One sentence cycling letters

Fireblade96

Dear Boss,

Go f0rk yourself you arrogant useless tw@t.

Yours,

FB

(it is cycling related - I'm going for a ride to calm down...)

dhope

Dear Headwind,

I think we should stop seeing one another, it doesn't feel right, we're moving in different directions.

Dhope

cyclopsbiker

Dear Public Transport

Thank you for making my enforced journey on you today as good as it could get, though I really would rather have been playing with the gusty wind on my bicycle.

gratefully,
CB

SimonAH

My Dearest Wales,

We've had a good relationship for the last twelve or so years and, although it has been based more on practicality than love, I feel it woiuld strengthen if you would please, dear, stop raining quite so king much.

mwah mwah
SAH

Kieran_Burns

Dear Wind,
thanks so much for this morning, please don't hang around this evening on my account.

Yours in hope


Kieran

BenS999

Dear Mudguards,

I invite you to join me on a ride tomorrow, please make your presence known to me so I may fit you this evening before said ride (or tomorrow morning at the very latest in case you already have plans this for this evening), failing that I may need to invite another new shiny set from the LBS...

Your faithful friend - and more importantly - owner,
Bens999

notsoblue

dhope wrote:

Dear Headwind,

I think we should stop seeing one another, it doesn't feel right, we're moving in different directions.

Dhope

lol

Mr Plum

Dear Cycling Ninja's,

If I kill you whilst driving it's your fault, ok?

Yours in vain,

Mr Plum

Kieran_Burns

Dear Wind,

You bastard.

Yours


Kieran

Fireblade96

SimonAH wrote:

My Dearest Wales,

We've had a good relationship for the last twelve or so years and, although it has been based more on practicality than love, I feel it woiuld strengthen if you would please, dear, stop raining quite so king much.

mwah mwah
SAH

Dear Wales,
contrarily to SimonAH's comments, thank you for the rain to swell your rivers.
yours,
FB
(paddling the Wye tomorrow)

Zombie_donkey

Dear Wiggle

Please send Haribo with my next order.

Kindest regards

Mr Z Donkey

HebdenBiker

Dear HTC-Columbia,

I still haven't received my invitation to race for you in 2011, and am assuming it must be lost in the post, so please re-send.

Yours,

HebdenBiker

deptfordmarmoset

Dear gravity,

I fear we're not making adequate progress on the ''guaranteed downhill routes'' project.

Yours, etc.

dhope

Dear Robin Hood Airport,

I'm displeased at your recent closure...

jzed

dhope wrote:

Dear Robin Hood Airport,

I'm displeased at your recent closure...

Dear dhope

Careful now......

Jzed

FeynmanC

Dear Dogs,

Please refrain from crapping on the floor in future, as I was meant to be going for a group ride today in Bristol and you've made me miss my train.

Thanks in advance,

FC

MadammeMarie

CiB wrote:

And verily He did smile on CiB, saying ye who hath posteth many posts more than the CyclopsBiker and doth produce the Stats board for the Brethren, ye shall have a good wind to go home with and not ye Johnie-come-lately Cyclops fellow even though ho can produce in one sentence what CiB takes more than 7 to say such is his windiness, and it was so that the wind did blow to the east, to the promised lands neareth to the Keynes of Milton, to where CiB would travel a score and more miles to shepherd his flock, and to share the evening tea, and to partake of the bathing of the children, and the reading of the bedtime story, and the drinking of the red wine, and the seeing of Doth Ye Prophets Have News For Ye (in HD, which is good), and the wind was good especially unto the first village which CiB did approach at a fantastic velocity, the abacus upon the handlebars indicating nigh on 40 cubits per candle mark, a speed that the lawmakers of the Thames Valley not wisheth us to achieve, but they be park-ed in a layby on the A34 nearer to the spires of Oxford, drinking the tea from their flasks and eating the chips from their newspaper, and CiB verily did motor forgetting even the small hump back bridge that did cause him to gasp upon realising that mistake when that mistake was too close to do much about it, and he did become momentarily airbourne, to shouts of 'forsooth, ye gads', especially upon the landing of the mechancial donkey upon which he doth propel heself around the lanes having traded the ass for a carbon road rocket but 1 year since, and the wind was good, but the flimsy lamp brackets of the Eye of the Cat made of cheap plastic were not good, and the light it did fail where it be most needed unless ye do count the light pointeth straight at the floor as good, and it was not, but ye C of B did continue to motor verily especially through the town of Buckingham near to Tesco with a good wind up his gillet, where the peasants in their stationary chariots do note with displeasure his speed and ability to avoid ye snarl up, and though they do catch and pass him further along the A421 he do still go like ye clappers, nigh on 40 cubits now as the wind does blow well upon him for most of the journey to the homestead, near to where He doth admire this burst of speed, but He doth thinketh to Himself 'this fellow gaineth too much fun for my liking', and does visit upon Cof B a visit from the Angel of the Unscheduled Deflation, whereupon C of B does protesteth to the heavens, offering many blasphemies to the sheep, and the donkeys, and the lo-ing catlle in the next field, and doth smile, for the wind, it was good, and it was his, not that of CycleopsBiker, which was only fair.

BEST POST EVER!!!

PBo

hatbeard wrote:

Sorry you were out
Time: 15:55                    Date: 05/10/2010

Item No: 4CMEM0U53TR4PS

Name: DDD
Address: 123 where you live       Postcode: AW5 0ME

We're looking after your:

[  ] wiggle order

[  ] weekly comic delivery

[  ] dry cleaned star trek uniform

[X] extra large box of mousetraps


Because:

[ ] You were too busy playing STO to answer the door

[X] You were taking a colleague out for dinner to apologise for saying she stinks



Please leave [ 24 ] hours before attempting to collect your item

Items not collected from the Royal Fail depot within 7 days will be returned to sender

love the postcode......

