friday swift retribution
Comments
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Hope your old dear is OK StepStep83 wrote:Afternoon fellow aquatic beings. Currently running on zero sleep owning to the mother being rushed back in to hospital. Many coffees being drunk many insults being given. Today is going to be a slog.
Its also hammering it down an theres a leak somewhere I can hear
"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
Mucho soggio stroll to the cafe was had. Dead pig has been consumed and I'm now feeling snoozy.
Oxo reminded me of an assessment for a last aid at work thing, I was basically told by the examiner to grope a lovely young ladies norks. I pretended I didn't want to as it might be considered inappropriate but she insisted, said young lady told me to go ahead so I did. Apparently burying my head in there to make sure showed enthusiasm but was unnecessary. Is Oxo's training anything to do with his employer getting nervous after his recent mishap?
Hope all is well with your mum Step.0 -
Veronese68 wrote:I was basically told by the examiner to grope a lovely young ladies norks. I pretended I didn't want to as it might be considered inappropriate but she insisted, said young lady told me to go ahead so I did. Apparently burying my head in there to make sure showed enthusiasm but was unnecessary.
You were told to grope them, but instead of just going mash mash, you stuck your head in between them and went hubba hubba?
I want to do last aid training at your work. 0 -
Where you work that would be 'last aid'hopkinb wrote:Veronese68 wrote:I was basically told by the examiner to grope a lovely young ladies norks. I pretended I didn't want to as it might be considered inappropriate but she insisted, said young lady told me to go ahead so I did. Apparently burying my head in there to make sure showed enthusiasm but was unnecessary.
You were told to grope them, but instead of just going mash mash, you stuck your head in between them and went hubba hubba? I want to do last aid training at your work.
"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
Stevo 666 wrote:Hope your old dear is OK Step
Cheers, its gallstones so wont kill her just make her scream like someones killing her. She rung me up so had to ship her up the local A&E left the missus to sleep, came back to make matters worse she had starfished and sprawled across the bed, tried to sleep on the sofa but the dog decided as I was awake same time as her it was play time.0 -
Just chuck a bucket of water on the wife and tell her not to do it again.
"And now you can make me a coffee and toast woman and be grateful that you are married to me" you say....
When I was with my ex I came home one day and she was in the shower so I crept in and chucked a saucepan of water over her. I honestly thought that once she had stopped screaming she was going to brain me until I had dead disease with the same said aforementioned mentioned sauce pan.Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
She was already wet so what was the problem? Got any pictures of her norks?Matthewfalle wrote:she was in the shower so I crept in and chucked a saucepan of water over her.0 -
Matthewfalle wrote:Pinno wrote:Matthewfalle wrote:If ears are bleeding then plug with cheese a la Cacofonix.
No, Parsley.
Did you do 'Nelly the elephant' Oxo?
@TLW. Tell me you didn't.
Various semi sedentary chores today me. Might get a parcel or two.
Laters
<Adopt geeky void again>
No longer nelly the elephant or staying alive due to increased compressions per minute - nelly on acid or bee gees on coke: all slightly faster.
My word I'm a dullard.......
I'm not arguing with that.
I am confused. Waaaay back, before Naam (Cheltenaam) when I was Eeeeeeeeeeeestbawn, I did a St John's ambulance first aid course. We made neck braces from newspaper and tape, basics regarding a person who is still in the seat in an RTA. Lot's of useful stuff that stuck solid, including: 5 heart compressions, 1 breath.
Later, as part of the table tennis requirements of a coach, it was Nelly the elephant and no breaths and now even that has changed.
So, when you're doing compressions and no breaths, how does the patient get any oxygen? and why this approach?seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
And blame the subsequent mapatasi on her. Result! (mattress incident)Matthewfalle wrote:Just chuck a bucket of water on the wife and tell her not to do it again.
"And now you can make me a coffee and toast woman and be grateful that you are married to me" you say....
When I was with my ex I came home one day and she was in the shower so I crept in and chucked a saucepan of water over her. I honestly thought that once she had stopped screaming she was going to brain me until I had dead disease with the same said aforementioned mentioned sauce pan.
Anyways everyone, another week survived. It was rubbish. Back home now drinking beer and all is well. Highlight of the day - watching my skank neighbour unloading her screaming brats from her new massive 4x4 in a downpour. Torrent running down her low-cut jeans crack and all.
