Your rants here.

mudcow007

facking optical connections

that is all........

jedster

Why oh why oh why am I so predictably disorganised about my station bike maintenance. It's not that I'm COMPLETELY hamfisted incompetent, it's just the one little mistake that means that things take three times as long...

My station bike lives at Paddington and never gets home so I have to do the occasional maintenance in the street. To do that I have to master the logistics of getting all the tools and bits together in the same place at the same time. I'm utterly useless T that. Consider this latest escapade...

Jobs to do: replace tyres, replace sprocket, replace chain

Attempt one - bring wheels up to my office to fit new tyres. Remove tyres with new speedlever (wow!), wash rims in loos, get new 650 marathon pluses. Hang on. These look a bit big. Surely 650 = 26". In fact it says 26x something on the tyres. Consult internet. BALLCOCKS!! Refit old tyres. Ah well, may as well do the sprocket and chain. Right there's the lock ring tool, let's find the spanner... BALLCOCKS!! Go home.

Attempt two - succeed in fitting tyres that are the right size. Have remembered spanner. Unfortunately it's the wrong size but I manage to bodge it. Unfasten old chain, line up new chain. Open chain tool from multi tool to shorten chain. That's funny, you need an allen key to turn the chain toll. Search bag. Try with fingers. BALLCOCKS!! Fit old chain and go home. On train - isn't it odd that they don't provide an allen key to turn the chain tool. Hang on... memory surfaces dimly from shrouds of time. Doesn't one of the sides of the multi-tool unclip...BALLCOCKS!!

Attempt three - all going well. Have shortened chain and am just about to connect the kmc link. Hang on... it conects to an "inner" link not an outer link and I've left an outer. I'll have to remove the outer. Now it's too short. BALLCOCKS!! Cue lots of unenjoyable frigging with salvaged links but in the end I am victorious.

This is why I aim for low-maintenance commuter bikes. Probably less valuable to people who are less shambolic.

If I start to express any enthusiasm for the frankenbike contest will someone please shoot me. THAT IS ALL.
J

W1

^ this is usually me.

Can I suggest a Borris Bike subscription?

jedster

No. No you can't.

nickel

To the lorry driver who left me less than 1ft of space whilst overtaking me on the A30 earlier today, you absolute c***. On a happier note the lorry driver who passed me 10 minutes later pulled completely to the other side of the road whilst doing so, and for that I thank you!

cjcp

Why do people where their jeans below their @rse when they can't walk with bended knees?

Can\'tPedalSlowly

Veronese68 wrote:

Can\'tPedalSlowly wrote:

Does anyone else commute through Kingston-upon-Thames and continually get cut-up round the one-way system after emerging from under the railway bridge? I now plant myself in the middle of the left-hand lane in the hope that if someone still decides at the last minute to turn left they properly run over the top of me instead of merely swiping my front wheel.

Which railway bridge? The one way system is pretty bad ('kin awful) and people swerve all over the place. I tend to use cycle paths to get through Kingston town centre.

Travelling West-East after you have passed TGI Friday's, under the railway then as the road curves around to the right you get all manner of lunatic turning left to go up Kingsgate Rd without any warning, indicating and (quite frequently,) from the middle lane cutting across not just cyclists like myself but everyone else in the outside lane. If I had a pound....

redvee

Girls, if you're going to wear very short and tight dresses cna you not stand on the edge of the pavement and draw my attention away from the road. I'd rather get up close and personal with your bodies and not the body of a car.

asprilla

To the lady in the park this evening:

Yes, I over / undertook you on the left and you got a shock. I'm sorry but since you didn't let me explain and instead just kept hurling abuse until I road off, on the off chance you read this then allow me to explain.

Apparently you were on the right of the lane because you were overtaking the car that was reversing. That would be the car that was in a side road, wasn't moving and didn't have it's reverse lights on? The reason it wasn't reversing was that it had seen what was behind it; you, me and a load of cars. You too would have seen them as well if you had bothered to look over your shoulder before moving out. Similarly you would have seen the car that was going to overtake you as you pulled out without indicating have to brake and pull right in order to avoid you when you weaved across the road.

