Smut Stash

CHRISNOIR

So, it looks like the future Mrs Noir will be moving into my small abode in the near future. This is good news for me but sad news for my bongo stash. I’m sure other Bottom Bracketeers (those of an older, more distinguished but less digital age) have been through this before – what did you do with your beloved smut collection? Hide it better? Dump it next to a road / hedge / railway siding? Bid it a fond farewell before the bin? Ceremonial pyre?

Of course a simple binning would be one solution but it’s sad to think I’ll never enjoy ‘intimacy’ with the likes of with ‘Poppy, 23, Leicester’ or ‘Melanie, 19, Newcastle’ again?

Also, on a more general note, I’ve never seen a bigger smut stash than the one I saw aged 13. It was owned by Graham’s dad. It was in a filing cabinet five feet tall and contained videos, magazines and a variety of rubber implements enjoyed by Graham’s mum (hopefully). Mine’s not that extensive…

Let's talk smut-stashes...

arran77

Take it down the local park and show the kids how it was back in the day, it's all too easy for the internet generation, to think that some of them will never have had that heart stopping experience of going to the local corner shop to buy the aforementioned smut, jazz mag or whatever you care to call it

lostboysaint

arran77 wrote:

Take it down the local park and show the kids how it was back in the day, it's all too easy for the internet generation, to think that some of them will never have had that heart stopping experience of going to the local corner shop to buy the aforementioned smut, jazz mag or whatever you care to call it

That.

Or leave it just inside the local woods. It's part of every young boys rites of passage that they discover a porn stash in such a location.

arran77

lostboysaint wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Take it down the local park and show the kids how it was back in the day, it's all too easy for the internet generation, to think that some of them will never have had that heart stopping experience of going to the local corner shop to buy the aforementioned smut, jazz mag or whatever you care to call it

That.

Or leave it just inside the local woods. It's part of every young boys rites of passage that they discover a porn stash in such a location.

This was always the highlight of any bike ride out with your mates, thumbing through the grubby pages to see 'Tina from Scunthorpe' whooping them out for all to see in the readers wives section, ah the memories

Monkeypump

Just put a selection out on the coffee table for shared reading...

dodgerdog

Monkeypump wrote:

Just put a selection out on the coffee table for shared reading...

This.

MattC59

arran77 wrote:

Take it down the local park

This !!!!!

Gone are the days where you could find jazz mags in the park (and white dog sh*t !!)

Failing that, just hide it better........... that's what I did

simonhead

Post it piece by piece to someone at work.

PostieJohn

A friend was emigrating (luckily), and they (his wife) had a fine array of 'pleasure wands'.
Not wanting to pack them, she said farewell and threw them in the bin.

The binmen came as she was in the kitchen.
A commotion caused her to look out of the window.
She was somewhat horrified to see her bin bag had split open.

The commotion being one of the binmen was chasing another round the close, doing an impression of a colourful Edward Scissorhands, with said toys held between his fingers.

Cleat Eastwood

You have PM

nevman

PML .

capt_slog

PostieJohn wrote:

A friend was emigrating (luckily), and they (his wife) had a fine array of 'pleasure wands'.
Not wanting to pack them, she said farewell and threw them in the bin.

The binmen came as she was in the kitchen.
A commotion caused her to look out of the window.
She was somewhat horrified to see her bin bag had split open.

The commotion being one of the binmen was chasing another round the close, doing an impression of a colourful Edward Scissorhands, with said toys held between his fingers.

A friend of mine used to work for a removals company. There was chap he worked with who used to 'specialize' in finding such items amongst the stuff they were supposed to be moving. He used to take out the batteries and put the companies stickers on them between the contacts, so that they would be found the next time they tried to use it.

CambsNewbie

When I was a teenager I realised the carpet in a corner of my bedroom wasn't securely stuck down. Ideal for hiding magazines under!

RDW

The traditional method:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Men-Sheds-Gordo ... 1843303299

The 'high tech' approach:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image_scanner
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disk_encryption

CrunchyToes

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Stevo_666

CrunchyToes wrote:

My job leads me to examine the underside of many a timber-built cottage, the sort which have quite a substantial space underneath. You have NO idea about the quantity of porn that I've uncovered from these spaces, with dates spanning into the '70s.

