Seemingly trivial things that annoy you

ballysmate

People that think a cold is good enough reason to have time off work. (Some roles in the medical profession excepted)

thistle_

Ballysmate wrote:

People that think a cold is good enough reason to have time off work. (Some roles in the medical profession excepted)

They could go and sit away from everyone else. Like a leper colony in the corner of the office.

Pross

Chipping a tooth. Why is it a tiny chip feels like a gaping crater that your tongue is incapable of avoiding?

The label with washing instructions in modern clothes. I got a t shirt at the weekend and the label is about 2 inches long. They end up bunching up but if you cut it out the remaining bit digs in and rubs (and you presumably invalidate any product guarantee).

Matthewfalle

Pross wrote:

Chipping a tooth. Why is it a tiny chip feels like a gaping crater that your tongue is incapable of avoiding?

The label with washing instructions in modern clothes. I got a t shirt at the weekend and the label is about 2 inches long. They end up bunching up but if you cut it out the remaining bit digs in and rubs (and you presumably invalidate any product guarantee).

Pirate inches or land lubber inches?

And whoever heard of a guarantee for. T-shirt? The only guarantee I need is my cutlass.

First.Aspect

Ballysmate wrote:

People that think a cold is good enough reason to have time off work. (Some roles in the medical profession excepted)

People who come into work with streaming colds and infect the entire workplace... they annoy me a wee bit, particularly the week after when I am working at home with a streaming cold.

dinyull

Maybe not so trivial, but inept parenting and policing.

Local news reported a 9 year old boy missing this morning, full police search took place including helicopter. Few hours later it turns out he was hiding under his bed.

How on earth could the parents and police miss that?

veronese68

Dinyull wrote:

izza wrote:

Once its been explained to you by an ex-F1 driver that it's Sports entertainment (like WWE) rather than sport, you also realise its even more tedious.

Could he explain why? Or can you?

I can explain. He lost his drive and is sulking.
F1 is all about money, it's a business. But it should be driving technology. Close racing would need no aerodynamic aids, no computers and carburettors. That will never happen, getting rid of aerodynamic aids so they can corner close behind the car in front would help.

dinyull

Veronese68 wrote:

Dinyull wrote:

izza wrote:

Once its been explained to you by an ex-F1 driver that it's Sports entertainment (like WWE) rather than sport, you also realise its even more tedious.

Could he explain why? Or can you?

I can explain. He lost his drive and is sulking.
F1 is all about money, it's a business. But it should be driving technology. Close racing would need no aerodynamic aids, no computers and carburettors. That will never happen, getting rid of aerodynamic aids so they can corner close behind the car in front would help.

This will seem a bit backward, as I know most think F1 should be the pinnacle , ie fastest formula, but I'd love to see them race in 60's style cars. No front or rear wing, no races won or lost in the design office, no passing aids.

I know Ross Brawn is now involved, but you'd think they'd get an Adrian Newey type into the FIA who is able to provide guidance/rules on car design based on being able to follow a car closely.

verylonglegs

Veronese68 wrote:

Dinyull wrote:

izza wrote:

Once its been explained to you by an ex-F1 driver that it's Sports entertainment (like WWE) rather than sport, you also realise its even more tedious.

Could he explain why? Or can you?

I can explain. He lost his drive and is sulking.
F1 is all about money, it's a business. But it should be driving technology. Close racing would need no aerodynamic aids, no computers and carburettors. That will never happen, getting rid of aerodynamic aids so they can corner close behind the car in front would help.

The money thing is illustrated by some drivers getting a seat just because of the money they bring into the team. Shoots any sporting credibility down really.

rjsterry

Dinyull wrote:

Maybe not so trivial, but inept parenting and policing.

Local news reported a 9 year old boy missing this morning, full police search took place including helicopter. Few hours later it turns out he was hiding under his bed.

How on earth could the parents and police miss that?

Someone - maybe both - needs a checklist to avoid missing the obvious.

FatTed

rjsterry wrote:

Dinyull wrote:

Maybe not so trivial, but inept parenting and policing.

Local news reported a 9 year old boy missing this morning, full police search took place including helicopter. Few hours later it turns out he was hiding under his bed.

How on earth could the parents and police miss that?

Someone - maybe both - needs a checklist to avoid missing the obvious.

something similar happened to me when i was 4!

Matthewfalle

What - you had a son who hid under the bed and caused a massive police search when you were 4?

Blimey - they start young around your neck of the woods.....

homers_double

The "One live, live it" on 99% of Discoveries throughout the land.

davesnothere

Companies that use Coldplay for hold music

capt_slog

rjsterry wrote:

Dinyull wrote:

Maybe not so trivial, but inept parenting and policing.

Local news reported a 9 year old boy missing this morning, full police search took place including helicopter. Few hours later it turns out he was hiding under his bed.

How on earth could the parents and police miss that?

Someone - maybe both - needs a checklist to avoid missing the obvious.

Over-protection? They automatically consider him missing instead of thinking he might be hiding. He's not in plain sight in his bedroom and doesn't answer to his name, but they don't really look.

But yes, a balls-up on all sides.

Garry H

Again, people asking me what I'm having for lunch.

bendertherobot

Garry H wrote:

Again, people asking me what I'm having for lunch.

What ARE you having?

Garry H

bendertherobot wrote:

Garry H wrote:

Again, people asking me what I'm having for lunch.

What ARE you having?

I had a roast lamb baguette and spicy carrot and coconut soup. The soup was rather yummy.

You?

bendertherobot

Garry H wrote:

bendertherobot wrote:

Garry H wrote:

Again, people asking me what I'm having for lunch.

What ARE you having?