It was at this point that I moved left in order to avoid the heavily braking car, decided you were a danger best avoided and went past you as quickly as I could.

Cow.

asprilla

Apparently I'm so ranty that I had to post it twice.

wyadvd

Mr Sworld wrote:

wyadvd wrote:

My Rant

Is too ******* long to read... MTFU.

Ill rant on for as long as I like.

And when It comes to my daughter noone tells me to MTFU ok?

georgee

Yesterdays commute, fckuwits everywhere, and I got stung by a frickin wasp.

And to the LD rider, when I told mentioned that you were behaving like an utter weapon, pleased don't look utterly confused and as though anyone could ever take offense to you behaving like a complete nobber..

rolf_f

wyadvd wrote:

Mr Sworld wrote:

wyadvd wrote:

My Rant

Is too ******* long to read... MTFU.

Ill rant on for as long as I like.

And when It comes to my daughter noone tells me to MTFU ok?

What has your daughter got to do with your inability to get to the point in under four paragraphs?

MTFU

optimisticbiker

To the doddery old man and his equally batty poker faced missus in the beat up corsa...when you clip someone's arm with your wing mirror its customary to slow down and preferably acknowledge your mistake and check all is ok, not weave all over the f**king place then jump a red light. Oh you were apologetic enough eventually when I caught up with you, after trying to tell me you didnt hit me, then blaming me for riding in the road! I pity you, does your wife ever shut up or maybe you're immune to the continuous drivel she spouted...
:twisted:

wyadvd

How verbose would you like me to be?

The point of my rant was to make the point that my journey is a practical one. I have real time limits on when and where I need to be , just like mr white van driver, who seems to think that all cyclists are on the road for pure leisure purposes.

In what way being over verbose has anything at all to do with manning the F up , someone will have to enlighten me (my wife is notoriously monosyallabic BTW)

W1

wyadvd wrote:

And when It comes to my daughter noone tells me to MTFU ok?

Will somebody think of the Children??????

cornerblock

wyadvd wrote:

My Rant;





.

(I know this is boring)
Now this is what really gets my GOAT!!:

its white van driver honking me on the dual carriageway telling me to use the cycle path. If you are reading this white van man JUST F$C& the hell off you @rsehole!! Making sure I get to pick up my daughter from nursery is more impoortant to me than satisfying your ignorant misinformed Neanderthal grunting. Just F off! I don't ride my bike to placate your ignorance, or maintain your personal mental hygiene, I ride it to get home every single day of my working life. I've sold a car because I use no other vehicle.

Rant over

(Edit)

suzyb

ffs no one is making you read the rants. If it's too big a wall of text then simply move on to the next post.

cornerblock

suzyb wrote:

ffs no one is making you read the rants. If it's too big a wall of text then simply move on to the next post.

See that's the way to do it.

veronese68

Can\'tPedalSlowly wrote:

Veronese68 wrote:

Can\'tPedalSlowly wrote:

Does anyone else commute through Kingston-upon-Thames and continually get cut-up round the one-way system after emerging from under the railway bridge? I now plant myself in the middle of the left-hand lane in the hope that if someone still decides at the last minute to turn left they properly run over the top of me instead of merely swiping my front wheel.

Which railway bridge? The one way system is pretty bad ('kin awful) and people swerve all over the place. I tend to use cycle paths to get through Kingston town centre.

Travelling West-East after you have passed TGI Friday's, under the railway then as the road curves around to the right you get all manner of lunatic turning left to go up Kingsgate Rd without any warning, indicating and (quite frequently,) from the middle lane cutting across not just cyclists like myself but everyone else in the outside lane. If I had a pound....

Yes, I pass TGI Fridays in the filter lane, go under the little railway bridge and come out by Sainsbury's to avoid that bit. Unless traffic is heavy when I carry on as I know how much people in cages like to see bicycles cruise effortlessly past them.

veronese68

Cornerblock wrote:

suzyb wrote:

ffs no one is making you read the rants. If it's too big a wall of text then simply move on to the next post.