Most are undated, I have to go by the hairstyles

Do you ever get complaints that you are taking too long on the job

The golden era for me was at uni and there were 4 of us sharing a crappy house in North London. We'd have the p0rn arranged on the coffee table for convenient access. We just had to remember to chuck it all behind the sofa when someone rang the doorbell :P

Bwgan

Keep them as your nocturnal action will now diminish!

smoggysteve

A lad I work with had a side business of fixing computers and refurbing old ones and reselling them. One of the things he used to collect were old hard Drives that the old owner had "wiped". Which even with the best programmes available for public use will not 100% clean. He would find all sorts of Amateur hour photos and videos on them, some starring the partners of people we worked with. Sometimes its hard to talk to one of these friends wives afterwards without grinning.

ballysmate

Remember being banned from visiting my school mate's house, because he told him mom that the porn mag she found in his room was mine.

Nor I didn't get the mag back!

lawrences

Replace the covers with comic book covers and donate it.

pdstsp

Keep it for your first born son - a bit like the watch handing on scene in Pulp Fiction.

Loretta Damage

When I was a single airman living in the barrack block, there was the time honoured tradition of soon to be married lads who would offer their porn stash out for free to a good home. Every block also had a "King Porn", usually a lad who had done a tour in Germany, who could always be relied upon to provide magazines or videos to those in "need". A happy, less complicated time.

lostboysaint

Loretta Damage wrote:

When I was a single airman living in the barrack block, there was the time honoured tradition of soon to be married lads who would offer their porn stash out for free to a good home. Every block also had a "King Porn", usually a lad who had done a tour in Germany, who could always be relied upon to provide magazines or videos to those in "need". A happy, less complicated time.

Anyone remember Danair? Their planes used to be serviced at Lasham airfield in Hampshire and their engineers used to have a fully catalogued shed as their porn library. They used to find incredible quantities of it as, in their words, "people get brave on holiday and buy some, bring it back, panic on the plane that they're going to get stopped by customs and that it'll get waved in front of everyone and so they leave it in the seatback pocket, in the overhead lockers, tucked under the seat in front etc. We get on the plane, relieve it from it's hiding place and then catalogue it."

They used to have a network of "outlets" and run a hire service. I was one of them, servicing East Hampshire District Council. I made a lot of money.

Pross

Hide them somewhere, don't destroy them as you'll need them again soon once the initial novelty of living together wears off.

Aggieboy

Compromise dude - just keep the ones she's in.

the playing mantis

arran77 wrote:

lostboysaint wrote:

arran77 wrote:

Take it down the local park and show the kids how it was back in the day, it's all too easy for the internet generation, to think that some of them will never have had that heart stopping experience of going to the local corner shop to buy the aforementioned smut, jazz mag or whatever you care to call it

That.

Or leave it just inside the local woods. It's part of every young boys rites of passage that they discover a porn stash in such a location.

This was always the highlight of any bike ride out with your mates, thumbing through the grubby pages to see 'Tina from Scunthorpe' whooping them out for all to see in the readers wives section, ah the memories

genius, so true.

seanoconn

Leave them on the doorstep of a local nunnery, disguised as a baby in a basket. They'd love it, dirty bitches.

Ahh the memories. I recall my smut stash before the age of the Internet. 3 of the crappiest mags stolen from my dads collection and that I didn't think he'd miss. A book on breast feeding stolent from the local library (Mmmmm, swollen boobies) and a copy of an Erika Eleniak playboy, purchased fairly in the playground.

Thank God for redtube and pornhub!!

cat_with_no_tail

arran77 wrote:

Take it down the local park and show the kids

Wouldn't recommend this approach. Just tried it and apparently now the judge says I have to go on some kind of a special list.

jordan_217

Best thread on here for ages

Anyone every 'borrowed' some from your Old Man and then have to face him when you're Mam finds them in your bedroom? Awkward!

seanoconn

jordan_217 wrote:

Best thread on here for ages

Anyone every 'borrowed' some from your Old Man and then have to face him when you're Mam finds them in your bedroom? Awkward!

I wish my parents mentioned something after their sneaky monthly room raids. My dad found a copy of Men's Health magazine (honestly bought for an abs workout, I swear!) and assumed I was gay for half of my teenage life! His defence of gay people when we were out in public together was admirable

jordan_217

Aggieboy wrote:

Compromise dude - just keep the ones she's in.

Someone keep him posting, I better inform the warden he's escaped again!