Time to hang up the bike?

redvision

I have another thread in road general from a couple of months ago which details the crash I had but I thought I would put this here as it's more specific to riding and training. It's a bit of a long one, so please bear with me.

So, almost 12 weeks after a collision with a bus during a training ride, i know I am still at the relatively early stages of recovery, but it is becoming harder and harder to get through and, I guess, accept everything that is happening.

Don't get me wrong, I fully understand how fortunate i am. I have not only survived, but have somehow come away with injuries (most of) which will heal. However, each day seems to chip away at me and, following the latest hospital appointment, I am now questioning riding again.

Granted, this feeling is partly because of the injuries, the pain, the impact on my job etc but also because of my family - i am only just realising how big an impact the last 3 month's has had on them, and I am seeing just how much they fear me getting back on my bike (even if they are trying not to show it).

I am now thinking about it constantly. I have already made my mind up that I won't be racing again (36 now and think my best days, competitively speaking, were past me even before the accident) and, whilst I did adore cycling, without the target of a race I am questioning if it's worth going through all the effort of training just to stay fit. I have never been one to enjoy just riding my bike, instead my buzz came from pushing as hard as I could to get stronger and fitter and 'push myself to the limit', and now I am seeing/ understanding the anxiety cycling on the roads again would cause my family, I am considering if enough is enough.

I appreciate it's still relatively early days and all the medics seem to think that I am at least another 9 months away from having recovered enough to actually be ready to get back on the bike, but this is the first time the determination and desire to get back fitter and stronger just isn't there.

Anyway, point of this thread is for two reasons. 1, what keeps you riding and do you train for a specific target or just for fitness?

And 2; many of those close to me, as well as the doctors, have suggested my recovery (at least mentally) could be sped up if I learn to accept what happened and remove anything from my life which could be hindering the process, such as my bikes and all my cycling stuff - which apparently will spark memories and may lead to increasing frustration and anxiety and even cause depression.
I have hated listening to this view tbh as for the last few years I have dedicated everything to cycling and training, it's been the first thought every morning and last every night. On top of this I have already replaced my (crashed) training bike, and up until the last few days have occupied my days by looking at ways to adjust my bikes to adapt to the injuries which won't fully heal (nerve damage).

So basically, what would you do? Do you think it's too soon to follow the wishes of seemingly all my family and friends, and now apparently the views of the drs, and sell all my bike stuff in the hope that I can forget cycling and just focus on recovering? Or, given how big a part of my life cycling has been, is such a drastic decision likely to cause more negative thoughts and sadness, further hindering the process?

I know this ultimately is a decision only I can make, but at the moment I am surrounded by people who only see one side and getting others opinions would, I hope, help me.

Thanks

maryka

I have never been the same rider since getting hit by a car 3 years ago. And I too got off lucky "only" soft tissue knee damage which eventually improved enough for me to get back to racing about 7-8 months later (though the effects of that injury still linger and probably will for the rest of my life). Prior to the collision, I had come off 3 successive seasons each achieving more than the last with big plans to really have a go at it in the next season. And while I did go back to racing at a high level, I never really regained the same fitness/strength/ability/consistency again. I also have got older so I guess that's part of it. But most importantly, the confidence and mental desire to push my limits on the road just never returned, and I believe that has had a greater effect than the physical aspect.

I do enjoy just riding my bike though... and more recently I took up cyclocross again to see if I could regain some competitive spirit in a side of the sport where motorised vehicles don't exist and bunch riding/crashing is rare. In terms of training, things have changed a lot... I do much more training indoors on a smart turbo with Zwift, I do fewer intense/fast group rides, I don't do chaingangs in the dark anymore. I mentally never bury myself out on the road these days, especially since the last time I did that (during a TT) I got hit again! Luckily nothing hurt but I have not raced the TT bike on open roads since. The risk/reward ratio is simply too high now for me.

Personally I'm at the point now where I have a camera on my bike all the time and there are some days/weeks when I find riding on open roads so stress-inducing (which is antithetical to the reason I'm out there, the whole point is that it's a hobby and something I enjoy, not an unpleasant chore) that I simply stop riding for a while. I do more running, I am back in the gym, I do more off-road of course. Thankfully I don't have to commute into the city. But I too feel an obligation to my family to return alive and uninjured after every ride, so I've adapted my training habits accordingly.

So I guess it comes down to whether you like riding a bike or not. If you say you don't, then yes, sell your stuff. Or if you can find another way to get your buzz, like Zwift racing, track, cross or MTB, try that.

