Velominati 'The Rules' - updated for 2019

The_Obsessive_Cyclist

Hi all, It's been nearly 10 years since 'The Rules' came out, and cycling trends have obviously moved on massively since then - Strava, disc brakes, aero bikes, Zwift, Instagram etc.

I thought it would be fun to update some of the Velominati's list for the modern era - 'The Rules 2.0' if you like. Anyway hope you enjoy them. I'm sure there are loads of other new 'rules' we could all come up with... https://theobsessivecyclist.com/2019/12/06/velominati-the-rules-updated/

ugo.santalucia

Seem to have lost the humour...

pblakeney

They lost me before it, but #20 is a game breaker.

photonic69

11# Always!

wobblebob

An even bigger steaming pile of shit than the original list was

thecycleclinic

The original list was fine and even had a kernel of truth. Updated rules are meaningless and dont work well. I only read the first 10 and got bored.

chris_bass

this misses the point of the originals - they took something some people kind of thought and took it to a ridiculous extreme which i found quite funny.

here you need to step it up a notch.

for example in stead of

7) Sportives are races. Dismiss anyone who says they aren’t.

it could have been something like

7) All rides are races. If you are on a bike and not going as fast as you can you are going too slow.

wotnoshoeseh

thecycleclinic said:

The original list was fine and even had a kernel of truth. Updated rules are meaningless and dont work well. I only read the first 10 and got bored.

+1 - Couldn't agree more.

thegreatdivide

What a load of utter sh*te!

orraloon

Is this not some random on t'internet 'avin' a go? Rather than Frank S et al?

fenix

What a load of to$$.

bobmcstuff

orraloon said:

Is this not some random on t'internet 'avin' a go? Rather than Frank S et al?

Exactly.

surfercyclist

The original "rules" were too up their own arse, these seem a bit better but not by much. Anyone who takes either set seriously needs a good long hard look at themselves, because REALLY?

kingstongraham

Tell that bloke from Icarus about #19

Only #10 has the spirit right. Most of the rest are just "I like expensive things".

chris_bass

surfercyclist said:

The original "rules" were too up their own censored

wasn't that the point?

ugo.santalucia

wotnoshoeseh said:

thecycleclinic said:

The original list was fine and even had a kernel of truth. Updated rules are meaningless and dont work well. I only read the first 10 and got bored.

+1 - Couldn't agree more.

+2

joe_totale-2

chris_bass said:

surfercyclist said:

The original "rules" were too up their own censored

wasn't that the point?

Yep, I always felt they were written with the tongue lodged in the cheek and tried to expose some of the silly things some riders do.
The issue was that some riders interpreted them literally.
I just don't get that vibe with these new rules.

ugo.santalucia

joe_totale-2 said:

chris_bass said:

surfercyclist said:

The original "rules" were too up their own censored

wasn't that the point?

Yep, I always felt they were written with the tongue lodged in the cheek and tried to expose some of the silly things some riders do.
The issue was that some riders interpreted them literally.
I just don't get that vibe with these new rules.

The world has changed rapidly... people take offence, patronising is the new trendy word to label everything. You use the wrong personal pronoun and you get slated... clearly the old rules were seen as being "too something"... possibly too patronising!

homers_double

I always thought that this stuff was written with ones tongue lodged firmly in the cheek, I didn't realize people took it seriously?

ugo.santalucia

homers_double said:

I always thought that this stuff was written with ones tongue lodged firmly in the cheek, I didn't realize people took it seriously?

As I said above, the world has changed... there is very little you can say tongue in cheek these days

orraloon

Sort of depends in which and whose cheek one's tongue is lodged?

(Oh, sorry, forgot the smiley 😊) 😊

veronese68

I'm very muh in the camp of these things are meant to be tongue in cheek and anyone that takes them too seriously is a bit of a tw@.
People have every right to be offended by something, doesn't mean they are right or should be protected necessarily.

chris_bass

veronese68 said:

People have every right to be offended by something, doesn't mean they are right or should be protected necessarily.

especially if it is relating to when and where you can wear certain hats or similar!

bobmcstuff

joe_totale-2 said:

chris_bass said:

surfercyclist said:

The original "rules" were too up their own censored

wasn't that the point?

Yep, I always felt they were written with the tongue lodged in the cheek and tried to expose some of the silly things some riders do.
The issue was that some riders interpreted them literally.
I just don't get that vibe with these new rules.

That's because these are not by the same people.

joe_totale-2

bobmcstuff said:

joe_totale-2 said:

chris_bass said:

surfercyclist said:

The original "rules" were too up their own censored

wasn't that the point?

Yep, I always felt they were written with the tongue lodged in the cheek and tried to expose some of the silly things some riders do.
The issue was that some riders interpreted them literally.
I just don't get that vibe with these new rules.

That's because these are not by the same people.

That's obvious. I was expressing my disappointment that the new author didn't write them in the same spirit as the previous one.

itboffin

No long black socks rule, i'm out

chris_bass

as the OP is probably going to be a one post wonder (until he next wants to plug his site!) maybe we could do our own rules?

imposter2.0

Whoever updated these 'rules' should be even more embarrassed than whoever wrote them in the first place.

The_Obsessive_Cyclist

Hi all,

Thanks for all the 'feedback'! Honestly I had no idea these would spark so much response and its great to hear what you lot think.

As some people have already said, these are written very much with the tongue firmly in the cheek as the original ones were. They're a dig at some of the stupid stuff we as cyclists have to contend with in the modern era - some people will agree with them, some won't, and that's the whole point. I don't agree with them all, and I wrote them.

For those who seem genuinely hacked off at the thought of someone even attempting to write a light hearted piece about cycling and share it with a cycling forum, (god forbid) I wonder if maybe you're taking this all a bit too seriously? It did make me laugh when someone said 'updated rules are meaningless'. Did you think the original rules had meaning? You really did get sucked in didn't you!

Like I said before, there must be loads more 'updated rules' that should be 'applied' given how much things have moved on, and if you think you can do better than me (and you probably can) then post them here and I'll add the best ones to the article.

Oh FWIW far from being a one post wonder I've actually been on this site since 2011 but seems my account got wiped when the refresh took place so I've had to start over - password doesn't work etc. Right now I can't even change my username from the shitty 'hello376' they gave me by default, so any advice on how to get that sorted would be appreciated!

Cheers,
Tom

tubelessrocks

joe_totale-2 said:

bobmcstuff said:

joe_totale-2 said:

chris_bass said:

surfercyclist said:

The original "rules" were too up their own censored

wasn't that the point?

Yep, I always felt they were written with the tongue lodged in the cheek and tried to expose some of the silly things some riders do.
The issue was that some riders interpreted them literally.
I just don't get that vibe with these new rules.

That's because these are not by the same people.

That's obvious. I was expressing my disappointment that the new author didn't write them in the same spirit as the previous one.

Thats because he clearly has neither the wit nor the intellect.

The_Obsessive_Cyclist

Thanks to the BR admin team for seeing my last post, emailing me and changing my username. Great customer service!