Reassuring the family that its ok to commute in the dark

topcattim

craker wrote:

I had this conversation with Mrs C some weeks back (her mum worries about my commute more than anyone), followed shortly by a spate of serious car accidents in our vicinity. There's no such thing as safe commuting, all we can do is manage the risks sensibly.

IMO It's up to the worrier to be reasonable, I don't think I'd be happy accepting I was being tracked every bike ride - would you place a similar requirement on your o/h's mode of commuting?

Yup, its a tricky one. As tilt pointed out earlier on, its their job to worry.

Doesn't bother me being tracked - in the worst case scenario, this might turn out to be very helpful (but let's be honest, its unlikely to be necessary).

I've found some very helpful advice on this thread. I've taken all reasonable precautions now to be as visible as possible (loads of reflective stuff, flashing leg bands, superb lights, helmet lights). I've also changed my route (to a slightly longer one) and explained to my OH why I've done this, in pursuit of as much safety as possible. I've agreed to only cycle if it is wet or dark, not both. I've shared as many statistics as possible with her to help her put the risk in context. Although she is still worried, she is, I think, reassured that I have taken her seriously and that I am doing all that I can to keep myself safe. It was this bit of taking her concerns seriously that was, I think, most important in getting the go-ahead.

slowbike

Tracking is fine - I text my wife before I leave for home and when I get home - she knows the route I'm going to take. She could track me if she wanted, but she's only likely to do that once I'm overdue.

I find that at night I get more space from drivers - probably because they can see me easily (3 lights on the rear + clothing + bag) but are less sure of the width of their car as they can't see properly.

Although I prefer riding in the warm sunshine I do look forward to my nighttime commutes.

rubertoe

an excuse to weedle an 810 out of her?

My Mrs worries, she doesnt like me doing it, but she also prefers the commuter me to the public transport me. its a fair trade.

veronese68

In spite of everything I've said above and knowing full well what I'm doing, I'm a little bit nervous about tonight's commute. It's completely irrational, I know that, but having been knocked off at the end of September last year, in daylight, I didn't manage to ride through virtually all of last winter as I couldn't operate the brakes safely. As a result I haven't commuted in the dark since spring 2012. I've got better lights now than I had then, I've also added a light to my lid so I can see what's going on around me when riding through the park. But, I'm still a little bit stressy about it.

ToeKnee

craker wrote:

I had this conversation with Mrs C some weeks back (her mum worries about my commute more than anyone), followed shortly by a spate of serious car accidents in our vicinity. There's no such thing as safe commuting, all we can do is manage the risks sensibly.

IMO It's up to the worrier to be reasonable, I don't think I'd be happy accepting I was being tracked every bike ride - would you place a similar requirement on your o/h's mode of commuting?

What have you got to hide? I understand, to some extent, that you may want to hide the LBS receipts, but your whereabouts?

slowbike

ToeKnee wrote:

craker wrote:

IMO It's up to the worrier to be reasonable, I don't think I'd be happy accepting I was being tracked every bike ride - would you place a similar requirement on your o/h's mode of commuting?

What have you got to hide? I understand, to some extent, that you may want to hide the LBS receipts, but your whereabouts?

I have no problem being tracked by my OH - why should I - she already knows where I'm meant to be and when. I trust her and she trusts me - the tracking is just so she knows where to start looking should the need arise ...

slowbike

Veronese68 wrote:

In spite of everything I've said above and knowing full well what I'm doing, I'm a little bit nervous about tonight's commute. It's completely irrational, I know that, but having been knocked off at the end of September last year, in daylight, I didn't manage to ride through virtually all of last winter as I couldn't operate the brakes safely. As a result I haven't commuted in the dark since spring 2012. I've got better lights now than I had then, I've also added a light to my lid so I can see what's going on around me when riding through the park. But, I'm still a little bit stressy about it.

Just take it easy - slow, steady and assume everyone around you is a blithering idiot (you won't be far wrong!)

thistle_

topcattim wrote:

What's interesting about all this debate so far is that it focuses on the rational bit of the argument - what we can do to reduce the risk. The trouble is that none of this really touches the root of my wife's concern which is that if something were to happen, it would have serious consequences. So while she might see what I've done rationally to reduce risk, it doesn't stop her emotional side worrying. Does anybody have any advice about this bit?

Buy her a bike. Go out riding together in the daytime, then at night and compare

The biggest hazard I find in the dark is that the potholes are harder to see. At this time of year where it's just gone dark at commuting time (and bikes with lights seems a novel idea to cars) I find drivers are more cautious when overtaking.
Some drivers also drive a lot slower in the dark - PITA on downhills when they hold you up :roll:

craker

ToeKnee wrote:

craker wrote:

IMO It's up to the worrier to be reasonable, I don't think I'd be happy accepting I was being tracked every bike ride - would you place a similar requirement on your o/h's mode of commuting?

What have you got to hide?

