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Revenge Fantasies

LittigatorLittigator Posts: 1,262
edited December 2008 in Commuting chat
On the back of some of the posts in reply to Greg66s incident this morning, here's a bit of fun to lighten a grey day.

Tell us all about the little daydreams you have after a nasty event. Do you dream you had a gun (ohh crikey...really?), or that you could reach into the car pull out their keys and throw them into the river (a la Jashburnham) or simply give them a polite talking to whilst they hang their head in shame and start crying (aahh bless).

Come on, what would you really like to do?
Roadie FCN: 3

Fixed FCN: 6
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Posts

  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    :lol:

    Oooooh fun!

    Where my place in Essex is it's all clay soil and flint... I entertained the idea for a long time of finding a big sharp piece of flint, attaching it to my bike or puttin git in a saddle bag and using it to stick holes/scratches in vehicles who I felt wronged me - coming too close etc.

    Then in my daydreams I'd put it down to them colliding with me...

    Also chariot-style wheel spikes make from bmx wheel pegs, a cattle prod to zap scooter/motorbike riders who cut me up, crampons on my cycling shoes to kick vehicles too close to me and cause more damage (pre-SPDs I used to kick vehicles overtaking too close), oooh i could go on all day!! :twisted:
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • spen666spen666 Posts: 17,709
    I dream of peace & harmony on the roads
    Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
    Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com

    Twittering @spen_666
  • BikerbaboonBikerbaboon Posts: 1,017
    spen666 wrote:
    I dream of peace & harmony on the roads
    because i managed to kill all other road users :shock:
    Nothing in life can not be improved with either monkeys, pirates or ninjas
    456
  • Eat My DustEat My Dust Posts: 3,965
    I've always thought about tracking Spen666 down and letting the air out of his tyres!
    SNAPS
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    handlebar mounted rocket launchers?

    this is an oft re-occuring fantasy of when some dip-stick cuts me up. Right next to the gear levers an extra button.... Mounted to the outside of the handlebar is a mini heat-seeking missile that disappears up the exhaust pipe of said idiot and FOOM!
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • LittigatorLittigator Posts: 1,262
    My personal favourite would be a mini EMP (electro magnetic pulse) weapon. Anyone who p*sses me off would get a quick blast from that, it has no effect on humans at all but completely fries all electrics within a given radius.

    No more car engine, on board computer, radio, air-con, power steering. Car stopped and dead in the middle of the road.

    tee hee
    Roadie FCN: 3

    Fixed FCN: 6
  • girv73girv73 Posts: 842
    The simple satisfaction gained from sailing past them as they sit in the queue that they wronged me to get into is enough for me.

    Until I can get a bike with a frikkin' laser beam, that is.
    Today is a good day to ride
  • LittigatorLittigator Posts: 1,262
    Eat My Dust wrote:
    I've always thought about tracking Spen666 down and letting the air out of his tyres!

    Wow, chill out man, peace and all that yeah! :wink:
    Roadie FCN: 3

    Fixed FCN: 6
  • il_principeil_principe Posts: 9,146
    Littigator wrote:
    My personal favourite would be a mini EMP (electro magnetic pulse) weapon. Anyone who p*sses me off would get a quick blast from that, it has no effect on humans at all but completely fries all electrics within a given radius.

    No more car engine, on board computer, radio, air-con, power steering. Car stopped and dead in the middle of the road.

    tee hee

    Man I love this idea. Of course I'd have to shield my phone and cycle computer somehow. I must admit that I did once snap someone's wing mirror off. To be fair he had repeatedly nudged my back wheel so fully deserved it. On the downside his sudden loss of a mirror must have done nothing to make his driving safer. In my defence though I was in an exceedingly foul mood and he fully deserved it. I've never done anything else like that since.
    2015 Canyon Aeroad CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Ultimate CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Inflite SL 7
    On the Strand
    Crown Stables
  • GussioGussio Posts: 2,452
    I would like to dole out instant justice using one of those cattle bolt guns that Anton Chigurh has in No Country for Old Men. The compressed gas cannister could be slung under the top tube and the flexible hose would make it easy to reach into car windows, across to scooters, etc..
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    You know - it wouldn't be THAT hard to strap a paintball gun to your bike. I have an electronic trigger on mine that could easily be remotely activated. Not to mention it also sets it as a fully automatic gun firing around 20 shots a second.... hmmmmm...... Good for a couple of hundred feet with the barrel I have attached.

