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Offensive, non racist, non sexist jokes. Warning may offend!

MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
edited September 2013 in The bottom bracket
Off you go fellas, rules are in the title......

I've got a blinder, but I'll see how this plays out first :wink:
Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
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  • MattC59 wrote:
    Off you go fellas, rules are in the title......

    I've got a blinder, but I'll see how this plays out first :wink:

    Yip, you're right. I am indeed much offended by your warning.

    This thread's heading for the bin. :P
  • censored Chase-me is a non-racist, non sexist joke. And he offends me. A lot.

    I'll most probably get banned again for that. Oh well.

    At least I'm not the same height as Kylie.

    Sorry for hijacking your thread, Matt.
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,889
    F'kin hell Rick, you make enemies quickly - that's his first post.
  • tailwindhometailwindhome Posts: 14,459
    Jim454 wrote:
    censored Chase-me is a non-racist, non sexist joke. And he offends me. A lot.

    I'll most probably get banned again for that. Oh well.

    At least I'm not the same height as Kylie.

    Sorry for hijacking your thread, Matt.


    Main thing is that you took it well.
    Believe that a farther shore
    Is reachable from here.
    Believe in miracles
    And cures and healing wells
  • upperoilcanupperoilcan Posts: 1,180
    johnfinch wrote:
    F'kin hell Rick, you make enemies quickly - that's his first post.

    Lmfao.....

    Clearly a long time lurker that was so incensed he had to make his hatred known to the world via his very first post.

    Welcome to the forum Jim. :D
    Cervelo S5 Ultegra Di2.
  • There's an Englishman,Scotsman, Irishman,Welshman, Westindian,Pakistani,Indian,Muslim and a Jew standing in this bar......................................................What a wonderfully diverse multi-cultural society we live in.
    Tail end Charlie

    The above post may contain traces of sarcasm or/and bullsh*t.
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,889
    What do you call a black man in a plane cockpit?
    The pilot, you racist.
  • byke68byke68 Posts: 1,070
    oooh, a thread for safe jokes? Whatever next! :roll:

    As I'm here, I may as well post one -

    If a baby was born in Italy, raised in Spain, went to University in England, went to live in South Africe, married a woman from Kenya, retired in Portugal but died in Morroco, what is he?

    Dead!


    I'll get me Alutra Nevis.....................
    Cannondale Trail 6 - censored brakes!
    Cannondale CAAD8
  • Two nun cycling down a cobbled street, the one says to the other 'I've never come this way before'. The other replies, 'Yes, apparently the diversions are set to last all week' :shock:
    Scott S40 Speedster
    Dialled Stay Strong MX20R

    I no longer live in an ivory tower, these days it's vintage white :shock:
  • nevmannevman Posts: 1,611
    Two nun cycling down a cobbled street, the one says to the other 'I've never come this way before'. The other replies, 'Yes, apparently the diversions are set to last all week' :shock:


    Now that's funny.Where is this street?
    Whats the solution? Just pedal faster you baby.

    Summer B,man Team Carbon LE#222
    Winter Alan Top Cross
    All rounder Spec. Allez.
  • byke68byke68 Posts: 1,070
    Animals: can we do animal jokes? Would anyone be offended by an animal joke? I hope there's no cows logged on!

    What does a bull do to keep warm on a bitterly cold day?

    It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.
    Cannondale Trail 6 - censored brakes!
    Cannondale CAAD8
  • 6633101_460s.jpg

    Too soon?
  • 6633101_460s.jpg

    Too soon?

    Never too soon
    Ribble R872
    Specialized Langster Monaco
    Trek 6300
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 13,701
    Three Geordie brickies were in a bar in Bravaria. One looked across at and said,”That bloke at the bar looks like Hitler” They empty their glasses and one of them gets up to get the next round.
    When he gets to the bar he says,”I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you look like Hitler”
    “That’s right”, he replied. “I am Hitler. Me and my mates Himmler and Goering come in here for a pint and plan the next world war. We are going to murder 6 million Jews and an English postman”
    The brickie goes back to his mates and tells his mates the story. Perplexed, they get up and go to the bar and one says to Hitler, ”What’s this about murdering an English postman?”
    Hitler turns to Himmler and says,” There! I told you nobody gives a censored about the Jews”


    Now regardless of whether you find this funny, offensive or whatever, consider


    Is it anti semitic?
    How many people got as far as the mention of the English postman and thought wtf? In which case, does that make them anti semitic?
    Or is it just anti Geordie?

    Or just a silly little joke that no-one should find offensive.
  • byke68byke68 Posts: 1,070
    How was break--dancing invented?

    By someone trying to steal hubcaps off a moving car.
    Cannondale Trail 6 - censored brakes!
    Cannondale CAAD8
  • tailwindhometailwindhome Posts: 14,459
    ballysmate wrote:
    Three Geordie brickies were in a bar in Bravaria. One looked across at and said,”That bloke at the bar looks like Hitler” They empty their glasses and one of them gets up to get the next round.
    When he gets to the bar he says,”I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you look like Hitler”
    “That’s right”, he replied. “I am Hitler. Me and my mates Himmler and Goering come in here for a pint and plan the next world war. We are going to murder 6 million Jews and an English postman”
    The brickie goes back to his mates and tells his mates the story. Perplexed, they get up and go to the bar and one says to Hitler, ”What’s this about murdering an English postman?”
    Hitler turns to Himmler and says,” There! I told you nobody gives a fark about the Jews”


    Now regardless of whether you find this funny, offensive or whatever, consider


    Is it anti semitic?
    How many people got as far as the mention of the English postman and thought wtf? In which case, does that make them anti semitic?
    Or is it just anti Geordie?

