Etiquette for passing a lady

crankycrank

Did you mean passing or making a pass at?

NGale

Jake idea of passing a women....the slow amble up a 'good morning' and a grin, he likes the look of her he'll chat, if not as with any man, flat out and drops her. :roll:

Jay dubbleU

lost_in_thought wrote:

will3 wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Ahhhh it's nice that there are people out there who still give up seats on PT and hold doors. They're few and far between in London.

!

You can have women's lib' or you can have doors held open, but not both

When I was at uni, the debating society held a debate that 'women only want equal rights when it suits them'.

The great surprise was that Peter Stringfellow, seconding, made some excellent arguments which basically said 'of course they do, they're not stupid'.

He was right.

This supports my theory that the world is actually run by women who are clever enough to allow men to think that they do

milan_ns

You could embrace the team spirit and give her a little nudge

Something like this...

Canny Jock

biondino wrote:

The obvious answer to this thread is that you must obtain a top (or possibly bowler) hat, and as you pass, doff it.

+1. Can't believe the thread went this long without the word 'doff' being used.

Remember not to expose any leg between plus 4 and sock as you pass, or the lady may suffer affront.

acidstrato

why not just blast past as hard as you can displaying the monstrous strength in your arms and legs destroying her spirit and leaving her looking like she's standing still?



I dont pass many (any) female cyclists on my commute

holybinch

Why bother passing her in the first place?!

Bunneh

Stay behind, get out the camera, take pictures and post in the 'women in lycra' thread.

Bassjunkieuk

I normally just try and keep it casual once I get bored of admiring the view :-) As most of my riding is on busy London roads I'll wait until it's safe to pass then shoulder check and pull round, much like I'd do with any other cyclist.

There have been a couple of times where I've tried to be gentlemanly and told the female I'm passing that their rear light battery is almost flat (not sure why it's been females on both times.......) as I've been going up hill. I must look rather polite as I casually keep pace with them before shooting off ahead :-)

dentyne

My copy of Debrett's tells me that the following is correct etiquette for passing a lady bicyclist:

Draft along behind for a time, sucking her wheel (heavy breathing is optional).
When you reach a downhill section, check that it is safe to pass then assume a safe passing position to her right.
Pedal hard for a few beats, then as you draw level, stand up on your pedals, grip the saddle between your legs, turn towards the lady and initiate the vigorous two handed trouser rubbing manoeuvre*.

*as popularised by Vic and Bob

wander wheels

Unless you want her to beat you - you had better whip by quickly!

MadammeMarie

The Beginner wrote:

OK, lots more bike commuters now its warmer and had a particular quandry last night...

Now I'm old fashioned enough [old enough before someone else says it!] to open doors for ladies, give up a seat on PT for them or say Ladies first, you get the drift....

Scenario, caught up with a young lady, going slower (not much slower downhill, uphill her heavier tourer was slowing her somewhat) and was trying to figure the best etiquette for passing....

Had to sit behind for a while like a gentleman (although possible admiring the view was less gentlemanly....) until it was safe to pass, but when we got uphill to pass, should I have whipped past displaying my manly prowess, or been less obvious and passed at a reasonable pace so as not to disturb any sensibilities she may or may not have had?

Lookng forward to answers, LiT's especially (not that I guess she gets passed much, and probably doesn't intend to use practice to make perfect!).

Simon

Oh my God, did I wake up in the 50's?

MadammeMarie

DonDaddyD wrote:

This thread is so old fashioned suddenly my computer screen is black and green....

MadammeMarie

lost_in_thought wrote:

Ahhhh it's nice that there are people out there who still give up seats on PT and hold doors. They're few and far between in London.

And thank God for that! As long as I am not disabled, I can open the doors myself and stand up in the tube or bus.

CdrJake

MadammeMarie wrote:

The Beginner wrote:

OK, lots more bike commuters now its warmer and had a particular quandry last night...

Now I'm old fashioned enough [old enough before someone else says it!] to open doors for ladies, give up a seat on PT for them or say Ladies first, you get the drift....

Scenario, caught up with a young lady, going slower (not much slower downhill, uphill her heavier tourer was slowing her somewhat) and was trying to figure the best etiquette for passing....

Had to sit behind for a while like a gentleman (although possible admiring the view was less gentlemanly....) until it was safe to pass, but when we got uphill to pass, should I have whipped past displaying my manly prowess, or been less obvious and passed at a reasonable pace so as not to disturb any sensibilities she may or may not have had?

Lookng forward to answers, LiT's especially (not that I guess she gets passed much, and probably doesn't intend to use practice to make perfect!).

Simon

Oh my God, did I wake up in the 50's?

No it's called being polite and a gentlemen, there are very few of us left.

lost_in_thought

MadammeMarie wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Ahhhh it's nice that there are people out there who still give up seats on PT and hold doors. They're few and far between in London.

And thank God for that! As long as I am not disabled, I can open the doors myself and stand up in the tube or bus.

Oh no! Are you one of those women who gets annoyed when men behave in a gentlemanly manner?

