Recently Single Middle Aged Man..what do women expect of me?

Flasheart

I mentioned that I should start this thread on one of my earlier posts, so it's not out of the blue..
Okay...some of you know of my recent personal life woes and have been so very supportive and your sage advice and kind words have helped me more than you can imagine.

To the point.
I know that I have to move on with my life but I've been in a relationship for 18 years and I haven't got a clue what is expected from a single man thesedays. Last weekend a young lady I'd never seen or spoken to before came up to me bought me a drink, kissed me on the cheek and went off with her friends. that really blew me away, and confused me.
I imagine that I'm going to be told to be myself, but as I'm only recently myself rather than 1/2 of a couple for so long, I'm not totally sure who that is.

Have the rules changed that much?

Ladies, what is expected of a man these days?
Am I expected to pay for all of the drinks?
Am I expected to make the first move?
Am I expected to act the well mannered gentleman as I was brought up to be around women or do women preffer bad (badder) boys


I'm 44 and I'm lost in the wilderness (and it's a bit daunting) :oops:

Please note that this is not a p1sstake and I really need sound advice

rob.m

Hi Flasheart,
Am I expected to pay for all of the drinks? = Yes
Am I expected to make the first move? = No not necessarily
Am I expected to act the well mannered gentleman as I was brought up to be around women or do women preffer bad (badder) boys = Not bad boys but boys with a bit of grit I'd say.
Hope this helps buddy, and good luck for the future!

SteveR_100Milers

I'd say above all be yourself, and not try to conform to some generic stereotype, in other words if you want to buy all the drinks because you feel you want to then do so. If you think its too much then go Dutch. I guess it depends on who its with - you will quickly work out whether she is a freeloader taking you for a ride, or genuine. Genuine nice girls often offfer to buy their own drinks which of course as a chivalrous male you can politely insist otherwise.

Homer J

Women are buying you drinks!! You got it sorted. Next time you see this woman you can reciprocate. As for buying all the drinks not a good idea, that's bike money you are wasting.
But if you are really stuck get a copy of this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/184767237X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273565287&sr=1-1

Good luck

CrackFox

I don't think there are any rules. Different women look for different qualities. Most women around your own age will be canny enough to rumble you in short time if you pretend to be something you're not. By your forties you're supposed to be much more comfortable in your own skin and that's an attractive quality in both sexes. Be relaxed, be honest, be good company, be confident and above all, smell nice.

plowmar

So no I said NO riding to a date and offering the date a croggy home.

But seriously be your self, that's the one which is going to be a hit and is the easiest to remember.

You do not need luck but have a happy future.

snakehips

Given your age you might well find yourself very attractive to women a few years younger than yourself whose biological clock is ticking away and who want to have a child while they still have the chance.
I don't know whether you have children or whether you want any but it might be a decision you have to face.

Snake

My Library

mcj78

Sounds like you're off to a good start, next time you see this woman you can ask her to buy you another (cheeky grin essential) I had a similar situation about 2 years ago (although i'm a bit younger) & found most woman are different to be honest - some will sit back & let you buy dinner, then gut the drinks in at the bar later (fair enough, many woman enjoy a bit of chivalry), some expect you to pay for everything all the time (steer clear of them), some expect to go halves (fair enough) & there are a rarer breed which insist on picking up the bill, buying drinks ect. which as a gentleman may seem slightly emasculating (bunny boiler/black market organ supplier/or maybe a geniune diamond - this category's a minefield). The best advice I could give would be to stay polite, charming & hilarious without seeming desperate or needy - got that? Good.

If you don't seem to be meeting the right sort of woman - try one of those online dating sites, I did it for a while & met some nice young ladies - some were plainly just after humping, some were obviously after kids & marriage and some were plain mental, but in my experience there are also some normal attractive women waiting to be savaged I actually met my girlfriend on the bus home from a date with a psycho from an online dating site, she was on the way home from a date with a psycho from another online dating site, true story 8)

Don't put too much pressure on yourself & when in doubt, think "what would the Fonz do?"

J

tebbit

Flash,

Just try to be yourself and enjoy yourself in other peoples company the rest will come with that, all the best for the future.

Tebbit

Av it

Whats expected is that you listen and deliver on instructions on what she needs in bed.

until of course you just know and then...............

BigG67

I was discussing this with some mates lately, all of whom are married but contemplating what "going single" would be like now.

