London

willhub
willhub Posts: 821
edited November 2012 in The cake stop
Putting London simply.... it's foreign, foreign as New York or Paris is foreign to the average Yorkshireman.

You get on the tube, full of these grumpy people, scared to stare anyone in the eye in case they may say something, scared to take the bicycle on the tube in case you get abused. Then you get off the tube, these huge streams of people, sort of like a high speed train passing through a station, if you try to walk through it, you'll get ploughed down, I suppose it's similar to the herds of people that walk around the big black box in Mecca (Not Mecca Bingo), you just have to stand there and wait until the herd of mammals we call "the commuter" has passed, then safely check every direction before making the crossing, there could be some lone "commuters" you see.

Must take notice of these "keep left & keep right" signs, if not, you'll get abused, I'm surprised there is no traffic lights implemented yet, this would make the large mammalian herds less of a problem.

Another thing, these buskers in the tube, how do they not die? They are in the depths of hell!

As for walking around London, its gridlock, you become part of the herds, it's not a nice experience, and it’s terrible, high risk of contracting something deadly such as the common cold which I fear is where I may have contracted my variation of the common cold from.


Another distressing thing I the “Eastenders person”, these are people that resemble people either in looks or personality from Eastenders, this is highly depressing, and makes me thing about Eastenders which puts London across as a depressing dull hole, so being around “Eastenders” people makes me feel depressed, the London accent, or whatever accent it is, is also depressing, maybe one day I’ll come to like it, I don’t mind irish accents anymore and Scottish accents I can tolerate now. I’ve also become used to the Eastern European accents whilst being in London, every Costa Coffee I go in, or Starbucks for that matter, or Tesco, is largely populated by them, I’ve not learnt any Polish yet though but bear with me I’ll get there.


In terms of the environment, I have noticed there is a larger frequency of exotic plants in London, such as palm trees, and also a lower frequency of hills (London is actually quite a lumpy city though I find, more so than Manchestoooor), this also adds to the feeling of foreign, London is not a city, it’s a different country.
Essentially, we are all boroughs of London in a country called Landan.


Now as for cycling, this is a cycling forum after all, I have to say, I’m finding it difficult, I go back up North on Tuesday, I’ve almost got rid of the deadly cold, so last night I went to Kings Cross in the hope I could book a bicycle reservation, as I need to get one ASAP for fear of being stranded or having to leave my beloved Planet Bianchi in London whilst I depart for Yorkshire Land.


On my way to kings cross it was rather scary at times, with the odd gang loitering about in places such as Shadwell, giving me the “evils”, and then the odd kamikaze taxi drivers and buses wanted to kill me, then the odd drivers forgetting these new inventions called “traffic lights”, I find myself at considerably higher risk of being killed, so from now on I am going to assume all drivers are turning left and right at the same time, and that Red means GO and green means STOP.
I’m also experiencing a new phenomenon known as Kamikaze pedestrians, walking almost on the cycle path which I encountered down CS3 on Cable Street, I also encounter pedestrians walking across without looking, nutters, there is no speed limit or speed cameras on “CS3” is there? I’m not talking about Adobe Photoshop CS3 too, I’m on CS6 now CS3 was years ago.


I like playing the odd game of “scalping” is it called? Overtaking others, then you get them hanging on the back, I found about a line of 6 “commuters” on bicycles, some of the bicycles consisted of red, orange, green or white deepish section wheels, some people even had deep section carbon TT wheels on fixies?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? What? Why? Waste of monies. I love just letting 100% power output for about 10 seconds out and flying passed them as if I’m a formula 1 car. It’s also nice to out accelerate drivers, and I find my life depends on it, as if I do not do this, they’ll set off, overtake me, turn left or slam on, then where will I be? 6ft under no doubt.

Now, I had a trip to Harrods, what a rip off, £200 per kg for some Australian meat, £3 for SIX BANANAS??????????????????? THREE WHOLE POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then the bicycle section, it’s probably worse than Halfrauds, but I think the bicycle prices where around normal price, £500 for a crappy alloy frame, cheapo wheels and Sora groupset?

The escalators and the hallways reminded me of a computer game known as Bioshock, the only thing missing of course is the water. I felt incredibly out of place, we walked in via the front door, the security guard did not say anything, we were walking through all of these HANDBAGS WITH NO PRICES ON???????

I was with a person named Tom Jones (thought I’d mention that as he’s coincidently named the same as the welsh singer, and he is welsh also), who then proceeded to walk into the jewellery section, I felt VERY AWKWARD, surrounded by all of this jewellery that had prices beyond my wildest imagination. The woman by the door said hello to us, I said “hi, but it was aya in a Yorkshire accent” you know how it sounds right? She was probably things, “what is that tramp doing in here he obviously cannot afford anything in here”, true, I’d have to empty my bank account, go into my overdraft, take out another 10 student accounts (I can’t I’m no longer a student I’m in the scary big wide world now) and I’d still not be able to afford it.

