Bestest Put down ever......

gtvlusso
gtvlusso Posts: 5,112
edited May 2011 in Commuting chat
For me:

Cycling along the downs in Bristol a few years ago, nice warm, but windy day. Enjoying a little ride out, minding my own business. I had very long hair at the time:

Cue young chav walking along with mates:

"Look, it's Farrah Fawcett"....

I was shocked, surprised and completely burned, I had no come back at all....

And from my little girl:

My daughter shouts "<my Christian name> can you come into the kitchen"

I respond; "Yes, but you must call me daddy"

Her response: "okay <my christian name>"

Burned....
«13

Comments

  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,098
    I have a bit of an acid tongue:

    Middle aged colleague (female) is giving me a hard time. I respond with:

    "Christ, I'd say it was your time of the month, but I know you're a bit beyond all that at your age, aren't you?"

    With which I walked off.

    Apparently she just stood there with her mouth open for about a minute... :lol:

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • Gussio
    Gussio Posts: 2,452
    SecretSam wrote:
    I have a bit of an acid tongue:

    Middle aged colleague (female) is giving me a hard time. I respond with:

    "Christ, I'd say it was your time of the month, but I know you're a bit beyond all that at your age, aren't you?"

    With which I walked off.

    Apparently she just stood there with her mouth open for about a minute... :lol:

    Paging the HR Department......
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    I remember having a joke battle of the sexes argument with two girls in the office, where the following comment was made by one of the girls

    "If all the men in the world died now, the human race would still survive ('cos of the pregnant women) BUT if all the women died, the human race would end!!"




    "Yeah, but at least we'd die in peace"

    was my response.
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,098
    I remember having a joke battle of the sexes argument with two girls in the office, where the following comment was made by one of the girls

    "If all the men in the world died now, the human race would still survive ('cos of the pregnant women) BUT if all the women died, the human race would end!!"




    "Yeah, but at least we'd die in peace"

    was my response.

    You really need to be hearing a mahooosive roar of approval from the crowd when you bang one into the net like that. Top effort.

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • minardi
    minardi Posts: 64
    gtvlusso wrote:
    For me:

    Cycling along the downs in Bristol a few years ago, nice warm, but windy day. Enjoying a little ride out, minding my own business. I had very long hair at the time:

    Cue young chav walking along with mates:

    "Look, it's Farrah Fawcett"....

    I was shocked, surprised and completely burned, I had no come back at all....

    And from my little girl:

    My daughter shouts "<my Christian name> can you come into the kitchen"

    I respond; "Yes, but you must call me daddy"

    Her response: "okay <my christian name>"

    Burned....

    I used to have long hair. A real abuse magnet....

    Best one I ever got was:

    "Hey, you - The barber has a warrant out for your arrest" :lol:
  • EKE_38BPM
    EKE_38BPM Posts: 5,821
    Once when cycling in heavy traffic an idiot in an M-Class was itching to overtake (even though it was pointless) and that lead to driving too close, trying to overtake at pinch points and beeping. When the opportunity arose, I moved over from primary to let the Merc pass, which they did, swearing, gesticulating and beeping their horn as they did.
    A few seconds later I caught up to them at a red light and as I passed them I looked at the driver and asked if all of that effort worth it and was greated with a stream of expletives.

    "Wow!" says I, "You've managed to acheive the Trifecta"
    "Trifecta? Wots that?" says stupid driver.
    "You are fat, ugly AND stupid" says I.

    The lights then changed and I rode off leaving them fuming in traffic.
    FCN 3: Raleigh Record Ace fixie-to be resurrected sometime in the future
    FCN 4: Planet X Schmaffenschmack 2- workhorse
    FCN 9: B Twin Vitamin - winter commuter/loan bike for trainees

    I'm hungry. I'm always hungry!
  • sketchley
    sketchley Posts: 4,238
    "I Fart In Your General Direction!"

    "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries."

    "Now go away or i shall taunt you a second time."
    --
    Chris

    Genesis Equilibrium - FCN 3/4/5
  • tim_wand
    tim_wand Posts: 2,552
    Being a bit of a skin flint like most people I will flick through the articles of a cycling mag in the shop first to see if there's anything i m interested in before commiting the money.

    I can understand the shop assistants annoyance at this common abuse of their stock and there usual reposte is

    "This Isnt a library"

    Which usually results in me saying

    " Obviously or they would need to employ someone with better qualifications than you"



    My old mans response to the comment of

    "Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes"


    Was always "Sure then I ll have the silly buggers shoes and be a mile away from him"
  • mike23864
    mike23864 Posts: 54
    I used to work in an A&E Department and one day this irate chap (probably under the influence and annoyed at not getting his own way) dropped his trousers and started waving his gentleman parts at one of the Senior A&E Sisters who was in her late 50's and resembled Joyce Grenfell.

