Why did the chicken cross the road?

pblakeney

steerpike wrote:

PBlakeney wrote:

Someone is clearly looking for online validation.

Yes, go ahead. Pay less maintenance for your child' s support.

Validation or sarcasm? You choose.

You know NOTHING of my situation and are a supremely sanctimonious and ignorant individual. Ignored.

You missed out old, arrogant, and quite a few other rude ones.
If you are this easy wound up then your ex will have a field day.
This has been a lesson in how to keep your cool and rise above the appalling situations that are coming your way.
Fact 1. You will have to pay at least the minimum amount determined.
Fact 2. You will have absolutely no say in how that money is spent.
Fact 3. It is better to face up to these facts now rather than being angry for however many years it takes.

This is coming from someone with male family members going through similar, if not identical, situations to yours.
Do not fixate on the money. Fixate on the child, and don't spoil her with treats to compensate. Happy, fun times are more important.

But you won't read this because I am ignored.

wannabecyclist

PBlakeney wrote:

steerpike wrote:

PBlakeney wrote:

Someone is clearly looking for online validation.

Yes, go ahead. Pay less maintenance for your child' s support.

Validation or sarcasm? You choose.

You know NOTHING of my situation and are a supremely sanctimonious and ignorant individual. Ignored.

You missed out old, arrogant, and quite a few other rude ones.
If you are this easy wound up then your ex will have a field day.
This has been a lesson in how to keep your cool and rise above the appalling situations that are coming your way.
Fact 1. You will have to pay at least the minimum amount determined.
Fact 2. You will have absolutely no say in how that money is spent.
Fact 3. It is better to face up to these facts now rather than being angry for however many years it takes.

This is coming from someone with male family members going through similar, if not identical, situations to yours.
Do not fixate on the money. Fixate on the child, and don't spoil her with treats to compensate. Happy, fun times are more important.

But you won't read this because I am ignored.

Fact 1. - The OP never said he did not want to pay below minimum, just wanted to know if he was being taken for a ride by funding his ex partners lifestyle rather than paying a high amount due to possible childcare costs etc. Fair enough if the ex now has to pay £900 a month childcare due to working she would expect him to try and pay more than 20% of a net income if this is not enough to cover half.
Fact 2- Correct but he can pay the minimum to the Mother (around 20% net salary and make sure this is by something traceable like bank transfer if not set through CSA) and then anything above direct to the childs ISA or an activity he would like her to do and think she will enjoy, eg dance lessons, musical instrument tuition
Fact 3. Nonsense, if he keeps some communication with ex to email he will have proof he was happy to pay more but wanted this to go direct to child as per 'Fact 2'. By having proof he has paid his fair share and tried to instigate paying more but for child activities he will have plenty of ammo for any potential legal routes in future.

Sadly if it goes to courts it can get expensive but that is in extreme circumstances where restriction of visits is being requested or the ex is seeking to move beyond 50 miles from their former family home. In terms of payment arrangements, they will ask for his salary and set an amount. He just has to be careful the ex is not bad mouthing him to the child as he/she is raised so there will be a certain amount of implied blackmail.

If all else fails dress up as Batman and climb Big Ben?

pblakeney

Some people seem to think that I am arguing. I am not.

He needs to pay the minimum. Anything above that is between his wallet and conscience.

My main point is that the ex can spend the money on what she wants and he has no say in the matter. That is up to her conscience. This is sad but true.
There is no point in him getting angry about it as it will do zero good for anyone. Except possibly the ex.

drlodge

There are two kinds of maintenace that come into play:
- Child Maintenance. Any private arrangement is between the two of you, but I would suggest any such arrangement would be the minimum according to the CM guidelines https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance This is based on gross income, so what your outgoings are and what your ex chooses to do with the money is irrelevant. What other people have agreed "privately" is I expect based in the minimuim CM calculation.
- Spousal Maintenance. If your ex wishes to be kept in the custom to which is has been used to, then she may claim she needs you to pay her some kind of additional maintenance. This is more tricky to wkr out, but essentally her financial needs (esp those of the children) and your ability to pay are the two key factors.

ballysmate

PBlakeney wrote:

Some people seem to think that I am arguing. I am not.

He needs to pay the minimum. Anything above that is between his wallet and conscience.

My main point is that the ex can spend the money on what she wants and he has no say in the matter. That is up to her conscience. This is sad but true.
There is no point in him getting angry about it as it will do zero good for anyone. Except possibly the ex.

Can't find fault with this.

Pross

I just calculated what I would have to pay - I think I'll avoid separating at all costs! Do you get tax relief on maintenance payments? In my case it works out almost exactly the same as paying the mortgage every month so as long as I slept rough and didn't eat I'd be OK!

drlodge

No tax relief, the amount calculated is what you pay from your net income.