If I was in charge...

mr_eddy

What are you top most annoying things people do and if it was up to you how long/what would be a suitable punishment.

This is mine:

1. People walking slowly on a busy high street/shop for no physical or justifiable reason - 3 Years community service cleaning out public toilets and a lifetime ban from any shopping centre
2. People who talk in the cinema after the trailers have finished - 5 years hard labour in Siberia.
3. People under the age of 40 (they have no excuse) who seem to take joy in their complete lack of technical ability i.e laughing out loud at a self checkout banging on about "Oh I don't know how this machine work" and taking ages to sort it out - non-negotiable 2 year course on modern convenience technology
4. Dropping litter / cigarette ends - 25 years in prison with no prospect of early release
5. People who moan about the government but have never actually made the effort to vote - 2 years in "the hole"


There are many other crimes that under my rule would go heavily punished, in fact if it was up to me there would only be about 2% of the current population on the streets so probably best that I don't run for government.

capt_slog

mr_eddy wrote:

What are you top most annoying things people do and if it was up to you how long/what would be a suitable punishment.

This is mine:

1. People walking slowly on a busy high street/shop for no physical or justifiable reason - 3 Years community service cleaning out public toilets and a lifetime ban from any shopping centre
2. People who talk in the cinema after the trailers have finished - 5 years hard labour in Siberia.
3. People under the age of 40 (they have no excuse) who seem to take joy in their complete lack of technical ability i.e laughing out loud at a self checkout banging on about "Oh I don't know how this machine work" and taking ages to sort it out - non-negotiable 2 year course on modern convenience technology
4. Dropping litter / cigarette ends - 25 years in prison with no prospect of early release
5. People who moan about the government but have never actually made the effort to vote - 2 years in "the hole"


There are many other crimes that under my rule would go heavily punished, in fact if it was up to me there would only be about 2% of the current population on the streets so probably best that I don't run for government.

That depends on whether your government will allow votes for inmates, otherwise, you're quite likely to get re-elected.

but with you on..

number 1, I'm usually behind them muttering "how do they manage to live in something that slow?!"
number 4, Why do smokers think they can get away with that? It's as if they think its allowed somehow.

arthur_scrimshaw

Ok this is fun

People who stand there gazing into the middle distance while the cashier runs all their goods through the checkout and then look surprised when cashier asks them to cough up. Cue much rummaging around in handbag searching for a purse, then similar amount of rummaging in the purse (as if it's the first time they've ever used it) while trying to pack the stuff they've just bought. Tariff - To be a cashier at Tesco for three consecutive Christmases (Christmii?)

finchy

Failure to use the subjunctive - 10 years.
Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

Captain Slackbladder

Groups of 4 or more who order individual cocktails at the bar tying up the barman for 10 minutes while you wait next in line for 2 pints of beer....1 month community service as a toilet attendant.

ai_1

1. Drivers who drive slowly down slip roads and are therefore unable to merge satisfactorily with the stream of faster traffic on the carriageway. Unable to realise why they can't merge they no doubt go just as slow next time.
2. Likewise, drivers who decelerate prior to slip roads instead of waiting until they're off the carriageway.
3. Anyone who stops to have a chat, look at their phone or otherwise do stuff that's not movement, while standing in the middle of a corridor, footpath, stairwell, etc... and is oblivious that they are causing a bottleneck and making people walk around them.
4. Last but most important: People who don't question. They are the problem. i.e. Those who take things on faith. Follow tradition. Assume there's a reason for why things are the way they are but don't seem to care what it is.

arran77

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

me-109

arran77 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

There are a few ....
https://www.englishforums.com/English/ThereCandidatesCandidates/nvvnd/post.htm

capt_slog

Use of phone whilst driving......Phone is put into a special canvas 'sock' and the policemen is allowed to thrash your car with it, every single panel.

And Texting whilst driving.....Roadside execution, if this sounds harsh, bear in mind that these jokers would cheerfully drive over you and your bike in those 20 seconds when they are looking down and then say "it was just an accident".

homers_double

mr_eddy wrote:

3. People under the age of 40 (they have no excuse) who seem to take joy in their complete lack of technical ability i.e laughing out loud at a self checkout banging on about "Oh I don't know how this machine work" and taking ages to sort it out - non-negotiable 2 year course on modern convenience technology

Old people using the same self serve machinery - Gun shot to the head.

team47b

Me-109 wrote:

arran77 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

There are a few ....
https://www.englishforums.com/English/ThereCandidatesCandidates/nvvnd/post.htm

There are a few...

The requirement is for three dots and no space it is a standard punctuation mark, it is called an ellipsis :roll:

crescent

Punctuation would be compulsory. Too many people seem to think it is optional. A sentence doesn't necessarily convey your intended meaning without it.

punctuation would be compulsory too many people seem to think it is optional a sentence doesn't necessarily convey your intended meaning without it

See? The sentence for this misdemeanour would be... correctly punctuated.

pinno

Crescent wrote:

Punctuation would be compulsory. Too many people seem to think it is optional. A sentence doesn't necessarily convey your intended meaning without it.

punctuation would be compulsory too many people seem to think it is optional a sentence doesn't necessarily convey your intended meaning without it

See? The sentence for this misdemeanour would be... correctly punctuated.

I am lost. Are you trying to say:

The sentence for this misdemeanour would be... correct punctuation. ? You can't correctly punctuate a prison sentence, if that was the attempt of your play on words (unless the judge was pi$$ed at the time of his judgement, or the sentence was punctuated by external activities).

