Fairness in time utilisation with families
Comments
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burnthesheep wrote:Slowbike wrote:I think you need to head this off before it happens - there's a reason she doesn't want you on your bike when you want to be - I think you should sort that out first ...
This is the key.
It feels like that when I've "done my time" watching kids and stuff for her to do her things that when the shoe is on the other foot there can often be some kind of bitchin or moanin about my turn to do something.
That's why I mention, the week before this particular wee-wee and moan I put the kids to be 3 nights and had them alone 1/2 day on Saturday. She did a work thing one night but the other two were not "work" related in any kind of way.
The reason she doesn't is that she doesn't know how to handle her stress level when she's on her own sometimes. Then gets pissed I'm not going to be around for 2 hours to spread the butter a little more evenly.
When it's her turn to go I just do it, watch kids or do stuff at home. It may not be easy every time, but that's the trade.
yup - tough one - we have turns - for the disturbed nights - and I get as much sleep as possible - the way I see it, I'm at work 5 days a week - she's only at work for 3 - although the other 2 are busy, what they do is her choice - she doesn't like that I sleep through, but then I don't deal with sleep deprivation very well. What I do do though is make sure I'm ready for the weekend nights where I don't have to work - and any time she wants to go out it's not a problem - I'll happily look after our toddler.
I think you may have to get rid of this notion of "My turn" and "Your turn" ... you're both parents, you both share the responsibility of looking after the kids.
Perhaps you could get a baby sitter now and again - then go running with your wife - just spend some time alone together. The bike will still be there tomorrow - just because it's carbon doesn't mean it will disintegrate...0 -
doodoo_voodoo wrote:Get a trailer and take the kids with you. Two birds, one stone. And it's quite a workout.
So you cycle and she gets her alone time, potentially gaining you alone time to cycle. You also get to spend time with the kids. If they are not keen you can bribe them with cake stops.
Caveat: I don't know how old your kids are. If >5, you're going to need a big trailer and even bigger quads.
Sounds like the offer of time alone has no value here. "She" wants "him" at home, not time for herself. That's tougher to fix.0 -
Alex99 wrote:doodoo_voodoo wrote:Get a trailer and take the kids with you. Two birds, one stone. And it's quite a workout.
So you cycle and she gets her alone time, potentially gaining you alone time to cycle. You also get to spend time with the kids. If they are not keen you can bribe them with cake stops.
Caveat: I don't know how old your kids are. If >5, you're going to need a big trailer and even bigger quads.
Sounds like the offer of time alone has no value here. "She" wants "him" at home, not time for herself. That's tougher to fix.
Good point. In which case, as has been mentioned already, this is a relationship issue, not a cycling issue.0