Anyway yea to summarise that, London is a nice destination, I’d not want to live here, and it’s a massive faff cycling in London, I don’t feel motivated to cycle in London, it seems a chore to get anywhere, I might try to venture to Richmond Park (if I survive), but then I’ll feel under pressure to try and KOM thanks to STRAVA, I probably won’t get the KOM, I feel weak after the deadly cold virus. It also does not help I know no one, and London cycling clubs seem to make it hard to newcomers to ride with them, so I have no choice but to ride on my own.
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Comments

  • bontie
    bontie Posts: 177
    Agreed in most. You cant cycle in London other than commuting. Richmond Park is boring as it can be. To ride a bike you'll need to venture out further towards, Surry, Chilterns or out west. Plenty of clubs about though...
  • peat
    peat Posts: 1,242
    facebook_like_button_big.jpeg
  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    But, but, but, this can't be! Lahndahn is the centre of the known universe and the bestest place on the planet.
    Don't you know that? :wink:

    Try posting this in the Commuter Forum. You will be hung, drawn and quartered by dinner time.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • willhub
    willhub Posts: 821
    daviesee wrote:
    But, but, but, this can't be! Lahndahn is the centre of the known universe and the bestest place on the planet.
    Don't you know that? :wink:

    Try posting this in the Commuter Forum. You will be hung, drawn and quartered by dinner time.

    Challenge Accepted
  • finchy
    finchy Posts: 6,686
    I sense another classic BR thread coming up. 8)
  • schweiz
    schweiz Posts: 1,644
    Well Will, that there Lahdan has obviously had some effect on you!

    That's most sense you've ever made in a post :lol::wink:
  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 43,463
    Sounded almost intelligent, reasoned and coherent at times.
  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 43,463
    Forgot to add, Rick and others will be on shortly claiming London is a collection of 'villages' and you are basing everything on the centre of the city, it's not really all like that and it is just misunderstood. Having spent a few days wandering around Blackheath, Eltham and Greenwich back in the summer I sort of see the point they are making but calling it a collection of villages is stretching the point a bit!
  • siamon
    siamon Posts: 274
    edited October 2012
    You can't find anything to like at all? Not the architecture, the history, the incredible diversity?

    That's quite an achievement.

    EDIT: What about the women????
  • APIII
    APIII Posts: 2,010
    It shouldn't come as a shock that cycling in a massive city isn't much fun. I can't think of any cities I'd actually enjoy cycling in. Even the clean, modern ones like Singapore carry the same risks to cyclists.
  • bigmat
    bigmat Posts: 5,134
    Interesting the difference in responses here and in the commuting post (where people actually seem to know London a bit better). Having grown up in Yorkshire, studied in the midlands and then lived and worked in London, I have to say that London has more good than bad and I'm not sure I'd want to be anywhere else in the UK. I'm actually in North Kent now, but still just about Greater London - still cycling distance to the centre, but can get out to the countryside even more quickly. London just has a bit of everything. Other places may have bits of something (some pretty small towns, great hills, countryside, coast etc), but generally lack everything else. I guess the things that wind some people up or what it make it a great place for others. Its definitely fun for cycling though. You just need to develop good filtering skills and take it for what it is - definitely not an amble through the countryside!
  • Gizmo_
    Gizmo_ Posts: 558
    City of ten million people in 'not the same as countryside' shocker. Yawn.
    Scott Sportster P45 2008 | Cannondale CAAD8 Tiagra 2012
  • willhub
    willhub Posts: 821
    Gizmo_ wrote:
    City of ten million people in 'not the same as countryside' shocker. Yawn.

    Actually it's 8.1 million.
  • tl;dr.
    "A cyclist has nothing to lose but his chain"

    PTP Runner Up 2015
  • kleinstroker
    kleinstroker Posts: 2,133
    I think I said most of the same things 20 years ago when I first came to London. All Yorkshire men think alike it would seem. I like London and I also really hate it, it's far too expensive for any Yorkshire man worth his salt, the smattering of Sam Smiths pubs dotted around the centre are like an oasis to a wiley Yorkshireman like myself who bawks at handing over a fiver for a single pint!

    I have also noticed a distinct lack of Wilkinsons stores, which makes me wince at the times I have had to pay £1 for 6 f*ing screws from the local DIY merchants.

    On the plus side London is like totty paradise compared to the streets of the East Riding where I hale from. As for cycling, I'm a regular on the CS7 and it is one of the few times I actually feel reasonably safe cycling in London, although the morning commute has become somewhat busy and hence slow.

    I would love to able to jump on the bike and be on country roads within 5 minutes, but it takes a good 30 minutes ride before you reach decent roads from where I am, and that is far too often enough to keep me indoors.
    Unfortunately for me the missus would never ever leave London so I am done for, I can only dream of living in Yorkshire for now, so enjoy them both while you can.
  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    willhub wrote:
    daviesee wrote:
    Try posting this in the Commuter Forum. You will be hung, drawn and quartered by dinner time.

