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what's the correct tool to adjust a nasty saatchi with?

sungodsungod Posts: 15,235
edited June 2013 in The bottom bracket
i'm not a huge nigella fan, but no woman deserves this

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/ni ... ee-1955564
my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny

what's the correct tool to adjust a nasty saatchi with? 53 votes

cricket bat
18% 10 votes
baseball bat
22% 12 votes
motorbike chain
24% 13 votes
ice axe
33% 18 votes
«1

Posts

  • FocusZingFocusZing Posts: 4,373
    03cnd-hirst.650.jpg
  • Josh_No90Josh_No90 Posts: 22
    I think pickling Saatchi in formaldehyde is a bit extreme.
  • davieseedaviesee Posts: 6,386
    Josh_No90 wrote:
    I think pickling Saatchi in formaldehyde is a bit extreme.
    Only because he wouldn't rot.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • FishFishFishFish Posts: 2,152
    Getting a bit fat.
    ...take your pickelf on your holibobs.... :D

    jeez :roll:
  • simonheadsimonhead Posts: 1,399
    Should bring back the old 16th century flogging, cat o nine tails and treat the wounds with neat rum.
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • Yellow PerilYellow Peril Posts: 4,466
    I have to admit to choosing ice axe for this particular poll purely because of the irony of a wife beating capitalist meeting the same end as Trotsky.
    @JaunePeril

    Winner of the Bike Radar Pro Race Wiggins Hour Prediction Competition
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,133
    I'm from the Dennis Waterman school of how to treat your woman, so it depends what she said :wink:
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,903
    seanoconn wrote:
    I'm from the Dennis Waterman school of how to treat your woman, so it depends what she said :wink:

    Bit disappointed in this. :(

    I would have wagered good money that you would have offered your 'tool' to sort out Nigella. :lol:
  • ProssPross Posts: 34,743
    Bit of 4 x 4 with nails embedded will do the trick. I am also available to assist in her hour of distress. Mrs P won't mind as it will take not one but two household chores away from her having the curvaceous Nigella in the house for a bit.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 10,133
    Pross wrote:
    Bit of 4 x 4 with nails embedded will do the trick. I am also available to assist in her hour of distress. Mrs P won't mind as it will take not one but two household chores away from her having the curvaceous Nigella in the house for a bit.
    Cooking and sex :lol: Now than was more like a 10,000th post :D
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • usedtobefastusedtobefast Posts: 145
    I have to admit to choosing ice axe for this particular poll purely because of the irony of a wife beating capitalist meeting the same end as Trotsky.

    Get your facts right it was an ice pick not axe, but I'm with you on the sentiment.
    Trainee BC level 2 coach ... and that's offical (30th June 2013)

    Scott Addict R4 (2008)
    Scott Genius MC30 (2006)
    Quest carbon circa 1994 - winter bike
    Fuji Track Comp 2010
  • Yellow PerilYellow Peril Posts: 4,466
    I have to admit to choosing ice axe for this particular poll purely because of the irony of a wife beating capitalist meeting the same end as Trotsky.

    Get your facts right it was an ice pick not axe, but I'm with you on the sentiment.


    Got the following off Wikipedia (so it must be true!)

    An ice axe consists of at least five components:

    Head — usually made of steel and featuring a pick and adze. A hole in the center is provided for attaching a wrist leash or carabiner.
    Pick — the toothed pointed end of the head, typically slightly curved (aiding both in ergonomics and self-arrest).
    Adze — the flat, wide end of the head used for chopping steps in hard snow and ice.
    Shaft — straight or slightly angled, typically wider front-to-back than side-to-side, flat on the sides and smoothly rounded on the ends. Traditional shafts were made of wood, but are now almost exclusively of lightweight metals (such as aluminum or titanium) or composite (including fiberglass, Kevlar or carbon filament).
    Spike, or ferrule — a steel point at the base of the shaft used for balance and safety when the axe is held by its head in walking stick fashion.


    The real question is would it be Campag or Shimano? :wink:
    @JaunePeril

    Winner of the Bike Radar Pro Race Wiggins Hour Prediction Competition
  • sungodsungod Posts: 15,235
    for the avoidance of doubt, i was thinking ice axe rather than the trotsky terminating ice pick, although that would be a satisfying alternative

    by way of illustration, this is my ice axe (i attached a smiley sticker so that you know it's mine)

    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,408
    sungod wrote:
    for the avoidance of doubt, i was thinking ice axe rather than the trotsky terminating ice pick, although that would be a satisfying alternative

    by way of illustration, this is my ice axe (i attached a smiley sticker so that you know it's mine)


    Handy bottle opener on the head :D
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • gmbgmb Posts: 456
    Chill out you lot.

