Recently Single Middle Aged Man..what do women expect of me?

Diogenes

A short tale,

Fred is an avid cyclist who over the years has also been charitable, morally sound and a great help to all those he has met.

One day whilst sitting contemplating his navel an angel appears and tells Fred that in recognition of his good work God has granted him a wish....anything he likes. Fred says that he would like bridges built between every piece of land in the world so he can continue his riding and meet and help new people.

The angel, feeling a little sheepish at this point says he does not think there is enough steel and concrete in the world to complete his wish and whilst he recognizes that he promised anything he asks Fred if there is anything else he would like.

Fred ponders and eventually says "Yes I would really like to know what a woman wants and to be able to read her body language, I would like to understand how women think"


The angel stops, thinks a minute and says........which bridge do you want building first?

D

fossyant

Take advantage of the fact you can buy as much bike kit or expensive bikes as you like.......for a while at least........

Flasheart

pedylan...for the moment I just want some female company in the purest sense. I spent a couple of very pleasant hours just in the company of a pretty lady that actually wanted to spend time with me recently. By all accounts my ex-wife didn't want to spend any time with me reflecting back now. She wouldn't even go for a slow gentle cycle with me :shock:
I'm not after a full-blown relationship, just some companionship. I relate to women far more than men...no I don't have a gender issue, I'm 110% hetro.
I'm not after "the one" ..just somebody to spend time with and share things with. If that's with multiple female platonic friends , so be it. But if "the one" came along I'm not going to send her packing.
18 years of wife and kids ..then NOTHING...my life is SOOOOO empty & if you haven't been there it's very hard to explain.
My counsellor said there is NO timescale apart from what feels right to me. The way I feel at the moment I'm clinging on to every good feeling I can get while there are some, so for my own self preservation I have to.


fossyant ..nope I have a financial head on..no I have to keep a roof over my head and fed...I wish it was different mate

Diogenes.. yep heard that one years ago..nobody is meant to understand them ..just enjoy being around them matey



I've just got in from the local (alone ofc) so I'll continue after a few hrs of sleep


Edited a bit now I'm sober and awake :roll:

outofbreath2

Hello.

Maintaining a circle of friends is important and you've realised you may now need to make some new ones, since sometimes its quite difficult to stay friends with people when you were part of a couple - either through their decision or yours.

Since you're happier in the company of women, I think you just need to make sure everyone's clear about where they stand. You'll do that by talking to them, not following a set of rules. Maybe ask yourself (don't mean that to sound patronising) if you need to differentiate between dating and socialising (then let us know).

Do you want all your socialising to be on a one-to-one basis (no smut please) or a group pub drinky? If you'd like a group night out, might be a good idea to include some male friends. I just get visions of Lord Flash walking into a pub with a harem. No many women would say yes to a drink if you say 'Oh its just me and 5 other girls...'

I think we all know you're sensible enough not to rush into something.

One of the best bits of advice I ever got was 'all advice is useless.'

rml380z

pedylan wrote:

I've been a single parent for 8 years and decided I needed a serious life review. I was never going to meet anyone through work, social or sport so went to an online site - Guardian as it happens. And it's transformed my life in 4 months. Met a few interesting people and have found what I can only describe after three months as a potential life partner. A runner not a cyclist but nothing's perfect!

+1 on internet dating.
I'm surprised how shocked people are when I said I gave it a try; I only ever had positive experiences. I found out that many of the online sites (Guardian, Telegraph, TimeOut etc) are all linked up, so it doesn't matter which one you join.
Apparently, there's one site out there somewhere aimed specifically at people who enjoy sports. A friend of mine joined it, found a partner and is now doing adventure-racing with her!

Flasheart

outofbreath2 wrote:

if you need to differentiate between dating and socialising (then let us know).

Umm how? Straight out or subtley, and how to do it without hurting feelings?

snakehips

rml380z wrote:

Apparently, there's one site out there somewhere aimed specifically at people who enjoy sports. A friend of mine joined it, found a partner and is now doing adventure-racing with her!

The CycleChat forum now has GoogleAds with offers like 'Meet Cycling Singles'

Snake

My Library

Frank the tank

Only read the OP so here's my advice (sorry if I'm repeating anyone elses)

I would feel very strange suddenly being "on the market" but you really must be yourself 'cos ultimately you will end up being so, after a period trying to be something you're not. Even so, you must be prepared to compromise to a degree in any kind of relationship.

