Cycling Etiquette: The Rules

frenchfighter

http://www.velominati.com/blog/the-rules/

ratsbeyfus

Great find FF.

No. 51
Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms. You may as well get “tryhard wanker” tattooed on your forehead.

paulcuthbert

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

Also, just to be a cnut about it, should this be in the "Pro Race" forum?

disgruntledgoat

Ace find FF. I saw myself in a lot of those!

Paul... most of those rules are there for a good reason, and you'd do well to learn them.

Radioactiveman

PMSL bookmarked it straight away

bring_back_jan

paul, its only a bit of fun. lighten up...
...oh and you best go clean them chainring marks off your calves....

LangerDan

paulcuthbert wrote:

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

There's your problem. Surely you should be either "racing" or "training"?.

Merely "riding a bike" means you really should be in the "Commuting" forum.

BikingBernie

On a similar theme the 'rules' of packing in a road race, taken from a long-dead cycling Fanzine called 'Cyclists Only' which appeared 'up North' in the mid 80's...

How to Pack in a Road Race.

Every bike rider has days when they don't go so well and retiring from the race becomes the best option- but how is it done? Depending on your road race category there are certain recognised ways of 'packing' or failing to finish a bunched event. You will notice the higher up the rankings you go the more sophisticated the act of stopping becomes!

The 3rd. category pack.

'Turd' category riders usually tend to make a meal of stopping before the finish; not for them the discreet exit to the changing rooms, if they are shelled out of the back they will continue in a futile chase, whilst loosing fistfuls of minutes every mile but still giving the appearance of all-out mega- effort. When they do stop they rarely pay any attention to where or how, but it is often in front of the largest group of spectators on the course, usually the finish line. This is the point where any 3rd cat. will blow away any cool image they may have had by dripping gallons of sweat, blowing strings of snot all over themselves and coming out with stuff like;

"It's a real race out there", "It's too much for me" or "I just couldn't do it".

The 2nd cat. pack.

Your average 2nd category rider has a little more pride and will try to avoid looking a complete wally at a road race. He will generally not ride around on his own if dropped, but if a laughing group does form at the back he will join it; after all the entry fee has been paid and the miles are needed to get those necessary points for a 1st cat. licence.

The 1st cat. pack.

The 1st category rider probably gets more practice at packing than the lower categories. He will usually ride to win, but if he thinks his chances have completely disappeared he will quite likely climb off, sometimes even if he is with the main group. Riding around off the back for lap after lap looking like a complete spazmo is not for him. If he does get dropped it's a quick exist stage right to the changing rooms- no messing!

The Pro pack.

Professionals are the complete masters of retiring in races. Most of them are so adept that you will rarely see them do it, all you may notice is the field shrinking before your very eyes. A pro's reputation is very important to him, so he mustn't be seen to be dropped in a race. This could affect his contract chances and therefore his earnings. Pros often will not even wait till they are dropped before stopping; if they think they are going - whoosh - they disappear before you can say Kelloggs. There are 2 types of pro pack.

1) The Criterium pack. This is the most difficult as spectators often surround the entire course. The skilled pro will reconnoiter the circuit before stopping (so as to be able to avoid team managers, the pits, sponsors etc.), pick a suitable gap on the quietest section, then swing out of the line and sprint through it so that it is even difficult to spot who it was. Clever stuff.

2) The Road race pack. Much easier but there are still lots of people to be avoided. Cutting across the course back to the H.Q. is a favorite, but stopping at a helpers car and quickly turning into a spectator is not bad either.

The vet pack.

A vet will rarely pack in an event as he knows that time is running out. If he does stop however he won't worry too much as to what people think; he's past all that stuff!

Gazzaputt

LangerDan wrote:

paulcuthbert wrote:

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

There's your problem. Surely you should be either "racing" or "training"?.

Merely "riding a bike" means you really should be in the "Commuting" forum.

frenchfighter

BB, those are pretty neat!

Pross

The 3rd. category pack.

