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the 1st ever pure Bollox spouting (Open) competition

pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
edited September 2013 in The bottom bracket
To find out who's King.

We'll all vote at the end of it by a poll 'to end all polls' poll.

Rules:

1. You must have a title
2. No more than 250 words
3. Logic and common sense will be disqualified immediately.

The blank canvas is all yours.
seanoconn - gruagach craic!
«1

Posts

  • davieseedaviesee Posts: 6,473
    The blank canvas is all yours.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    To find out who's King.

    We'll all vote at the end of it by a poll 'to end all polls' poll.

    Rules:

    1. You must have a title
    2. No more than 250 words
    3. Logic and common sense will be disqualified immediately.

    The blank canvas is all yours.

    I'll take your challenge oh King in waiting........

    In the foothills of BB, he was out walking, without meaning, then Yossie sat down and pondered why a constant acceleration of a = ( V - v ) / t ) ( ½ ( V - v ) / t and x = m ( ( V - v ) / t ) ( ½ ( V - v ) / t and V is its speed at time t, would have minimal speed gains.

    Firstly he said in a growly voice “There's the heart-ache of a moment with a bodkin called pinarello001!”

    “Who would bear that” said seanoconn.

    “’tis simple” said Yossie, "That buzzing-noise means something, but do you get a buzzing-noise if no one sees the bee fall in the woods”.

    “Enough of this bee talk” said arran77 “we must take arms against a sea of stupidity”.

    Meanwhile, back to Yossie’s conundrum….

    What is the kinetic energy of the change of a constant force, acting on a particle in causing a displacement of x?

    The answer is that it's a classic hand tossed dough base and you'll get a large side order of muck-off for dunking the remains of the day into.

    Antony Hopkins said Yossie’s conundrum answer was incorrect because v is the square of mass of a body.

    When it comes to bodies, burying them under a patio is best, although don’t say on an internet forum you did it unless you want to be caught.

    This is the best life lesson I can give.

    :mrgreen:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
    The Love triangle.

    Meanwhile, back at the Branch, there was a man who fell in love with a triangle. It was a 3 way thing - a ding, a dong and a dang. She was beautiful, with moon discs and a bell. Just half a years salary working 2 hours a week shirking as a prison guard in A wing (terrible negotiating skills when it came to back hander's).
    From the Twiggle store, delighted with his saving on postage, ecstatic that it it was in one piece, he rode into the sunset.

    One day, whilst romancing with his triangle, full of wind, tail breeze in the hairnet, soporific on Feccles cakes, he 'dropped' it and broke - Into 4 bits. Heartbroken, he ran to the nearest field but could only find fountain goats* because it was the wrong field - the man needed a horse. Tears rolled down his face as he hurdled the fences like Young Kenny at Uttoxeter winning the Midlands Grand National. There he was, the 3 legged horse of the Triban clips. Standing big and strong and tilted 4 foot to the left, he mounted this horse twice and rode off into the wall adjacent to the giant flange press.

    *Did you know the difference between a mish and a fountain goat? One mucks around in a fountain and the other...
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • NavrigNavrig Posts: 1,352
    Jag tar din utmaning oh kung i väntan ........

    Vid foten av BB, han var ute och gick, utan mening, då Yossie satte sig ner och funderade varför en konstant acceleration a = (V - v) / t) (½ (V - v) / t och x = m (( V - v) / t) (½ (V - v) / T och V är dess hastighet vid tiden t, skulle ha minimal hastighet vinster.

    Först sa han i en growly röst "Det är hjärtat-värk av en stund med en bodkin heter pinarello001!"

    "Vem skulle stå att" sade seanoconn.

    "'Tis enkel" sade Yossie, "Att surrande brus betyder något, men får man ett surrande brus om ingen ser biet faller i skogen".

    "Nog om detta bi prat" sa arran77 "vi måste ta till vapen mot ett hav av dumhet".

    Under tiden, tillbaka till Yossie s gåta ....

    Vad är den kinetiska energin av förändring av en konstant kraft, som verkar på en partikel i att orsaka en förskjutning av x?

    Svaret är att det är en klassisk hand kastade degen bas och du får en stor sida för muck-off för dunking resterna av dagen till.

    Antony Hopkins sade Yossie s gåta svar var felaktigt eftersom v är kvadraten av massan av en kropp.

    När det gäller organ och begravde dem under en uteplats är bäst, men säg inte på ett internetforum du gjorde det om du inte vill bli fångad.

    Detta är det bästa liv läxa jag kan ge.

    : Mrgreen:
    De största och mest kraftfulla revolutioner börjar ofta mycket tyst, gömd i skuggorna. Kom ihåg det.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 6,731
    Navrig wrote:
    Jag tar din utmaning oh kung i väntan ........