    This could work :twisted:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • ride_wheneverride_whenever Posts: 13,279
    there is a blacksmith round here (think 6'4" shaved head and huge) who just carries an old chain, and he attacks and cars who piss him off.

    I like the idea of a waterbottle filled with dot5 fluid, that'll take the paint off nicely.
    Neeermad
    Carbon 456
    456 lefty
    Pompino
    White Inbred
  • spen666spen666 Posts: 17,709
    Bikerbaboon wrote:
    spen666 wrote:
    I dream of peace & harmony on the roads
    because i managed to kill all other road users :shock:

    Shhhhh you said you wouldn't repeat that part of my daydream
    Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
    Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com

    Twittering @spen_666
  • knight2kknight2k Posts: 119
    I'd like to be able to summon the Birdmen from Flash Gordon to swoop in and attack any vehicles I feel are not gracing me with proper consideration.
    FCN 8 - Touring Bike with panniers.

    http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/Darren

    http://www.amershamrcc.co.uk/
  • biondinobiondino Posts: 5,990
    Oooh the paint solvent one is a great idea - they'd be all like "oh Mr big cyclist, squirting water at me, I'm so scared" only to get home and find you've sprayed "censored " on their paintwork...

    My revenge fantasies seldom involve me doing things - too scared of comeback - but inevitably the offender ends up having some kind of accident or personal loss, always due to their own stupidity or arrogance.
    My Focus / My Bob Jackson
    Blog (incl. bikes)
  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    jashburnham wrote:
    Littigator wrote:
    My personal favourite would be a mini EMP (electro magnetic pulse) weapon. Anyone who p*sses me off would get a quick blast from that, it has no effect on humans at all but completely fries all electrics within a given radius.

    No more car engine, on board computer, radio, air-con, power steering. Car stopped and dead in the middle of the road.

    tee hee

    Man I love this idea. Of course I'd have to shield my phone and cycle computer somehow. I must admit that I did once snap someone's wing mirror off. To be fair he had repeatedly nudged my back wheel so fully deserved it. On the downside his sudden loss of a mirror must have done nothing to make his driving safer. In my defence though I was in an exceedingly foul mood and he fully deserved it. I've never done anything else like that since.

    I also LOVE the EMP idea... I wonder if you could make it directional so as not to fry your own kit...

    It seems from google that they are possibly in use by the armed forces, and maybe even DIY-buildable....

    BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA :twisted:
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • giltkidgiltkid Posts: 53
    I actually have a bit of a revenge dilemma - last week I was a hundred feet from home when a car overtook me on a very narrow 'traffic calmed' bend so close that i still don't know how he didn't hit me. One of those deliberate 'lets put the sh!ts into the cyclist' manoueveres. I even chased him for about 1/4 mile in a huge temper but lost him. I got a good look at the car though - midnight blue focus estate with no wheel trims and the first three digits of the plate. Anyhow on Monday afternoon I was picking my daughter up from school about a mile away and guess which car I see parked up in one the streets by the school! It was there yesterday as well so now there's nothing stopping me putting any one of a number of revenge fantasies into effect. I've thought about waiting to catch the driver so I can explain how disappointed with is attitude to cyclists I am but actually I think I'm just gonna go round late and pour a tin of thinners over his car with a note not to mess with people on bikes. Would this be wrong?
  • CorianderCoriander Posts: 1,326
    giltkid wrote:
    I actually have a bit of a revenge dilemma - last week I was a hundred feet from home when a car overtook me on a very narrow 'traffic calmed' bend so close that i still don't know how he didn't hit me. One of those deliberate 'lets put the sh!ts into the cyclist' manoueveres. I even chased him for about 1/4 mile in a huge temper but lost him. I got a good look at the car though - midnight blue focus estate with no wheel trims and the first three digits of the plate. Anyhow on Monday afternoon I was picking my daughter up from school about a mile away and guess which car I see parked up in one the streets by the school! It was there yesterday as well so now there's nothing stopping me putting any one of a number of revenge fantasies into effect. I've thought about waiting to catch the driver so I can explain how disappointed with is attitude to cyclists I am but actually I think I'm just gonna go round late and pour a tin of thinners over his car with a note not to mess with people on bikes. Would this be wrong?

