Cycling/Family Balance

jackfeeder

After some tips on the above.
I have 2 daughters (6 & 11mnths) and a wife who likes me to be around!
I can't get out and train as much as I want to.
Getting pi** bored with commuting as my only source of training.
Fed up with the weather this weekend as the only chance I had to get out was v.early before breakfast and it was too icy/dangerous. No chance during the day as xmas preparations were taking priority.
Can't shake off my bad mood unless I get out more, getting v.grumpy too often. No room for a turbo trainer in the house either.
Anyone else in a similar situation and how do you achieve a balance that keeps everyone happy?

disgruntledgoat

No kids myself but i have a friend with 2 young kids (3 and 6 i think) and he basically accepts that when it is icy, he wont train during the week. His wife basically absolves him of any domestic responsibility on Sunday between 0800 and 1400 so he can do what he likes then training-wise.

During the week he does 3x 1 hour sessions on a local loop, so he's never more than 15 minutes frm home, but does everything at race intensity on these to ensure he gets intensity in.

He's also off the hook for the full day when he races, but has an agreement that he'll do 8 a year.

Toks

I know three people who do their turbo training in the garden either late at night or early in the morning. If you really really really really really want to train badly enough you'll find away even if its only 2 or 3 thirty minute sessions a week. Easy for me to say I've only got one child and he's 13. alternative put those competitve juices on hold till the kids are a bit older. Good luck

ut_och_cykla

jackfeeder wrote:

After some tips on the above.
I have 2 daughters (6 & 11mnths) and a wife who likes me to be around!
I can't get out and train as much as I want to.

As much as ypu'd like or as much as you need. Can be different. What do you want to achieve with training? Build training around goals. eg top 20 of a given sportive/ get below x time for tt by end of may etc. train thereafter. Make goals clear to partner and offer time swap - for her to achieve her goals whatever they may be (and yes they can include a whole day shopping with a spa evening and a good meal with the 'gals' )
The bigger child will be able to tolerate a bikeseat (but don't freeze teh little chap) both could come with you in a trailer!
Spinning (which you can do together if you can get a babysitter) team turbo sessions at the local cycling club or in a cycling mates shed?
don't use training as an excuse to get out of teh ouse tho' wifey and lids are worth more than that.
Talk to your partner
Good luck

fuzzynavel

I have a wife and a 10 month old. I manage to get in 3 x 2 hour evening sessions during the week and a 50 miler at some point at the weekend. My wife is quite forgiving though. I go out in the evenings once the little one goes to bed and have about an hour and a half with the wife before bed time. The wife looks after the baby from 10 till 15:00 on saturdaywhile I am on the club run. I then get abused for the rest of the weekend for dropping my responsibilities to get dressed up like a "lycra clad tranny" and ride that "stupid F*cking bike".
Something tells me that she might be slightly jealous of the attention that the bike gets.

SteveR_100Milers

Just close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears and go! Just like I, erm, don't....I know about the grumpy feeling when doing too little, but as Toks says if you really want it, you'll find a way of training somehow. What about late evening riding after kidddies are in bed?

kozzo

Thanks God!!! My wife is from Belgium!!!

BigG67

Each house is different, hell each week is different in each house! So it's hard to give advice.

If you've always cycled you could try discussing that she fell in love with you partly because of your passion for things like cycling. On the other hand if she was around when you took it all up then go back to why you started it and what she was hoping to achieve - slimmer, healthier and longer living husband??

After that talk about your goals and what is reasonable for you both - as the poster above suggests. But you have to comprimise.

Because of this I'm not doing the Etape; the length of training runs is too much (my Mrs gets edgy if I'm out for anything that hits morning and afternoon but is happy with 5/6 shorter rides a week). On the plus side as I work away a lot she knows that cycling is my main/only release and the source of my social life so she gets that it's my "thing".

So in balance she got a VERY expensive spa day and a weekend away with her pals, and I got a 5 day trip to the Alps for a bit of col bagging - Easyjet and camping

With that agreed I'm now on a training programme for that trip and as she signed up for it she is happy with the time - which at the moment is 4-5 hours per week on the turbo and a longer road ride on non-frosty Sundays. Come summer the 07.00 start for longer rides and post kids bed times for evening follow-ups.

BigG67

BTW - I reckon MOST of our wives brag (if you are a certain age) about how much slimmer and fitter we are compared to the other husbands. We need to get credit for that!

That's how I started - one of Mrs G's pal's husband lost 2 stone and started to feel a bit awkward with how I was going...... :shock:

Fitted in perfectly as I was very keen to get back on my bike after a long time away.

Blonde

Hope my partner will be so understanding when I have a baby!

