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Best type of bottom burp

finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
edited November 2013 in The bottom bracket
I'm a bit torn on this one. A silent but deadly usually gets located, often using the legal principle of "he who smelt it dealt it", but if you do a noisy one, it doesn't matter if it's odourless, people still think you're rude.

I need the forum's best brains to work on this minefield. So Sean, Pinarello, Mikey... do you know anyone with brains? :lol::lol:

What's the best type of flatulence to release in public? 19 votes

Silent but deadly
68% 13 votes
Bark is worse than its bite
31% 6 votes

Posts

  • davieseedaviesee Posts: 6,386
    A bark is only rude for a brief second.
    A bomb can offend for minutes.

    Plus, a bark can be funny amongst immature men. And thats us.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 9,142
    johnfinch wrote:
    I'm a bit torn on this one. A silent but deadly usually gets located, often using the legal principle of "he who smelt it dealt it", but if you do a noisy one, it doesn't matter if it's odourless, people still think you're rude.

    I need the forum's best brains to work on this minefield. So Sean, Pinarello, Mikey... do you know anyone with brains? :lol::lol:
    Most smilies in one post and now a contender for most crass BB topic. You're on fire John! :lol:

    This isn't my field of expertise but I'm sure arran will be along shortly to discuss the merits of each bottom burp. :D
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    I'm a bit torn on this one. A silent but deadly usually gets located, often using the legal principle of "he who smelt it dealt it", but if you do a noisy one, it doesn't matter if it's odourless, people still think you're rude.

    I need the forum's best brains to work on this minefield. So Sean, Pinarello, Mikey... do you know anyone with brains? :lol::lol:
    Most smilies in one post and now a contender for most crass BB topic. You're on fire John! :lol:

    This isn't my field of expertise but I'm sure arran will be along shortly to discuss the merits of each bottom burp. :D

    Indeed :)

    When it comes to trumping there is no doubt that what you're after is a stench so vile that it makes all around you gag :wink:

    Noisy ones can have a short term comedic affect but for something with more longevity you really need odor.

    Blaming others is not the done thing in my opinion, be proud of your achievements and savor the spoils :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,903
    seanoconn wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    I'm a bit torn on this one. A silent but deadly usually gets located, often using the legal principle of "he who smelt it dealt it", but if you do a noisy one, it doesn't matter if it's odourless, people still think you're rude.

    I need the forum's best brains to work on this minefield. So Sean, Pinarello, Mikey... do you know anyone with brains? :lol::lol:
    Most smilies in one post and now a contender for most crass BB topic. You're on fire John! :lol:

    This isn't my field of expertise but I'm sure arran will be along shortly to discuss the merits of each bottom burp. :D

    IIRC Sean's expertise lies in the 'Victory Honk'
  • veronese68veronese68 Posts: 25,291 Lives Here
    Generally I find the ones without lumps in are preferable.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 9,142
    Ballysmate wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    I'm a bit torn on this one. A silent but deadly usually gets located, often using the legal principle of "he who smelt it dealt it", but if you do a noisy one, it doesn't matter if it's odourless, people still think you're rude.

    I need the forum's best brains to work on this minefield. So Sean, Pinarello, Mikey... do you know anyone with brains? :lol::lol:
    Most smilies in one post and now a contender for most crass BB topic. You're on fire John! :lol:

    This isn't my field of expertise but I'm sure arran will be along shortly to discuss the merits of each bottom burp. :D

    IIRC Sean's expertise lies in the 'Victory Honk'
    They get embarrassed but I take it as a compliment :lol:
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • I've got virtually no sense of smell so when I drop a silent bomb I can't tell how deadly it is. I have to rely on the reaction of nearby people to gauge the quality of my emissions. Most of my work colleagues are dicks so when I see them recoil from the initial wave, blinking the tears from their eyes with a look of dismay on their face, I experience a tremendous feeling of achievement.
  • goonzgoonz Posts: 3,106
    :lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Scott Speedster S20 Roadie for Speed
    Specialized Hardrock MTB for Lumps
    Specialized Langster SS for Ease
    Cinelli Mash Bolt Fixed for Pain
    n+1 is well and truly on track
    Strava http://app.strava.com/athletes/1608875
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 49,379
    I like dropping evil ones in lifts, then you have a captive audience.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • pinnopinno Posts: 45,363
    It is immaterial. True class is when you drop one and the person/people next to you fall over. To maximise the 'impact', dropping one is always preferable in small spaces like a lift. As Sean is an underground dwelling Womble, this problem has led to his eviction on more than one occasion.

    Old Scottish saying:

    "Let yer wind blow free, where aer* ye be"

    *aer - ever.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • WindyGWindyG Posts: 1,099
    I don't think there ever is a best one, noisy ones around the kids, silent stickers for around the wife especially in the car. Shop bombing is always great, takes away the boredom.
  • dave02dave02 Posts: 325
    when you have IBS you just hope it is only wind ! :oops: lots of times i have got it wrong, twice in the saddle :cry: its a long way home on a day like that.
  • :shock: :lol:
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,408
    Hot and noisy ! Beef and vegetable pie for lunch, it's particularly acrid in the living room tonight, the paint fumes are barely masking it !
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • dave02dave02 Posts: 325
    try gravy on your pie and give the emul a miss
  • snoopsmydoggsnoopsmydogg Posts: 1,110
    Noisy and long winded, if you can continue while chuckling it only adds to the comedic effect.
  • CHRISNOIRCHRISNOIR Posts: 1,400
    Volume. Every time volume. Especially if you can get it to change tone midway through. I like a rising pitch; it makes the trump sound inquisitive.
  • Mikey23Mikey23 Posts: 5,306
    Reminds me of training on the track at tavi... Whenever we set off for a rep, one of the guys would do a ripper. Nobody would dare comment or snigger. Hilarious
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