Just don't go diving in and try and enjoy yourself in whatever opportunities my present themselve.

Good luck.

Stone Glider

When I was in your situation I was three years older than you are now. I asked my daughter, who was twenty one. Her advice was, pretty much as heard here, be yourself, relax, take your time. It might be quite difficult for your children, when you are trying to maintain a relationship with them, if you have a stream of new, female, aquaintances in tow.

Not that this is a likely outcome but perhaps, you may have to factor in the reaction of the next generation.

What I am trying to say is, you are not an entirely free agent, you still have a "hinterland" which is important to you; you have all sorts of options awaiting you, stay true to Flasheart

outofbreath2

Flasheart wrote:

uote="outofbreath2"] if you need to differentiate between dating and socialising (then let us know).

Umm how? Straight out or subtley, and how to do it without hurting feelings?[/quote]
Well I did mean you need ask of yourself before you form any relationship, just so you're clear first of all, taking into account how you're feeling at the time, or as Stone Glider says, the feelings of others (maybe that would be a good time to sort your thoughts out with your tick list - just keep it private).

Then straight out I'm afraid, but you can be straight yet tactful. From the off. If you think you're hurting someone's feelings either you've not got any self-esteem issues or you've given the wrong impression.

Either way I'm sure you agree it's easier to cultivate a friendship into something more rather than the other way round. That's why I think it's important that you are clear in your own mind what you can handle, need, etc.

On the other hand, it's not all about you y'know. She might decide she only wants platonic which leaves you either off the hook or pining from a distance.

Anonymous

nobunaga wrote:

Am I expected to pay for all of the drinks?

No, I would never expect anyone to pay for all of my drinks. It would make me feel as if they were trying to get me drunk.
However, if it was a meal, I would expect the tab to be picked up the first time (Otherwise, how would I know if it was a date?)

Am I expected to make the first move?

Yes, unless I am completely drunk and make the first move myself.

Am I expected to act the well mannered gentleman as I was brought up to be around women or do women preffer bad (badder) boys.

Go with being a gentleman but a bad boy behind closed doors.

Having said all of that, I still think the best thing to do is just to be yourself.
You do not want someone falling for you under a false pretence!!

BTW, where do people meet potential BF's and GF's these days? Where are all the singletons????

All the singletons are watching you through a telescope linked to a webcam. They all think you are a beautiful swan. :shock:

Bunneh

From a lot of experience, women still seem to prefer to let you make the first move; that said quite a few are now very upfront and will literally drag you into the back of their shop (it was an interesting haircut that's for sure).

I'd stay as you are matey, I really would - they say women like bad boys but quite frankly a lot of them just want to feel safe or have someone they can rely on - that feeling of excitement soon wears thin when their boyfriend turns out to be a wanker.

You say you like cuddles and you know full well a lot of women like that too. You're a great person Paul, you will get someone absolutely amazing!

Marie's right as well, having a guy who's 'bad' does give some women a real excitement boost, but when said boyfriend keeps coming home late, never tells you were he is, or even becomes violent it soon becomes clear that it's not the right thing.

/hugs Paul - love you dude in a none gay way (accept weekends, then I'm all yours!)

outofbreath2

[quote="BunnehI'd stay as you are matey, I really would TOO TRUE - they say women like bad boys but quite frankly a lot of them just want to feel safe or have someone they can rely on - that feeling of excitement soon wears thin when their boyfriend turns out to be a wanker.
quote]

Agreed - and I'm sure it's the same for blokes. Apart from the fundamentals, there's little difference between the sexes in this regard. Replace your own word for w@nker, I'm not sure what the female equivalent is.

Av it

outofbreath2 wrote:

[quote="BunnehI'd stay as you are matey, I really would TOO TRUE - they say women like bad boys but quite frankly a lot of them just want to feel safe or have someone they can rely on - that feeling of excitement soon wears thin when their boyfriend turns out to be a wanker.
quote]

Agreed - and I'm sure it's the same for blokes. Apart from the fundamentals, there's little difference between the sexes in this regard. Replace your own word for w@nker, I'm not sure what the female equivalent is.

Im not sure what the word is either but i saw a film about it once and it was good

outofbreath2

[quote="Av it
Im not sure what the word is either but i saw a film about it once and it was good
[/quote]

I should've had money on that... :roll:

dennisn

In truth there is NO MAN who can tell you what women want. Many claim to know, but....