OnTheRopes

Sorry to hear this
I think the Doctors and perhaps even the family have absolutely no idea what they are suggesting. I can understand your families viewpoint, but in this case I would just ignore the doctors.
Obviously it is ultimately your decision to make and certainly in the short term you do not want to stress out your family but selling all your gear could be a big mistake.
I guess I am like you in that when I ride I like to push myself and ultimately that means racing. I had a few months off the bike recently and as a result my weight shot up to 90kgs (race weight of 78kgs).
I had a medical at work and was shocked to be referred to my GP with high blood pressure. Since that day I started training again, and completely changed my diet, my weight is back around race weight and on revisiting the doctor I am back to a normal blood pressure 6 months later.
Of course now I intend to race again next year and am building up a new aero bike.

Cycling is obviously extremely good for the health, you could of course change sports but it seems as you say without racing you may well do like me and veg out.
How about once you are well enough to ride start by training on the turbo or even Zwift, I don't know your location but I feel fairly safe on the roads where I live (Peak District) but when I have to travel with work often the place make me feel unsafe and when its dark nights I take my turbo with me.
So initially you could start riding cross country MTB, even consider racing mountain bike marathons which would suit a road man rather than downhill, the family would not have to worry about traffic and you would be fit and competing again.
Maybe one day getting back on the road in a safer area or on holidays in Europe or something.

Anyway just a few ideas and I hope you make a speedy recovery

tonysj

Its a choice only you can make.
Would it be possible to "remove" the cycling kit to storage with a friend and see how you cope, as it's the coping that's your issue. Your drawn between 2 difficult decisions on what has been a major part of your life. I would look at taking the riding out of my life for a while but finding a new hobby activity that gives me the buzz in its place. Golf, fishing, running all take an equivalent time to take part in and you may find learning and getting better at it is the buzz you crave.
Maybe being more involved with family stuff will replace some of the desire and time you are thinking about cycling and should I shouldn't I.
The suggestion above cyclocross/ off roading could be the fall back option for you. How about coaching or involvement with a team but not competing.?
Difficult for you mate but if I were you at your age I'd be thinking of my family and finding another buzz.
T.

DeVlaeminck

I think it's too early to decide but it's got to be your decision made for yourself not because you think it'd be unfair on the family or because some Dr thinks they are a psychologist. I'm not trying to be crass, I've been there and if you give up then you will have to find something else or likely end up unfit and overweight. Cycling has risks but they aren't so excessive that you should feel any guilt about getting back to competing.

peteco

Someone mentioned it above - have you thought about mountain biking or perhaps getting a cross bike to go offroad. This would reduce the stress (you and family) feel about getting back on the road.

Pete

slowmart

@OP

Rather than conclude the bike and your kit are potentially hindering your recovery you may want to consider swimming upstream?

It may help you reconcile the event if you understand how it happened. We all start of cycling with our individual experiences grounded in what we’ve learnt before. My background was motorbikes, IAM standard and lots of track days. So identifying and processing road hazards was ingrained well before I took up cycling.

I need to be clear, I’m not saying you were in any way to blame however informed knowledge sometimes comes from experience,sometimes learnt in a painful or expensive way. Breaking down the sequence of events may help you identify what could have been done to prevent what happened.

Knowledge on a more granular level of the event will help you be better informed in calculating and mitigating risks which will be useful first steps in recovering your confidence. A granular view would be your mindset and your decision making process based on your aims before the event. Add in road speed, surface conditions, road furniture , other vehicles,junctions etc...


As for continimg to ride it’s not binary and don’t let your past shape your future. Your drivers for riding prior to your event may evolve and you’ll find other reasons which are equally as satisfying to you in the future.

Reconciling the concerns of loved ones is something that building your knowledge will mitigate but may never fully reconcile. Time and changing priorities are the best balm for this.

You have plenty of time, use it wisely to repair not only the physical and mental scars you carry but also the concerns and fears of your loved ones. You need to reconcile each one if you are to fully recover and enjoy your cycling..

Then again you may decide it’s not worth the trouble and you’ll never want to cycle again. There’s no right or wrong answer, just the one you decide and then you can still revisit that decision in the future.

Heal well and quickly.

Midlands Grimpeur

The only (hopefully) useful advice I can give, based on my own experiences, is not to make any major life decisions at this point. You have been through a major trauma and are continuing to experience the effects of it. You will take a long time to process it both consciously and sub- consciously. Focus your energy on your physical recovery and mental wellbeing and at some point down the line you will be much clearer in your own mind about the next part of your life, post recovery, what your priorities are and whether or not riding your bike still has a purpose for you.

