Wives whinging, bikes and cycling clubs............DISCUSS

garryc

My Mrs dosn't complain at all, I'm in a better mood when I've been out riding so that makes her happy. Plus she gets some peace and quiet when I'm gone.

This year she also sat through, Milan-San Remo, Paris-Roubaix, Paris-Nice, Dauphine, Giro, Tour, Vuelta etc etc. Strictly Come Dancing starts next week - I can't really complain can I.

phelim21

i think it depends on the a number of factors age of kids, whether u both work full time and a bit of give and take, i've started to commute into work twice a week which is a round trip of 64mls with encouragment from my wife as it means i'm not eating into family time, on a sunday i would normally go out at 9/10am for 3-4hrs but now trying to get up earlier so as to spend more time with the family, but i think most cyclists are selfish as the sport takes up alot of time.

smidsy

I have to say that up until recently it was no issue...then I joined a club :-)

The Sunday Run is a little bit of a 'bug bear' now, as it seems to take longer and longer. We meet at 09.00 but as the start point is 10 miles away I am out of the house at 08.15 and generally not back until 13.00.

This week it was 14.00 (I had a puncture love - honest) of course that was not so.

I work from home so I can often get out in the week days when most people may not be able to so I can get plenty of cycling in, but I like the social element of the club runs too. Dilemas hey. ;-)

MattC59

The only issue that I have is that Mrs C isn't overly keep on me keeping my latest addition in the house, and she definitely doesn't spend enough time admiring all the goodies that arrive through the mail

RichardKingston

My missus is supportive of riding... when it doesn't conflict with what she wants to do! I have a sportive this weekend and next and its messed up her plans a bit but she understands its probably the last ones this year... apart from the club rides She sure doesn't want me to spend £2,000 on a new bike to upgrade from my Specalized Allez though!

king_jeffers

This worries me, I commute about 4 times a week and have just started going out on a weekend, usually on a Saturday. Last Saturday I got up a bit later, headed out at 8.30am, usually go at 6.30ish… Got home to a twisty face and full on attitude, no idea what the problem is – got back just in time for her to cook my lunch and finish ironing my shirts for work. She had even just emptied the washing machine, free ready for my dirty cycling gear

Wacky Racer

My wife decided that "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". Out of the blue earlier this year she said she wanted a bike and wanted to come out with me. I took her to Leisurelakes in Cheltenham and she picked out a Cube Peloton. She swore that she would never wear the lycra, to paraphrase her "I'm not wearing those embarrassing mankini's that you wear". Roll on a few months and she now has more jerseys than me, bib shorts, mitts, helmet, and now she even wants Speedplays and shoes having sworn she would only ever use flats and trainers, so it's cost me a bloody fortune. The only snag is that I find myself waiting for her on longer rides, but I guess that will change.

I quite like the fact that we can both go out together, and get a kick out of the same hobby. She is even dragging me to the Cycle show at the NEC next Saturday with the promise of buying me something nice.

rubyrider

It's lovely to read about so many of you looking after your wives needs I'm one of those wives who has watched her husband go off cycling for years and has now just joined him. I'm acquiring the kit and my bike has had to spend the odd night in the kitchen too. I just love it! We do go out together once or twice a week, and unless he's helping me in a headwind, he very politely stays behind me or alongside me (brownie points to be had there!)

I hope I was pretty tolerant before i took it up. I did get irritated once when he was late back. it turned out he was in the pub and I'd been worried sick that he'd come to grief. He always texts me now if they stop off for a drink, so that's fine.

springtide9

jibberjim wrote:

It's generally just an excuse by the man to explain why they're not as good as they could be it's all "the wife's" fault that they don't have the time to train how they want to and that's why the fat bloke on the hybrid is overtaking them on the hill. When the reality is of course they either don't want to spend the effort training, or want to spend the time with the family, or working, or on the wee-wee or whatever.

I've never really understood it though, why boast that you let someone else control your life?

I disagree as being one of the ones that lives on the that fine line of what my wife considers acceptable. My wife works pretty much full time as a consultant doctor and earns slightly more than I do full time.