'Turd' category riders usually tend to make a meal of stopping before the finish; not for them the discreet exit to the changing rooms, if they are shelled out of the back they will continue in a futile chase, whilst loosing fistfuls of minutes every mile but still giving the appearance of all-out mega- effort. When they do stop they rarely pay any attention to where or how, but it is often in front of the largest group of spectators on the course, usually the finish line. This is the point where any 3rd cat. will blow away any cool image they may have had by dripping gallons of sweat, blowing strings of snot all over themselves and coming out with stuff like;

"It's a real race out there", "It's too much for me" or "I just couldn't do it".

I was that third cat! :oops:

Percy Vera

paulcuthbert wrote:

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

Also, just to be a cnut about it, should this be in the "Pro Race" forum?

Admit it paulcuthbert - you don't like the rules because of rule 51! We all know you are a fan boy!! How is Lances case going against that Stiller fella?

Tom Butcher

They are American rules though - black socks ! - they need tweaking a bit for the Euro market.

Bronzie

Tom Butcher wrote:

They are American rules though - black socks ! - they need tweaking a bit for the Euro market.

Already done.............
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2258201150

Rodrego Hernandez

The Official Rules of the Euro cyclist was ruined by too many additions from our American cousins. Adding SRAM as an acceptable groupset was a sign that it is no longer to be followed.

Bronzie

Fair point

pottssteve

The Euro version's been around for a while and at least appears to have been written with tongue in cheek.

This one's just not that funny, and the way it's written suggests that the author takes every one of his/her "rules" very seriously.

:roll:

glauciaregina9

Excuse me if I'm being a bit thick, but is this blog (http://www.velominati.com/blog/the-rules/) serious or just someone making light-hearted fun of cycling ??

Limburger

Haha. Rule 5. I always have my HTFU wrist band on. No LiveStrong crap for me, yellow is for Tour leaders only.

Have the Make Deadshits History one too - Instructions of use - Put this on your punching arm and start making deashits history.

calvjones

BikingBernie wrote:

2) The Road race pack. Much easier but there are still lots of people to be avoided. Cutting across the course back to the H.Q. is a favorite, but stopping at a helpers car and quickly turning into a spectator is not bad either.

See Lance, Cav et al for a classic episode of this at the Tour of Ireland 2009.

Does anyone really think this is serious? Its hilarious.

pedro118118

calvjones wrote:

BikingBernie wrote:

2) The Road race pack. Much easier but there are still lots of people to be avoided. Cutting across the course back to the H.Q. is a favorite, but stopping at a helpers car and quickly turning into a spectator is not bad either.

See Lance, Cav et al for a classic episode of this at the Tour of Ireland 2009.

Does anyone really think this is serious? Its hilarious.

Having had a quick scan, I would say it's neither serious nor particularly funny.
Frankly, gazzaput's witheringly condescending response better illustrates the intellectual shortcomings of the fanatical 'roadie' than anything else on this page.

Pross

paulcuthbert wrote:

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

Also, just to be a cnut about it, should this be in the "Pro Race" forum?

I know it is from an American source and that the Yanks aren't well known for their powers of sarcasm, sattire or irony but surely you realise that this is actually tongue in cheek? Please, please tell me that is the case and that I am the one who has missed a tongue in cheek moment in your response :roll:

It's great that someone has taken the time to put the rules in writing as it saves us all from the plight of poor old Stig O'Tracey and having our heads nailed to the floor for transgressing the unwritten laws

Gazzaputt

pedro118118 wrote:

calvjones wrote:

BikingBernie wrote:

2) The Road race pack. Much easier but there are still lots of people to be avoided. Cutting across the course back to the H.Q. is a favorite, but stopping at a helpers car and quickly turning into a spectator is not bad either.

See Lance, Cav et al for a classic episode of this at the Tour of Ireland 2009.

Does anyone really think this is serious? Its hilarious.

Having had a quick scan, I would say it's neither serious nor particularly funny.
Frankly, gazzaput's witheringly condescending response better illustrates the intellectual shortcomings of the fanatical 'roadie' than anything else on this page.

What??? I found it funny end of.

pedro118118

Gazzaputt wrote:

pedro118118 wrote:

calvjones wrote:

BikingBernie wrote:

2) The Road race pack. Much easier but there are still lots of people to be avoided. Cutting across the course back to the H.Q. is a favorite, but stopping at a helpers car and quickly turning into a spectator is not bad either.

See Lance, Cav et al for a classic episode of this at the Tour of Ireland 2009.