I wish you well for the months ahead.

redvision

Thanks for the replies fellas. Really appreciate the comments and some good points made.

Tbh I have never really thought of cross or mtb-ing, but could definitely be an option if I do decide to step away from road riding. Running is another option but not sure my knees are up to it after years of football related injuries.

I think what led me to post this on here this evening was the surprise and concern after hearing it today from a doctor (actually it was a consultant). It's one thing hearing it from a loved one, you expect to hear it from them after you've been in any type of accident, it's a natural reaction and I guess I would do the same. But at the same time it's been such a massive part of my life, especially since I retired from football. So hearing such comments from a medical professional was hard and has definitely added to the pain and emotional scars I'm going through.

What's more, despite what the Dr suggested, I am not entirely sure if the rationale. I mean he did explain his thinking but the more i have thought about it tonight the more I agree with comments on here - yes the material things may not be there but that doesn't mean cycling won't be in my mind. Bikeradar for one keeps me in touch with cycling stuff and places like this forum are a great means of seeking help and advice. In fact i would actually say the support i have had from forum members is possibly more helpful and of more value than many therapists could provide, simply because members are cyclists and may have experience of similar situations and have gone through this very dilemma and recovery process.

So thanks again for all the comments. I definitely am not going to rush the decision, despite the feelings of my family. May sound selfish but whilst they think cutting cycling out is the best thing for me, it could also be the worst thing if one morning I wake up feeling better and start getting back the drive/passion to ride again, as that desire could really help the recovery.

Slowmart, with regards to the accident, it is definitely a factor in all this because I can't remember a thing about the crash but in my head it doesn't add up.
The police have conducted their investigations and concluded I was at fault. There was sort of two witnesses, one of which was the bus driver, the other was standing at the road side and didn't actually see the crash but heard it and provided first aid.

What I struggle with is that it was good weather, daylight, on an open road (countryside), the bus had apparently stopped to drop off passengers but somehow I went straight in to the back of it. I have always been very observant and conscious of my surroundings and traffic when riding but given I generally ride hard I thought perhaps I had been distracted or looking down at my gps or something. That was until the police handed back my gps and I saw the data which showed I was travelling reasonably quick (22-23mph) on a slight gradient, but was only putting out 249w (my ftp was 325), Cadence was 85 and hr was 138 (max is 185). So I wasn't pushing particularly hard. Looking at the weather data from that day (at the time of the accident) rules out any tailwind, if anything there was a slight headwind. Anyway, like I say, I can't remember a thing about the crash or aftermath and I guess I have to accept the police conclusions, for whatever reason I just didn't see the bus.

StillGoing

If I might add a different perspective.

In the early 2000's, I raced motorcycles a bit but towards the end of the decade, I lost my enthusiasm for the sport and packed it in overnight. Sold everything and have never regretted it. I took up cycling as a hobby with no intention of racing and indeed, have never raced. It doesn't float my boat. With shattered knees from my Army days carrying heavy bergens and jumping off of things, cycling is a good way for me to keep fit without impacting on the knees.

In 2014 I had a stroke in my sleep and am convinced that if I had been unfit, I wouldn't have made a full recovery or as quickly as I did. Since then, I've been diagnosed with a completely blocked artery to the left arm and with a bovine type aorta, now have only one artery instead of the normal two supplying the brain and right arm. Exercising hard in order to keep the blood flowing quickly and avoid any clotting, is helping keep me alive according to my vascular consultant.

So whilst you've lost your passion for racing, there can be other good reasons to continue with it as a means of maintaining fitness. In twenty years time, are you likely to look back and regret packing in a pastime you enjoyed and struggle to recover to a level you might have been if you'd continued?

N0bodyOfTheGoat

Given some time, your perspective could change and you could be keen to cycle again in some shape or form.

After my RTA, I didn't get on a bike for ~5 months and even then, it was only sedate commutes in dry weather and the very odd pootle to the local shops over the following ~2.5 years. My Voodoo fatbike gave me confidence to cycle on the roads again and crucially, be able to stop with hydraulic brakes.

It was only then, having seen my fitness get to its lowest level in my life and having put on a lot of weight up to June 2016 did I start turning things around, initially just reigning in the snacking and then beginning my quest to regain some fitness by cycling in January 2017... Initially on the fatbike and then treating myself to the Cube as I got a taste for exploring further afield up in the rural South Downs hills.

Initially, those first few urban rides were quite stressful, but it got easier over time. Plus family were really anxious about me riding, especially if it was wet; chilly or windy. Finding alternative routes to travel home, avoiding the busy main roads helped, without adding that much time or distance on to the journey.