    Vid foten av BB, han var ute och gick, utan mening, då Yossie satte sig ner och funderade varför en konstant acceleration a = (V - v) / t) (½ (V - v) / t och x = m (( V - v) / t) (½ (V - v) / T och V är dess hastighet vid tiden t, skulle ha minimal hastighet vinster.

    Först sa han i en growly röst "Det är hjärtat-värk av en stund med en bodkin heter pinarello001!"

    "Vem skulle stå att" sade seanoconn.

    "'Tis enkel" sade Yossie, "Att surrande brus betyder något, men får man ett surrande brus om ingen ser biet faller i skogen".

    "Nog om detta bi prat" sa arran77 "vi måste ta till vapen mot ett hav av dumhet".

    Under tiden, tillbaka till Yossie s gåta ....

    Vad är den kinetiska energin av förändring av en konstant kraft, som verkar på en partikel i att orsaka en förskjutning av x?

    Svaret är att det är en klassisk hand kastade degen bas och du får en stor sida för muck-off för dunking resterna av dagen till.

    Antony Hopkins sade Yossie s gåta svar var felaktigt eftersom v är kvadraten av massan av en kropp.

    När det gäller organ och begravde dem under en uteplats är bäst, men säg inte på ett internetforum du gjorde det om du inte vill bli fångad.

    Detta är det bästa liv läxa jag kan ge.

    : Mrgreen:
    De största och mest kraftfulla revolutioner börjar ofta mycket tyst, gömd i skuggorna. Kom ihåg det.
    Agreed
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
    Navrig wrote:
    Jag tar din... Kom ihåg det.

    Tha'ts right - copy/paste A77's most excellent new theory of relativity and use Google translate into Swedish.

    P1ss poor heffort Navrig, you skulking loafer. Dinna yew darken ma doors or ye'll be swinging from the pig barn.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    Navrig wrote:
    Jag tar din utmaning oh kung i väntan ........

    Vid foten av BB, han var ute och gick, utan mening, då Yossie satte sig ner och funderade varför en konstant acceleration a = (V - v) / t) (½ (V - v) / t och x = m (( V - v) / t) (½ (V - v) / T och V är dess hastighet vid tiden t, skulle ha minimal hastighet vinster.

    Först sa han i en growly röst "Det är hjärtat-värk av en stund med en bodkin heter pinarello001!"

    "Vem skulle stå att" sade seanoconn.

    "'Tis enkel" sade Yossie, "Att surrande brus betyder något, men får man ett surrande brus om ingen ser biet faller i skogen".

    "Nog om detta bi prat" sa arran77 "vi måste ta till vapen mot ett hav av dumhet".

    Under tiden, tillbaka till Yossie s gåta ....

    Vad är den kinetiska energin av förändring av en konstant kraft, som verkar på en partikel i att orsaka en förskjutning av x?

    Svaret är att det är en klassisk hand kastade degen bas och du får en stor sida för muck-off för dunking resterna av dagen till.

    Antony Hopkins sade Yossie s gåta svar var felaktigt eftersom v är kvadraten av massan av en kropp.

    När det gäller organ och begravde dem under en uteplats är bäst, men säg inte på ett internetforum du gjorde det om du inte vill bli fångad.

    Detta är det bästa liv läxa jag kan ge.

    : Mrgreen:
    De största och mest kraftfulla revolutioner börjar ofta mycket tyst, gömd i skuggorna. Kom ihåg det.
    Agreed

    You think I be a prat do you :evil:

    :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Navrig wrote:
    Jag tar din... Kom ihåg det.

    Tha'ts right - copy/paste A77's most excellent new theory of relativity and use Google translate into Swedish.

    P1ss poor heffort Navrig, you skulking loafer. Dinna yew darken ma doors or ye'll be swinging from the pig barn.

    That was a pretty lame effort, you could have at least translated it into Japanese or something, then we might not have recognised it :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • NavrigNavrig Posts: 1,352
    Navrig wrote:
    Jag tar din... Kom ihåg det.

    Tha'ts right - copy/paste A77's most excellent new theory of relativity and use Google translate into Swedish.

    P1ss poor heffort Navrig, you skulking loafer. Dinna yew darken ma doors or ye'll be swinging from the pig barn.


    :mrgreen: :twisted:
  • sungodsungod Posts: 13,208
    best things

    raisins are best for weight loss

    glycogen replenishment will be maximised with a steady intake of porridge, fig rolls, bananas, flapjacks and kendal mint cake, there is no point in recovery drinks, milkshake is just as good, even if it makes you feel sick, otherwise why would baby cows drink it, hah, answer that and stay fashionable

    light wheels mean you benefit from micro accelerations, people who whine about physics and conservation of momentum just don't get it

    tyres with treads are best, you get much more grip on tarmac with treads, must be true 'cos cars have treads, you guys with slicks are just talking nonsense, treads are much more grippy, especially in the wet on fast corners

    there's no point training with a powermeter, any fule kno that simply eating plenty of raisins and going hard as possible with cadence of 73 will give results just as good

    aerodynamics are nonsense, there's no point, tweeds and low profile rims with 36 spokes will be just as fast, and much cheaper, but on mountains you should use only 28 spokes as you'll reduce rotating mass and benefit from micro accelerations

    leave vtech alone

    the crown race is the right way up

    flat bars are better than drops, you roadies are all mad, flats rule, aerodynamics are nonsense anyway, wear more tweed

    nooo, i can't go on, my brain is threatening to walk out
    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • simonheadsimonhead Posts: 1,399
    Susanna Reid v Edam Cheese

