Waaaaayyyy TMI. Burds: read something else.

greg66_tri_v2.0
greg66_tri_v2.0 Posts: 7,172
edited June 2009 in Commuting chat
I realise that the state of the 66 undercarriage is often an issue of concern to the general populace here. Thought I'd share the latest.


[Burds: you've been told. Go read something else. Or do some embroidery. You'll be sorry otherwise. Just remember: Pandora gets remembered for a reason].
















OK. So to describe the sore area, a picture would save time. But not today, perhaps.

Boys: grab the ol' feller (some of you will need two hands for this) and pull him up, so the jewel bag is pulled up.

Right you are. Either side, near the back of the bag, where the top of the leg ends. Find that (those that had to use two hands at stage one will need an assistant right about now. Use someone you trust. Or will never have to look in the eye again).

If you've got to the perineum, you've gone too far (see what I did there? Now go wash your hands and start again). Both sides, near (but not quite at) the back of the bag. Right up there in the depths of the fold. Those're the spots. They're sore. Right now, anyway. Sometimes they're ok. But not right now.

I've decided to attribute this "issue" to my saddle: a Selle Italia SLR (the weenie 135g model). Which is slightly irrational, because the saddle's always there, but the soreness isn't.

Anyhoo, as of now, right now, Bike 1 is sporting a Spesh Toupe. I know a lot of you swear by this saddle, so you lot in particular need to know that this evening, and for the foreseeable future, my undercarriage is in your hands.

I'll report back soon. Thanks for caring.
Swim. Bike. Run. Yeah. That's what I used to do.

Bike 1
Bike 2-A
«13

Comments

  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    I had some rabid bad saddle sores - proper big gob stopper hard and sore jobs. Just where you describe - but you know - better on me.

    I found that chamois cream was required even on my one hour ten commute - kept them at bay and you get to rub your nut sac with cream twice a day - it's win win.

    Or tabasco and drill swarf after a rub down with brillo pad and white spirit.

    In fact I'd suggest the flaggelation treatment first.

    Let us know how you get on.

    Or it could be Tokyo Nob Rot your Mrs picked up from the gardener - you caught it from wearing her underwear?
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • greg66_tri_v2.0
    greg66_tri_v2.0 Posts: 7,172
    Greg T wrote:
    I had some rabid bad saddle sores - proper big gob stopper hard and sore jobs. Just where you describe - but you know - better on me.

    Whose gob were they stopping?

    I s'pose your knuckle dragging arm physiology comes in handy having to reach around your svelte space hopper lines to get down there...
    Swim. Bike. Run. Yeah. That's what I used to do.

    Bike 1
    Bike 2-A
  • bluesacs
    bluesacs Posts: 95
    I think Dr Greg T has pretty much covered the subject there, but it could be leprosy and your testicles are going to detach themselves, just a thought. If it is leprosy you'll need to keep ringing your bell to warn other riders to stay away.
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    Greg66 wrote:
    I s'pose your knuckle dragging arm physiology

    Have you been admiring my Guns again?

    Listen its flattering and all - but let's face it - I could do better.
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Greg, you should stop wearing those starched Y-fronts under your shorts.
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Right you are. Either side, near the back of the bag, where the top of the leg ends. Find that (those that had to use two hands at stage one will need an assistant right about now. Use someone you trust. Or will never have to look in the eye again).


    Errrr... which eye? :shock:


    Did you do something daft when adjusting and catch yourself? I managed to to scratch the sack one time, having failed to note a half broken finger-nail :!: :!:

    Squeal liddle piggie!

    (being serious... I find a small amount of talc down there works wonders in warmer weather, try that)
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • greg66_tri_v2.0
    greg66_tri_v2.0 Posts: 7,172
    Ok. I am not some 17th century Frenchman. I'm not going to powder my nuts.

    Not, I suspect, am I going to slather them in gel. Not on a daily basis at least. Perhaps at the weekends.

    I digress.

    Starched Ys. Hmm. Will think about that. For an entirely different purpose.

    Leprosy would smell bad, right? Like something rotting? Seems ok for now. I'll keep that on the list, but in pencil for now.
    Swim. Bike. Run. Yeah. That's what I used to do.

    Bike 1
    Bike 2-A
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    Oh dear God, I've just eaten lunch ffs.
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    Boils are traditionally associated with God's Punishment on those he despised.