See that's the way to do it.

And surely a rant is allowed to go on longer than is entirely necessary, After all it's a rant, not a short cuss.

SimonAH

In actual fact the OED definition is;

speak or shout at length in an angry, impassioned way:
she was still ranting on about the unfairness of it all

Ergo unless you are going to be a little long winded you have no damn business posting in this thread do you hear?? In fact just last Wednesday I was...................................................................................................................................................................................................................etc.

Drysuitdiver

wyadvd wrote:

How verbose would you like me to be?

The point of my rant was to make the point that my journey is a practical one. I have real time limits on when and where I need to be , just like mr white van driver, who seems to think that all cyclists are on the road for pure leisure purposes.

In what way being over verbose has anything at all to do with manning the F up , someone will have to enlighten me (my wife is notoriously monosyallabic BTW)

She likely can't get a word in edgeways

jonny_trousers

To the fat, heart-attack-waiting-to-happen sat slap bang in the middle of the ASL who had the utter gal to suggest me positioning myself in front of you was a "bad place to park",

Can I just clarify that when I eventually suggested you go f*ck yourself after your rage at me pointing out how you were the one in the wrong for coming to a stop where you did, I meant for you to do so with a baseball bat up your oversized backside and not for you to enjoy the pleasures of your fist.

I positioned myself in front of you because I suspected you were about to turn left - which you subsequently did - despite the fact that you were not indicating so. Even if, like me, you had been continuing straight ahead, I would have beaten your crappy, little car across the junction no problem whatsoever. You screaming, like a bad father to his petulant six-year-old child, "Don't argue!" was perhaps your finest moment and it really did make me consider the error of my ways.

May your extreme bitterness burn a hole through your stomach lining.

Jonny

x

cornerblock

Jonny_Trousers wrote:

To the fat, heart-attack-waiting-to-happen sat slap bang in the middle of the ASL who had the utter gal to suggest me positioning myself in front of you was a "bad place to park",

Can I just clarify that when I eventually suggested you go f*ck yourself after your rage at me pointing out how you were the one in the wrong for coming to a stop where you did, I meant for you to do so with a baseball bat up your oversized backside and not for you to enjoy the pleasures of your fist.

I positioned myself in front of you because I suspected you were about to turn left - which you subsequently did - despite the fact that you were not indicating so. Even if, like me, you had been continuing straight ahead, I would have beaten your crappy, little car across the junction no problem whatsoever. You screaming, like a bad father to his petulant six-year-old child, "Don't argue!" was perhaps your finest moment and it really did make me consider the error of my ways.



May your extreme bitterness burn a hole through your stomach lining.

Jonny

x

Now that's a rant,
A fine rant there Jonny. No calm, precise and unnecessary background information, just straight in there with a bit of spleen venting. All the facts were there to allow us all to feel as angry towards the motorist as yourself. It's a rant to be proud of. And the x at the end is a masterstroke.
Being told "Don't argue!" by this motorist would have had me falling off the bike laughing. There really are some nobs out there.

jonny_trousers

Cornerblock wrote:

Jonny_Trousers wrote:

To the fat, heart-attack-waiting-to-happen sat slap bang in the middle of the ASL who had the utter gal to suggest me positioning myself in front of you was a "bad place to park",

Can I just clarify that when I eventually suggested you go f*ck yourself after your rage at me pointing out how you were the one in the wrong for coming to a stop where you did, I meant for you to do so with a baseball bat up your oversized backside and not for you to enjoy the pleasures of your fist.

I positioned myself in front of you because I suspected you were about to turn left - which you subsequently did - despite the fact that you were not indicating so. Even if, like me, you had been continuing straight ahead, I would have beaten your crappy, little car across the junction no problem whatsoever. You screaming, like a bad father to his petulant six-year-old child, "Don't argue!" was perhaps your finest moment and it really did make me consider the error of my ways.



May your extreme bitterness burn a hole through your stomach lining.