We have two small children that have activities throughout the week and weekend, and share one car. Couple this with the addition of "play-dates", children's parties which can seem like they are every week for for at least one child, and meeting up with friends and family on the weekend, it can be a struggle getting out on the weekend.

And this is before we mention work. I am sure some people are able to work a 9-5 job and have the rest of their time as 'free' see other people use work as an excuse. But for some of us that work across multiple timezones on a daily basis, from Asia to the USA and are expected to attend meetings on a regular basis in these timezones, it does have a major impact on free time in the evening. OK it might not be every evening, but the point is that if you haven't been around for 2-3 evenings during the week due to work, it's not seen as favourable if you disappear as soon as you are not working.

Unfortunately 'hobbies' drop to the bottom of the pile when it comes to both work and family life. People are right that you have to take what you can whenever you can, and have to make time for 'cycling'.

And yes, my wife regularly states she never sees me and in many ways wishes I wasn't so into cycling. Te main reason why we don't see much of each other is all of the other stuff that is going on, but cycling (or hobbies in general) is the 'straw that breaks the camel's back'.
It has on many occasions lead to many arguments, some of them to the point of we have been very close to going our separate ways, so you are then left to choose between cycling and family life.

I am sure as the children get older it gets easier, but I think it's very judgemental stating people don't try hard enough and are in some ways 'lazy'.
As my wife states, you haven't got a 'wife', you have a partner. What she means by that is that we both are the primary 'bread winners', and we both have equal responsibly for all aspects of life. I don't have a problem with this at all, as it's not the 1950's anymore.

jibberjim

springtide9 wrote:

I am sure as the children get older it gets easier, but I think it's very judgemental stating people don't try hard enough and are in some ways 'lazy'.

So you go on club runs and moan that your wife doesn't let you ride? Or have you made the decisions to spend more time on non-cycling activities with your life 'cos you actually enjoy being with her? If the former, then you're the sort I'm talking about, if you're the later then you're just normal, presumably you say the same on club runs rather than slagging off your wife and admitting to letting her control you.

BowtomePhil

springtide9 wrote:

jibberjim wrote:

It's generally just an excuse by the man to explain why they're not as good as they could be it's all "the wife's" fault that they don't have the time to train how they want to and that's why the fat bloke on the hybrid is overtaking them on the hill. When the reality is of course they either don't want to spend the effort training, or want to spend the time with the family, or working, or on the wee-wee or whatever.

I've never really understood it though, why boast that you let someone else control your life?

I disagree as being one of the ones that lives on the that fine line of what my wife considers acceptable. My wife works pretty much full time as a consultant doctor and earns slightly more than I do full time.

We have two small children that have activities throughout the week and weekend, and share one car. Couple this with the addition of "play-dates", children's parties which can seem like they are every week for for at least one child, and meeting up with friends and family on the weekend, it can be a struggle getting out on the weekend.

And this is before we mention work. I am sure some people are able to work a 9-5 job and have the rest of their time as 'free' see other people use work as an excuse. But for some of us that work across multiple timezones on a daily basis, from Asia to the USA and are expected to attend meetings on a regular basis in these timezones, it does have a major impact on free time in the evening. OK it might not be every evening, but the point is that if you haven't been around for 2-3 evenings during the week due to work, it's not seen as favourable if you disappear as soon as you are not working.

Unfortunately 'hobbies' drop to the bottom of the pile when it comes to both work and family life. People are right that you have to take what you can whenever you can, and have to make time for 'cycling'.

And yes, my wife regularly states she never sees me and in many ways wishes I wasn't so into cycling. Te main reason why we don't see much of each other is all of the other stuff that is going on, but cycling (or hobbies in general) is the 'horse that breaks the camel's back'.
It has on many occasions lead to many arguments, some of them to the point of we have been very close to going our separate ways, so you are then left to choose between cycling and family life.

I am sure as the children get older it gets easier, but I think it's very judgemental stating people don't try hard enough and are in some ways 'lazy'.
As my wife states, you haven't got a 'wife', you have a partner. What she means by that is that we both are the primary 'bread winners', and we both have equal responsibly for all aspects of life. I don't have a problem with this at all, as it's not the 1950's anymore.