    Challenge Accepted
    Observed and enjoyed. :wink:
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • okgo
    okgo Posts: 4,368
    Same old thread you get on forums the world over, people in London understand why its the center of most things, people outside don't.
    Blog on my first and now second season of proper riding/racing - www.firstseasonracing.com
  • veronese68
    veronese68 Posts: 27,813
    I thought this was quite well received in commuting. You'll soon learn to avoid the bits you don't like.
  • t.m.h.n.e.t
    t.m.h.n.e.t Posts: 2,265
    Did you at any point have a Boris Bike?
  • napoleond
    napoleond Posts: 5,992
    Cracking post Will!
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    ABCC Cycling Coach
  • verylonglegs
    verylonglegs Posts: 4,023
    okgo wrote:
    Same old thread you get on forums the world over, people in London understand why its the center of most things, people outside don't.

    True, it comes up in conversations too. My only bugbear when this subject comes up is when the ridiculous phrase 'best city in the world' is uttered by someone praising the place. When challenged as to how many cities/places they've lived in for any length of time it's usually a run-down fleapit market town in the UK and sometimes 6months abroad as a student they are drawing their conclusion from, although it even gets said by people who've never lived anywhere else! It should only be uttered by someone who has tried at least 2 dozen of the worlds most populous cities whilst speaking the native language and being fully immersed in its culture for a year or more...ie no-one!
  • tailwindhome
    tailwindhome Posts: 19,436
    daviesee wrote:
    willhub wrote:
    daviesee wrote:
    Try posting this in the Commuter Forum. You will be hung, drawn and quartered by dinner time.

    Challenge Accepted
    Observed and enjoyed. :wink:

    Hmmm.

    On the first page of the thread he'd 2 offers to get a ride organised to RP.

    Seems someone misjudged the the Commuter Forum or tarred it all with the one brush......
    “New York has the haircuts, London has the trousers, but Belfast has the reason!
  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    Hmmm.

    On the first page of the thread he'd 2 offers to get a ride organised to RP.

    Seems someone misjudged the the Commuter Forum or tarred it all with the one brush......
    True on the offers and very kind. Then the predictable responses came in.........
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • okgo
    okgo Posts: 4,368
    They're no more predictable than the posts from people up north. It wasn't a cracking post it was inane nonsense that could have been copied from any forum.
    Blog on my first and now second season of proper riding/racing - www.firstseasonracing.com
  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    okgo wrote:
    They're no more predictable than the posts from people up north. It wasn't a cracking post it was inane nonsense that could have been copied from any forum.
    The predictability of the posts was my point.
    Inane nonsense? That's an opinion. A lot of people agreed with a lot, if not all of the points made.

    Here are a couple of facts. A lot of people like London. A lot of people don't.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • Tom Dean
    Tom Dean Posts: 1,723
    Fascinating insights here; the roads can get busy and the jewellery dept of Harrods has got some expensive stuff.

    davidsee, you are just sucking up to OP now that he tolerates a scottish accent
  • willhub
    willhub Posts: 821
    okgo wrote:
    They're no more predictable than the posts from people up north. It wasn't a cracking post it was inane nonsense that could have been copied from any forum.

    It's not nonsense, go into Harrods, you will soon find the 6 pack of Bananas for £3, and the handbags with no prices on.
  • Ben6899
    Ben6899 Posts: 9,686
    Just to make sure you see it, Will, and don't end up in C***a again... I posted this in over in "Commuting Chat":

    We need to put a weekend list together for you, Will. I'll start the ball rolling, you can embrace or ignore; it's no skin off my nose.

    1. Hampstead Heath - go for a walk.
    2. The Scooter Café on Lower Marsh - go for a coffee.
    3. Food for Thought in Covent Garden - go for some really nice (and cheap) vegetarian food.
    4. Rapha CC in Soho - go for a coffee and watch whatever cycling related programme they have on the large screen.
    5. Look Mum No Hands on Old Street - go for a coffee and buy yourself a different kind of souvenir in the form of a LMNH casquette.
    6. There are some really good/nice bike shops in London - go and have a look at the shiny carbon.
    7. Brick Lane Market - go and endure the crowds, but enjoy the experience.

    Tourist-type things...

    8. Camden Lock.
    9. London Zoo.
    10. London Eye.
    11. The Geffrye Museum in Hoxton.
    12. The Wellcome Collection on Euston Road.
    13. The Natural History Museum in Knightsbridge/Kensington.

    I could go on and on and write a list to keep you occupied until the end of the financial year, WITHOUT going anywhere near a show or the coffee oligarchs. I would include Knightsbridge/Kensington in that list of not going anywhere near, but #13 rules out that!
    Ben

    Bikes: Donhou DSS4 Custom | Condor Italia RC | Gios Megalite | Dolan Preffisio | Giant Bowery '76
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  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    Tom Dean wrote:
    davidsee, you are just sucking up to OP now that he tolerates a scottish accent
    Nope.
    I just happen to be one of the many people that don't like London.
    I can accept that some don't like Scotland. Why can't Londoners accept that some do not like London?
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • Tom Dean
    Tom Dean Posts: 1,723
    I accept it and I don't mind at all, you will admit that some of his reasons are bizarre though?
    willhub wrote:
    and the handbags with no prices on.