Jeez. Stop it. You're ruining femininity for the rest of us. Of course, I can open doors and stand up on PT, I'd just rather not.

CdrJake

lost_in_thought wrote:

MadammeMarie wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Ahhhh it's nice that there are people out there who still give up seats on PT and hold doors. They're few and far between in London.

And thank God for that! As long as I am not disabled, I can open the doors myself and stand up in the tube or bus.

Oh no! Are you one of those women who gets annoyed when men behave in a gentlemanly manner?

Jeez. Stop it. You're ruining femininity for the rest of us. Of course, I can open doors and stand up on PT, I'd just rather not.

To be honest I would have thought any woman or man wouldn't want a door slammed shut in their face, it's only basic manners to hold the door open for someone.

I have had many a 'look' from women when I have held a door open for them out of basic politeness. Perhaps I shouldn't bother.

itsbruce

lost_in_thought wrote:

MadammeMarie wrote:

Jeez. Stop it. You're ruining femininity for the rest of us. Of course, I can open doors and stand up on PT, I'd just rather not.

There was a time, not very long ago at all, when the code that required men to open doors for women required the women, in turn, to keep their mouths shut, to never question a man's opinion or seek to correct him etc. The practice is still tainted by association for some.

Things may be less rigid now (also less defined and more confusing) but those attitudes haven't entirely evaporated. I work in a web consultancy where two male senior managers consistently overlooked the only female developer in the Engineering team, never giving her any responsibility or projects of her own, even when this omission was drawn to their attention. She was actually the brightest and most able of the people they'd recruited that year; despite that, I was the first and only manager ever to give her lead position on any projects and she eventually left. Neither of those men (both around 30 years of age, so we're not talking about old fossils) would explain why they ignored and dismissed her. They'd be shocked at an allegation of sexism. Both very much the sort to open doors, which wasn't much use to Jen. She'd much rather have had them let the door slam but listen to her.

Cafewanda

CdrJake, don't give up. There are some of us wimmin who appreciate it still.

Jay dubbleU

Personally I've always found a slap on the rump followed by either 'Ello, darlin' if I'm in town or 'Giddy up' in the country usually works

CdrJake

Cafewanda wrote:

CdrJake, don't give up. There are some of us wimmin who appreciate it still.

At my age I'm not about to change, I'm just more likely to turn into my father and start mumbling 'bloody ungreatful girl' on a regular basis

Jay dubbleU

Jake - I still open doors and would probably stand up on buses if I travelled on them - force of habit and I'm too old to change now

Kieran_Burns

I'm quite inordinately proud of myself over one incident that happened quite some time back.

I opned the door for a lady to step through and she looked at me and said "I hope you're not doing that just because I'm a lady"

(I swear I heard about this previously which is why I said the following:)

"No, I'm doing so because I'm a gentleman"

CdrJake

Jay dubbleU wrote:

Jake - I still open doors and would probably stand up on buses if I travelled on them - force of habit and I'm too old to change now

Buses? what are those :roll:

I have to admit I still open doors for women and stand aside for them, I also still insist on walking beside NGale on the road side of any pavement. I'm afraid I don't do the holding hands things in public, it's just not the done thing in my view.

tailwindhome

itsbruce wrote:

I work in a web consultancy where two male senior managers consistently overlooked the only female developer in the Engineering team, never giving her any responsibility or projects of her own, even when this omission was drawn to their attention. She was actually the brightest and most able of the people they'd recruited that year; despite that, I was the first and only manager ever to give her lead position on any projects and she eventually left. Neither of those men (both around 30 years of age, so we're not talking about old fossils) would explain why they ignored and dismissed her. They'd be shocked at an allegation of sexism. Both very much the sort to open doors, which wasn't much use to Jen.

The IT Crowd was a TV programme, it didn't really happen.

lost_in_thought

itsbruce wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Jeez. Stop it. You're ruining femininity for the rest of us. Of course, I can open doors and stand up on PT, I'd just rather not.

There was a time, not very long ago at all, when the code that required men to open doors for women required the women, in turn, to keep their mouths shut, to never question a man's opinion or seek to correct him etc. The practice is still tainted by association for some.

Things may be less rigid now (also less defined and more confusing) but those attitudes haven't entirely evaporated. I work in a web consultancy where two male senior managers consistently overlooked the only female developer in the Engineering team, never giving her any responsibility or projects of her own, even when this omission was drawn to their attention. She was actually the brightest and most able of the people they'd recruited that year; despite that, I was the first and only manager ever to give her lead position on any projects and she eventually left. Neither of those men (both around 30 years of age, so we're not talking about old fossils) would explain why they ignored and dismissed her. They'd be shocked at an allegation of sexism. Both very much the sort to open doors, which wasn't much use to Jen. She'd much rather have had them let the door slam but listen to her.

Fixed the quotes, no charge :P

It's not really the case any more though, is it? I mean, we're, like, allowed to vote and everything. I mean, hell, one of us was prime minister! Blimey!

Frankly, had I been in your friend's position, I'd have done something about it or left, less of the eventually. If you don't stand up for yourself you're as much to blame, regardless of gender.