We ended up agreeing that it would indeed be terrifying but that in reality it would be just like it was when we were 18-21 but for different reasons.

Back then it was the belief that if a girl knocked us back we felt that we were unattractive to all women, where as now while our skins are thicker it's more that a mistake is an indication that we're "out of touch" or clumsy.

In truth all women are just people, and each one will be different. Most want to chat and meet others (male and female) and occasionally things can progress.

So in balance we reckoned that (just like 20+ years ago) the best method is be yourself, have a bit of nerve (real or false) and live with the put downs/rejections by remembering that every now and then you will meet someone who is nice, who does like you and would spend some time getting to know you better.

Of course if you're looking to get laid then head for a busy bar, offer to buy the first girl you see a drink and either take it from there or if she says no ask the second girl you see......until you succeed

outofbreath2

Just read your last post on the other thread. Sounds lovely, a common interest already.

But what's the rush?

You've been single just over a month and in that time you've been sorting out new accommodation, rejiging finances, getting on an even keel with the children and facing very dark thoughts and councelling. That's a major task per week since singledom began. Is this week's job really to suss out the etiquette of modern dating.

Obviously this is only on the basis that the OP sounded as though you want a little more involvement than a flesh encounter (or should that be Flash encounter). I'm sure you can sort those evenings out on a more... errr.... instinctive basis.

Absolutely move on but not with a tick list. Agree with others, just be yourself. Although bemused and vulnerable helps. Besides, potential companions worth their salt will understand that there's a process to go through in these situations. Unless they're only after a flash encounter too of course - in which case fill your boots.

What do women expect - sober is always a good start.

It's definitely progress though. well done.

Headhuunter

Or just turn gay. Men are easy to work out - you are one, you know what we want!

daviesee

outofbreath2 wrote:

Just read your last post on the other thread. Sounds lovely, a common interest already.

But what's the rush?

You've been single just over a month and in that time you've been sorting out new accommodation, rejiging finances, getting on an even keel with the children and facing very dark thoughts and councelling. That's a major task per week since singledom began. Is this week's job really to suss out the etiquette of modern dating.

Obviously this is only on the basis that the OP sounded as though you want a little more involvement than a flesh encounter (or should that be Flash encounter). I'm sure you can sort those evenings out on a more... errr.... instinctive basis.

Absolutely move on but not with a tick list. Agree with others, just be yourself. Although bemused and vulnerable helps. Besides, potential companions worth their salt will understand that there's a process to go through in these situations. Unless they're only after a flash encounter too of course - in which case fill your boots.

What do women expect - sober is always a good start.

It's definitely progress though. well done.

+1

Never rely on someone else for your happiness.
If you meet someone that makes you happy, great; but don't rely on it.

JamesB

following on from above after similar relationship end years ago I found it beneficial to be on my own / doing my own thing / sorting out myself for a bit ---there`s enough going on in one`s personal life without rushing into somthing new quickly.
Best wishes

LittleB0b

I havn't read the above - but bear in mind that bikeradar and interaction with women seems to start and end at looking up podium girls skirts. think about that before you take advice from a forum.

If i was you my starting point would be getting to know myself again though - don't go rushing these things. There's some truth in the being happy in yourself before finding happiness with others cliche

Having said all that - I guess it depends what kind of person you want to attract - if you like the kind of girl who want to be treated like a princess then buy all the drinks and make all the running - if you prefere a more balanced (i'm not saying better) dynamic then go for someone who isn't looking for these things.

P.S Rules? wtf - you might have been reading to much cosmopolitan. treat us like humans not some alein species

Splottboy

They expect:
A gentleman in the lounge,

A chef in the kitchen,

A "John Travolta" on the dance floor,

A finacial wizard with finances,

And a Tiger in the bedroom.

If you don't fill the above criteria, give me a ring...

Ben6899

Offer to buy all the drinks, but I'd be wary of any woman who doesn't politely refuse or offer to buy them in return.

MadammeMarie

Flasheart wrote:

Have the rules changed that much?

Ladies, what is expected of a man these days?
Am I expected to pay for all of the drinks?
Am I expected to make the first move?
Am I expected to act the well mannered gentleman as I was brought up to be around women or do women preffer bad (badder) boys


I'm 44 and I'm lost in the wilderness (and it's a bit daunting) :oops:

Please note that this is not a p1sstake and I really need sound advice

Am I expected to pay for all of the drinks? = No
Am I expected to make the first move? = Yes
Am I expected to act the well mannered gentleman as I was brought up to be around women or do women preffer bad (badder) boys = Yes.