    "I bet you don't know what this is?" he shouts.

    She put on her glasses, and without a flicker of amusement responded:






    "It looks like a penis......................................................... only smaller"

    Patient, now subdued, slinks off.

    Classic
  • ride_whenever
    ride_whenever Posts: 13,279
    My favourite put down, i think came off here:

    Who lit the wick on your tampon?
  • DonDaddyD
    DonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    gtvlusso wrote:
    For me:

    Cycling along the downs in Bristol a few years ago, nice warm, but windy day. Enjoying a little ride out, minding my own business. I had very long hair at the time:

    Cue young chav walking along with mates:

    "Look, it's Farrah Fawcett"....

    I was shocked, surprised and completely burned, I had no come back at all....

    And from my little girl:

    My daughter shouts "<my Christian name> can you come into the kitchen"

    I respond; "Yes, but you must call me daddy"

    Her response: "okay <my christian name>"

    Burned....

    "Nearly a DDD thread"

    Burned!!!

    :lol::lol::lol:
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • gtvlusso
    gtvlusso Posts: 5,112
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    gtvlusso wrote:
    For me:

    Cycling along the downs in Bristol a few years ago, nice warm, but windy day. Enjoying a little ride out, minding my own business. I had very long hair at the time:

    Cue young chav walking along with mates:

    "Look, it's Farrah Fawcett"....

    I was shocked, surprised and completely burned, I had no come back at all....

    And from my little girl:

    My daughter shouts "<my Christian name> can you come into the kitchen"

    I respond; "Yes, but you must call me daddy"

    Her response: "okay <my christian name>"

    Burned....

    "Nearly a DDD thread"

    Burned!!!

    :lol::lol::lol:

    Why I oughta........
  • EKE_38BPM
    EKE_38BPM Posts: 5,821
    mike23864 wrote:
    I used to work in an A&E Department and one day this irate chap (probably under the influence and annoyed at not getting his own way) dropped his trousers and started waving his gentleman parts at one of the Senior A&E Sisters who was in her late 50's and resembled Joyce Grenfell.

    "I bet you don't know what this is?" he shouts.

    She put on her glasses, and without a flicker of amusement responded:






    "It looks like a penis......................................................... only smaller"

    Patient, now subdued, slinks off.

    Classic

    Mrs Merton said the same thing. Can't find it on Youtube to prove it though.
    FCN 3: Raleigh Record Ace fixie-to be resurrected sometime in the future
    FCN 4: Planet X Schmaffenschmack 2- workhorse
    FCN 9: B Twin Vitamin - winter commuter/loan bike for trainees

    I'm hungry. I'm always hungry!
  • coopster_the_1st
    coopster_the_1st Posts: 5,158
    Best one I can recall is:

    "If I wanted to listen to an arsehole, i'd fart!"
  • blu3cat
    blu3cat Posts: 1,016
    Overheard somone talking to a bearded person:

    "just because you have hair around your mouth doesn't mean you have to talk like a C***"

    Insert your own gender specific genital slang word
    "Bed is for sleepy people.
    Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."

    FCN = 3 - 5
    Colnago World Cup 2
  • dhope
    dhope Posts: 6,699
    mike23864 wrote:
    I used to work in an A&E Department and one day this irate chap (probably under the influence and annoyed at not getting his own way) dropped his trousers and started waving his gentleman parts at one of the Senior A&E Sisters who was in her late 50's and resembled Joyce Grenfell.

    "I bet you don't know what this is?" he shouts.

    She put on her glasses, and without a flicker of amusement responded:






    "It looks like a penis......................................................... only smaller"

    Patient, now subdued, slinks off.

    Classic

    :lol::lol:
    Rose Xeon CW Disc
    CAAD12 Disc
    Condor Tempo
  • Confusedboy
    Confusedboy Posts: 287
    Comment from a mate about a somewhat highly strung lady of our aquaintance-'She gets suicidal sometimes'.

    Response from yours truly-'Yeah, but never quite enough.......'

    Another favourite for people who claim they've 'never been so insulted'-'oh, c'mon, you must've been!'.
  • sketchley
    sketchley Posts: 4,238
    I always thought this was Shane Warne until I googled it. I've been know to use this once or twice on my commute normally when a white wan man calls me a fat cnut.