Jonny

x

Now that's a rant,
A fine rant there Jonny. No calm, precise and unnecessary background information, just straight in there with a bit of spleen venting. All the facts were there to allow us all to feel as angry towards the motorist as yourself. It's a rant to be proud of. And the x at the end is a masterstroke.
Being told "Don't argue!" by this motorist would have had me falling off the bike laughing. There really are some nobs out there.

Thank you Cornerblock! This particular knob-end was a special case and he would have seriously p*ssed me off had his little scream as he turned the corner not been so funny.

MaxwellBygraves

Jonny_Trousers

Good rant! Sounds like a SpeedKing type, DONT ARGUE!!! Do SOMETHING!!

optimisticbiker

To the fat squat little b*stard and his dork of a wife that turned across the bike lane in Kingsbury without signalling and squashed me as they tried to get into a parking space that wasn't big enough anyway...

1/ You didnt look 2/ Your wife's excuse that 'we wanted to park' doesnt excuse your total incompetance and stupidity 3/ you didnt look 4/ indicators have a use, they are not there for show 5/ if the space isnt big enough to drive into you should reverse parallel park... tho I suspect your incompetance doesnt extend to such a skill 6/ squashing me and clipping the bumper of the other parked car and then trying to make out it didnt happen when there's green paint from your crappy old 'N' reg Honda Civic on there isnt going to make me calm down... 7/ you are a class pillock but at least you had the sense to ask if I was OK and apologise unlike your snide mouthed a**ehole of a wife...

It a good thing the rear wing of your rust bucket was so...rusty... so I actually put a sizeable dent in it rather than being crushed.... personally I think your car should be crushed... with you and your wife in it...

Damage report....

Bent and scratched brifter on LH side - still works but brakes are stiff, might just need repositioning scraped paint of ends of both pedals lovely gash on left ankle where pedal was pressed into it lovely bruise on right elbow when I used it to resculpt the offending rear wing... grazes across lh knuckle where handle bar came into contact with road torn LH mitt lovely black tyre marks on rh shoe where he ran over my foot... seemingly no damage there tho..

Anyway, I MTFU and still went on to do the Lord Mayors Skyride in the pouring rain... but was late so missed out on Morpeth drinks... so a nice 132km (83miles) today


update 9:30pm: said individual has just phoned and left me an insurance claim number and his insurance details... there may be justice yet...

SimonAH

Yesterday, after about three hours of sorting out invoices and receipts on the dining room table trying to do my expenses I said "Dash it all, I'm going for a ride before my eyes fall out" or words to that effect.

"Can I come Daddy" pipes up the fruit of my loins"

"Of course you can sweetie" says I groaning inwardly as my ride has now been reduced from an hours blast to a pootle at seven year old pace.

Nope. Was actually fifteen minutes to the park. Then half an hour standing around waiting whilst various bits of playground equipment were destruct tested. Then two minutes to the boating lake and another half an hour standing round on bike guard duty whilst a pedal boat is engaged for aqueous dodgems. Then two minutes to the sweet shop and ten further minutes on guard duty whilst the correct sugar is selected and purchased.

Then the glorious autumn sunshine disappeared and it started to rain so a quick ride home.

Aaaaargh!!!!!

ddraver

So I start cycling to work this morning and as I leave it starts raining, As I continue it only rains harder. As i arrive at a level crossing I see a snake of children leaving their school and going...somewhere, so I pull up at the crossing and wait, in the pouring rain. I now see that the snake is more of a stream and it appears that the entire school is on the move.

Now, I know that you a legally entitled to use the crossing and that you have right of way and I have to wait. But 5 mins later I'm still waiting, I'm now late for work and there is a queue of 10 cars and a good 20-30 cyclists behind me waiting (a major traffic jam in NL), in the pouring rain, to be on their way. Do you think that maybe, just maybe it would have been polite to let some of us through? Would it really have mattered? Really?

I arrive at work soaking wet to find that Superstar have sent me an Italian threaded BB not a proper one so my day just got better