You could try track cycling if there is one near you for a good but short work out. I assume you take it in turns to look after the kids whilst the other goes out, so how long can you look after them whilst she goes out? You may be able to negotiate a longer ride if you can look after the kids for longer whilst your wife has time off. It depends how far you want to cycle, but it is possible to do a good 100km in a half day (4 hours). You may not be able to do this every week though - perhaps fortnightly with a two hour 'fast loop' on alternative weekends? That, plus your commute, plus a turbo/spinning class or track session twice a week perhaps? Also running is a good way to keep fit and though not cycling specific it will help keep you fit and trim and you only need be out for 20 minutes to an hour to get a good workout.

liversedge

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Y0I91rubg

Or more seriously, discuss and negotiate and make up for the time you're training. Failing that just keep singing that man song ...

guv001

Roller, little storage needed.

Shavedlegs

I'm in the same boat - although my children are a little older, 18 months and 4 years.

Over the years I've tried various routines, last year was entirely commute and turbo. I never used my race bike or rode outside (bar commute). It was my best year yet, won 2 races, and became a 2nd Cat in only 6 races. Sadly, my wife's desire to spend time with me meant 6 races was all I could make. You can train anytime, unfortuneately races have their times set, and take up most of the day with travelling.

The year before I trained on a fixed, 4 nights a week between midnight and 2am. I was knackered, but I was needed to helpin the house etc until everyone was asleep. Trouble was my daughter would wake at 6. So I was exhausted most of the time. The weather never stopped me, even raced griting lorries. The police got know me as well.

This year, because my wife wants me about earlier, I've changed jobs to cut my commute. It is now only 15 minutes and hardly counts as training. My turbo packed up, and I'm now on borrowed rollers. I manage to train 3 or 4 times a week, late at night, in the kitchen (I put some cardboard down to soak up the sweat).

I think it is possible to train one way or another. It takes determination and perhaps loss of sleep. Plus, my annoucing the planned routine i.e 1 hour x 4 evenings either as soon as the kids go bed so I spend time with wife, or later when wife has gone to bed, no one is surprised when I slip into lycra to once again cycle on the spot.

None of the above have any relation to why I enjoy cycling, but I train because there may be the odd chance I do make it to a race. I'm converting track racing this year because I'm still upset my year was cut short last year.

The big problem with training in this manner, is that I have no one to compare myself too. Hard to find a training partner at 2am! So I can't whether I'm in good shape or not. If you can make it to races at weekends you're doing better than me.

I've come to terms with the fact that 2nd Cat is as high as I can go because it is mathematically impossible to go higher. Plus I'll never win a series like the Hillingdon winter series, because I can't commit to racing often enough. C'ai la vie.

If it makes you feel any better, my wife isn't the least bit interested in cycling and has never bothered to see me race. In her eyes if I haven't won then I've wasted a morning that would be better spend taking the kids off her hands.

Do what you can,any way you can. If you have any specific problems to over come then together I'm sure we can come up with a solution.

Why not rollers in the kitchen?

I wish races had creches.

timmjackson

Iam not alone.
I always want too train more.If i train 5 hours a week i always want too train 6.and so on.I have 2 young kids and quiet an understanding wife.
Now winter is here she draws a line under riding in the dark so the trainer is the only weekly effort.Then one long ride at weekend.
The race season/sportive seemed a long slog away only on that so tried a bit of running.Only short efforts to start with but half hour
plus seems to do the trick.Could you try that?

Gav888

fuzzynavel wrote:

I then get abused for the rest of the weekend for dropping my responsibilities to get dressed up like a "lycra clad tranny" and ride that "stupid F*cking bike".

That is funny.... but I havent got that problem myself... yet.

My daugther is only 2 months old but the only thing stopping me from 3 x 1hr sessions a week is the weather! We will see if I get the above responses when she is a bit older and more of a hand full!! :?

disgruntledgoat

Forgot to mention in my first post but my girlfriend is officially the only person in the world ever to get annoyed at her partner drinking less, exercising more and losing weight.

And when i lived at home my mother thought that training and racing was a guilt trip aimed solely at her sedantry lifestyle.

tlw1

I always get up with the kids at the w.end & after she drags herself out of bed off I go on the bike!

I also block w.ends, ie, if I am working on a Sat morning, she knows I am gone for the day, because I will either cycle in & back (35 miles each way) or go mountain biking.

In the week she goes to boxing two nights & I have an early dart from work to look after the kids.

It is all about comprimise, therefore make sure she does something she wants & you do something you want.