I meant I wouldn't like to receive a thick ear from Mrs C for having failed to engage said tracking system. Not having used this Endomondo thing I imagine it takes moments to engage. Ooooh and I could negotiate for a phone upgrade...I'm in :P

Edit - My point is would your o/h be prepared to accept the same tracking requirement for their commute?

slowbike

craker wrote:

I meant I wouldn't like to receive a thick ear from Mrs C for having failed to engage said tracking system.

I know what you mean - I get it in the neck if I fail to check in via txt - the iPhone has a built in tracking app that provides location on demand (assuming you've got a signal) and it's always live (quite handy if you've left your phone somewhere too) and it means I don't have to activate it.
I'd assume Android have something similar?

LiveGiantly

My wife prays for me when I cycle to and from work, I also pray for myself and other road users before I embark on my commutes....

Even though worrying isn't good, at least your family cares enough to worry...

Do your best to stay out of trouble on the road (not jumping red lights, racing other cyclists into danger etc) and you'll hopefully make it home everytime....the more you make it home in one piece throughout the four seasons of the year, the less your family will worry...

bails87

Try the Glympse app, if you want someone to be able to see where you are.

goonz

I just tell me wife how much money I am saving by cycling instead of using public transport. That usually satisfies her.

goonz

My mum usually texts me to tell me to be careful if its going to be particularly windy or wet.

slowbike

goonz wrote:

I just tell me wife how much money I am saving by cycling instead of using public transport. That usually satisfies her.

Ah - but do you tell her how much you're spending on bikes?

Anyway - your wife is easily satisfied .. allegedly ...

goonz

Slowbike wrote:

goonz wrote:

I just tell me wife how much money I am saving by cycling instead of using public transport. That usually satisfies her.

Ah - but do you tell her how much you're spending on bikes?

Now now, even I know to quit whilst ahead!

Mikey23

@livegiantly... The most constructive and positive statement I've seen on BR for a while...

dilemna

topcattim wrote:

What's interesting about all this debate so far is that it focuses on the rational bit of the argument - what we can do to reduce the risk. The trouble is that none of this really touches the root of my wife's concern which is that if something were to happen, it would have serious consequences. So while she might see what I've done rationally to reduce risk, it doesn't stop her emotional side worrying. Does anybody have any advice about this bit?

Make sure you are insured up to the eyeballs with life insurance and insurance if you can't work due to injury. If you are going to be run down, it will happen. Just make sure you are covered so in the event you are killed or seriously injured, you or your family will still keep a roof over their heads and you or they will not have to worry about money. I have been rear ended at night and I have got the best lights you can buy - Exposure. You can only do so much. The driver still hit me and left me for dead. A mirror would be a very good investment. At least then you can keep an eye what is coming up behind.

dilemna

thistle (MBNW) wrote:

topcattim wrote:

What's interesting about all this debate so far is that it focuses on the rational bit of the argument - what we can do to reduce the risk. The trouble is that none of this really touches the root of my wife's concern which is that if something were to happen, it would have serious consequences. So while she might see what I've done rationally to reduce risk, it doesn't stop her emotional side worrying. Does anybody have any advice about this bit?

Buy her a bike. Go out riding together in the daytime, then at night and compare

The biggest hazard I find in the dark is that the potholes are harder to see. At this time of year where it's just gone dark at commuting time (and bikes with lights seems a novel idea to cars) I find drivers are more cautious when overtaking.
Some drivers also drive a lot slower in the dark - PITA on downhills when they hold you up :roll:

You need better lights then. I have no trouble what so ever seeing and avoiding pot holes or horse sh1t. I have Exposure Max D mk5 - 1,600 Lumens

jagman.2003

My wife has been concerned for my commuting night ride home. The best method employed so far is that if she looks for other cyclists when she is out driving & reports back on the effectiveness of lights, reflectors & jackets etc. I then install the most effective version. I also blind her with my lights on entry & exit of the house to prove the point. I also reassure by describing the mitigation techniques I employ to avoid high risk areas on the road.

veronese68

bails87 wrote:

Try the Glympse app, if you want someone to be able to see where you are.

Thanks for that Bails. I got my 15 year old to use it and it's great. He was on his way back from rugby last night and I checked where he was so I could get food together for when he got back, checked again later and it was so precise I managed to open the back gate for him as he walked up to it.

MattPillinger

topcattim wrote:

I've been cycle commuting (and a weekend warrior) for some time now and my wife is reconciled to this. She worries, but she knows that it makes me happy and healthy and that the daytime risks are low.

I'm planning to cycle commute through the winter, i.e. through the dark, and this is where the trouble begins. My route is relatively safe, I think, along the less busy roads between Winchester and Southampton. I have a great set of lights, and a high viz jacket. I know my roadcraft and all about positioning. But the issue is that, whatever the perceived risk level that I feel, and the actions that I take to reduce these, it still leaves my wife with real concern.

Does anybody have any advice about how to reassure her? I'm conscious that this is as much about emotional as it is about rational argument. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has been in this situation and I don't want to do something that I know makes her unhappy. But I want to do something that makes me happy. How do I fit these together?