I had a roast lamb baguette and spicy carrot and coconut soup. The soup was rather yummy.

You?

Well, that sounds rather lovely. I don't know. Torn between wandering up the village, perhaps the sarnie shop, or a quick blast somewhere.........

First.Aspect

DavesNotHere wrote:

Companies that use Coldplay for hold music

Companies that interrupt hold music every 10-12 seconds to tell you how important you are to them.

homers_double

Solicitors who sit on forms for 10 days despite knowing someone wants to give me lots of money.

veronese68

Coldplay

pinno

bendertherobot wrote:

Garry H wrote:

bendertherobot wrote:

Garry H wrote:

Again, people asking me what I'm having for lunch.

What ARE you having?

I had a roast lamb baguette and spicy carrot and coconut soup. The soup was rather yummy.

You?

Well, that sounds rather lovely. I don't know. Torn between wandering up the village, perhaps the sarnie shop, or a quick blast somewhere.........

...and doing both is a little bit beyond you?!

Garry H

bendertherobot wrote:

Garry H wrote:

bendertherobot wrote:

Garry H wrote:

Again, people asking me what I'm having for lunch.

What ARE you having?

I had a roast lamb baguette and spicy carrot and coconut soup. The soup was rather yummy.

You?

Well, that sounds rather lovely. I don't know. Torn between wandering up the village, perhaps the sarnie shop, or a quick blast somewhere.........

Which village?

FishFish

rjsterry wrote:

Dinyull wrote:

Maybe not so trivial, but inept parenting and policing.

Local news reported a 9 year old boy missing this morning, full police search took place including helicopter. Few hours later it turns out he was hiding under his bed.

How on earth could the parents and police miss that?

Someone - maybe both - needs a checklist to avoid missing the obvious.

No. The child should be taken in to care IMMEDIATELY - in Chad or Kyrgistan. The parents need to be investigated by the police and social services and found guilty in a family court and executed. The bed should be ground in to dust and scattered in the sea at night.

FishFish

Dinyull wrote:

Maybe not so trivial, but inept parenting and policing.

Local news reported a 9 year old boy missing this morning, full police search took place including helicopter. Few hours later it turns out he was hiding under his bed.

How on earth could the parents and police miss that?

And another thing. If the local newspaper reported him missing this morning and he was found a few hours later then that would be this afternoon. As it is 08:55 then the afternoon HAS NOT YET HAPPENED.

Clearly you are involved in something SINISTER and I have reported you to the police.
Enjoy your life in Supermax.

haydenm

People who call all conifers 'pine'. It's like calling all broadleaves 'oak'. Pine generally grows much worse in comparison to spruce (what most people also call pine). I think the misconception comes from timber merchants. Whenever I see Lodgepole pine on a map of a forest I shudder, spruce I see £££

pinno

Douglas fir
Redwood
Sitca Spruce
Sequoia
Scots Pine
Norwegian Blue
Cypress
Juniper (?)
Leylandii
Bonsai

Add to that list HM.

Tashman

Pinno wrote:

Norwegian Blue

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: (pause)I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: (pause) I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Alternate ending:

Mr. Praline: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.

Mr. Praline: Bolton, eh? Very well.

(The customer leaves.)

(The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.)

Mr. Praline: This is Bolton, is it?

Owner: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.

Mr. Praline: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

(Mr. Praine goes to the train station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".)

Mr. Praline: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

Mr. Praline: I beg your pardon...?

Attendant: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

Mr. Praline: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

Attendant: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.

Mr. Praline: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

Attendant: No, this is Bolton.

Mr. Praline: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

Attendant: Can't blame British Rail for that.

Mr. Praline: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

He does.

Mr. Praline: I understand this IS Bolton.

Owner: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

Mr. Praline: You told me it was Ipswitch!

Owner: ...It was a pun.

Mr. Praline: (pause) A PUN?!?

Owner: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

Mr. Praline: (Long pause) A palindrome...?

Owner: Yeah, that's it!

Mr. Praline: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!

Owner: Well, what do you want?

Mr. Praline: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owner alone on the set)

Owner: (to the audience) Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

(he takes off his white lab coat to reveal a checkered shirt and suspenders under it)

Floating down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!..

haydenm

Pinno wrote:

Douglas fir
Redwood
Sitca Spruce
Sequoia
Scots Pine
Norwegian Blue
Cypress
Juniper (?)
Leylandii
Bonsai

Add to that list HM.

All sh1t apart from Sitka...

Douglas fir can grow very well on good brown earth soils, unfortunately sitka will also grow well there and is less susceptible to deer browsing (so will be orders of magnitude cheaper to establish). Norway spruce isn't too bad (closely related to Sitka) but it could be in the region of 500m3/ha rather than 750t/ha as Sitka would be on the same site at around 40 years old. On most upland sites things like Lodgepole pine or Scots pine come out at about 250t/ha so it's just not a competitive timber species. It's all well and good for the Forestry Commision to want more mixed species in the private and public sectors but they are so far removed from the economics of timber production.

If you buy land for £3/4k per ha, it costs £2200 to establish a crop then in 40 years you get £22k/ha then losing even a year in that period has quite a noticeable effect on the return on investment, if you wanted to wait for Lodgepole to get to 750t/ha you would need ~80 years rather than 40.

The only one which is slightly tolerable is hybrid larch but we currently can't plant it due to phytophthora. None of this takes into account the fact that sawmills need a critical mass of a species with continued supply to invest hundreds of thousands in new cutting software, processes and product marketing. I went to a conference last year where the forestry commision speaker told us that one of the benefits to having mixed species would be getting a premium for having a species no one else would have. Cloud cuckoo land. Worrying considering they drive policy

This is becoming less trivial now but it certainly annoys me