Re: wife annoyed re losing weight - I think our wifes might be related!

jackfeeder

In the sumer it's no problem - commuting is nice, up early on wkends - back for breakfast most of the time and out a couple of nights a week.
Winter - arghhh, it's so annoying.
Anyway, this morning progress has been made.
Thought I'd give it a go even though it looked icy. In under 20 minutes came off twice on ice. Rang my wife to pick me up as the rest of my route looked too dangerous, she couldn't so went home v.carefully. Obviously she was concerned for my safety and pleased to see me in one piece. (I had a MTB crash last year when she was 7mnths pregnant and smashed my thumb joint - off work for 7 weeks, in plaster for 5 - so she worries whenever I go out).
She has agreed for me to get a turbo trainer which as long as I can make room for it and it folds up out of the way I can use in the kitchen. Hurrrah.
I think she has realised that I'm safer in the house, not far away if she needs a hand and I'll be happy pedalling away in the kitchen.
Ok - any turbo trainers you would recommend (cheaper end of the price scale) and maybe trainer tyres (26").
Ta for the advice so far, I suppose there is always a way round things when you think clearly about them.

Toks

disgruntledgoat wrote:

Forgot to mention in my first post but my girlfriend is officially the only person in the world ever to get annoyed at her partner drinking less, exercising more and losing weight.
.

Yeah i had one of those. In the end she had to go, not becaue of cycling though My new girlfriend has just become a proper cyclist and comes to races. Perfect

disgruntledgoat

She's a keeper Toks, her main plus points in a cycling context are that her interest in it extends no further than asking where i went and that she doesn't mind the pile of festering kit that gathers in the spare room through the week. Oh, and she lets me go away on my own to France for riding.

Horses for courses I guess!

ColinJ

I know it is probably obvious, but it's worth saying...

If you use a turbo trainer when your kids are around - don't let them come anywhere near the bike!

I remember reading a few years back about a small child putting a hand where he shouldn't...

jackfeeder

The turbo trainer would only appear after/before they go to bed/get up. They keep me too busy during waking hours!!!

chrisw12

What's the world coming to?

Words like compromise and wives telling husbands what to do. :roll:

Go out and do what you want, ride when you want. What's the worse she can do, leave you. Great you can train whenever you want then, problem solved. Saying that she'll never do it anyway.

Don't want to take that approach then plan b

Lie, go out when you want but don't tell her.

or plan c

Find a mate who plays golf/rugby/football/likes getting drunk and explain to your wife that you could be like him instead.

guv001

Plan B for me always as its less hastle.

SteveR_100Milers

Blimey, and I thought I was hard done by!! I guess since my kids are older there isnt the need to share the time consuming and exhausting rsponsibility of continoulsy monitoring a smal child/baby.
we find the best way is to split the week for my cycling nights and her aerobics nights.

mrushton

Women and bikes eh! I'm lucky that I met my partner thro'cycling and she is v.enthusiastic and can leave a lot of riders eating dust,but others see the bike as a 'rival' that consumes money and time. Of course, football/beer etc don't do that. Unfortunately cycling is a v.selfish hobby.

dsmiff

Just wait till they grow up a bit and you'll have a riding partner whenever you want.

I get a free pass every weekend. On Saturday take the youngest out on his road bike, me on a mountain bike to even things up, on Sunday either a long road ride or a hard blast round Llandegla with the eldest and we even manage a night ride on a Wednesday together.

Even better I get to avoid the football runs most weekends

Now working on the wife about buying a tandem.

320DMsport

My wife tends to nod off to sleep around 10pm so i can go on the turbo when eveyone is asleep!

Can't complain what you do when they sleep, same for early rides, i'll get up and go and come back before she is up, obviously when icy not so good.

But i don't mind doing a turbo session at 10.30pm or 6am whichever i can squeeze in.

At the end of the day you only live once, it's a hobby that makes you happy, if your partner loves you she will understand, i'd never stop my wife doing something she loved, it would make her miserable.

Plus like already said, your not down the pub watching football getting wrecked and chatting birds up, coming in pi55ed then being sick and wasting the next day with a hang over, i know lots of lads like that.

Your going out on your bike for 2 or 3 hours and you will be real happy and willing to help once your home!

Simple Eh!...

Also i do alot in the house so if the jobs are done then off i can go.

But i'm off mondays so i can get a long ride in then.

mclarent

320DMsport wrote:

Your going out on your bike for 2 or 3 hours and you will be real happy and willing to help once your home!

... once I've had a little sleep that is!!

Tom Butcher

I'm all for being a new man - but when you have to get agreement from the missus to get a turbo trainer or the wife bans you from training after dark then haven't things got a little bit out of hand ?

ut_och_cykla

Tom Butcher wrote:

I'm all for being a new man - but when you have to get agreement from the missus to get a turbo trainer or the wife bans you from training after dark then haven't things got a little bit out of hand ?

I 'm not sure its got anything to do with new man - its called politeness in my book. If your wife wanted to use say your garden shed for e.g. knitting when you were in bed - she'd ask wouldn't she and you'd say ok then but please don't leave teh needles around for me to impale myself on.

Family commitments are just that - for the family to deal with - both of teh adults and even teh kids in as far as they can for thier age. Communication avoids problems later on surely