The big silly thread

pinno

I have downloaded this new app. Its great, it tells you what to wear, what to eat and if you’ve put on weight. Its called the Daily Mail.

pinno

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask.

pinno

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.

pinno

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently she stood him up!

pinno

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting'.

pinno

What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

pinno

Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar; Demerara.

pinno

My cat is recovering from a massive stroke.

pinno

Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas.

pinno

Relationships are like mobile phones. You’ll look at your iPhone 5 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.

veronese68

You're on a roll there Pinno, did you find Bob Monkhouse's lost joke book?

Stevo_666

Please take this Indian Covid variant seriously, my neighbour had it and has only just come out of a korma, and my pal just buried his naan.

Pross

veronese68 said:

You're on a roll there Pinno, did you find Bob Monkhouse's lost joke book?

Or been watching a Tim Vine gig on Dave?

shortfall

Stevo_666 said:

Please take this Indian Covid variant seriously, my neighbour had it and has only just come out of a korma, and my pal just buried his naan.

Well you don't want Vindaflu do you?

Charlie_Croker

I enjoyed your run there @pinno Thank you

pinno

Charlie_Croker said:

I enjoyed your run there @pinno Thank you

You're welcome.

pinno

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

pinno

Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.

pinno

To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian.

pinno

I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts.

pinno

I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring.

pinno

I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts.

kingstongraham

pinno said:

I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts.

I bet they didn't even give you any training, told you that you'd pick things up as you went along.

pinno

kingstongraham said:

pinno said:

I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts.

I bet they didn't even give you any training, told you that you'd pick things up as you went along.

Yep - just like my friend who got a job raking leaves in the park - fell out of a tree and broke his leg.

Stevo_666

shortfall said:

Stevo_666 said:

Please take this Indian Covid variant seriously, my neighbour had it and has only just come out of a korma, and my pal just buried his naan.

Well you don't want Vindaflu do you?

They're developing a Pun jab for it.

ballysmate

pinno

I tried to buy something at the paper shop but it blew away.

kingstongraham

https://twitter.com/MrMichaelSpicer/status/1394658236008128514

veronese68

I considered putting this in man v goose

rick_chasey

https://twitter.com/daniel_ley/status/1394335164600393736?s=21