Now it's all about trying to see how far I can improve my fitness, increasing my sustained power to climb categorised hills quicker during from spring to autumn, while mostly sticking to the turbo through the winter besides commutes.

the_cyclist_of_catan

When I broke my L femur a few years ago on an audax, as I was lying in A&E being assessed (bit pointless; it was obvious from the sensation when I had tried to stand up after the crash that the femur was broken) I made the decision to complete the same audax 12 months later.

My other half - and the surgeon - were neither of them terribly keen to see me back on the bike (the crash had wrecked our family holiday for one thing), but I was cleared to get on it again 10 months later. Trying to get in shape for the audax in just eight weeks was a bit of a challenge, but I made it. Though there were some painful rides in the first few months, including a couple of club rides where I had to abandon.

I was nervous as a kitten in those first few months - rode with pointless amounts of padding over the hip, "descending like a girl" to quote Wiggins, etc.

But apart from the sense of achievement, I wasn’t really enjoying it. Well into the first year back on the bike I was still thinking "what if it happens again? It could easily happen again". I was doing club rides and commuting by bike, but there was a nagging sense of inevitability that I shouldn’t be there.

Eventually I fell off again (stupid mistake in a ford), and discovered that it didn’t hurt terribly much and nothing broke. Since then (and I gave my hip a real whack in a power kiting incident last year and it survived that too) I’ve managed to enjoy the cycling much, much more. I’m not back to exactly where I was before the crash - too much muscle damage I think, there is some strength and functionality that isn’t ever coming back I fear - but it’s good enough.

supermurph09

Try some other activities or hobbies while you’re still recovering, if one of those sparks interest or desire you may have found something that fills the void.

Best of luck.

slowmart

@OP Accidents can happen inexplicably. We are all human and while we can can cap or mitigate risks a few seconds loss of concentration can have consequences from life changing injuries to a simple fright.

Don’t give too much weight to the opinion of the medical profession when it comes to risk analysis of recreational past times. They see the consequences daily of the cost to the individual. While their medical knowledge is usual first rate they have a narrow opinion when it comes to cycling, horse riding , skiing or any other sport where they see injuries as an outcome from that activity. In other words they only see the results of when it goes wrong rather than the thousands of rides which occur without incident other than the smiles per mile ridden increases.

One thing is abundantly clear from the wise advice above from our fellow forum users, life is fragile and fleeting.

cooldad

I used to ride and race motorcycles, on and off road. I've never been hurt badly racing, but broke lots of bones on the road, 27 at last count. The nastiest accident included my wrist, breastbone and neck. Another millimetre or two and the doc said I might have been quadriplegic. I swore I wouldn't ride again after that, but by the rime the bike was fixed, and the bones healed, the memories had faded, and I was back on. I still fell of a bit, being young and a bit of a sh1t rider, but still enjoyed it.

I mainly ride (or rode) mountain bikes (and still fall of a bit) but apart from the bloody trees the occasionally jump into the trail, it feels a bit safer, might be worth trying as a starter to get going again.

And the point of my post, after being a bit of a hooligan most of my life, it's cancer that got me. None of the stupid things I've done, and I've done more than my fair share. I haven't been able to ride for over a year, not properly anyway. And I miss it bigtime.

Life is fleeting, and you never know what's coming next.

Do what you enjoy and to quote that important philosopher, Tom Petty, Damn the Torpedoes.

MiddleRinger

redvision wrote:

I have never been one to enjoy just riding my bike

There's your answer. Either enjoy riding your bike, or don't ride.

drummer

I’ve never raced a bike. Ever. I’m too immature not to take the risks you need to win! I’m 46 but going on 16
Almost 6 years ago I went out Ona fast training ride and for some inexplicable reason I went a route I’d never been before. Crossed some tram tracks, came straight off at only 4mph and broke my femur clean off. Had some negative thoughts as I’ve always stayed active. Recovery hurt bad was pants BUT in the end I saw it as a challenge to get back to fitness.

The first thing I asked my surgeon after coming round was “will I be able to ride again?” And I said to myself then that if I could just bounce back then I’ll always go steady.
The upside of the crash was it brought to light that I had severe osteoporosis from when I’d had cancer as a kid. Every cloud........

I was back on the turbo in 8 weeks and in the gym after 5 days.

My family probably don’t like me riding but life is precarious no matter how careful you are.

I may not be the fittest46 year old but pride myself on being one of the coolest looking!

I enjoy being out in the sun or even just in the fresh air.