You hit the nail on the head there. People with kids and have to ferry them he there and everywhere won't have as much time. I have time because I am older, although I have 2 grandkids, I still have a 13 year at home. But at weekends he goes out on his bike with 10 mates, and when the wife works Saturday I can do what I want. I have done all the family stuff for 23 years, now is getting to my time.

springtide9

jibberjim wrote:

springtide9 wrote:

I am sure as the children get older it gets easier, but I think it's very judgemental stating people don't try hard enough and are in some ways 'lazy'.

So you go on club runs and moan that your wife doesn't let you ride? Or have you made the decisions to spend more time on non-cycling activities with your life 'cos you actually enjoy being with her? If the former, then you're the sort I'm talking about, if you're the later then you're just normal, presumably you say the same on club runs rather than slagging off your wife and admitting to letting her control you.

I am at least now a member of a club this year, but still haven't done a club run. The biggest issue with club runs with me is that they are on a Saturday at 9:00am until mid afternoon.
My son plays football on a Saturday morning and my daughter does piano. They need to be in two locations at the same time. I intend to start doing them occasionally by asking friends to help out with the travel arrangements, but obviously this is not something I can expect them to do every week.
Sunday my daughter plays football at a random time of the day due to she's started playing competitively (so has home and away games). It's not a case of 'I want to spend more time with my wife rather than cycle". It's a case that by having children, I now have commitments that I have to fit cycling around. And the same goes for work, as this is what pays the bills.
But yes I do cycle on weekends (although not much at the moment for various reasons), but it usually means getting up early or fitting in the ride during the day where it has the least impact. A typical example of this is when visiting the inlaws, I will leave early and get a decent ride in and meet the wife there, rather than wasting an hour travelling in the car.

But yes, I will go on some rides and the wife will complain. I have tried the approach of not going on a ride if the wife would prefer that I didn't, but the result is that my weekly hours start reducing to zero. My wife sees my cycling as a way of keeping fit, no more no less. The way she sees it, I could do this by going down the gym twice a week.
So you have to ride when the wife complains, but you have to strike a balance of what is acceptable and what isn't.

As I have said before, life is not constantly like this. When you have two children under 2yrs old many families barely think of attempting a hobby. Life is much easier with a 6 and 8 yr old, and as they get older they will become more independent.

russyh

I thought i was fairly hard done by, but after reading some other peoples comments perhaps i am a lucky one! I have two children 7 and 2. I now have two hobbies, cycling being the latest one. My main hobby, dinghy racing takes up loads of my time. I used to sail every Sunday and would disappear at least once a month for a weekend to compete in open events. As well as a week a year for National championships and a family Holiday for a week which involved sailing. I spend a fortune on boats, way more then my wife spends on clothes or make-up and other shit. Now i have taken up road cycling i am fairly addicted. She even lets me go for a ride for an hour afterwork whilst she puts the kids to bed! But she has been getting a little pissed off with the number of packages that turn up on the doorstep (just had another bolloxing about 3 further packages this morning)....

...On reflection it seems i am either very lucky or she is playing away from home :?

karlth

Russyh wrote:

I thought i was fairly hard done by, but after reading some other peoples comments perhaps i am a lucky one! I have two children 7 and 2. I now have two hobbies, cycling being the latest one. My main hobby, dinghy racing takes up loads of my time. I used to sail every Sunday and would disappear at least once a month for a weekend to compete in open events. As well as a week a year for National championships and a family Holiday for a week which involved sailing. I spend a fortune on boats, way more then my wife spends on clothes or make-up and other shoot. Now i have taken up road cycling i am fairly addicted. She even lets me go for a ride for an hour afterwork whilst she puts the kids to bed! But she has been getting a little pissed off with the number of packages that turn up on the doorstep (just had another bolloxing about 3 further packages this morning)....

...On reflection it seems i am either very lucky or she is playing away from home :?

You're very lucky. Most women see no reason why men shouldn't be involved in putting the kids to bed as much as they are.