I also commute from Winchester to Southampton, so it might be me you see en route. I go up past Winchester Hospital, along (Romsey?) Road to Ampfield, then turn off just after the Golf Course and head down to North Baddesley, straight on at the lights in NB then Left and up the hill, crossing the Motorway at Rownhams before right down through the estate (I work at Ordnance Survey). Coming back, exactly the same, except at Hursley I turn off at the pub and head up through Olivers Battery. Usually leave Winchester around 6:30 and Southampton around 5:00

topcattim

MattPillinger wrote:

topcattim wrote:

I've been cycle commuting (and a weekend warrior) for some time now and my wife is reconciled to this. She worries, but she knows that it makes me happy and healthy and that the daytime risks are low.

I'm planning to cycle commute through the winter, i.e. through the dark, and this is where the trouble begins. My route is relatively safe, I think, along the less busy roads between Winchester and Southampton. I have a great set of lights, and a high viz jacket. I know my roadcraft and all about positioning. But the issue is that, whatever the perceived risk level that I feel, and the actions that I take to reduce these, it still leaves my wife with real concern.

Does anybody have any advice about how to reassure her? I'm conscious that this is as much about emotional as it is about rational argument. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has been in this situation and I don't want to do something that I know makes her unhappy. But I want to do something that makes me happy. How do I fit these together?

I also commute from Winchester to Southampton, so it might be me you see en route. I go up past Winchester Hospital, along (Romsey?) Road to Ampfield, then turn off just after the Golf Course and head down to North Baddesley, straight on at the lights in NB then Left and up the hill, crossing the Motorway at Rownhams before right down through the estate (I work at Ordnance Survey). Coming back, exactly the same, except at Hursley I turn off at the pub and head up through Olivers Battery. Usually leave Winchester around 6:30 and Southampton around 5:00

Hey Matt - I'm at the Uni so turn off earlier and come in at the bottom of the M3. But I have occasional meetings at Ordnance Survey and then use a similar route to you - I love the facilities that you have at the OS - that's an employer that knows how to encourage staff to cycle!

Mikey23

Missus told me that she drove behind me in the car the other day. She said I did ok!

mattgeezer

Used to commute 10 miles along unlit country A roads between 11pm and 1am, or 5am and 6am, never had any issues with 2 front and 2 rear lights, more near misses during daylight!

markhewitt1978

mattgeezer wrote:

Used to commute 10 miles along unlit country A roads between 11pm and 1am, or 5am and 6am, never had any issues with 2 front and 2 rear lights, more near misses during daylight!

Drunk drivers aside, I'd rather cycle at those times of day than in the dark during rush hour.

alex_uk

Regarding the OP's original about reassuring the missus. I've had similar issues (I also cycle in the Winchester area, as it happens). I've found that being predictable and being constant is what has helped most to reduce my wife's worrying. She's seen my lights, my scotchlite, my abilities, my control - but the irrational worry will still exist on top of that.

However, demonstrating over time - and it does take time - that you will also be home when you say you will be, and that you are able to adequately predict the conditions slowly erodes the irrational thought patterns. For example, I call home each time I'm about to leave work - after I'm lycra'd up, bike out of the lockup and ready to go. I'll let my wife know if something like today's wind conditions will add more time, and I'll quote the time of day that I'll be home. I'm always within 5 mins of this time - it's a 1 hour cycle + traffic stopped time in Winchester, and I always add on a few mins to the time I quote to be sure that I get home when I say I will. Over time, her experience is that cycling works out, and so there is less basis for irrational fear.

rickyrider

divingrob wrote:

I do what most people do in regards lights and clothing, my commute takes me down a lot of unlit country roads, biggest problem is the low sun at this time of year with a easterly commute in the morning and West in the evening.

Coming late to this thread, but this is exactly my problem too. I've got a 5 mile stretch that is almost exactly E/W and those few weeks in Oct are the only times I feel uneasy. I know from a driving perspective how dangerous it can be. I actually cut down the amount I was riding last month for this very reason... not sure there is an easy answer here no amount of lights/hi-viz etc will really help.

jds_1981

Late to the discussion too. I know the a3090 well. I would not want to cycle along it. It's a good road for caning along. Perhaps it is different at rush hour though?
Take advanage of where you live, how about Port Lane? Use a CX bike. Take some nice detours like through Ampfield wood? Doesn't fix the worry thing of course

topcattim

jds_1981 wrote:

Late to the discussion too. I know the a3090 well. I would not want to cycle along it. It's a good road for caning along. Perhaps it is different at rush hour though?
Take advanage of where you live, how about Port Lane? Use a CX bike. Take some nice detours like through Ampfield wood? Doesn't fix the worry thing of course

Yup, I love Port Lane - really peaceful ride, and superb in the darkness. It is the busier parts down near Southampton (Asda at Chandlers Ford etc) that the OH worries about. Still, each time I do it and come back successfully, she gets a little bit more used to the idea...