One sentence cycling letters

SamWise72

I'll start

Dear Sustrans

Putting a blue sign on a narrow, potholed pavement by a 60mph road does not make it safe for cyclists to share with schoolchildren and mothers with double buggies

Lots of love


Sam

Hot Orange

Dear South Norfolk Council,

Covering a pot-hole riddled road with a new layer of chippings does not constitute an adequate fix.

Cuddles,
Hot Orange

PBo

To the MD, Kier, Sheffield

As I cycle around Sheffield - sometimes with my boy on the back - your hundreds of white van drivers consistently give lots of room and drive very sensibly whilst overtaking etc.

Yours, in astonishment and happiness.....



(No-one was expecting THAT where they???)

UndercoverElephant

Dear Boy Racers,

The girth of your exhaust is inversely proportional to that of your tally-wacker, this is why you feel the need to overtake me when I'm stuck behind the car in front.

Up yours,

Mr U. Elephant Esq.

hatbeard

Dear HatBeard

your oyster travelcard expired yesterday, time to MTFU and cycle in 5 days a week.

Hugs & Kisses
Hatbeard

Pufftmw

Dear British Gas Van On Tower Bridge Road This Morning

Quite what you hoped to achieve by accelerating like mad from stationary to overtake me in the outside lane before jamming your brakes and cutting in on me because traffic was stopped 50m from where you started from, I don't know.

Much bewilderment

Puff

waddlie

Dear motorists of Bristol,

Your frequently courteous and patient driving is much appreciated.

Kind regards,

Waddlie

drawblood

Dear Surrey County Council

Thank you for marking all the pot holes with white & blue spray paint, especially for cyclists to use as a reference point when we are climbing out of them!

Yours etc.
Frustrated, fractious & fractured from Frimley

shm_uk

Dear Motorists of Stockport,

I really appreciate you all giving me justification for feeling massively smug this morning as I cruised past you all sitting stationary in your funny little traffic jams.

Tchao,
shm_uk

SimonAH

Dear Company I work for;

I believe that a relocation of our UK office to Bermuda from South Wales would result in a considerable increase in morale and make my shorts fit right into the business dress code.

Many thanks

cyclopsbiker

hatbeard wrote:

Dear HatBeard

your oyster travelcard expired yesterday, time to MTFU and cycle in 5 days a week.

Hugs & Kisses
Hatbeard

YEY!!! welcome to the full time commuter brigade. DO NOT get another travel card. you'll not regret it. if you need inspiration or a buddy on a dark winters morning give me or him in doors a shout

jds_1981

Dear WVM,

I apologise for pulling out in front of you this morning, I really didn't see you and probably shouldn't have stuck my middle finger up at you after you beeped me.


(ah, good to get that off my chest)

Alphabet

Dear lewisham council,

Ta very much for resurfacing the bit of road going south out of catford, making it lovely and silky smooth rather than akin to the surface of the moon.

lots of love
James



(PS Fancy doing something about the bit going from Deptford to Lewisham? the First 50 metres are a fuffing nightmare)

Agent57

Dear Bike Ninjas,

Get some f*cking lights on, you c*nts.

The Voice of Reason,

Lancaster

EKE_38BPM

Dear Samwise,

What a blinding idea for a thread, keep up the goodwork and forumites, keep 'em coming.

Regards

EKE

secretsam

Dear trendy recent-single-speed converts in London

It was a cheap, sh177y bike when it was made back in the 80s, the fact that it's made of (ropey) steel does not change this.

And you're supposed to stop for red lights, you ****s.

Yours,

SecretSam

Wallace1492

Dear Maryhill Road Cyclist,

Honestly, its not sensible to have a RED front light.

Regards,

Wallace

Greggyr

Dear gresham St cyclist

It's not sensible to have a white BACK light
Good luck
Gregoire

hatbeard

dear cyclist on road which I can't currently remember the name of.

running flashing white AND red lights on your handlebars is just confusing as hell. for the love of god why?

lots of love
Hat B. Eard .

Alphabet

dear rear light,

stop turning yourself off whilst I'm going along, it's hard to notice when you do so and I don't like the idea of dying horribly.

many thanks and kind regards,
me

hatbeard

Dear alphabet,

maybe if you weren't always turning your back on me I wouldn't have to play these silly games just to get your attention.

toodle pip
your rear light

CiB

Dear God

Please leave the wind as it currently is so that I can shave at least 20 minutes off my PB going home tonight.

Yo dude.
C. In B.

cyclopsbiker

Dear God,

Please ignor CiB's letter and change the wind direction because I'm fed up with battling a headwind whichever direction I travel in.

yours,
tired cyclopsbiker legs

PBo

SimonAH wrote:

Dear Company I work for;

I believe that a relocation of our UK office to Bermuda from South Wales would result in a considerable increase in morale and make my shorts fit right into the business dress code.

Many thanks

well, "hybrid" bike would then involve wings....

PBo

Wallace1492 wrote:

Dear Maryhill Road Cyclist,

Honestly, its not sensible to have a RED front light.

Regards,

Wallace

I thought red light was the predominant colour in that area?

CiB

Look God.

I asked first, I was here before CyclopsBiker and have got more posts anyway, so obviously the wind stays, right? Swap it round tomorrow if you like. How's your boy these days anyway?

CiB.

cyclopsbiker

Dear God,

I don't think CiB is playing by the rules, the post title afterall is "One sentence cycling letters" and his last post was 3 sentences so please therefore ignore his posts and agree that I win with regards to the wind.

yours,
playing by the title of the post Cyclopsbiker.

CiB

Fair point Cyclops. Enjoy your wind.

Dear Farmer Giles

Please put a few of those humungously large straw bales in your gateways so that when I pass a gate that follows a long tall hedgerow, I'm not blown into the middle of next Tuesday by the sudden gust that blows through said gate.

Much appreciated
C.

cyclopsbiker

Dear Farmer Giles,

Please kindly do ask CiB asks, he'll really appreciate it, especially with the headwind he's going to be battling against

tar,
CB

Ginjafro

Dear Motorist,

Please do not park in the cycling lane (even if it is outside your house and does not have a solid white line).

gtvlusso

Dear Beaver Maintenance,

Very impressed with the name of your company and van livery.

Your

gtvlusso