    Have you been over-worshipping your false idol again?
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • greg66_tri_v2.0
    greg66_tri_v2.0 Posts: 7,172
    Greg T wrote:
    Greg66 wrote:
    I s'pose your knuckle dragging arm physiology

    Have you been admiring my Guns again?

    Listen its flattering and all - but let's face it - I could do better.

    It's the tats on them - "Left" and "Rigth" [sic] - I find curiously fascinating. And the fact that they're only the right way round for someone looking at you.
    Swim. Bike. Run. Yeah. That's what I used to do.

    Bike 1
    Bike 2-A
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,061
    perineum = smelly bridge

    I have the very same sores perhaps we could compare them later at the Morpeth or perhaps create some kind of competitive list where we could compare size & number.
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,061
    Oh dear God, I've just eaten lunch ffs.

    Well you girls were warned not to read on :P
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    itboffin wrote:
    perineum = smelly bridge

    I have the very same sores perhaps we could compare them later at the Morpeth or perhaps create some kind of competitive list where we could compare size & number.

    Size of what exactly?
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,061
    itboffin wrote:
    perineum = smelly bridge

    I have the very same sores perhaps we could compare them later at the Morpeth or perhaps create some kind of competitive list where we could compare size & number.

    Size of what exactly?

    Ego :roll:
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Ok. I am not some 17th century Frenchman. I'm not going to powder my nuts.

    We're not talking beauty spots, a willy wig, and silken bows around your bollocks - just enough to dry the area while cycling
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,061
    Ruffles are all the rage isn't that right JG :wink:

    Don't ask :roll:
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    itboffin wrote:
    perineum = smelly bridge

    Perineum = Rumble Strip

    As for the left and right tattoos on said nut sac readable by a third party I can only say how disappointed I am that you didn't comment on the skill required to execute the job using only a unbent paper clip, ink from a smashed biro and shiny tin foil off a Kit Kat as a mirror.

    It's a wonder I didn't draw it all backwards.
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • tailwindhome
    tailwindhome Posts: 19,262
    easy_chair_lg.jpg

    Also, fewer recalls!
    “New York has the haircuts, London has the trousers, but Belfast has the reason!
  • jonginge
    jonginge Posts: 5,945
    itboffin wrote:
    Ruffles are all the rage isn't that right JG :wink:

    Don't ask :roll:
    The perineums seem to be paved with purest green...
    FCN 2-4 "Shut up legs", Jens Voigt
    Planet-x Scott
    Rides
  • Pokerface
    Pokerface Posts: 7,960
    Greg66 wrote:
    Not, I suspect, am I going to slather them in gel. Not on a daily basis at least. Perhaps at the weekends.

    Unfortunately - slathering them in gel is perhaps the best way to prevent the problem. It's something I hate doing, but I hate the alternative even more!
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    ffs stop, I'm in no fit state to laugh this much

    I've had the same spots/lumps. I found savlon rubbed into the sack at least twice a day helped,, or at least took my mind off them :lol:

    However try explaining to the other half why you sitting on the bedroom floor, contorted into a position only seen in a yoga manual, with her make up mirror between your legs :shock:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    ffs stop, I'm in no fit state to laugh this much

    I've had the same spots/lumps. I found savlon rubbed into the sack at least twice a day helped,, or at least took my mind off them

    However try explaining to the other half why you sitting on the bedroom floor, contorted into a position only seen in a yoga manual, with her make up mirror between your legs

    just tell her you're looking for Louis XVIII :wink:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • Chewy Cheeks
    Chewy Cheeks Posts: 234
    slathering them in gel is perhaps the best way to prevent the problem. It's something I hate doing, but I hate the alternative even more!
    He's after a cure surely?
    Perhaps-What alternative ?

    This entire thread is just a Greg66 and GregT pseudo medical I've got the biggest disease/sores competition
    No Babbit No, Look what Birdy doing
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    I did ask her to inspect them for me, but for some strange reason she declined, can't think why :roll:

    Take it from me chaps, asking your loved one to inspect your manky nuts can only end in tears :wink:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • prawny
    prawny Posts: 5,440
    Rich158 wrote:
    ffs stop, I'm in no fit state to laugh this much

    I've had the same spots/lumps. I found savlon rubbed into the sack at least twice a day helped,, or at least took my mind off them :lol:

    However try explaining to the other half why you sitting on the bedroom floor, contorted into a position only seen in a yoga manual, with her make up mirror between your legs :shock:

    You're single now aren't you rich :lol:

    Luckily my father in law used to be a racer and she grew up around some very hairless men. Nut butter doesn't bother her in the slightest, although the little 'un wouldn't be impressed if I left hair in his sudocreme again :oops:
    Saracen Tenet 3 - 2015 - Dead - Replaced with a Hack Frame
    Voodoo Bizango - 2014 - Dead - Hit by a car
    Vitus Sentier VRS - 2017
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,061
    Rich158 wrote:
    I did ask her to inspect them for me, but for some strange reason she declined, can't think why :roll:

    Take it from me chaps, asking your loved one to inspect your manky nuts can only end in tears :wink:

    Not as badly as asking someone else's ....
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • DonDaddyD
    DonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    Greg66 wrote:
    I realise that the state of the 66 undercarriage is often an issue of concern to the general populace here. Thought I'd share the latest.


    [Burds: you've been told. Go read something else. Or do some embroidery. You'll be sorry otherwise. Just remember: Pandora gets remembered for a reason].
















    OK. So to describe the sore area, a picture would save time. But not today, perhaps.

    Boys: grab the ol' feller (some of you will need two hands for this) and pull him up, so the jewel bag is pulled up.

    Right you are. Either side, near the back of the bag, where the top of the leg ends. Find that (those that had to use two hands at stage one will need an assistant right about now. Use someone you trust. Or will never have to look in the eye again).

    If you've got to the perineum, you've gone too far (see what I did there? Now go wash your hands and start again). Both sides, near (but not quite at) the back of the bag. Right up there in the depths of the fold. Those're the spots. They're sore. Right now, anyway. Sometimes they're ok. But not right now.

    I've decided to attribute this "issue" to my saddle: a Selle Italia SLR (the weenie 135g model). Which is slightly irrational, because the saddle's always there, but the soreness isn't.

    Anyhoo, as of now, right now, Bike 1 is sporting a Spesh Toupe. I know a lot of you swear by this saddle, so you lot in particular need to know that this evening, and for the foreseeable future, my undercarriage is in your hands.

    I'll report back soon. Thanks for caring.

    I got to the bit in bold and already have to say that this is the single funniest thing I've read in a long while!!!
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    prawny wrote:
    Rich158 wrote:
    ffs stop, I'm in no fit state to laugh this much

    I've had the same spots/lumps. I found savlon rubbed into the sack at least twice a day helped,, or at least took my mind off them :lol:

    However try explaining to the other half why you sitting on the bedroom floor, contorted into a position only seen in a yoga manual, with her make up mirror between your legs :shock:

    You're single now aren't you rich :lol:

    Luckily my father in law used to be a racer and she grew up around some very hairless men. Nut butter doesn't bother her in the slightest, although the little 'un wouldn't be impressed if I left hair in his sudocreme again :oops:

    your 'father' in law seems to have had a rich and varied past... what with sometimes being a woman..... :wink:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • prawny
    prawny Posts: 5,440
    prawny wrote:
    Rich158 wrote:
    ffs stop, I'm in no fit state to laugh this much

    I've had the same spots/lumps. I found savlon rubbed into the sack at least twice a day helped,, or at least took my mind off them :lol:

    However try explaining to the other half why you sitting on the bedroom floor, contorted into a position only seen in a yoga manual, with her make up mirror between your legs :shock:

    You're single now aren't you rich :lol:

    Luckily my father in law used to be a racer and she grew up around some very hairless men. Nut butter doesn't bother her in the slightest, although the little 'un wouldn't be impressed if I left hair in his sudocreme again :oops:

    your 'father' in law seems to have had a rich and varied past... what with sometimes being a woman..... :wink:

    Noooo by she I obviously meant the wife, that's my pet name for her, or her or you there.
    Saracen Tenet 3 - 2015 - Dead - Replaced with a Hack Frame
    Voodoo Bizango - 2014 - Dead - Hit by a car
    Vitus Sentier VRS - 2017
  • greg66_tri_v2.0
    greg66_tri_v2.0 Posts: 7,172
    prawny wrote:
    Luckily my father in law used to be a racer and she grew up around some very hairless men. Nut butter doesn't bother her in the slightest, although the little 'un wouldn't be impressed if I left hair in his sudocreme again :oops:

    Where'd you grow up?

    Alabama?

    Mississippi?

    East Anglia?
    Swim. Bike. Run. Yeah. That's what I used to do.

    Bike 1
    Bike 2-A