Forum home Road cycling forum The cake stop

If I were president of the world...

secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,523
edited February 2017 in The cake stop
...I'd do terrible, terrible things to RLJ'ers.

Your turn...

It's just a hill. Get over it.
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Posts

  • PituophisPituophis Posts: 1,025
    I'd do terrible, terrible things to lots of people. Eventually.
    I'd probably start out quite nice.
    That's why I'm not applying.
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 15,959
    .... it wouldn't be enough.
    Faster than a tent.......
  • lancewlancew Posts: 680
    Every day would be the first day of spring?
    Specialized Allez Sport 2013
  • pinnopinno Posts: 38,221
    I would make it a capital offence to trade or be involved in the trade in animal body parts. Offenders like those b4stard f(cking white ex mercenaries who have taken to poaching ivory and Rhino horn will be publicly dismembered, boiled in acid and then fried in chip fat and if they are still not dead, i'll shoot them personally and any other c*nt who thinks trading in animal parts is a good way to make a living. [Rant over]

    I would ban cars from Cities bar a few exceptions (applications in writing please).

    I would close every tax loophole, off-shore facility and would want total transparency of bank accounts which contain money over a certain amount. Unfortunate but the Swiss will have to get used to military occupation.

    I would destroy all nuclear weapons.

    Preservation of the environment would be the No.1 priority and a much more fair and equal distribution of wealth and resources to educate and curb human population growth and the obscene, unsustainable consumption of raw materials.

    Environmental studies would be part of a global curriculum from age 5.

    I would have a global fund for energy research which would be funded by a tax on all fossil fuel consumption and use from cradle to grave.

    I'll annex Saudi Arabia as 'Big Cymru' and hand over the administration to the Welsh - that'll bloody teach 'em. Though top administrator post goes to Boris, soz fellas.

    I would slap a few heads of state and Tattoo various slogans on their foreheads. The list is too long for this manifesto but Joko Widodo gets a mention for the destruction of rainforest and the decimation of the habitat of the Orang Utan: Your time is up mate, kiss your censored goodbye. I'm coming for you too Trumpy boy...

    Vote for Pinno: You know it makes sense.
    S - The Brazilian beach volleyball team
    W - Wiggle Honda

    "This year will be harder than last year. But that is good news; this year will be easier than next year."
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 39,600
    I'd put leftie megalomaniacs in jail :wink:
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    I would create a list of songs deemed classics and anyone attempting a cover will be publicly flogged.

    Anyone deciding it's a good idea to put a rap into the middle of another genre of music will be first against the wall.
  • DeVlaeminckDeVlaeminck Posts: 5,597
    Compulsory secular state education up until 16 for all and an expansion of affordable training and education beyond that. When I say secular we aren't going to be petty, if a muslim girl wants to wear a head scarf or a Christian a cross fine, similarly we can have nativity plays or do something for Eid etc but we aren't having schools where selection, ethis and teaching is based on religion.

    Linked to that real discrimination based on sex, race, sexuality is banned but again showing a rerun of Bless This House is not going to land you in jail - we will have an informed debate in society about this and the real test would be more towards was offence intended rather than taken.

    Pollution needs to be sorted out which will need some restrictions on cars etc and environmental concerns sorted at a world level - habitats would be protected.

    I'd have a think about an absolute limit on personal wealth, it would fairly high, maybe ten million, more than that though I don't think you are really getting anything from it so we'll take that and spend it on better things, if you want an incentive we'll even give you recognition in the form of a medal.
    AFC Mercia women - sign for us
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,033
    So, plenty of evidence so far as to why it's a good thing that the post is not currently vacant... :(
  • crumbschiefcrumbschief Posts: 3,412
    I would give the release date for Half-Life 3.
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    I'd put leftie megalomaniacs in jail :wink:

    Tsk. Fascist
  • chris_basschris_bass Posts: 4,913
    pinno wrote:
    i'll shoot them personally and any other c*nt who thinks trading in animal parts is a good way to make a living.

    I assume this covers butchers, farmers, bee keepers etc?
    www.conjunctivitis.com - a site for sore eyes
  • fat daddyfat daddy Posts: 2,632
    Chris Bass wrote:
    pinno wrote:
    trading in animal parts.

    bee keepers


    bee keepers .... they harvest the honey right ? .... pretty sure they don't condone the selling of bee parts ie stings, legs, fur. That sort of thing is the domain of poachers NOT bee keepers. Any bee parts you find on the black market have been poached and are illegal.
  • chris_basschris_bass Posts: 4,913
    fat daddy wrote:
    Chris Bass wrote:
    pinno wrote:
    trading in animal parts.

    bee keepers


    bee keepers .... they harvest the honey right ? .... pretty sure they don't condone the selling of bee parts ie stings, legs, fur. That sort of thing is the domain of poachers NOT bee keepers. Any bee parts you find on the black market have been poached and are illegal.

    I mainly added that one in to exagerate the point, i was more going along the animal cruelty route with that one
    www.conjunctivitis.com - a site for sore eyes
  • dinyulldinyull Posts: 2,962
    All religion banned, and much book burning.
  • 1. No media company to control more than 15% of the market.

    2. Media to be banned from promoting climate change denial.

    3. A single education system to be phased in.

    4. Cycleways everywhere.

    5. Decent telly on Saturday nights.
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,033
    ... we're still going with the totalitarian then ...
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,523
    bompington wrote:
    ... we're still going with the totalitarian then ...