    "Why are you so fat?"
    "Because every time I f*** your wife she gives me a biscuit."

    Exchange between Glenn McGrath, the Australia bowler, and Eddo Brandes, the large Zimbabwean cricketer.
    --
    Chris

    Genesis Equilibrium - FCN 3/4/5
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 72,245
    We all know the Churchill put-down...

    Something like - "Churchill, if were your wife, I'd poison your tea"

    "Madame, if I were your husband, I 'd drink it".

    Pwnage.
  • Twostage
    Twostage Posts: 987
    OT but I can't resist :-

    A man is watching his granddaughter playing in the garden. He goes over and asks what she is doing. She holds up a worm and says "I've just pulled this worm out of that hole". The man smiles and says "I bet you a pound you can't put it back in". At this the girl runs into the house and returns a few minutes later with the worm stiff as a board and she slides it back into the hole. The grandad, taken aback, hands over a pound and then asks how she did it. "Easy" she said "I just sprayed it with some of my big sister's hair spray".
    The next day the grandad calls the girl over and says "Here's a pound for you".
    "You've already given me a pound" says the girl.
    "I know" says the grandad "this is from your Gran".
  • sketchley
    sketchley Posts: 4,238
    Ahh Churchill.

    “'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk."

    'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober."
    --
    Chris

    Genesis Equilibrium - FCN 3/4/5
  • Coach H
    Coach H Posts: 1,092
    As a much younger man, I finally after weeks of provarication approached a girl I particularly liked the look of in the pub.

    "Er.... could I buy you a drink?" I asked

    Without a pause in a serious tone with a hard stare she replied "What for?"

    Without having anticipated this answer in any of my rehersals for this momentous event I was literally struck dumb and she turned round and started taliking to her friend as if I wasn't there. I literally left the pub and went home.

    The put down still haunts me over 20 years later.

    As it turns out, I found out years later that she had been waiting for me to approach her for weeks, when the time came she panicked and delivered the put down. She really fancied me but after that was too embarrased to speak to me again. Oh well that was teenage dating in the late 80's for you, it would all be done on Facebook now of course.
    Coach H. (Dont ask me for training advice - 'It's not about the bike')
  • notsoblue
    notsoblue Posts: 5,756
    Coach H wrote:
    Oh well that was teenage dating in the late 80's for you, it would all be done on Facebook now of course.

    Probably the same now, but with a wider audience, and more ":("
  • antikythera
    antikythera Posts: 326
    A friends (old school) father opened a door for a women, indignantly she proclaimed

    "I hope you didn't open because I'm a women"

    Calmly and collected his response was:

    "No, I opened it because I'm a gentleman"
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,098
    notsoblue wrote:
    Coach H wrote:
    Oh well that was teenage dating in the late 80's for you, it would all be done on Facebook now of course.

    Probably the same now, but with a wider audience, and more ":("

    Unless she took out a gagging order

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • The Rookie
    The Rookie Posts: 27,812
    We all know the Churchill put-down...

    Something like - "Churchill, if were your wife, I'd poison your tea"

    "Madame, if I were your husband, I 'd drink it".

    Pwnage.
    Lady Astor, and I thought it was coffee?

    Simon
    Currently riding a Whyte T130C, X0 drivetrain, Magura Trail brakes converted to mixed wheel size (homebuilt wheels) with 140mm Fox 34 Rhythm and RP23 suspension. 12.2Kg.
  • antikythera
    antikythera Posts: 326
    This thread reminded me of my last meeting with my ex. We'd finished a settlement meeting with the lawyers and everything was done and dusted. Only thing remaining was to get the paper work written up and signed.

    All four of us left the floor in the same lift, we go down one floor and both lawyers exit, leaving me and the ex to endure a uncomfortable silence to the ground floor.

    As we reach the ground floor the ex says "I feel a headache coming on", quick as a whip I responded with "I think mines going away" :D
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 72,245
    We all know the Churchill put-down...

    Something like - "Churchill, if were your wife, I'd poison your tea"

    "Madame, if I were your husband, I 'd drink it".

    Pwnage.
    Lady Astor, and I thought it was coffee?

    Simon

    *shrugs*

    I put the "something like" because I wasn't sure.
  • mudcow007
    mudcow007 Posts: 3,861
    i like simple ones like..

    someone says your fat etc

    come back with, yeah but i can lose weight, your always going to ugly
    Keeping it classy since '83
  • Gussio
    Gussio Posts: 2,452
    Was your mother a weightlifter? She must have been to raise a dumbell like you!