Can I afford to start a family ?

mamba80

Having children is the greatest and worst thing you can ever do and i dont regret for one single second having a family BUT your partners 19k aint very much at all, you be on benefits of one sort or another, i think there is a gov.uk calculator that works out what you ll get,
dont worry, i ll do a bit more OT to pay for it, i m already paying for mrpfb's offspring so a few more wont really matter lol!

i was lucky in having both sets of outlaws nr by, so my partner went back part time but she was an accountant, so her part time wage was the same as my full time one at that time!
we did it with a combo of grandparents and nursery, just as well really, all things considered......

DeVlaeminck

Go for it now - better to have one now and not feel under time pressure to have another straight away in case it's too late. I wish we'd had one young - I left it til I was 30 and ended up with 3.

joelsim

fat daddy wrote:

other than nursery fees ..... having a kid hasn't cost anything more.

yes you have the additional cost of clothes, toys, food .... but you no longer go out 5 times a week, eat at nice restaurants, go on expensive holidays.

your hobbies go from being self motivated to baby oriented .. so money just changes direction

Do it !!!!

This is right. You don't actually miss the not going out, you have goo to discuss, puke to clear up, daily improvements to joy over...

Except the nursery fees which are massive.

Everything else you can limit, make your own food in a blender out of fresh ingredients etc.

If you want to do it, do it.

They may completely ruin your lifestyle, but kids are worth it.

cycleclinic

no one can afford a family but dont let that stop you, you will find a way to afford it.

slowmart

Whatever happens you'll find a way through. Its unconditional love for your children which is the best currency in the world

andy9964

Speaking as someone whose wife had 3 ectopic pregnancies, and non successful IVF (resulting in no children), I say "stuff the expense"
The sooner the better, that way you'll get used to having no money
On a serious note, I'd give up every material possession I have ever owned to have had a family








Somebody lighten the mood

andcp

guy.spartacus wrote:

Your 'disposable' income will increase as you won't be having nights out or dinner at a restaurant.

until they start growing and take up an expensive sport, say, cycling...... Whole new bike every year or two due to growth, race entries, replacement parts for the ones that went down the road, more 'bling' wheels, clothing, helmets, lights, oh and we'd like to still play golf too, and the uni trips to foreign climes for 'fieldwork'.... I wouldn't swap it for the world - most parents will tell you the sense of pride watching the littles ones grow to big ones, it's immense.

Pross

When we had our first I was nearly 25. While the wife was on maternity leave I worked a part-time job in a cinema on top of my 9-5 in a low paid public sector job. We were lucky with child care as my wife was a nursery manager and got discounted fees plus my in laws helped out a lot. Ultimately you adapt though and it is definitely worthwhile (once the sleepless nights stop!). Your social life suffers but that helps with the finances. We certainly struggled at times in the early years - in the later years it's even worse when they nag for the latest gadgets or take up expensive hobbies like horse riding so don't think things will improve as you earn more! I'm glad we opted to struggle to start a family young though as I think it would have got harder as we got older and had maybe got used to spending money on ourselves.

finchy

Go for it. You'll have an excuse to watch Peppa Pig every day.

Andy 9964 - don't know if you're still young enough to have children, but if you are I hope it all works out for you in the end.

mfin

Kids are great, they start as incapable screaming needy blobs but smile a bit so you let them off, then they develop into screaming unreasonable brats that are charming in their spare time. As they grow they become a bit emotional and you worry for them and live through all their problems as well as yours, then they start to know best all the time for a few years whilst still relying on you for everything.

Once a bit older, their bad traits start to go (this can maybe be deferred for a few years while they go mad) and they become your best friend. Then you get to spend less time with them as the years progress, but it's valuable time as some years later you'll then die, likely in pain, and they'll be heartbroken and devastated. Of course you won't then be around to see the effect is has on them, but if you were there you'd do absolutely everything to help them through it, but you won't be able to because you'll be dead.

I don't think they are as expensive as some make out though, but obviously if you put it in a spreadsheet it would be terrifying. They're cheap to run when they are little, but if you need childcare or one of you drop your job that you did have to look after them then they are expensive. They're not that bad on running costs until they get older and then cars, uni and supporting them until they find a good level of income will cost. But, you can deal with that when it comes as your situation will have changed and you'll be a couple of decades older.

(Oh, and a vast amount of other people's kids are tossers, but don't let that put you off as your own never are).

andy9964

finchy wrote:

Andy 9964 - don't know if you're still young enough to have children, but if you are I hope it all works out for you in the end.

At 52 and 53, our ship sailed a while ago Appreciate the sentiment though

napoleond

HaydenM wrote:

NapoleonD wrote:

Proud Dad to 3 girls, 13, 10 and 5.