    Or just a silly little joke that no-one should find offensive.

    The fact that the joke references Jews, Nazis and the Holocaust wouldn't necessarily make it anti-Semitic, that's when PC goes mad.

    There is a bit of a judgement which the listener/reader should apply.

    However the joke which begins "What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?" probably crosses the line to be both offensive and anti-Semitic.

    If you excuse the pun, it ain't always black and white.

    These issues are further complicated by the teller of the joke. Black people can tell n***** jokes, Jews can tell Jew jokes, I can tell Irish jokes. That might not seem fair but that's life.
    Believe that a farther shore
    Is reachable from here.
    Believe in miracles
    And cures and healing wells
  • anyone can tell any jokes they want. a jokes a joke. frankie boyle offends everyone, is he a racist, sexist, homphobe, just because he makes jokes to amuse people? a joke doesnt mean you beleive what the context is of it. its often poking fun at sterotypical views. (btw i think frankie boyle is an unfunny bell end)
  • tailwindhometailwindhome Posts: 14,459
    anyone can tell any jokes they want. a jokes a joke. frankie boyle offends everyone, is he a racist, sexist, homphobe, just because he makes jokes to amuse people? a joke doesnt mean you beleive what the context is of it. its often poking fun at sterotypical views. (btw i think frankie boyle is an unfunny bell end)

    Again you seem to confuse 'offensive' and racist, sexist and homophobic.

    AFAIK Boyle isn't known to be a racist comedian and has gone to court to defend his reputation in that area
    Believe that a farther shore
    Is reachable from here.
    Believe in miracles
    And cures and healing wells
  • ...Or just a silly little joke that no-one should find offensive.

    ... There is a bit of a judgement which the listener/reader should apply.

    However the joke which begins "What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?" probably crosses the line to be both offensive and anti-Semitic.
    Very good illustration of the difference.

    I hadn't heard either of these, and the Three Geordies one (clearly NOT anti-semitic) made me LOL - it's funny and quite clever on several levels. Whereas the Pizza one, which I had to Google, actually shocked me, and usually I'm pretty unshockable.

    I wouldn't arrest people over telling it though.
    Is the gorilla tired yet?
  • i suppose the lucas/walliams airport spoof is racist too? yet the most liberal of liberals, pc of pc, the bbc airs it. likewise is little britain homophobic, and 'disabilitist'?

    have you complained to them about this too?

    unfortunately there will always be a vocal minority who claim to find offence at anything (usually the ones who are not reperesented in any of the groups being sleighted against), and will let everyone and anyone know about this with the aim stopping the perceived offensive item persisting, and often by proxy getting others in trouble, and making themselves feel morally good in the process. usually these are white, middle class who probably wear helmet cams...
  • The late-great Lenny Bruce once said - "I'm not rascist, sexist, or anything like that - I'm happy to offend anyone and everyone"
    Raymondo

    "Let's just all be really careful out there folks!"
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 13,701
    I posted the three Geordies joke because I thought it quite funny and the punchline shows that it is not anti semitic. In fact it highlights the absurdity of ignoring the reference to the Holocaust and focusing on the postman, which everyone tends to do.
    The yardstick I tend to use is "Is it funny?" Just because someone tells a joke about a specific group, doesn't mean he's a bigot. I am sure Les Dawson had a perfectly good relationship with his mother in law.
    I have swapped jokes that I would not post on here because, although funny, some w anchor would take mock offence and complain, getting the thread shut down again.
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 13,701
    MattC59 wrote:
    Off you go fellas, rules are in the title......

    I've got a blinder, but I'll see how this plays out first :wink:


    Come on Matt. Out with it.
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
    ballysmate wrote:
    MattC59 wrote:
    Off you go fellas, rules are in the title......

    I've got a blinder, but I'll see how this plays out first :wink:


    Come on Matt. Out with it.

    What noise does a baby make when you boil it ?
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • MattC59 wrote:
    ballysmate wrote:
    MattC59 wrote:
    Off you go fellas, rules are in the title......

    I've got a blinder, but I'll see how this plays out first :wink:


    Come on Matt. Out with it.

    What noise does a baby make when you boil it ?

    Now, think carefully about your next move, Matt. Remember what happened last time.

    You pedophile.
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
    Jim454 wrote:
    MattC59 wrote:
    ballysmate wrote:
    MattC59 wrote:
    Off you go fellas, rules are in the title......

    I've got a blinder, but I'll see how this plays out first :wink:


    Come on Matt. Out with it.

    What noise does a baby make when you boil it ?

    Now, think carefully about your next move, Matt. Remember what happened last time.

    You pedophile.

    Which is why I haven't answered yet.......
    (Hello again, by the way)
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • pinnopinno Posts: 38,242
    Whats this ?: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

    Cat going down a Motorway.

    I'll get my coat.
    S - The Brazilian beach volleyball team
    W - Wiggle Honda

    "This year will be harder than last year. But that is good news; this year will be easier than next year." President of Abyssinia's annual address to the nation.
  • CiBCiB Posts: 6,098
    D'ya hear about the choirboy that got hisself tangled up in the church bell ropes one morning?

    The vicar tolled him off.


    No? Too religiist maybe?
  • 9/11 Americans won't get this.
  • mallorcajeffmallorcajeff Posts: 2,259
    Got this sent to me the other day and I must admit I did chuckle.

    What's the smallest pub in the world?

    The thalidomide arms
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