Bustacapp

Russyh wrote:

I thought i was fairly hard done by, but after reading some other peoples comments perhaps i am a lucky one! I have two children 7 and 2. I now have two hobbies, cycling being the latest one. My main hobby, dinghy racing takes up loads of my time. I used to sail every Sunday and would disappear at least once a month for a weekend to compete in open events. As well as a week a year for National championships and a family Holiday for a week which involved sailing. I spend a fortune on boats, way more then my wife spends on clothes or make-up and other shoot. Now i have taken up road cycling i am fairly addicted. She even lets me go for a ride for an hour afterwork whilst she puts the kids to bed! But she has been getting a little pissed off with the number of packages that turn up on the doorstep (just had another bolloxing about 3 further packages this morning)....

...On reflection it seems i am either very lucky or she is playing away from home :?

Don't you miss your kids? Wife? Family time?

johnnicebutdim

Silly Old Hector wrote:

I get the opposite - gentle encouragement to keep going.

Perhaps this is due to being out and back before they get out of bed !

This is a subject of real relevance to me at the moment. My other half does not encourage me in any way and begrudges anything I spend on cycling. I only started seriously cycling this year and bought a new road bike and fair amount of kit but don't get me wrong, it's not as if we can't afford it...not at all.

I'm lucky in that I have 5 kids and need to spend time with them and said partner so apart from an hour one evening midweek and an EARLY sunday ride (see quote) above, my cycling doesn't interfere with family life yet I still go riding 'under a cloud'. I want support dammit!!

Rant over, feel better.

Nick Fitt

You all need to get divorced and then marry a Frenchwoman (kidding). I have though, cycling is normal. Also, family parties in France you can just talk about the Tour/racing, its expected. I have 3 kids too eldest 12. Britain is not a cycling nation in the way France, Belgium, Italy etc are so most UK wives dont get it, women from cycling nations seem more in tune with the sport.

russyh

Bustacapp wrote:

Russyh wrote:

I thought i was fairly hard done by, but after reading some other peoples comments perhaps i am a lucky one! I have two children 7 and 2. I now have two hobbies, cycling being the latest one. My main hobby, dinghy racing takes up loads of my time. I used to sail every Sunday and would disappear at least once a month for a weekend to compete in open events. As well as a week a year for National championships and a family Holiday for a week which involved sailing. I spend a fortune on boats, way more then my wife spends on clothes or make-up and other shoot. Now i have taken up road cycling i am fairly addicted. She even lets me go for a ride for an hour afterwork whilst she puts the kids to bed! But she has been getting a little pissed off with the number of packages that turn up on the doorstep (just had another bolloxing about 3 further packages this morning)....

...On reflection it seems i am either very lucky or she is playing away from home :?

Don't you miss your kids? Wife? Family time?

In short yes, during the summer months it wasnt such a problem as i had plenty of light to play with. I have been off the road for the last month so not had much of a problem. I have also cut down on my time spent in a boat. i no longer club race so have more time to spend with the family. I guess my above post suggests that i am a selfish person, but to be honest its not as bad a picture as the post suggests. Whilst my wife lets me, there is no replacing family time.

BowtomePhil

Russyh wrote:

I thought i was fairly hard done by, but after reading some other peoples comments perhaps i am a lucky one! I have two children 7 and 2. I now have two hobbies, cycling being the latest one. My main hobby, dinghy racing takes up loads of my time. I used to sail every Sunday and would disappear at least once a month for a weekend to compete in open events. As well as a week a year for National championships and a family Holiday for a week which involved sailing. I spend a fortune on boats, way more then my wife spends on clothes or make-up and other shoot. Now i have taken up road cycling i am fairly addicted. She even lets me go for a ride for an hour afterwork whilst she puts the kids to bed! But she has been getting a little pissed off with the number of packages that turn up on the doorstep (just had another bolloxing about 3 further packages this morning)....

...On reflection it seems i am either very lucky or she is playing away from home :?

I get stuff delivered to work now, not that she complains, but just gives her less ammo.

