 'amen')

They tricked me once by having only one ringing my doorbell without satchel in hand. This guy had a picture (not photo) showing people of all ages and races happily enjoying what seemed to be a picnic in a well tended garden. He asked wether I thought this is what heaven would be like. I though about it for a second and then said that it wasn't because they had clothes, clothes were man-made to cover the shame of the original sin, and if it was heaven all sin would have been forgiven, so everyone would be as they were created, ie nude. There was enough of a pause for me to close the door in silence.

MountainMonster

A friend of mine in the states had a long straight driveway, and when his parents saw them coming up the drive they told him get ready.

I think we shot about 400 paintballs every time they came, and his parents even ended up buying me a paintball gun just for this purpose. After about 2 months of them coming up the drive 3 times a week and not getting the hint, they finally did. Thank jeebus.

LangerDan

Some years ago I was doorstepped by a couple of freshly-scrubbed stormtroopers from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Despite the fact that the combined age of the two of them was around 40, they both wore nicely printed badges to inform me that they were, in fact, church " Elders".
"Elder Smith", I could cope with, but I nearly wet myself when I saw that the second lads badge read "Elder LeMon"

rick_chasey

Sirius631 wrote:

Ben6899 wrote:

I really do fvcking hate religion and all the trouble it causes.

+1

Politics causes trouble not religion. When religion causes trouble, it because of politics.

sampras38

We're lucky that we've got a camera/intercom. so never have to answer the door to the religious types, or salesman. It's quite funny to watch them squirm though when they ring the bell and you speak to them via the camera. They really don't know what to do.

Also use call ID too, so no sales phone calls. Anyone that wants us will leave a message if we don't pick up.

Simples...