Gazza H and Pinno's top life tips

pinno
pinno Posts: 52,496
edited March 2017 in The cake stop
For a messed up world... full of messed up people.

Chuck it by us - whatever it is, we'll help.
seanoconn - gruagach craic!
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Comments

  • jeremy1
    jeremy1 Posts: 71
    ??????????? what
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,801
    Pinno wrote:
    For a messed up world... full of messed up people.

    Chuck it by us - whatever it is, we'll help.
    Be afraid...be very afraid... :)
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • seanoconn
    seanoconn Posts: 11,739
    Jeremy's is an interesting question.

    Selling a property. Go high and hope someone will be stupid enough? Or a lower price for quick sale?
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    seanoconn wrote:
    Jeremy's is an interesting question.

    Selling a property. Go high and hope someone will be stupid enough? Or a lower price for quick sale?
    Smash it up with a hammer and sell it bit by bit. Failing that, chuck it into next door's garden.

    Next.
  • philcubed
    philcubed Posts: 260
    I recently accidently acquired a large country, despite trying my hardest not to. What should I do with it? ( bearing in mind nuclear weapons came free with it).
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    philcubed wrote:
    I recently accidently acquired a large country, despite trying my hardest not to. What should I do with it? ( bearing in mind nuclear weapons came free with it).

    Easy. Divide it up into two equal halves (Philus Major and Philus Minor), remembering to keep the weapons in your own half. Once this is done, invade the other half and force the people into slavery and abject poverty. Stick the men to work in the salt mines (You have salt mines, ok) and all the fit women are yours to do with as you please.
  • orraloon
    orraloon Posts: 13,269
    This fat bloke with a posh voice and floppy hair promised me we could spend £350m per week extra on the NHS.

    My Ernie's had his hip replacement postponed because the Spanish surgeon has gone home and they can't afford to recruit more staff,

    What can I do?

    Ethel from Clacton

    PS my MP has done a runner as well.
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    orraloon wrote:
    This fat bloke with a posh voice and floppy hair promised me we could spend £350m per week extra on the NHS.

    My Ernie's had his hip replacement postponed because the Spanish surgeon has gone home and they can't afford to recruit more staff,

    What can I do?

    Ethel from Clacton

    PS my MP has done a runner as well.

    Pull yourself together Ethel. You've only yourself to blame, for being a thick, gullible moron. But look on the bright side, you'll get your country back soon!
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    edited March 2017
    orraloon wrote:
    This fat bloke with a posh voice and floppy hair promised me we could spend £350m per week extra on the NHS.

    I think he actually meant £3.50
    orraloon wrote:
    My Ernie's had his hip replacement postponed because the Spanish surgeon has gone home and they can't afford to recruit more staff,

    What can I do?

    Send Ernie to Spain.
    orraloon wrote:
    PS my MP has done a runner as well.

    Run for the position yourself when they announce the by-election date then declare independence and bring in some foreign Doctors to run your health service and you can make the Posh bloke with floppy hair wanted dead or alive should he come to visit your new country.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    Two ideas for the price of one Ethel - how good is that?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    jeremy1 wrote:
    ??????????? what

    Is it me or do you have a touch of Parkinson's disease? You need to book an appointment with your GP and make use of the plethora of modern pharmaceutical products available.
    Once you commence your treatment, it is quite possible that repetitive key strokes become less exaggerated.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    I spent 1 1/2 hours today watching the latest Smurf movie and have absolutely no idea at what it was about.

    How do I deal with this?
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    Matthewfalle wrote:
    I spent 1 1/2 hours today watching the latest Smurf movie and have absolutely no idea at what it was about.

    How do I deal with this?

    Drink some baby milk and go to sleep.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    Matthewfalle wrote:
    I spent 1 1/2 hours today watching the latest Smurf movie and have absolutely no idea at what it was about.

    How do I deal with this?

    Two for the price of one. Listen to this and chill out

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eK6SYVyZRk

    That bassist is the coolest person I've ever seen.
  • crispybug2
    crispybug2 Posts: 2,915
    Garry H wrote:
    That bassist is the coolest person I've ever seen.

    Of course he's the coolest person you've ever seen............... HE'S THE BASSIST!!!!!!!! It goes with the territory.

    Also, that's a Geddy Lee signature Fender Jazz bass, which tops the list of the basses I would most like to own!
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    crispybug2 wrote:
    Garry H wrote:
    That bassist is the coolest person I've ever seen.