I recently did some fitness test and it said I had the physical status of an active 26 year old. That will do me!!

So no, I’m not winning any medals BUT it’s pretty satisfying to ride past kids younger and slimmer than you on a climb (happens now and again) so I suggest we all enjoy it whilst we can!

Cycling has kept me fit, healthy and active and it gives me something to think about. Do I always look forward to a WattBike session or a ride on a gray day? Nope! But do I ever regret it after, no again!

Enjoy it for what it is and don’t think too deeply about the dangers. Because today, dangers are everywhere.

Wish you better soon

ugo.santalucia

I will be blunt.

If the alternative is sitting on the sofa and piling up the pounds, which then become stones, which almost inevitably happens to anyone giving up sport... then you are better off taking your chances on the road... the is a very small chance that you will be flattened by a bus again, but on balance there is a greater chance of becoming chronically ill due to a sedentary lifestyle.

However, if you can get passionate about something that you perceive as safer, being that running or rowing or whatever floats your boat, then that is the best of both worlds. It sounds like you are not passionate about cycling, but rather about competing, so maybe you can find another challenge that works for you

redvision

Some really interesting posts. Reading through just reiterates how lucky I have been. I'm really sorry to hear some of the crashes and injuries many of you have experienced, and it's great to hear so many have recovered, and that those of you who have not fully recovered are finding ways to continue cycling and get on with life. Really reinforces the message that things do get better and you should never just give up.

I had an opportunity for a long chat with my immediate family over the weekend and heard their concerns, but they also listened to mine - as in cycling has been such a big part of my life and I can't just rush in to a decision over whether it's time to hang the bike up.

The more I talked the more I realised that it is the competitive side of me which has driven me to stay fit and cycle so intensely over the last few years. But, whilst I mentioned in an earlier post that I don't enjoy just riding my bike, the more I thought about it the more I realised that whilst that's true, i do get such a buzz when i ride, and it's only slow pootles which I don't find enjoyable.

Anyway, head feels clearer this morning. Decided that it is way too soon to be thinking of cycling again or making the decision not to, and ultimately is for me to decide, not my family, not the medics, me. As selfish as that sounds it's the only way.

Thanks to all of you who have posted, your comments have definitely helped. And for those of you who have suffered bad accidents and injuries, cycle safe and know that hearing how you have overcome your injuries and recovered really has made a difference to my mindset and is an inspiration, as I can see that there is always a way through.

Thanks again.

trivial_poursuivant

In the last 2 years I have had 3 'offs'. The first was a guy stepping into my path with resulted in me fracturing 2 vertibrae in my lower back. One was my fault clipping a wheel and breaking my collar bone and the third was a hit and run incident where the car annihilated my bike but thankfully left me with just a few bruises.

Of the 3 incidents the one which left me more or less intact was the one which psychologically hit the hardest and it took me a few months to not feel a bit twitchy about cars speeding past me, especially on narrow roads like the one I was hit on. Where bones and soft tissue heal over time and can be assessed by medical professionals the mental scars of things can be a lot harder to treat. I will say this though, there was never a doubt in my mind I would continue riding. I was never going to let someones actions destroy my enjoyment and live of cycling. I was always determined to get out again. I am much more wary of the lunatic drivers around and I take the upmost care to keep myself in the right and take go pros facing front and rear. As Ugo says, you could give up, sit on the sofa and grow unfit and regret it. Like most here, you will probably have invested a lot of money into your hobby. It would be difficult to just pick up another interest to replace cycling without losing out financially or even just getting that same level of enjoyment cycling brings. Maybe keep the bike indoors and ride on the indoor trainer for a while. At least this way you can keep your fitness up and when you feel ready to hit the streets again go on a group ride or find a closed roads sportive to ease yourself back into it. I'd hate to see anyone feel they could no longer continue the sport they enjoy because of the actions of others.

keef66

I've been fortunate in only ever having minor spills. I do have quite a collection of scar tissue, but if ever my wife tried to suggest that my cycling might be a hazardous activity, I reminded her that statistically my daily drive to work is much more likely to result in an accident.

These days she's more likely to be telling me to go out on the bike because she realises how important it is for my mental health, physical fitness and weight control.

Only you can know what's right for you, whether or not you've recovered sufficiently mentally and physically, and whether or not you have the motivation to do it.

If you only enjoyed the training / improvement / racing side of cycling, and you're definitely not going to race again, perhaps you do need to find another activity to take its place?

diamonddog

Forget about the bike for now and just concentrate on getting back to good health then consider your options.

Typical Analytical

Ride indoors.