And no, there are no phots, I'm not allowed to take them after the last letter from m'learned friends.Ecrasez l’infame0 -
Just bought a Castelli Alpha jersey frae Evans for 70 notes.0
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I'm very happy for you.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0
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Pinno wrote:
I'm not arguing with that.
I am confused. Waaaay back, before Naam (Cheltenaam) when I was Eeeeeeeeeeeestbawn, I did a St John's ambulance first aid course. We made neck braces from newspaper and tape, basics regarding a person who is still in the seat in an RTA. Lot's of useful stuff that stuck solid, including: 5 heart compressions, 1 breath.
Later, as part of the table tennis requirements of a coach, it was Nelly the elephant and no breaths and now even that has changed.
So, when you're doing compressions and no breaths, how does the patient get any oxygen? and why this approach?
Right - bit of background.
The heart is a big muscle that pumps oxygenated blood that it has received from the lungs around the body and receives deoxygenated blood from the body and pumps it to the lungs.
Blood contains 16% O2 when you breathe in, 4% when you breathe out. The rest is made up of various other gases. Remember this part.
When you do compressions you are taking the role of the electrical impulses that the body normally produces to make the heart pump. It's when these goes wrong that cardiac arrest occurs - heart Attucks are another kettle of fish.
By doing your 2 breaths, you are taking the place of the lungs/diaphragmatic musclesin drawing oxygen into the body.
Now, as we said earlier, when you breath in you draw in 16% O2, the remainder being other gases - 4% O2 is expelled, meaning you have 12% kicking around your system.
Naturally it's far better to have as much O2 as possible kicking around your system but if you don't fancy getting some close on action just by doing the compressions you are keeping the circulatory system going, keeping oxygen going to the brain (which is the important bit) and also keeping heart going so it doesn't start to die.
Compressions are the main priority in all this jazz.
Bear in mind that drowning CPR protocols are slightly different.
The reason the compressions/breathes/song changes all the time is because this jazz is constantly reviewed by the British Resuscitation Council (who are all quite clever people) as and when new research shows different results.
Changes happen all the time which is why if you want to stay current you need to go on the courses - there is nothing worse than someone saying that they went on the course 10 years ago and they are Doogie Howser and know everything and therefore don't need to get a refresher. I recently had to bite my tongue in a discussion on tourniquet protocols which started to annoy me somewhat.
Right - enough of that: anyone got any pictures of norks?Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
Matthewfalle wrote:Pinno wrote:
I'm not arguing with that.
I am confused. Waaaay back, before Naam (Cheltenaam) when I was Eeeeeeeeeeeestbawn, I did a St John's ambulance first aid course. We made neck braces from newspaper and tape, basics regarding a person who is still in the seat in an RTA. Lot's of useful stuff that stuck solid, including: 5 heart compressions, 1 breath.
Later, as part of the table tennis requirements of a coach, it was Nelly the elephant and no breaths and now even that has changed.
So, when you're doing compressions and no breaths, how does the patient get any oxygen? and why this approach?
Right - bit of background.
The heart is a big muscle that pumps oxygenated blood that it has received from the lungs around the body and receives deoxygenated blood from the body and pumps it to the lungs.
Blood contains 16% O2 when you breathe in, 4% when you breathe out. The rest is made up of various other gases. Remember this part.
When you do compressions you are taking the role of the electrical impulses that the body normally produces to make the heart pump. It's when these goes wrong that cardiac arrest occurs - heart Attucks are another kettle of fish.
By doing your 2 breaths, you are taking the place of the lungs/diaphragmatic musclesin drawing oxygen into the body.
Now, as we said earlier, when you breath in you draw in 16% O2, the remainder being other gases - 4% O2 is expelled, meaning you have 12% kicking around your system.
Naturally it's far better to have as much O2 as possible kicking around your system but if you don't fancy getting some close on action just by doing the compressions you are keeping the circulatory system going, keeping oxygen going to the brain (which is the important bit) and also keeping heart going so it doesn't start to die.
Compressions are the main priority in all this jazz.
Bear in mind that drowning CPR protocols are slightly different.
The reason the compressions/breathes/song changes all the time is because this jazz is constantly reviewed by the British Resuscitation Council (who are all quite clever people) as and when new research shows different results.