    ...hell, yes, or else where's the fun? "If I were president of the world...I'd be really nice and kind and treat everyone with grace and dignity" is just no fun.

    Although actually it's quite a nice thought.

    Anyway, when I achieve power, all scooters - particularly the 3 wheeled variety - and all motorbikes made by Harley Davidson will be smeared in dogsh17 every day, and the owners of said machines can only ride them if they lick it off first.

    Now that's the sort of response I'm after!!!!

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • Ban religion, IMO that's the biggest problem we have. Nutters believing in something which plainly doesn't exist and using ancient ramblings twisted and warped to their own design to achive their own goal.

    And wasps.
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,033
    Ban religion, IMO that's the biggest problem we have. Nutters believing in something which plainly doesn't exist and using ancient ramblings twisted and warped to their own design to achive their own goal.
    Well of course! After all, it's really improved things in all the countries where they've tried it so far :roll:
  • Oh sorry I thought this was a hypothetical situation.

    :roll: indeed.
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • PituophisPituophis Posts: 1,025
    I'd make it mandatory to sh*t on the pavement outside, and in the gardens, of anyone who owns a dog and/or cat. (I've added cats so as not to look too animalist.)
    I would make it optional whether to put said soilings into a plastic bag to be hung from the fence or tossed discreetly into the rose bushes.
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    Perfume adverts should actually make some God damn sense. WTF are they on about????

    Blanket ban on Gossip magazines and programmes. Loose Women to be pushed back to 10pm and come with a govt warning about the bs they chat about.
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    fat daddy wrote:
    Chris Bass wrote:
    pinno wrote:
    trading in animal parts.

    bee keepers


    bee keepers .... they harvest the honey right ? .... pretty sure they don't condone the selling of bee parts ie stings, legs, fur. That sort of thing is the domain of poachers NOT bee keepers. Any bee parts you find on the black market have been poached and are illegal.

    You've seen those jars of little yellow blobs in health food shops, they call it pollen but we all know it's the bees knees :D
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,523
    Oh sorry I thought this was a hypothetical situation.

    :roll: indeed.

    I'm with you on both points, although Quakers seem harmless enough.

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • pinnopinno Posts: 38,221
    bompington wrote:
    ... we're still going with the totalitarian then ...

    How else do you get things done - democracy?! Ha.
    S - The Brazilian beach volleyball team
    W - Wiggle Honda

    "This year will be harder than last year. But that is good news; this year will be easier than next year."
  • pinnopinno Posts: 38,221
    secretsam wrote:
    Oh sorry I thought this was a hypothetical situation.

    :roll: indeed.

    I'm with you on both points, although Quakers seem harmless enough.

    ...and Jain's.
    S - The Brazilian beach volleyball team
    W - Wiggle Honda

    "This year will be harder than last year. But that is good news; this year will be easier than next year."
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,523
    pinno wrote:
    secretsam wrote:
    Oh sorry I thought this was a hypothetical situation.

    :roll: indeed.

    I'm with you on both points, although Quakers seem harmless enough.

    ...and Jain's.

    Eh? :?:

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • Jainism is a peaceful religion, like Buddhism but you're less likely to see a Jainist fighting. Reality is Jainists are as flawed as anyone if you've ever met one. Vegan right? Hmmm! Not the Jainist people I've met. Eaten a nice steak with a couple of them. Talk politics with one and let's put it this way, what he wanted to do to Trump would beat any violent, totalitarian thought put forward on this thread so far.
  • I'd make all adverts tell the truth. Also the same for food packaging. If you want to see what that microwave curry will look at once you cook it then it'll be on the packet. Complete with dry rice that's not very nice and an unnatural yellow colour. A brown splodge who's contents isn't clear. Cola ads with obese people drinking it not the attractive men/women. I mean the biggest drinkers of diet cola are fat people who think diet anything equates to healthy diet.

    McCartney vegetarian meals get banned. After all they sell it as healthy vegetarian meals but have been caught out as very high in fats, sugars or animal derived ingredients (iirc).

    Anyone who calls themselves vegetarian but eat anything like fish, chicken, etc. Also vegans who use/wear by-products of animals (can you actually be vegan in the modern age?)

    I would also turn off all broadband and mobile services until they are fully implemented at the same level of service across the whole of the world. Basically a level playing for all. With that all people would get the connection devices they want / need. That would be the same ones too and none of them Apple or Android or Microsoft controlled ecosystems. Electronic equality for all!

    Education systems the same around the world. Individual sciences taught to at least 16 years preferably 18 years of age. I want to create a world containing people who all understand science and scientific technique or methods. That way I.believe you'll less likely get climate deniers or get fooled by that northeast doctor who's malpractice in his research into NMR resulted in the increased risk of localised epidemics of those conditions because low take up of the vaccination programme.

    If medical doctor's get protected title status and respect then so should professional engineers. An end to.Mickey mouse degree subjects. All university places based on need and the societal system that truly gives all kids the same chances in life. Perhaps end personal possessions and wealth. Also the need for money. Perhaps rewards time in service to society instead. I don't know how that would all work but as dictator I would find someone or a group of experts to devise such a system. If it's good enough I'll sign off on it. If they don't devise a good system they're spending they're free time serving society in whatever way I feel suitable.

    Of course I'm not dictatorial or confrontational so I'll not do any of that or I'll have to make someone the frontman for my dictatorship and be the puppetmaster behind the scenes.
  • mrfpbmrfpb Posts: 4,390
    .... I wouldn't have to eat broccoli.
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