Crawlinguphills

BowtomePhil wrote:

Russyh wrote:

I thought i was fairly hard done by, but after reading some other peoples comments perhaps i am a lucky one! I have two children 7 and 2. I now have two hobbies, cycling being the latest one. My main hobby, dinghy racing takes up loads of my time. I used to sail every Sunday and would disappear at least once a month for a weekend to compete in open events. As well as a week a year for National championships and a family Holiday for a week which involved sailing. I spend a fortune on boats, way more then my wife spends on clothes or make-up and other shoot. Now i have taken up road cycling i am fairly addicted. She even lets me go for a ride for an hour afterwork whilst she puts the kids to bed! But she has been getting a little pissed off with the number of packages that turn up on the doorstep (just had another bolloxing about 3 further packages this morning)....

...On reflection it seems i am either very lucky or she is playing away from home :?

I get stuff delivered to work now, not that she complains, but just gives her less ammo.

Reading this makes me feel incredibly lucky. It was actually my girlfriend that got me into road cycling, as she is mad about it. I have a mountain bike which I love, but wanted to give road biking a try, as she had thrown herself into mountain biking for me. I was building up for a road bike when I turned up at home one day and found a new Felt F85 waiting for me! I now cycle to and from work everyday and we rack up the miles together on a weekend. She had a bonus recently and gave me £400 of it to buy shorts, shoes, spd-sl's and anything else I wanted.

We spend our weeks talking about rides we have just done the previous weekend and what we are going to aim for in the upcoming weekend. I have really realised that although it is good to have seperate interests it is also massively important to have something you can do together.

I might actually have the reverse problem as she doesnt want kids as it will get in the way of cycling!!!

clarkey cat

my wife actively encourages me to go out riding as much as possible because if I dont I get fat and she hates fat men.

Reane_Machine

My Fiance's pretty good. She enjoys a cycle and often we will go out together on weekends. It's a great way for us to spend time together and have quality 'bike time'.

She's also rather encouraging, especially as she know's it's to lose weight prior to our wedding, although after the wedding i don't know what my excuse will be! I'm contemplating joining a club so it will be interesting to see how she reacts to me being up and about at Lord knows what time!

As much as I love cycling, I like to think if it was really starting to cause a problem in the relationship I would ease off the pedals, so to speak! Of course I also would like to think she'd tell me before it was getting to that stage...

BowtomePhil

I never wanted kids. I now have 3 and 2 grandkids. Woman change their minds all the time. Just wait til her friends have kids....

Enjoy cycling etc now, cause when you have kids everything changes.

snow_bike

I usually moan about X-Factor, Corrie, Eastenders <add other crap programs here>... Which usually leads to why don't you go out a cycle or something. Quicker than Superman, I'm into Lycra and staring at a glowing Garmin screen :-)

Druckenbrodt

Oh for FFS. Am I the only woman to post on this thread? Could it be because most sensible female readers realised it would only contain tiresome male whinging and decided not to waste their time on it?

Has it ever occurred to anyone posting any of these replies that there might be wives and girlfriends out there who are just as passionate about cycling - if not more so - than men? And that with the arrival of kids it's taken for granted that they must be the first to sacrifice that passion without a whimper or a whinge?

Oh, of course, I've realised why no women who are mothers have posted on here - it's because in between working and looking after kids, they don't have the time to noodle on forums, let alone go for a ride.

BobbyTrigger

:shock:

my wife's working away this week, monday to wednesday.

new pedals and shoes ordered this morning

chrisaonabike

big p wrote:

...that's not to say that she washes any of her bloody bikes though, apparently that's my job.

Hmm now there's a thought.

My OH just bought me my bike. I reckon I ought to see if I can get her to clean it for me as well.

orangepip

tiredofwhiners wrote:

I can fully understand a wife whose husband is at work 5 days a week and on the two days you have as a family together, has to accept that the husband wants to clear off for even more time.

This may not apply to the OP and not for me as I am self-employed but I can certainly understand them.

I'm not sure you can class 5 days at work as personal time.

smidsy

I'm loving how the Male trait of 'selective deafness' also applies to forums as well as reality.

Drucken who