Does anyone really think this is serious? Its hilarious.

Having had a quick scan, I would say it's neither serious nor particularly funny.
Frankly, gazzaput's witheringly condescending response better illustrates the intellectual shortcomings of the fanatical 'roadie' than anything else on this page.

What??? I found it funny end of.

Gazzaput - hands up. Apologies. Need to pay attention etc etc!!!
It was LangerDan's response, which I found tedious. At the end of the day, unless you're a pro, we all ride bikes for pleasure/recreation. Even most pros.

le_patron

Always quite liked this, apologies if it's a repeat.

http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/?pg=fullstory&id=6007

TheHelpfulDevil

"Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating."

So so true!

LangerDan

pedro118118 wrote:

Gazzaputt wrote:

pedro118118 wrote:

calvjones wrote:

BikingBernie wrote:

2) The Road race pack. Much easier but there are still lots of people to be avoided. Cutting across the course back to the H.Q. is a favorite, but stopping at a helpers car and quickly turning into a spectator is not bad either.

See Lance, Cav et al for a classic episode of this at the Tour of Ireland 2009.

Does anyone really think this is serious? Its hilarious.

Having had a quick scan, I would say it's neither serious nor particularly funny.
Frankly, gazzaput's witheringly condescending response better illustrates the intellectual shortcomings of the fanatical 'roadie' than anything else on this page.

What??? I found it funny end of.

Gazzaput - hands up. Apologies. Need to pay attention etc etc!!!
It was LangerDan's response, which I found tedious. At the end of the day, unless you're a pro, we all ride bikes for pleasure/recreation. Even most pros.

While you're paying attention, you might spot the inverted commas around "training" and "racing" in the original post. Good luck in finding any domestic level racer who will admit to going out for a spin merely for the pleasure of it.

emadden

There needs to be a rule about those tw@ts who ride out of the saddle with their hands on the top of the bars instead of on the hoods.... They could be forgiven for looking like totally beginners... but its damn dangerous in a group

paulcuthbert

LangerDan wrote:

paulcuthbert wrote:

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

There's your problem. Surely you should be either "racing" or "training"?.

Merely "riding a bike" means you really should be in the "Commuting" forum.

No. I don't have a job and I just like going for bike rides. I'm not racing and I'm not training for specific goals. And I hate that people like you and people in bike shops try to tell me different

I know the rules are a joke and tongue in cheek, but I also know that a lot of you lot probably abide by most of them and secretly hate anyone who doesn't. Which is kinda sad really!

paulcuthbert

Percy Vera wrote:

paulcuthbert wrote:

Most of it is a load of crap and exactly why I hate "cyclists".

Too much self importance and self righteousness around being a "cyclist", I hate that. Does my head in, and this post just typifies the whole thing. What's wrong with just wanting to ride a bike, eh?

Also, just to be a cnut about it, should this be in the "Pro Race" forum?

Admit it paulcuthbert - you don't like the rules because of rule 51! We all know you are a fan boy!! How is Lances case going against that Stiller fella?

I didn't get as far as rule 51. I have better things to do than read all that crap, thanks.

And I've never heard a definition of a "fanboy" (enlighten me) but from what I believe, I don't think I am. Yeah Lance inspired me to take up cycling- but more to do with it was my Dad. He taught me how to ride (see the avatar) and got me into watching the Tour and going out on rides long before Lance was a champ and inspirational athlete. So I wouldn't categorise me as a "fanboy"

How can I be when I don't "race" or "train", as someone else here seemed to think was so god damn important...?

dougzz

PaulCuthbert may not be the most eloquent writer out there, (and I'm not suggesting I'm any better), but his underlying point about snobbery in these forums is not unfounded. How many times have I read a post that attempts to demean someone for their bike having 'Japanese junk' parts, rather than the holy grail of Italian wizardry, or the oft repeated crap that infers anyone less able to climb than Alberto Contador should not have a carbon frame, or full team kit.

A couple of posts up is a reference to 'dangerous in a group' related to a particular way of holding your handlebars, what absolute crap. How many times do you read a snobbish or arrogant post, only for the author to subsequently pretend it was 'tongue in cheek'

Oh no, I've written this with my hands on the bars and not the hoods...........