Sorry to piddle on yer chips mr eddy et al but we have 95 pages dedicated to this sort of stuff:

viewtopic.php?f=40088&t=12887900

bianchimoon

people who drive in the middle lane when inside lane is free - vapourisation

bompington

johnfinch wrote:

Failure to use the subjunctive - 10 years.

If he's that upset about grammar, I suggest that he find something better to do.

southdownswolf

Under 18's in fast food chains, they should be banned.
All parents should have 3 months community service cleaning up all the wrappers that are left in the two mile vicinity of said establishments, as a punishment for making their kids eat the rubbish that is served.

The EU courts have just ruled that Obesity could be a disability... no it isn't. Make them put less rubbish into their mouth and exercise more, then see how disabled these people are.

arthur_scrimshaw

southdownswolf wrote:

Under 18's in fast food chains, they should be banned.
All parents should have 3 months community service cleaning up all the wrappers that are left in the two mile vicinity of said establishments, as a punishment for making their kids eat the rubbish that is served.

The EU courts have just ruled that Obesity could be a disability... no it isn't. Make them put less rubbish into their mouth and exercise more, then see how disabled these people are.

Interesting one and dear to my heart.

Given the government mantra 'the polluter pays' and how cuts have now meant that road litter collection is now a distant happy memory, now pretty much every item has a bar code how hard would it be to set up a team of litter collectors with bar code scanners, send them out and scan every bit of Mc Donalds. Costa, etc etc litter as they pick it up. Then bill said Company £1 (or whatever) per item. Roll it out so small independent fast food chains have to have a unique bar code on their packaging. Effect, companies would have to pass these costs onto the consumer, a bit like car insurance, you may complain that you don't crash your car or pollute the countryside, but at least it's being dealt with and the big boys might start trying to 'educate' their customers about responsible disposal of their packaging.

MisterMuncher

Wasn't there a pilot scheme some years ago that did that for off licences, to trace supply to underage drinkers?

finchy

arran77 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

Unfortunately there are less and less of us these days.

thegreatdivide

Anyone caught importing or driving white German brand cars would have said vehicle crushed and the driver made to ride a bike on the A9 – at night – with no lights.

tyred&weary

johnfinch wrote:

arran77 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

Unfortunately there are less and less of us these days.

Fewer in number; less in amount.

andy_f

People who say mouf instead of mouth, fink instead of think, free instead of three and birfday instead of birthday. If they are too lazy to speak proper like what I do, then sew their mouths up.

team47b

johnfinch wrote:

arran77 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

Unfortunately there are less and less of us these days.

Uncountable then

finchy

Tyred&weary wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

arran77 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

Being a grammar pedant - 5 minutes of reflection on the fact that the pedant can't find anything better to do with his/her life, followed by 10 minutes of bitterness.

There's a few on them on here

Unfortunately there are less and less of us these days.

Fewer in number; less in amount.

Hence the

MisterMuncher

Anyone using "health and safety" as a synonym for "fearful of litigation of something goes wrong" would be beaten with hammers by the much overworked, seriously undervalued people at the HSE. It could be the highlight of their Staff Party, and the poor buggers who have to write the Myths section of the HSE website would be allowed to administer the coups des graces.

Anyone blithely repeating Urban mythology online or in the meat space would have the consequences of their tale visited upon them if possible. Or more beating with hammers.

sarm34

my rule is .....when you hit the age of 70 you must by law, hand over your car keys and licence if you refuse you will be shot dead. most old folk who drive don't know what they are doing, were they are going or what feckin day it is.

MisterMuncher

You want to install a Catholic monarchy with absolute power?

slowmart

No just the gunpowder or high explosive under the seat of every politician.

( note to GCHQ and the NSA, this post is in jest on a cycling forum for old feckers and bears no relation to my intention nor does it convey my real attitude or feeling to the pigs in parliament who continually have their noses in the trough of the public purse and suck on the dried up tits of the state, no sirree!)

pottssteve

Walking in a cycle lane - 50 quid on the spot fine.
Jogging/pushing pram etc. on cycle lane - 100 quid fine.
Walking, jogging, pushing pram on cycle lane with headphones in - 200 quid fine.
Texting/using phone while driving - a good kicking and life driving ban and 200 quid fine.
Pronouncing "aitch" as, "haitch" - punch in the face.
Animal cruelty - you will be treated in the same way that you treated the animal involved.....

southdownswolf

pottssteve wrote:

Walking in a cycle lane - 50 quid on the spot fine.
Jogging/pushing pram etc. on cycle lane - 100 quid fine.
Walking, jogging, pushing pram on cycle lane with headphones in - 200 quid fine.
Texting/using phone while driving - a good kicking and life driving ban and 200 quid fine.
Pronouncing "aitch" as, "haitch" - punch in the face.
Animal cruelty - you will be treated in the same way that you treated the animal involved.....

How much for this in Brighton this morning?

pottssteve

southdownswolf wrote:

pottssteve wrote:

Walking in a cycle lane - 50 quid on the spot fine.
Jogging/pushing pram etc. on cycle lane - 100 quid fine.
Walking, jogging, pushing pram on cycle lane with headphones in - 200 quid fine.
Texting/using phone while driving - a good kicking and life driving ban and 200 quid fine.
Pronouncing "aitch" as, "haitch" - punch in the face.
Animal cruelty - you will be treated in the same way that you treated the animal involved.....

How much for this in Brighton this morning?

200 quid fine...........









































....and life in prison