Av it

dennisn wrote:

In truth there is NO MAN who can tell you what women want. Many claim to know, but....

Who cares what they want.......

dennisn

Av it wrote:

dennisn wrote:

In truth there is NO MAN who can tell you what women want. Many claim to know, but....

Who cares what they want.......

Hmmmmmmmmmm. That's going to take some thought.

Aggieboy

I think women expect us to be ourselves, well groomed and have good manners, although you can be excused if you find it difficult to make eye contact, as tits don't have eyes.

Flasheart

Aggieboy wrote:

I think women expect us to be ourselves, well groomed and have good manners, although you can be excused if you find it difficult to make eye contact, as tits don't have eyes.

I know what you mean I do appreciate a nice bustline , but I try not to make it too blatently obvious :roll:

ilm_zero7

Flasheart


Flash
plenty of people in your position, but dont resort to this
"Tony Alleyne decided to turn his flat into a Star Trek spaceship after his wife left him. He now lives amid the transporter deck and LCARS control panels in Hinckley, Leicestershire."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8039807.stm

somehow - I think he is going to be without a new woman for some considerable time!

do you think his chat line might be:

"would you like to come back to my place and we could pretend my Ericcson flip phone is an interstellar communicator?"

or his luck was in

" in my flat we could study inter-modal particle transfer"

Flasheart

Hehe
I've now got it all sorted. I'm just being me and that does seem to be enough..if not more than.
I actually have new lady in my life. Not that I was actually looking for just one yet, it came about rather quickly. In fact I have a couple of ladies "sniffing around" it never rains ..it pours.
AND she likes cycling. That's how we started off. I was coaching her for the L2B that she signed up for. Small town etc. but it turns out we even had the same organiser for the event.
Paul has a lovelly lady that wants to spend time with him..that does me just fine

Trekkies take note :P

Flasheart

OMG ..watched the full BBC video ...no bloody wonder his wife buggered off :shock:

dennisn

Take dancing lessons. Ballroom, swing, cha cha, whatever. Then actually go dancing.
Great for your image with women. And you might even have some fun.

ilm_zero7

Flasheart wrote:

OMG ..watched the full BBC video ...no bloody wonder his wife buggered off :shock:

I know , i could'nt believe it, especially the "sorry this is not from XXXX trek movie bits!

Le Commentateur

Perhaps the video camera operator was his new Trekkie girlfriend...

Anonymous

Felt so Good wrote:

Flasheart


Flash
plenty of people in your position, but dont resort to this
"Tony Alleyne decided to turn his flat into a Star Trek spaceship after his wife left him. He now lives amid the transporter deck and LCARS control panels in Hinckley, Leicestershire."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8039807.stm

somehow - I think he is going to be without a new woman for some considerable time!

do you think his chat line might be:

"would you like to come back to my place and we could pretend my Ericcson flip phone is an interstellar communicator?"

or his luck was in

" in my flat we could study inter-modal particle transfer"

I thought alarm bells went off when, if you went back to a girls place and she has lots of teddies/dolls/cuddly toys everywhere, but this bloke is Defcon 1, what a Nimrod.
Mind you I suppose he is happy.

spen666

SteveR_100Milers wrote:

I'd say above all be yourself, and not try to conform to some generic stereotype, in other words if you want to buy all the drinks because you feel you want to then do so. If you think its too much then go Dutch. I guess it depends on who its with - you will quickly work out whether she is a freeloader taking you for a ride, or genuine. Genuine nice girls often offfer to buy their own drinks which of course as a chivalrous male you can politely insist otherwise.

+1

Flasheart

Last night I had fully planned to spend the evening in the pub with some of the regulars. That was until I got a text from my ladyfriend saying she was going to pick me up at 7:20 to take me to dinner in Bournemouth and to leave my wallet at home. 8)

It was her friends 40th birthday party and there about 25 of us in a Chinese restaurant. She did conceed defeat and that I was able to buy a round of drinks though

Flasheart

dmclite wrote:

I thought alarm bells went off when, if you went back to a girls place and she has lots of teddies/dolls/cuddly toys everywhere, but this bloke is Defcon 1, what a Nimrod.
Mind you I suppose he is happy.

Well when you're THAT far gone, "away with the Fairies" is a happy place to be I suppose