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Chat up lines

RoscobobRoscobob Posts: 344
edited September 2009 in The bottom bracket
Following on from the Susan Boyle thread and the numerous ways of describing her lady garden, I thought I'd carry on the laddish tone by giving everyone a chance to share their chat up lines. I'll kick it off.

The names Bond. Unibond. Come here and I'll fill your crack in :lol:


  • :lol:
    I tend to just have a few bevvies and jabber rubbish, rarely works, just met a girl last week though :D 1st one in about 2 years who didn't tell me to pith off :?
  • I'm a carpet fitter...
  • My personal favourite was one my mate came out with. "Gis a dance or i''ll shite in yer handbag". Comedy gold!
  • got a couple
    Want to go halfers on a censored
    do you want to act like a turkey give us a gobble
    granted both these tend to lead to a slap
    dont only ride a bike
  • I had a mate who had an astounding track record and all he would say was "'ere y'are girl, gorra light?" I think he could just spot a lass with no self respect a mile away.

    Didn't Viz once give away a book of Sid teh Sexist chat-up lines? Stuff like "Want to play carnival? You sit on my face and i'll guess your weight".
    "In many ways, my story was that of a raging, Christ-like figure who hauled himself off the cross, looked up at the Romans with blood in his eyes and said 'My turn, sock cookers'"

  • MingMong wrote:
    I'm a carpet fitter...

    ... fancy a shag :?:
  • "Excuse me Miss, does my hankie smell of Chloroform to you?" :wink:
  • Surely no-ones stupid enough to have actually used any of these :?:
  • P.S
    You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
    I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
    I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
    I've had quite a bit to drink ... and you're beginning to look pretty good.
    If you want a carrot, its yours. If you want 24 carrots, keep on walking lady!
    Cor! You don't sweat much for a fat bird!
    Him - You're gorgeous. I'd really love to invite you out sometime. Her - No, thanks. Him - Awww, come on! Lower your standards a little bit; I did...
    We're playing pull a pig; would you fancy being my catch for the night?
    Gee your ugly, but I bet you feel good in the dark.
    Nice legs... What time do they open?
    Courtesy of;
  • jc4labjc4lab Posts: 554
    Youre are very very good looking for a fat girl
  • AnonymousAnonymous Posts: 79,667
    Did it hurt when you fell from heaven ?

    Does heaven know theres an angel missing ?

    You have lovely eyes.

    My friends reckon you are too good looking to ever talk to me.

    I'd like to kiss you but I'm too shy.

    I have used all of the above in anger and they have ALL worked. I know they are pukey but hey-ho you gotta do what a mans gotta do. :wink:
  • Have you farted, because you've just blown me away!

    You must be a spanner because everytime I look at you my nuts tighten!

    Do you like fruit? Suck my willy it's a peach!

    I've used the Bond one, the Halvers on a censored one and the fruit one.

    None of them worked! :lol:
  • **Looks at Watch**

    "It's ten to two, you'll do"
  • UncleFred wrote:
    **Looks at Watch**

    "It's ten to two, you'll do"
    ? Is this your watch.


    She looks very nice. Each to their own.
    If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
  • AnonymousAnonymous Posts: 79,667
    I know somewhere where there's lots of cake.
  • pedylanpedylan Posts: 768
    jc4lab wrote:
    Youre are very very good looking for a fat girl

    Not a chat up line; but when asked to describe how fat a particular lady is : "She's the type of girl you could date for six months and still find somewhere new to put your hands"
    Where the neon madmen climb
  • From my son!

    Dad, do you know how to get a fat bird in bed?

    Me: no, how do you get a fat bird in bed.

    Son: Piece ah cake.
    I may be a minority of one but that doesn't prevent me from being right.
  • Only applies if two girls together - ask the less attractive one if she wants to dance, gives you two options depending on response. If a no, ask her to watch the bags while you dance with her fit mate. If a yes, tell her to go on then while you talk to her fit mate.
    Carlsberg don't make cycle clothing, but if they did it would probably still not be as good as Assos
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