PBo

MadammeMarie wrote:

CiB wrote:

And verily He did smile on CiB, saying ye who hath posteth many posts more than the CyclopsBiker and doth produce the Stats board for the Brethren, ye shall have a good wind to go home with and not ye Johnie-come-lately Cyclops fellow even though ho can produce in one sentence what CiB takes more than 7 to say such is his windiness, and it was so that the wind did blow to the east, to the promised lands neareth to the Keynes of Milton, to where CiB would travel a score and more miles to shepherd his flock, and to share the evening tea, and to partake of the bathing of the children, and the reading of the bedtime story, and the drinking of the red wine, and the seeing of Doth Ye Prophets Have News For Ye (in HD, which is good), and the wind was good especially unto the first village which CiB did approach at a fantastic velocity, the abacus upon the handlebars indicating nigh on 40 cubits per candle mark, a speed that the lawmakers of the Thames Valley not wisheth us to achieve, but they be park-ed in a layby on the A34 nearer to the spires of Oxford, drinking the tea from their flasks and eating the chips from their newspaper, and CiB verily did motor forgetting even the small hump back bridge that did cause him to gasp upon realising that mistake when that mistake was too close to do much about it, and he did become momentarily airbourne, to shouts of 'forsooth, ye gads', especially upon the landing of the mechancial donkey upon which he doth propel heself around the lanes having traded the ass for a carbon road rocket but 1 year since, and the wind was good, but the flimsy lamp brackets of the Eye of the Cat made of cheap plastic were not good, and the light it did fail where it be most needed unless ye do count the light pointeth straight at the floor as good, and it was not, but ye C of B did continue to motor verily especially through the town of Buckingham near to Tesco with a good wind up his gillet, where the peasants in their stationary chariots do note with displeasure his speed and ability to avoid ye snarl up, and though they do catch and pass him further along the A421 he do still go like ye clappers, nigh on 40 cubits now as the wind does blow well upon him for most of the journey to the homestead, near to where He doth admire this burst of speed, but He doth thinketh to Himself 'this fellow gaineth too much fun for my liking', and does visit upon Cof B a visit from the Angel of the Unscheduled Deflation, whereupon C of B does protesteth to the heavens, offering many blasphemies to the sheep, and the donkeys, and the lo-ing catlle in the next field, and doth smile, for the wind, it was good, and it was his, not that of CycleopsBiker, which was only fair.

BEST POST EVER!!!

Nah, cubit is a measurement of length, not speed.

FAIL!

so close to "best post ever......"

coopster_the_1st

Dear BBC Weather Team,

Your forecast for sunshine and clouds at midday today was a tad wide of the mark.

Yours

Drenched of High Wycombe :x

CiB

PBo wrote:

Nah, cubit is a measurement of length, not speed.

FAIL!

so close to "best post ever......"

Nah, cos like I'd already said like yeah see that cubits per candle mark was the speed measurement hadn't I see?, so this was shorthand for speed like mizeunower is these days see like yeah but no yeah. See?

Thanks all for the +ve response to that bit of nonsense. It came into my skull during that ride home, as I had nothing much else to think of with such a wind, not even the 'umped back bridge that I missed.

CiB

Dear Indexed Gears of mine

Thanks for hiding first gear like that, even when I'd checked & rechecked and checked again and you still flatly denied having anything lower than second until I almost had to beat it out of you, you utter oik.

Garage; now.
CiB

EKE_38BPM

Dear Giant OCR,

Over the past decade I have really enjoyed riding you for many, many miles and I am very sorry that you now have a cracked frame so have to be resigned to that Silly Commuter Race in the sky.

Yours in sadness.

EKE

HebdenBiker

Dear driver of 7.5 tonner I've just had an argument with,

You made a mistake in your driving but you didn't deserve the ear-bashing you got from me, so sorry about that.

Love and hugs,

HB

lost_in_thought

Dear The Weather,

Brrrr.

All the best,

lost_in_thought

Sc00bs

Dear road 'planners' everywhere,

Those speed-table efforts are a PITA and do not do the job they were intended for - most cars can get over/around them with little need for them to slow down, worse still is that they often put cars and bikes in too close a proximity.

Yours, hoping for proper speed-bumps,
Sc00bs.

Mr Plum

Dear bright green Transit driver,

Would you cut-up a motorbike that's filtering down the outside of stationary traffic? Well why the fu*k would you do it to a cyclist then you fu*king piece of sh*t?! Your wing mirrors are mine next time...

Faithfully,

Mr Plum

PBo

Mr Plum wrote:

Dear bright green Transit driver,

Would you cut-up a motorbike that's filtering down the outside of stationary traffic? Well why the fu*k would you do it to a cyclist then you fu*king piece of sh*t?! Your wing mirrors are mine next time...

Faithfully,

Mr Plum

One sentence?
FAIL

see CiB for a lesson in comma use.......

shm_uk

Dear Mum & Dad,

Eternally indebted to you for relocating 'Up North'' thus providing doorstep access to the trails around the Peak District, Lake District & North Wales

See you on Sunday for one of your awesome roasts.

PBo

Dear new mudguards,

did you fall out of my pannier in front of the following car's wheels - just 2 minutes from arriving home to be attached - because you a have a chip on your shoulder about being decathlon £5 cheapies?

yours in betrayal,

PBo