Interesting names but couldn't you have gone with 1, 2, and 3 to make it easier to remember?

keef66 wrote:

If you wait till you think you can afford it, you'll die childless.

This is the advice I've heard many times, I have nothing else to add aside from childish jokes.

My 10yo cracked a brill dad joke yesterday. She was watching The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, 13yo walked in and asked "what are you watching?"
10yo- "Narnia business"

Garry H

Had a corker from my 5yo when she was about two and a half. We asked her what mummy's name was and she replied "Rebecca", we then asked her if she knew what my name was and she looked puzzled. I then asked her "What does mummy call daddy?" Her response, "pig?"

napoleond

Heh

Garry H

NapoleonD wrote:

Heh

I'm not a Police Officer btw

capt_slog

mfin wrote:

They're not that bad on running costs until they get older and then cars, uni and supporting them until they find a good level of income will cost. But, you can deal with that when it comes as your situation will have changed and you'll be a couple of decades older.

.

A colleague (Reg) in my first job worked a bit differently to what you and I would class as normal.

When his son reached 18, he expected him to move out and make his own way. I don't know how far this extended but I do know that it meant the son having to find a flat or some sort of roof over his head. It's how Reg had been brought up and so he thought it okay to do the same. the son knew what was coming and had to sort it out.

To me it seemed very harsh. My youngest is still at home at 22, and although he can be a moody nuisance, I like haing him around. The eldest was also with us all the way through Uni, and although he financed that himself he lived with us whilst at uni and up to the point he married and got his own house. I wouldn't have had it any other way and I'm not ashamed to say I cried when he left.

In terms of 'running costs' at that age, I disagree there. Mrs Slog and I were both brought up with the idea that "if you can't afford a car, you don't run one", and neither of us got hand-outs in that respect. Nor did I support the lads if they were wanting to spend money on things I couldn't afford.

pinno

Andy9964 wrote:

Speaking as someone whose wife had 3 ectopic pregnancies, and non successful IVF (resulting in no children), I say "stuff the expense"
The sooner the better, that way you'll get used to having no money
On a serious note, I'd give up every material possession I have ever owned to have had a family

That's heart braking Andy. Adoption? Fostering?

After serious illness including chemo and radio therapy, I was infertile. I was told after numerous fertility tests that I had a "1 in 100,00 chance if I was lucky". I had resigned myself to it and it was the one thing that I could never come to terms with.
I didn't know where or when but I always wanted to be a Dad so it was a tough pill to swallow.
Then the miracle happened and then the other miracle happened. I was a Dad at 40. I even delivered toots number 1 to add to the bolt of lightening - 'spontaneous delivery'. I didn't have any keepers gloves but they would have been handy.

@the OP: Arrange a baby shower and get lots of clothing and baby stuff. We have bought tons of great clothing out of the charity shop (pi$$ off Stevo). It doesn't have to be an expensive thing to do.

Stevo_666

At least you are thinking about the cost. Many don't and assume that the state will pick up the tab.

Stevo_666

Pinno wrote:

We have bought tons of great clothing out of the charity shop (Thank you Stevo). It doesn't have to be an expensive thing to do.

FTFY.

It's probably the stuff we took down to Oxfam a while back. Credit where credit's due

pliptrot

Money doesn't matter in the context of family. The old hackneyed cliches of YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE, NOTHING IS IMPORTANT COMPARED TO FAMILY and all that sort of thing apply. If you wait until you think you can afford it it will be too late. Your combined income is 50% above the national average salary, and plenty of people raise families on that. Above all don't worry about money, because your kids will never, ever give a damn if you are rich or poor. They will care that you are loving and help them be happy in life. Sorry for the tone, but the message is valid.

napoleond

Pinno wrote:

Andy9964 wrote:

Speaking as someone whose wife had 3 ectopic pregnancies, and non successful IVF (resulting in no children), I say "stuff the expense"
The sooner the better, that way you'll get used to having no money
On a serious note, I'd give up every material possession I have ever owned to have had a family

That's heart braking Andy. Adoption? Fostering?

After serious illness including chemo and radio therapy, I was infertile. I was told after numerous fertility tests that I had a "1 in 100,00 chance if I was lucky". I had resigned myself to it and it was the one thing that I could never come to terms with.
I didn't know where or when but I always wanted to be a Dad so it was a tough pill to swallow.
Then the miracle happened and then the other miracle happened. I was a Dad at 40. I even delivered toots number 1 to add to the bolt of lightening - 'spontaneous delivery'. I didn't have any keepers gloves but they would have been handy.

@the OP: Arrange a baby shower and get lots of clothing and baby stuff. We have bought tons of great clothing out of the charity shop (pi$$ off Stevo). It doesn't have to be an expensive thing to do.