    Of course it would wrong. Which doesn't mean it wouldn't be extremely satisfying. :wink:

    But I wouldn't do it... though I would be tempted to find the driver somehow and have a word with them.
  • LittigatorLittigator Posts: 1,262
    Oh don't go for the thinners you risk being done for criminal damage....far more satisfying to go for the anonymous passive/aggresive note putting all your arguments as to why he is a complete and utter TW*T nice and clearly :D
    Roadie FCN: 3

    Fixed FCN: 6
  • GussioGussio Posts: 2,452
    giltkid wrote:
    I actually have a bit of a revenge dilemma - last week I was a hundred feet from home when a car overtook me on a very narrow 'traffic calmed' bend so close that i still don't know how he didn't hit me. One of those deliberate 'lets put the sh!ts into the cyclist' manoueveres. I even chased him for about 1/4 mile in a huge temper but lost him. I got a good look at the car though - midnight blue focus estate with no wheel trims and the first three digits of the plate. Anyhow on Monday afternoon I was picking my daughter up from school about a mile away and guess which car I see parked up in one the streets by the school! It was there yesterday as well so now there's nothing stopping me putting any one of a number of revenge fantasies into effect. I've thought about waiting to catch the driver so I can explain how disappointed with is attitude to cyclists I am but actually I think I'm just gonna go round late and pour a tin of thinners over his car with a note not to mess with people on bikes. Would this be wrong?

    If we are talking fantasy, how about a burning rag in the petrol tank....?
  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    Littigator wrote:
    Oh don't go for the thinners you risk being done for criminal damage....far more satisfying to go for the anonymous passive/aggresive note putting all your arguments as to why he is a complete and utter TW*T nice and clearly :D

    Good thing we've got someone on here to make sure we don't get carried away with our vengeful thoughts...

    Anyhow. EMP gun?

    Any physicists?
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    I'd always do the fish in the cabin air intake. He'll never get the smell out.
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    Kieran_Burns wrote:
    I'd always do the fish in the cabin air intake. He'll never get the smell out.

    or the holes from a hole punch... teeheehee!
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • Jay dubbleUJay dubbleU Posts: 3,197
    Flock of trained seagulls to censored all over his paintwork :)
  • LittigatorLittigator Posts: 1,262
    I may resort to carrying a pocketful of stink bombs. The only risk is crashing and self-inflicting them
    Roadie FCN: 3

    Fixed FCN: 6
  • linsenlinsen Posts: 1,959
    I would like to morph into an armoured tank and pull out on them when they are driving slowly past a turning. A fast moving tank that is....
    Emerging from under a big black cloud. All help welcome
  • c12345c12345 Posts: 99
    On a practical but purile front, lifting the windscreen wipers into the vertical postion causes no lasting damage, but it does force the driver to stop, and get out the car to put them back.
  • ride_wheneverride_whenever Posts: 13,279
    It would be awesome to have a tank, batman style...

    Some a*sehole cuts you up and later they get the censored scared out of them...
    Neeermad
    Carbon 456
    456 lefty
    Pompino
    White Inbred
  • ride_wheneverride_whenever Posts: 13,279
    c12345 wrote:
    On a practical but purile front, lifting the windscreen wipers into the vertical postion causes no lasting damage, but it does force the driver to stop, and get out the car to put them back.

    Didn't some guy on here do that to a mate, they slammed down and broke the windscreen...
    Neeermad
    Carbon 456
    456 lefty
    Pompino
    White Inbred
  • LittigatorLittigator Posts: 1,262
    ride_whenever wrote:
    c12345 wrote:
    On a practical but purile front, lifting the windscreen wipers into the vertical postion causes no lasting damage, but it does force the driver to stop, and get out the car to put them back.

    Didn't some guy on here do that to a mate, they slammed down and broke the windscreen...

    I think that's a brilliant one so long as the windscreen doesn't break.

    Annoyance factor 10
    Damage factor 0
    Roadie FCN: 3

    Fixed FCN: 6
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