Chat up lines

Roscobob

Following on from the Susan Boyle thread and the numerous ways of describing her lady garden, I thought I'd carry on the laddish tone by giving everyone a chance to share their chat up lines. I'll kick it off.

The names Bond. Unibond. Come here and I'll fill your crack in

STEFANOS4784

I tend to just have a few bevvies and jabber rubbish, rarely works, just met a girl last week though 1st one in about 2 years who didn't tell me to pith off :?

mingmong

I'm a carpet fitter...

militantmandy

My personal favourite was one my mate came out with. "Gis a dance or i''ll shite in yer handbag". Comedy gold!

skellator3

got a couple
Want to go halfers on a bastard
or
do you want to act like a turkey give us a gobble
granted both these tend to lead to a slap

disgruntledgoat

I had a mate who had an astounding track record and all he would say was "'ere y'are girl, gorra light?" I think he could just spot a lass with no self respect a mile away.

Didn't Viz once give away a book of Sid teh Sexist chat-up lines? Stuff like "Want to play carnival? You sit on my face and i'll guess your weight".

mingmong

MingMong wrote:

I'm a carpet fitter...

... fancy a shag :?:

bobtbuilder

"Excuse me Miss, does my hankie smell of Chloroform to you?"

STEFANOS4784

Surely no-ones stupid enough to have actually used any of these :?:

STEFANOS4784

P.S
You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
I've had quite a bit to drink ... and you're beginning to look pretty good.
If you want a carrot, its yours. If you want 24 carrots, keep on walking lady!
Cor! You don't sweat much for a fat bird!
Him - You're gorgeous. I'd really love to invite you out sometime. Her - No, thanks. Him - Awww, come on! Lower your standards a little bit; I did...
We're playing pull a pig; would you fancy being my catch for the night?
Gee your ugly, but I bet you feel good in the dark.
Nice legs... What time do they open?
Courtesy of;
http://www.bestchatuplines.com/

jc4lab

Youre are very very good looking for a fat girl

Anonymous

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven ?

Does heaven know theres an angel missing ?

You have lovely eyes.

My friends reckon you are too good looking to ever talk to me.

I'd like to kiss you but I'm too shy.

I have used all of the above in anger and they have ALL worked. I know they are pukey but hey-ho you gotta do what a mans gotta do.

Roscobob

Have you farted, because you've just blown me away!

You must be a spanner because everytime I look at you my nuts tighten!

Do you like fruit? Suck my willy it's a peach!

I've used the Bond one, the Halvers on a bastard one and the fruit one.

None of them worked!

UncleFred

**Looks at Watch**

"It's ten to two, you'll do"

Rev\'d Gatlin

UncleFred wrote:

**Looks at Watch**

"It's ten to two, you'll do"

? Is this your watch.



She looks very nice. Each to their own.

Anonymous

I know somewhere where there's lots of cake.

pedylan

jc4lab wrote:

Youre are very very good looking for a fat girl

Not a chat up line; but when asked to describe how fat a particular lady is : "She's the type of girl you could date for six months and still find somewhere new to put your hands"

2Phat4Rapha

From my son!

Dad, do you know how to get a fat bird in bed?

Me: no, how do you get a fat bird in bed.

Son: Piece ah cake.

Slow Downcp

Only applies if two girls together - ask the less attractive one if she wants to dance, gives you two options depending on response. If a no, ask her to watch the bags while you dance with her fit mate. If a yes, tell her to go on then while you talk to her fit mate.