    Charles says it was just a playful tiff, which the photos would tend to prove. Especially the ones where he is choking her first with one hand, then with two.

    He's not a vicious, cowardly, self absorbed piece of sh!t after all... and Nigella was clearly overreacting.

    Now. where's that motorbike chain?
    Trying Is The First Step Towards Failure

    De Rosa Milanino :-
    http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab78 ... -00148.jpg
  • YossieYossie Posts: 2,600
    I think a blunderbuss would have the desired effect both in a painful and comedic way.

    Anyone got any piccies of Nigella's norks while we're here?
  • fast as fuppfast as fupp Posts: 2,277
    just imagine she had scolded him for spending £5k on another pinarello?


    i think his reaction would be entirely justified.
    'dont forget lads, one evertonian is worth twenty kopites'
  • pinnopinno Posts: 47,744
    How about 10,000 cyclists all agreeing that a pick-axe would be the tool?. Then the police would be overwhelmed by the sheer number of suspects.

    BTW - Shhh.... NapD might be reading this (if he's not spanking his monkey over some bike pic that ticks all the boxes that is).
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • sungodsungod Posts: 15,235
    it's ok, we'll only give him a playful tiff with it
    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • DruidorDruidor Posts: 230
    simonhead wrote:
    Should bring back the old 16th century flogging, cat o nine tails and treat the wounds with neat rum.


    Think malt vinegar and salt would be a better after care
    ---
    Sensa Trentino SL Custom 2013 - 105 Compact - Aksium Race
  • ProssPross Posts: 34,743
    Yossie wrote:
    I think a blunderbuss would have the desired effect both in a painful and comedic way.

    Anyone got any piccies of Nigella's norks while we're here?

    This do you tumblr_l4u652F3tF1qculn1o1_500.jpg
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Pross wrote:
    Yossie wrote:
    I think a blunderbuss would have the desired effect both in a painful and comedic way.

    Anyone got any piccies of Nigella's norks while we're here?

    This do you tumblr_l4u652F3tF1qculn1o1_500.jpg

    I'd have my hands on those rather than round her throat :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 15,903
    arran77 wrote:
    Pross wrote:
    Yossie wrote:
    I think a blunderbuss would have the desired effect both in a painful and comedic way.

    Anyone got any piccies of Nigella's norks while we're here?

    This do you tumblr_l4u652F3tF1qculn1o1_500.jpg

    I'd have my hands on those rather than round her throat :wink:

    Only one hand free at the moment. :oops:
  • HoopdriverHoopdriver Posts: 2,023
    Druidor wrote:
    simonhead wrote:
    Should bring back the old 16th century flogging, cat o nine tails and treat the wounds with neat rum.


    Think malt vinegar and salt would be a better after care
    Nothing beats a generous splash of iodine
  • HoopdriverHoopdriver Posts: 2,023
    I have to admit to choosing ice axe for this particular poll purely because of the irony of a wife beating capitalist meeting the same end as Trotsky.
    Actually he got it with an ice PICK
  • bartimaeusbartimaeus Posts: 1,812
    an ice pick that made his ears burn
    Vitus Sentier VR+ (2018) GT Grade AL 105 (2016)
    Giant Anthem X4 (2010) GT Avalanche 1.0 (2010)
    Kingley Vale and QECP Trail Collective - QECP Trail Building
  • Yellow PerilYellow Peril Posts: 4,466
    Hoopdriver wrote:
    I have to admit to choosing ice axe for this particular poll purely because of the irony of a wife beating capitalist meeting the same end as Trotsky.
    Actually he got it with an ice PICK

    sigh...yes that's correct...the pick being the long pointy part of an ice AXE....
    @JaunePeril

    Winner of the Bike Radar Pro Race Wiggins Hour Prediction Competition
  • bartimaeusbartimaeus Posts: 1,812
    _41293417_trotsky_icepick_ap203body.jpg
    Vitus Sentier VR+ (2018) GT Grade AL 105 (2016)
    Giant Anthem X4 (2010) GT Avalanche 1.0 (2010)
    Kingley Vale and QECP Trail Collective - QECP Trail Building
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Clearly Nick Clegg is not the answer, he doesn't seem to want to commit to it being right or wrong....

    http://news.sky.com/story/1106123/nigella-lawson-clegg-fails-to-condemn-assault

    :roll:

    He certainly is a tool though just not neccesserily the correct one :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
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