Changes happen all the time which is why if you want to stay current you need to go on the courses - there is nothing worse than someone saying that they went on the course 10 years ago and they are Doogie Howser and know everything and therefore don't need to get a refresher. I recently had to bite my tongue in a discussion on tourniquet protocols which started to annoy me somewhat.
Right - enough of that: anyone got any pictures of norks?
I knew that.0 -
You're supposed to be doing that with pictures of the ex in the shower and the water just before she battered you with a saucepan.Matthewfalle wrote:Right - enough of that: anyone got any pictures of norks?0 -
Veronese68 wrote:
You're supposed to be doing that with pictures of the ex in the shower and the water just before she battered you with a saucepan.Matthewfalle wrote:Right - enough of that: anyone got any pictures of norks?
I have those pictures.0 -
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He he!
What you drinking Hopkin? Punk IPA over by yur.0 -
Nowt for me Gazza. On a dry fortnight. Stops the liver from aching.0
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oxoman wrote:Nice Norks.
Pinno After Garry H,s brilliant explanation just remember current guidelines are 30 chest compression's and 2 breaths. Apparently though the success rate for CPR is less than 1%. another little gem we've been told is that tourniquet are allowed again if required as a last resort.
Don't start on people who don't know what they are doing using tourniquets. Out of interest, what's the training person say?Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
oxoman wrote:Nice Norks.
Pinno After Garry H,s brilliant explanation just remember current guidelines are 30 chest compression's and 2 breaths. Apparently though the success rate for CPR is less than 1%. another little gem we've been told is that tourniquet are allowed again if required as a last resort.
Yeah - Garry's explanation was brilliant.
He da man.
For fux sake, I do wonder why I bother sometimes, I really do......Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
oxoman wrote:Nice Norks.
Pinno After Garry H,s brilliant explanation just remember current guidelines are 30 chest compression's and 2 breaths. Apparently though the success rate for CPR is less than 1%. another little gem we've been told is that tourniquet are allowed again if required as a last resort.
No apostrophe in "compressions" by the way.Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
Veronese68 wrote:
You're supposed to be doing that with pictures of the ex in the shower and the water just before she battered you with a saucepan.Matthewfalle wrote:Right - enough of that: anyone got any pictures of norks?
Great norks, the rest of it was utterly mental. Crazy posh bird mental, which we all know is the worst (best?) kind of mental.Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
Matthewfalle wrote:oxoman wrote:Nice Norks.
Pinno After Garry H,s brilliant explanation just remember current guidelines are 30 chest compression's and 2 breaths. Apparently though the success rate for CPR is less than 1%. another little gem we've been told is that tourniquet are allowed again if required as a last resort.
Yeah - Garry's explanation was brilliant.
He da man.
For fux sake, I do wonder why I bother sometimes, I really do......
+ potato - cheers Gary 0 -
Garry's brilliant explanation.
For fux sake...........Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
Garry H wrote:Veronese68 wrote:
You're supposed to be doing that with pictures of the ex in the shower and the water just before she battered you with a saucepan.Matthewfalle wrote:Right - enough of that: anyone got any pictures of norks?
I have those pictures.
Pictures and brilliant explanations. Well, aren't you the fukkking man then.
For fux sake....
I give up. Goodnight you unappreciative ungrateful fukkers.Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am
De Sisti wrote:
This is one of the silliest threads I've come across.
Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honoursmithy21 wrote:
He's right you know.0 -
Night night. seanoconn - gruagach craic!0
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oxoman wrote:Nice Norks.
Pinno After Matthew's brilliant explanation just remember current guidelines are 30 chest compression's and 2 breaths. Apparently though the success rate for CPR is less than 1%. another little gem we've been told is that tourniquet are allowed again if required as a last resort.
FTFY
I do recall from MR First Aid training that he was right though. And also that the stat you quote for success is there or thereabouts, except on drowning cases, where it@s a lot higher.0 -
Garry H wrote:oxoman wrote:Nice Norks.
Pinno After Matthew's brilliant explanation just remember current guidelines are 30 chest compression's and 2 breaths. Apparently though the success rate for CPR is less than 1%. another little gem we've been told is that tourniquet are allowed again if required as a last resort.
FTFY
Why? It was fun.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0