That's awesome Pinno!!!

fat daddy

Can you afford to start a family ........ ITS BLACK FRIDAY !!!! .... there must be a good deal to have if you start it today !

Tashman

Pinno wrote:

Andy9964 wrote:

Speaking as someone whose wife had 3 ectopic pregnancies, and non successful IVF (resulting in no children), I say "stuff the expense"
The sooner the better, that way you'll get used to having no money
On a serious note, I'd give up every material possession I have ever owned to have had a family

That's heart braking Andy. Adoption? Fostering?

After serious illness including chemo and radio therapy, I was infertile. I was told after numerous fertility tests that I had a "1 in 100,00 chance if I was lucky". I had resigned myself to it and it was the one thing that I could never come to terms with.
I didn't know where or when but I always wanted to be a Dad so it was a tough pill to swallow.
Then the miracle happened and then the other miracle happened. I was a Dad at 40. I even delivered toots number 1 to add to the bolt of lightening - 'spontaneous delivery'. I didn't have any keepers gloves but they would have been handy.

@the OP: Arrange a baby shower and get lots of clothing and baby stuff. We have bought tons of great clothing out of the charity shop (pi$$ off Stevo). It doesn't have to be an expensive thing to do.

That's great to hear Pinno

dinyull

Capt Slog wrote:

mfin wrote:

They're not that bad on running costs until they get older and then cars, uni and supporting them until they find a good level of income will cost. But, you can deal with that when it comes as your situation will have changed and you'll be a couple of decades older.

.

In terms of 'running costs' at that age, I disagree there. Mrs Slog and I were both brought up with the idea that "if you can't afford a car, you don't run one", and neither of us got hand-outs in that respect. Nor did I support the lads if they were wanting to spend money on things I couldn't afford.

Can't speak as I don't have kids myself (just married and will be trying soon fingers crossed) but parenting itself has a lot to speak for.

I lived at home till mid 20's and so did my brother. We both paid our way, wanted a car we saved/bought/kept it running - same with everything else. However, Mam and Dad would have went out of their way to pay for something if we let them.

Kids next door (very similar age) had everything paid for, clothes, cars etc.........and they still do. One lives in a flat round the corner from me now and just coming to 30. Dad still pays for his car and helps out on the mortgage, which he paid the deposit for. If he doesn't like his job (he's been 2/3's way through 2 apprenticeships now) he packs it in because he knows his dad will bail him out.

spam02

Don't worry about whether you can afford it (you'll always find a way). Worry about how it'll impact on the time you get to spend out on your bike

I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old (didn't mean to leave such a gap. but life isn't always straight forward) and it makes me smile every time I think about them.

Go for it. You'll never regret it

fat daddy

SPaM02 wrote:

Don't worry about whether you can afford it (you'll always find a way). Worry about how it'll impact on the time you get to spend out on your bike

I spend far more time on my bike now I have a kid ....... mostly because I can no longer afford to take the car so I have to cycle everywhere

bendertherobot

Kids are 2@ts/amazing.

Get one. I have 4. Eventually one of them starts to have proper conversations with you but, until then, at least what they say is funny.

Oh, and they smell, leave stuff everywhere (food is a specialty) and are very tiring.

Hugely expensive as well.

Do get one though, they are worth it.

izza

It takes a lot of effort to raise kids. The harder you make it, the more rewarding it becomes.

Just like cycling.

pinno

WTF did I do before children?! We're broke but we're happy.

I am cycling more because you take every opportunity you can whereas before it was "I think I might go out for a bike ride..perhaps it will rain... sod it, i'll pedal tomorrow".
I would love to have a 3rd but in mid 40's me now (OH is 32) so i'll be kicking 65 and coffin dodging by the time they are ready to flee the nest but I couldn't imagine 4 or even 5 as one poster has. That's proper full on that is.
My two are at the age the conversations I have with them are hilarious and priceless. They are the manifestation of everything good, bad and indifferent in us. It's a frightening thought.

bendertherobot

Pinno wrote:

WTF did I do before children?! We're broke but we're happy.

I am cycling more because you take every opportunity you can whereas before it was "I think I might go out for a bike ride..perhaps it will rain... sod it, i'll pedal tomorrow".
I would love to have a 3rd but in mid 40's me now (OH is 32) so i'll be kicking 65 and coffin dodging by the time they are ready to flee the nest but I couldn't imagine 4 or even 5 as one poster has. That's proper full on that is.
My two are at the age the conversations I have with them are hilarious and priceless. They are the manifestation of everything good, bad and indifferent in us. It's a frightening thought.

My eldest is scarily like me. We have all the same interests. He gets up and before he goes to school has to read the news. Likes to have facts. He does have a slightly cynical view of the world which is actually not quite like me, so have to get him away from that. The rest are all just so varied. None remind me of me, but there are some traits in each of them.