Never, ever, ever, EVER get drunk on the first date! Big turn off. You could be George Clooney and nobody will shag you if you do that. Trust me!

Bad boys are exciting when you are a teenager or in your 20's. After that, it's just like having a little boy in a big man's body. Pathetic really.

Good luck!

Pross

Flashy, you seem to have lost your Mojo. Here's a few of your old quotes,http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0526714/quotes I reckon if you go back to your old ways the women will be flocking in

Seriously though (cliche alert!), if they don't like you as you are there's no point in changing for them. Personally, in your position I think I'd just takes things easy and play the field a bit for a while until someone came along who I wanted to be with longer term.[/url]

outofbreath2

Don't sob into your beer either.

Thick Tester

Fill yer boots while you can still lace em.......

carrock

Flasheart wrote:

I mentioned that I should start this thread on one of my earlier posts, so it's not out of the blue..
Okay...some of you know of my recent personal life woes and have been so very supportive and your sage advice and kind words have helped me more than you can imagine.

To the point.
I know that I have to move on with my life but I've been in a relationship for 18 years and I haven't got a clue what is expected from a single man thesedays. Last weekend a young lady I'd never seen or spoken to before came up to me bought me a drink, kissed me on the cheek and went off with her friends. that really blew me away, and confused me.
I imagine that I'm going to be told to be myself, but as I'm only recently myself rather than 1/2 of a couple for so long, I'm not totally sure who that is.

Have the rules changed that much?

Ladies, what is expected of a man these days?
Am I expected to pay for all of the drinks?
Am I expected to make the first move?
Am I expected to act the well mannered gentleman as I was brought up to be around women or do women preffer bad (badder) boys


I'm 44 and I'm lost in the wilderness (and it's a bit daunting) :oops:

Please note that this is not a p1sstake and I really need sound advice

I'd certainly suggest that you don't offer to pay for all drinks/meals, you be as well mannered as you would when speaking to anyone outside of a date situation, and be as easygoing as you would when going for a few beers or a meal with your mates- albeit there's a slight chance you might be required to make the beast with two backs if things go particularly well. :shock:

Gazzaputt

At your age they'll also expect you to be good between the sheets as your age shows experience

crankycrank

And don't talk too much about past relationships. A big turnoff to most dates.

Av it

try shaving before going down

Flasheart

Av it wrote:

try shaving before going down

her or me?

skyd0g

Av it wrote:

try shaving before going down

Are you referring to Flash himself, or suggesting he pauses to indulge in a little topiary before continuing in any further activity?

Av it

skyd0g wrote:

Av it wrote:

try shaving before going down

Are you referring to Flash himself, or suggesting he pauses to indulge in a little topiary before continuing in any further activity?

Interesting and on reflection all three options together seem likely to lead to the most sorry Moist fun.

skyd0g

Badger brush?

Flasheart

OMG this has been a busy thread today.

Okay, I should have been a little more clearer.
No way in the world am I ready to jump into a relationship (or even bed) just yet. If it happens it happens, but I'm not actively looking for a girlfriend or indeed the next ex-Mrs Flasheart.
I was wondering what I should be prepared for when I actually do feel that I'm confident and comfortable with myself. Sort of test the waters for what I may be in for
outofbreath2, you are right my dear. I'm not in a rush and nor should I be.
The tick-box method is how I've actually come to cope with my life of late as my head (and heart) were so scrambled, I had to switch to my work methods to get things in order or I would still be curled up in the corner sobbing.

Plenty of good advice I see posted so far and it's nice to see the ladies of the forum putting their thoughts across.
LittleB0b ...you never me the 1st ex-Mrs Flasheart...I do think she dropped from the Planet Psycob1tch. :twisted:
After my cycle with the lady I mentioned in the other thread (if you read it) I actually felt human again for a while. She made me laugh and smile and that is a big + in my book
At the moment, all I would like is a ladyfriend to maybe share a drink , a meal or a movie with, or even a bike ride. I do prefer the company of women and always have.
i do have all the normal urges don't get me wrong, but I'm old enough to know that there is more to life than sex. (though I wouldn't necessarily say no if the opportunity arose)

Paul