    The milk marketing board is conducting a study on the effect of Susannas white panties on males between 25 and 55. They have monitored the ability to eat edam and pineapple on a stick per minute (e&p/m) and concluded that males can typically maintain a 20% higher e&p/m whilst viewing BBC breakfast. This increases to 32% whilst playing "susanna's panty medley" on repeat in slow motion whilst listening to Shania twains "that don't impress me much".
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
    sungod wrote:
    best things

    glycogen replenishment...

    tyres with treads are best...

    aerodynamics are nonsense...

    flat bars are...

    nooo...
    simonhead wrote:

    Susanna Reid v Edam Cheese

    The milk marketing board...

    That's the style. Good effort.

    Sungod - I am not sure about the pure bollox element of your drivel - some of what you said makes perfect sense to me.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • davieseedaviesee Posts: 6,473
    That's the style. Good effort.

    Sungod - I am not sure about the pure bollox element of your drivel - some of what you said makes perfect sense to me.
    You are in danger of ruining your own thread by talking sense.
    But is it talking sense as there is no voice? Is it danger as no one will get hurt except maybe someones feelings? God forbid that may happen, except to some maybe? Is there a God in charge, come to that? Who is the judge of sense anyway? From what I see there are varying levels of drivel displayed on a daily basis. Are we talking (?) quality drivel or drivel drivel? I think I may be crazy but as long as I think that i know that I am not fully crazy because a crazy person doesn't think they are crazy.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 6,731
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • simonheadsimonhead Posts: 1,399
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg
    Looks Moe like Sophie raworth than susanna reid
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg

    That is pure bollox STC. Pure, unadulterated bollox. Only you and your ego could come up with the idea that Susie is going to dance with you. Its me she needs, not you.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 6,731
    simonhead wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg
    Looks Moe like Sophie raworth than susanna reid
    Yeah I [email protected] up her face a bit, soz
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • tim wandtim wand Posts: 2,945
    Doppelganger?

    Have you ever seen Brian Cookson and Rich Chasey in the same room?

    That is all.
  • tim wandtim wand Posts: 2,945
    Lightweights


    British Road Race team containing the last two TDF winners quit UCI World Champs because its raining a Portugeuser and Spaniard take Gold and Silver.

    Now that's gotta be censored surely?

    Think you really had start riding indoors again Bradley.
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg

    Looks like she's about to chunder :shock:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 6,731
    arran77 wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg

    Looks like she's about to chunder :shock:
    Gopping 8)
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 14,774
    Is she twerking?
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 43,973
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg

    That is pure bollox STC. Pure, unadulterated bollox. Only you and your ego could come up with the idea that Susie is going to dance with you. Its me she needs, not you.
    Yep this is complete bollox - where the fark am I ?
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    8A5EE03A-4628-492B-96B3-52E7A2A600DC-468-000000BB637487DC_zpsaf00ba20.jpg

    That is pure bollox STC. Pure, unadulterated bollox. Only you and your ego could come up with the idea that Susie is going to dance with you. Its me she needs, not you.
    Yep this is complete bollox - where the fark am I ?

    It's like you said in the kicking off thread, you're an outcast :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
    Can we stop quoting the mad sketchings of a demented censored stirrer dressed in a ASDA/TESCO £20 outfit dancing with Ann Widdicombe's ugly niece please and get on with the pure bollox competition?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 6,731
    Are you making light of my mental problems P? I would never work for you! Not for all the syrup in Scotland!

    Most quoted bollox of the pure bollox competition 8)
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    Are you making light of my mental problems P? I would never work for you! Not for all the syrup in Scotland!

    Most quoted bollox of the pure bollox competition 8)

    What about if he let you lick his gloves :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,173
    arran77 wrote:
    seanoconn wrote:
    Are you making light of my mental problems P? I would never work for you! Not for all the syrup in Scotland!

    Most quoted bollox of the pure bollox competition 8)

    What about if he let you lick his gloves :wink:

    He can suck the machinery clean.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 43,973
    arran77 wrote:
    It's like you said in the kicking off thread, you're an outcast :P
    I meant from a Communter forum point of view, you retard :wink:
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    It's like you said in the kicking off thread, you're an outcast :P
    I meant from a Communter forum point of view, you retard :wink:

    I resemble that comment :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
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