The 'New' Limerick Thread

GiantMike

Arran's a really good sport
Especially when the ships are in port
He likes to do favours
For dirty Greek sailors
And girls as a last resort

crumbschief

There once was a man from China,
Who wasn't a very good climber,
He slipped on a rock, slit his c*ck,
And now he has a vagina!

GiantMike

A dirty little pervert called Sean
Wandered round all day looking forlorn
While organising his 'wives'
On his fat chicks hard drive
He'd accidentally deleted his porn

AlexMac1973

A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

Stevo_666

There was a young man called Pinarello
Whose politics were more than just yellow
He posted like a prat
But we forgave him for that
Because he was such a 'special' fellow.

arran77

There once was a man called Mike
Who's wife preferred a dyke
For her his c0ck didn't cut it
So he said fvck it
And knocked one out in a bucket

crumbschief

There was a young man called Stevo 666
Who was a beast of a mod
Brighton was his playground
Where he could often be found
In a ditch with a b--ch
With her head on the wrong way round

ballysmate

Greg, he was known to communt
He liked to be at the front
He’d weave in and out
At drivers he’d shout
And look like a total ****

ballysmate

My politics are to the right
But I try with all of my might
To understand others
Like Frank's band of brothers
But really, they're spouting pure shite.

GiantMike

Poems don't have to be mean
Offensive, rude or extreme
They can be quite nice
About bunnies and mice
But it's best when they're gross and obscene

pinno

There was an old man called Mikey
Who fell of a bike shouting 'crikey'
A man and a welder;
they put him together
and now he's rusting in peace.

GiantMike

Crunchy Toes posts lots of pics
Of barely-dressed hot sexy chicks
And when you zoom in
You may see a qu1m
But some of them also have d1cks

ballysmate

There was an old man called Mikey
Who apparently fell off his bikey
He made friends with his nurse
And never did curse
Because his missus no likey.

joelsim

While sitting by the riverbank
Her legs were all aquiver
I undid her suspender belt
And her leg fell down the river

By Paul McCartney

Whoops that's not a limerick.

GiantMike

Joelsim wrote:

Whoops that's not a limerick.

or new

seanoconn

There was a giant git called Mike
Who's rules and captions were shite
His judging and results were corrupt
Consistently rude and abrupt
But once shared a room with Cav on the Tour 8)

crumbschief

There was a young fella called Vtech
Who spent his time on the trek
He would race around the world
With gay rappers in a twirl
And a smile as wide as his neck

pinno

There was a young lady of Devon
who was had in a garden by seven
Itinerant beasts,
those lascivious priests
such is the kingdom of heaven.

seanoconn

There was a tin man from Kenya
With a doubtful and dubious gener
He abused the Chinese
Then fell to his knees
And returned to the fold what a w@nker

pinno

There was a communter from Wimbledon
who looked like a demented clingon
he shirked his way
and gambled his pay
and now lives in an estate in Croydon

Cygnus

There once was a bobby called Bobby
who would nab a burglar or two
when back in the cop shop
he looked under the desk
and said what a fine pair of legs

ballysmate

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

Mikey23

Limericks are so last year darling... Sonnets are in now

arran77

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

seanoconn

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

arran77

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

Enjoy your lunch

seanoconn

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

Enjoy your lunch

I'm gonna have to pop to the shop and buy mind bleach.

pinno

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

Enjoy your lunch

I'm gonna have to pop to the shop and buy mind bleach.

So you actually pictured yourself licking 'it'? :roll:

arran77

pinarello001 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

Enjoy your lunch

I'm gonna have to pop to the shop and buy mind bleach.

So you actually pictured yourself licking 'it'? :roll:

:shock:

Christ, now I need the mind bleach, I much preferred it when it was Venus doing the licking and not Sean

seanoconn

arran77 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

Enjoy your lunch

I'm gonna have to pop to the shop and buy mind bleach.

So you actually pictured yourself licking 'it'? :roll:

:shock:

Christ, now I need the mind bleach, I much preferred it when it was Venus doing the licking and not Sean

Bullshit! I've seen the way you look at me. Pretending to be Susanna so I'd talk dirty to you "Mmmm, tell me more sean." I got suspicious when Susanna asked me to lick her anus. The real Susanna wouldn't have to ask!

arran77

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Ballysmate wrote:

Arran, the Basingstoke punk
Went to sleep in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was licking his.., err arm
And woke up covered in ...perspiration.

I'd rather she was licking the thing that rhymed with Venus

I'm just about to have lunch! Thank you very much for that mental picture!

Enjoy your lunch

I'm gonna have to pop to the shop and buy mind bleach.

So you actually pictured yourself licking 'it'? :roll:

:shock:

Christ, now I need the mind bleach, I much preferred it when it was Venus doing the licking and not Sean

Bullshit! I've seen the way you look at me. Pretending to be Susanna so I'd talk dirty to you "Mmmm, tell me more sean." I got suspicious when Susanna asked me to lick her anus. The real Susanna wouldn't have to ask!