    Of course he's the coolest person you've ever seen............... HE'S THE BASSIST!!!!!!!! It goes with the territory.

    Also, that's a Geddy Lee signature Fender Jazz bass, which tops the list of the basses I would most like to own!

    Good point. Second coolest bassist I've ever seen then.
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    crispybug2 wrote:
    Garry H wrote:
    That bassist is the coolest person I've ever seen.

    Of course he's the coolest person you've ever seen............... HE'S THE BASSIST!!!!!!!! It goes with the territory.

    Also, that's a Geddy Lee signature Fender Jazz bass, which tops the list of the basses I would most like to own!

    Just came across this band today. How did I miss them?

    You know about them then?
  • Flâneur
    Flâneur Posts: 3,081
    Help,

    I was invited to join the exclusive, secrative, wine club at some local posh wine bar/shop i frequent, what do I do
    Stevo 666 wrote: Come on you Scousers! 20/12/2014
    Crudder
    CX
    Toy
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    Flâneur wrote:
    Help,

    I was invited to join the exclusive, secrative, wine club at some local posh wine bar/shop i frequent, what do I do

    Any norks in attendance? If so, the question will answer itself.
  • crispybug2
    crispybug2 Posts: 2,915
    Garry H wrote:
    crispybug2 wrote:
    Garry H wrote:
    That bassist is the coolest person I've ever seen.

    Of course he's the coolest person you've ever seen............... HE'S THE BASSIST!!!!!!!! It goes with the territory.

    Also, that's a Geddy Lee signature Fender Jazz bass, which tops the list of the basses I would most like to own!

    Good point. Second coolest bassist I've ever seen then.

    Actually he's the third coolest bassist you've ever seen, all cool bassists ​must form an orderly queue behind Paul Simonon!
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    crispybug2 wrote:
    Garry H wrote:
    crispybug2 wrote:
    Garry H wrote:
    That bassist is the coolest person I've ever seen.

    Of course he's the coolest person you've ever seen............... HE'S THE BASSIST!!!!!!!! It goes with the territory.

    Also, that's a Geddy Lee signature Fender Jazz bass, which tops the list of the basses I would most like to own!

    Good point. Second coolest bassist I've ever seen then.

    Actually he's the third coolest bassist you've ever seen, all cool bassists ​must form an orderly queue behind Paul Simonon!

    Bang on! As I said, that guy's the second. Marginally better player though :wink:
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    Flâneur wrote:
    Help,

    I was invited to join the exclusive, secrative, wine club at some local posh wine bar/shop i frequent, what do I do

    If it's a cover for some sort of swinger meetings, you'll have to run it by the new 'date' or else they might think you're taking the pi$$ when you turn up on your own.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • slowmart
    slowmart Posts: 4,516
    There's a mad ISIS dude heading your way waving his knife and shouting. Do you
    A. Find a UKIP supporter and ask them to attend to the situation by acting as a human shield
    B. Point and shout- there's Douglas Carswell and your place in Telford, sorry paradise is assured.
    C. None of these and drop the cunt before using his own knife to send him to Allah.
    “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

    Desmond Tutu
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    That's Gazza territory that one - he's from the Valleys you see, so he's used to that sort of sh1t so i'll let him deal with that one.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    Slowmart wrote:
    There's a mad ISIS dude heading your way waving his knife and shouting. Do you
    A. Find a UKIP supporter and ask them to attend to the situation by acting as a human shield
    B. Point and shout- there's Douglas Carswell and your place in Telford, sorry paradise is assured.
    C. None of these and drop the **** before using his own knife to send him to Allah.
    I'll take that one.

    Drop him on the spot then beat him about the head with a piece of wood with rusty screws in it. Once you've finished with him, do the same to Carswell and the UKIP supporter. Then chop their todgers off and shove them into each others mouths. Do the last bit just before they breathe their last, leaving the ISIS dude under no illusion about going to paradise. Job jobbed.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    You see ^? Amazing.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Garry H
    Garry H Posts: 6,639
    MF will sort you out for the piece of wood, if you don't already own one.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,496
    He might have to sneak into his neighbours garden to retrieve it but his military experience will see him through.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • slowmart
    slowmart Posts: 4,516
    Garry H wrote:
    MF will sort you out for the piece of wood, if you don't already own one.


    Don't you know MF doesn't like clubs?
    “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

    Desmond Tutu
  • slowmart
    slowmart Posts: 4,516
    Or club riders

    Strange really when this is a cycling forum.
    “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

    Desmond Tutu

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