If they'd held the door for me on my way out, all the better!

EDIT: Oh, and tailwindhome, I love the IT Crowd, but Jen is useless at IT! Come on!

CdrJake

lost_in_thought wrote:

itsbruce wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Jeez. Stop it. You're ruining femininity for the rest of us. Of course, I can open doors and stand up on PT, I'd just rather not.

There was a time, not very long ago at all, when the code that required men to open doors for women required the women, in turn, to keep their mouths shut, to never question a man's opinion or seek to correct him etc. The practice is still tainted by association for some.

Things may be less rigid now (also less defined and more confusing) but those attitudes haven't entirely evaporated. I work in a web consultancy where two male senior managers consistently overlooked the only female developer in the Engineering team, never giving her any responsibility or projects of her own, even when this omission was drawn to their attention. She was actually the brightest and most able of the people they'd recruited that year; despite that, I was the first and only manager ever to give her lead position on any projects and she eventually left. Neither of those men (both around 30 years of age, so we're not talking about old fossils) would explain why they ignored and dismissed her. They'd be shocked at an allegation of sexism. Both very much the sort to open doors, which wasn't much use to Jen. She'd much rather have had them let the door slam but listen to her.

Fixed the quotes, no charge :P

It's not really the case any more though, is it? I mean, we're, like, allowed to vote and everything. I mean, hell, one of us was prime minister! Blimey!

Frankly, had I been in your friend's position, I'd have done something about it or left, less of the eventually. If you don't stand up for yourself you're as much to blame, regardless of gender.

If they'd held the door for me on my way out, all the better!

EDIT: Oh, and tailwindhome, I love the IT Crowd, but Jen is useless at IT! Come on!

You realise there is still debate about Margaret Thatcher actually being a woman. Even I as a Tory have my doubts

itsbruce

lost_in_thought wrote:

It's not really the case any more though, is it? I mean, we're, like, allowed to vote and everything. I mean, hell, one of us was prime minister! Blimey!

Frankly, had I been in your friend's position, I'd have done something about it or left, less of the eventually. If you don't stand up for yourself you're as much to blame, regardless of gender.

But the situation doesn't disregard gender; it's all about gender. It's a situation that women still often find themselves in and men almost never do. And in those situations, women speaking out usually find themselves without support, where a man would be much more likely to be heard. Still.

And just how "regardless of gender" is having doors opened for you? It sounds like a confused approach to the current state of gender politics (which are very confused themselves, if better, overall, than they used to be). But I've become used to that. The Riot Grrrls lost, the Spice Girls won, if that reference means anything to you

Personally, I open doors or give up my seat to people who look as if they need it, nearly regardless of gender. Not quite regardless, because I've noticed that a man usually has to be significantly older than me or he'll take offence.

lost_in_thought

itsbruce wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

It's not really the case any more though, is it? I mean, we're, like, allowed to vote and everything. I mean, hell, one of us was prime minister! Blimey!

Frankly, had I been in your friend's position, I'd have done something about it or left, less of the eventually. If you don't stand up for yourself you're as much to blame, regardless of gender.

But the situation doesn't disregard gender; it's all about gender. It's a situation that women still often find themselves in and men almost never do. And in those situations, women speaking out usually find themselves without support, where a man would be much more likely to be heard. Still.

And just how "regardless of gender" is having doors opened for you? It sounds like a confused approach to the current state of gender politics (which are very confused themselves, if better, overall, than they used to be). But I've become used to that. The Riot Grrrls lost, the Spice Girls won, if that reference means anything to you

Personally, I open doors or give up my seat to people who look as if they need it, nearly regardless of gender. Not quite regardless, because I've noticed that a man usually has to be significantly older than me or he'll take offence.

It's entirely possible to be a successful person AND be happy when people open doors for you. Appreciating courtesy is not the same as being spineless.

Blah blah gender politics blah.

CdrJake

lost_in_thought wrote:

itsbruce wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

It's not really the case any more though, is it? I mean, we're, like, allowed to vote and everything. I mean, hell, one of us was prime minister! Blimey!

Frankly, had I been in your friend's position, I'd have done something about it or left, less of the eventually. If you don't stand up for yourself you're as much to blame, regardless of gender.

But the situation doesn't disregard gender; it's all about gender. It's a situation that women still often find themselves in and men almost never do. And in those situations, women speaking out usually find themselves without support, where a man would be much more likely to be heard. Still.

And just how "regardless of gender" is having doors opened for you? It sounds like a confused approach to the current state of gender politics (which are very confused themselves, if better, overall, than they used to be). But I've become used to that. The Riot Grrrls lost, the Spice Girls won, if that reference means anything to you

Personally, I open doors or give up my seat to people who look as if they need it, nearly regardless of gender. Not quite regardless, because I've noticed that a man usually has to be significantly older than me or he'll take offence.

It's entirely possible to be a successful person AND be happy when people open doors for you. Appreciating courtesy is not the same as being spineless.

Blah blah gender politics blah.

It's nice to know that some ladies have no problem with us old farts out there